You. Guyssss. I'm completely overwhelmed by the response to the last chapter, thank youuuu! And wow, this final chap was a beast to write. Hope it's worth the long wait!
Special thanks to A, Astronema2345, Katie, Guest, Aerilon, The brunette with long hair, Kael, Supergeek1810, holycactus, and Frida521 for your reviews last chap! Definitely inspired me to finish this thing!
Possible speculation for Avengers 4, so spoilers kinda?
Also, I know the 5 stages of grief don't work exactly like this, it more gave me a framework to write something this emotionally taxing.
Yeah, better buckle yourselves in for this one...it's gonna be a ride.
Thanks for taking this fanfic journey with me.
+One
"You have to go back."
Gamora comes to with a sharp, gasping breath, as though she's been underwater for a prolonged period of time, holding her breath until her lungs are about to burst.
But she doesn't know what's happening to her right now, her mind a muddled confusion of how and what, her body refusing to move or follow any of her commands to fight or flee whatever unknown enemy is attacking her, her vision blurry and unfocused as she tries to make sense of what's happening.
The world swims dangerously above her, a blinding spin of bright lights and swirling colors, and she closes her eyes again, trying to just focus on pulling air desperately into her sore lungs.
Gamora doesn't think she's ever been this cold.
She can't move, can't react, can't breathe...but she can hear panicked, shocked voices echoing all around her, hurried footsteps coming closer.
The voices are familiar, and give her a distant feeling of safety and relief, although she can't exactly place why.
"Is that her?!"
"Gamora!"
"She's...she's alive."
"What?! No way, no freakin' way! How in the flarkin' hell...?"
"But how can this be? We know what Thanos did."
"This is truly a miracle!"
"How is she here right now? This doesn't make any sense!"
"I am Groot!"
"Think, you idiots. We all know who is responsible for bringing her...back."
"Oh God...oh God. Quill, that sonofabitch. He did it. He actually did it."
"Oh—oh no."
"If Quill brought her back, does that mean..."
"I am Groot?"
"Yeah, yeah he did—damn it, damn it, Quill, no—there must have been another way!"
"There wasn't. Only him...for her."
"But how...how will we tell her this?"
Everything goes black once again.
When Gamora finally comes to again, she's slightly more coherent.
Namely of the fact that she is somehow alive.
As her eyes slowly flutter open, she gradually becomes more aware of that fact, the never ending orange haze that had been her only view for what truly seems like forever now gone, replaced by the sterile, stark white of what must be a hospital room.
She blinks blearily as she tries to take in her surroundings, her vision finally coming into focus.
She can clearly see the rest of the Guardians sprawled across her hospital room in various awkward positions, sound asleep, looking haggard and exhausted in a way she hasn't seen them in a long time.
Frowning, her heart skips a beat when she suddenly realizes that they are one person short, glaringly absent from the impromptu slumber party vigil at her bedside.
Peter.
Her heart rate speeds up dramatically as she starts to panic, fleeting memories from before coming back to her in a jumbled haze, almost like a dream.
I have one last thing I need you to do.
I love you.
You have to go back.
Gamora gasps in horror at that last memory, as images of Peter holding the Soul Stone, a tearful goodbye etched across his face as he snaps his fingers, flash through her mind.
You have to go back.
No no no no...
Her panicked gasp draws the attention of the team, rousing them all simultaneously from their restless sleep. Groot reaches her first, untangling himself from between Rocket and Drax in an instant.
"I am Groot!" he exclaims, all signs of the indifferent teenager now gone as he rushes to her bedside, eyes tearful and face hopeful as she unsteadily meets his gaze.
"Groot," Gamora rasps, shocked to hear how rough and hoarse her voice sounds, her throat painfully dry from disuse. "Where is..."
"Gamora?" Rocket interrupts hesitantly, sounding the most cautious she's ever heard him, as he gingerly hops onto the foot of her bed by her feet so that he can really look at her. He seems completely shell shocked as he takes her in, his fur a rumpled mess, and Gamora vaguely wonders what all happened while she was gone. It must have been worse than she thought.
After all, Rocket was the only initial survivor, from what she had felt inside the stone—although the others all look alive and well now—and it must have been hell. Things must have been unbearably rough for him while they were all...gone.
"Gamora! You are awake," Drax says as he and Mantis come stand on the other side of her bed, his voice unusually quiet and gentle for once.
Mantis doesn't say anything at first, her eyes shining with tears as she smiles sadly down at Gamora, both relief and sadness evident in her eyes.
"Hi," she coughs again, clearing her throat roughly, blinking back her own tears as she takes in her family. She has never been more happy to see them in her entire life...except for one glaring problem.
Peter isn't there.
She opens her mouth to ask again, but is abruptly cut off by Mantis, finally finding the words to speak.
"Gamora, are you alright?" she asks in disbelief and concern, staring at her as if she is afraid she'll simply disappear again. To be honest, Gamora isn't so certain that it won't happen herself. "How do you feel?"
"I don't know," she shakes her head, looking at them all hopelessly. "I don't know what's happening...how am I back?"
"Ah, hell, we don't know, exactly" Rocket runs his paws roughly over the fur on his face, sending the already matted hairs in every direction. "You shouldn't even be here right now, and to be honest, we didn't even think we could get you back."
"I am Groot," Groot adds softly, one of his branches extending slightly to squeeze one of her hands before hesitantly letting go, his bark rough against her skin, but she treasures it, of being able to feel anything again.
"This is truly beyond the realm of possibility," Drax murmurs, shaking his head in disbelief and wonder, reaching over to squeeze her shoulder gently. His hand lingers for a moment, as if trying to decide if she is really real, but for once, Gamora doesn't mind. Having them touch her is making her feel grounded, feel real, feel alive once again.
But she still has one really important question that needs answering, and blurts it out urgently before the Guardians can cut her off again.
"Where's Peter?"
The room falls deathly silent—which never happens with them—and Gamora's panic doubles.
No no no nononono...
Rocket's shoulders slump, and he breaks his gaze, staring at her feet under the pristine white covers.
Groot hangs his head, burying his face in his wooden hands.
Mantis starts crying, leaning her head heavily on Drax's shoulder, and he wraps his arm around her, giving her a tight squeeze. He sighs heavily, opening and closing his mouth in an attempt to answer her question, and failing.
But Gamora knows, she already knows, and suddenly she can't breathe.
No. This isn't happening.
She knows that it is, but she refuses to believe it.
Her panic quickly escalates into anger, an old protective reaction from her years under Thanos.
"Look at me! Where is Peter?" she shouts at them, sitting up abruptly in the bed although her body is protesting every quick move, shaking off Drax and Groot's attempts to push her back down against the pillows. The monitors are going crazy with her spiking heart rate now, the loud beeping sounding like a bomb ready to explode.
The Guardians all visibly cringe at her outburst, at the crazed look on her face, but she doesn't care. She needs an answer, now.
"Damn it, answer me! Where is he?!"
They all look at each other, daring each other to speak, and just as she is about to climb out of the bed and find Peter herself, Rocket finally answers.
"Okay, okay, hold on," he holds up his paws in a placating gesture, seeing her about to bolt and leave. "We'll tell you everything, I swear, you uh, you just need to stay in bed, okay? We still don't know how...how you're actually alive, and we can't lose...we can't lose you again."
The brokenness, the brutal honestly of his words, cause Gamora to fall back against the pillows in surprise, swallowing hard as she forcefully pushes back her tears.
Maybe Peter was fine. He had been there, in the Soul Stone realm with her, she was sure of it, although it still felt distant and unreal.
And if she was somehow okay, and back from there in relatively one piece, then Peter should be too. He was probably just in his own hospital room, recovering from everything they had been through. She has to believe that.
Anything other than that...she can't even think about it.
"Then answer me," she replies, now sounding broken and afraid, painfully like the small girl that Thanos had once taken under his wing. "Just tell me where Peter is. Please."
"Quill, uh," Rocket tries again, looking completely lost, finally meeting her gaze again. "He...ah, hell..."
"I am Groot," Groot encourages him gently, voice timid in a way he rarely is now.
"I know, I know," Rocket sighs in frustration at himself. He finally looks back up at Gamora, squaring his shoulders to tell her, and she holds her breath. "Quill...made a trade."
Gamora blinks at him in confusion, choosing to ignore what she had already learned about the stone the hard way. "...a trade? What kind of a trade?"
"Quill obtained the Soul Stone," Drax finally adds, his voice pained.
Her heart sinks at this, although she already knew he had, had seen it first hand when she had seen him wherever they were held by the stone. She nods in acknowledgement, taking a deep breath to steel herself for whatever came next. "What happened after that?"
"After everything, after we defeated Thanos—he's dead, by the way," Rocket tells her, and Gamora's eyes open wide at that. But she doesn't have time to process that information right now, that the monster that had taken everything from her was finally gone, or how they had managed to reverse the snap and bring half the universe back, because all she can think about right now is Peter. There will be time to process the rest later.
"After the battle, Quill got his hands on the stone, somehow," Rocket continues, sighing heavily. "D'ast bastard, I didn't think he'd be able to figure out how to break into Stark's facility...guess Yondu taught 'im better than we thought."
Gamora doesn't know who Stark is, but she guesses it has something to do with the place she is now in, and she pushes that thought away for later as well.
"Tell me where he is," she's desperate now, gripping the sides of the mattress so hard to ground herself that she is puncturing holes through it as it gives under her strength, even in her weakened state.
"Peter figured it out," Mantis adds, sniffing as she wipes at her tears. "He figured out how to use the Soul Stone."
"He was sure that he could get you back," Drax says softly, "although none of us believed it. He would not give up hope that you could be saved."
"I am Groot," Groot agrees quietly, shaking his head in apology at Gamora, but she doesn't blame them. She wouldn't have believed she could be saved, either, still doesn't believe it really.
"Where is Peter now?" she forces herself to ask again, and she thinks her heart might literally leap out of her chest, her body mods whirring at warp speed as her vitals spike.
There's another long silence as the Guardians look at each other in indecision, before Rocket sighs heavily again, and there's tears in his eyes when he looks back at Gamora.
Her heart nearly stops because Rocket never openly cries in front of the team, unless somebody di—
She draws in a shuddering breath to steady herself.
"Quill used the Soul Stone to get you back, and to do that, he had to make a trade," Rocket's voice is heavy, quiet. "Him...for you."
His words feel like a hammer, a final blow to any desperate, childish hope that Gamora had left, and she clenches her jaw, shaking her head as her hands rip palm sized holes in the mattress.
"No," she shoots back vehemently, looking at all of the Guardians with fire in her eyes behind barely contained tears.
She knew, she knew Peter had done that, but it was another thing to actually hear it was true.
"I'm sorry," Drax says mournfully, because he knows something about losing the person you loved most—they all did, really—but she doesn't want to hear it.
Because Peter isn't gone. He isn't.
"No, he's fine," she snaps, sitting up rigidly in the bed again. "If I'm here again, then so is he."
"Gamora, he took your place," Mantis says gently, tears still rolling down her face. She hesitantly reaches for Gamora's hand as if to comfort her and try and ease her pain, but Gamora quickly snatches her hand away from her reach. "The stone has a price..."
Gamora is well aware of that, but she refuses to believe that the price could be her being alive again, at the cost of the person she loves most.
"I am Groot," Groot adds, shoulders slumping, because no, they can't really believe Peter did what he did.
And yet, it's completely like Peter to do something like this, to be irrational and brave and foolish and self-sacrificing—to do anything it took to save the woman he loved, no matter what the consequences.
The room is starting to spin again, and Gamora is finding it harder and harder to breathe, and she clings to her last, irrational, dying hope, that Peter somehow made it out of the Soul Stone too.
"No, no he didn't," Gamora ignores how her voice is wavering now, looking desperately at the rest of her team, her family, hoping for the one answer that they just can't give her. "Peter is okay, I saw him, and he—he brought me back...so just tell me where he is!"
Rocket sighs, and Mantis chokes back another sob at her outright refusal to believe them, looking at each other hopelessly. They can't give her the answer she needs to hear, and they don't want to believe it either, this nightmare they're all living in now—but denial won't change anything.
"Where is Peter?!" Gamora is on the edge of hysteria now, trying to get up out of the bed again, as both Groot and Drax move to stop her. "Tell me where he..."
"Gamora," another voice suddenly echoes in the room, as three sets of footsteps enter the doorway.
Gamora momentarily gives up her struggle to get up at the voice, bringing wild, tear-filled eyes to look up at her sister.
"Nebula," she croaks, because the last time she'd seen her, Thanos had been literally tearing her apart until she confessed the location of the Soul Stone to save her...and everyone knew what had happened after that.
"You're awake," Nebula observes as she comes into the room, stepping around Drax and Mantis. Two men that Gamora has never seen before, both Terran with facial hair, one in a suit and one with a cape, follow in behind her.
"Well I'll be damned," the one in the suit whistles, looking at her in genuine surprise. "It actually worked. She's back."
"Well, we figured by now that she would pull through," the other man, with the cape, adds shortly, brows furrowed as he casually glances at her vitals monitor on the wall. "But it is still surprising."
Gamora ignores them both, turning back to Nebula as she approaches the bed. Nebula stops, hesitating for a moment, before uncharacteristically reaching out and grabbing her hand, squeezing hard. "It is good to see you, sister."
It is only because Gamora knows Nebula the way that she does that she can hear the unbridled emotion underlying her voice, barely noticeable to anyone else, but barely in check as far as Nebula goes.
"You too," she whispers, squeezing her cold metal hand back. "But Nebula...tell me where Peter is."
Nebula's eyes snap up in surprise at the rest of the Guardians, before she narrows her gaze. "You haven't told her?"
"Hey, we've been trying to," Rocket snaps, hairs standing up on end. He clears his throat roughly, wiping away at his tear-soaked fur. "She's not taking it the best. This isn't exactly the easiest thing to say, ya know."
"We have tried to explain, what happened to Peter," Mantis adds helplessly with a shrug and a sniffle. "It is very difficult, for all of us."
Nebula's scowl falls, and she nods in reluctant understanding, turning back towards Gamora, with an almost soft expression on her face—and Gamora has never been more terrified in her entire life.
"Nebula, please," her voice cracks, but she doesn't care, and Nebula squeezes her hand once again. "I have to find Peter."
"Gamora," she says quietly, but firmly, because Nebula doesn't really do gentle, "you already know what he did. He traded himself to the stone, for you. Soul for a soul."
"No," Gamora thinks she might be crying now, because her face feels wet, but she isn't really sure of anything happening right now. She's alive again, and Thanos is dead, but Peter isn't here, and nothing makes sense. "But if I'm back, then Peter should be too. He's fine, I just need to find him..."
"Sir," a disembodied voice suddenly echoes throughout the room, startling all of the Guardians for a moment, "I believe she may be experiencing the Five Stages of Grief, with the first stage being denial..."
"Can it, F.R.I.D.A.Y.," one of the Terran men—Stark, she learns later—says sharply, and the voice pauses. "This is not helping right now, got it?"
"Yes, sir," the voice answers, and then goes quiet once again.
But Gamora doesn't have time to worry about what the hell that just was. She looks back at Nebula, pleading, because Nebula is never one to break things gently, and she doesn't handle her with kid gloves. She'll tell it to her straight, no matter what it is, no matter how painful. She can trust her sister to tell her the truth.
When her sister finally replies...the truth is more painful than anything Gamora ever could have imagined.
"Gamora, I'm—I'm sorry," Nebula sighs heavily, and she actually looks remorseful.
"Quill is dead."
Denial.
"I'm only going to say this one more time...Get. Out. Of. My. Way."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, lady, come on!" the kid before her raises up his hands in a placating manner. Gamora doesn't want to hurt him, super spider powers or whatever he has be damned, but she also isn't going to let him stop her.
"Look, Mr. Stark is trying to keep these things safe," the kid—God, his name is Peter too—tries again, eyes wide with something akin to fear now as she strides toward him. "And I can't just let you break in there and take one, I'm really sorry."
"You're not going to let me do anything," she snaps, voice low and threatening. "I'm getting the Soul Stone, but it will be much less painful for you if you don't try to stop me."
It's an incredibly new low for her, threatening some punk kid who has no right masquerading as a hero, but she's lost all sense of self since she lost Peter, reverting back to old, violent ways.
Which is why she is getting him back, as soon as she can get into Stark's vault and get her hands on the one stone that she needs. She just needs to get rid of Spider-Man—Peter Parker, that's his name—first.
He actually flinches a little as she comes closer, but stupidly refuses to move, still standing his ground.
"Wait, wait, wait," he tries again, still trying to block the final vault door with his body. There are alarms blaring all around at this point, but Terran security is nothing compared to the rest of the galaxy, and no one else is coming—yet—because Gamora has already confronted them all. It will be a little while before they catch up to her, but her time frame is quickly dwindling. She just needs to get rid of the kid.
"Star-Lord, I-I mean Quill," Peter Parker stammers, still trying to stall her, "on Titan, when we were together, when we fought Thanos..."
"Get to the point," Gamora growls, one step from removing him by any means necessary, hoping that her anger is hiding how she nearly stumbled at his unexpected use of the name Star-Lord.
"He was fighting for you," the kid looks at her with wide, pleading eyes. "All he wanted was to get you back, and then he thought he lost you, and then he did get you back..."
Gamora can't help it then, grabbing him by the shoulders and slamming him up against the frame of the door in his shiny spider suit, body shaking from fury as she glares at him, opening her mouth to yell at him to stop.
He winces at the impact but continues softly before she can. "...so maybe it would be best if you didn't do this, ya know? It's not what he would've wanted."
She chokes back a cry of rage, dropping him carelessly to the floor, but his nimble reflexes insure he lands gracefully back on his feet. "Don't you dare pretend to know what he would've wanted! You barely knew him!"
Peter Parker shrugs, a sad smile on his face. "I know he loved you, a lot, or he wouldn't have gone off on Thanos with his bare hands, and he wouldn't have..."
He trails off, gesturing with his head at the locked vault of stones behind him. He doesn't need to finish his sentence.
"The kid's right," a familiar voice says from behind her, and Gamora growls again, wheeling around to see a bruised Tony Stark—from her earlier encounter with him—as well as Thor, Dr. Strange, Natasha Romanoff...
...and the rest of the Guardians.
She glares at them all angrily, eyes narrowed. She hadn't expected them to rally so quickly, but no matter, because nothing is going to stop her now, not when she's gotten this far. And damn it, she respects most of this other team—the Avengers—and she knows that they are allies, really, and they had helped stop Thanos and save the universe...
...but they don't understand that she needs the stone. She needs the stone so she can save Peter, and she is furious that they think it is too dangerous to mess with the stones, that they have all collectively agreed to have them somehow destroyed or at least hidden away again, rather than let her attempt to bring Peter back.
She's even more furious that the Guardians have seemed to agree with them.
Gamora snarls as she looks back at them, body already in fighting stance. "No, he's wrong, and so are all of you. You can't stop me from doing this."
"You're not giving us a choice," Strange says with a sigh, and if he didn't have such a smug look on his face, Gamora might actually think he was being sympathetic. She feels a little pang of satisfaction at the black eye that is currently swelling up on his face, thanks to her earlier confrontation with him.
"We don't want to do this," adds Natasha, and even though she is moving a little gingerly right now, she has begrudging respect for her as a fellow warrior, and her sympathetic tone actually seems sincere. "But we can't let you take the Soul Stone. I'm sorry."
"Then maybe you," Gamora points an accusing finger at all of them, finally landing on the Guardians, "shouldn't have let Peter take it in the first place!"
Rocket flinches, and Mantis looks away. Drax and Groot both give her long, apologetic looks. None of them say anything yet, still too broken over making the hardest decision they've ever made—not trying to get Peter back at the risk of the safety of the universe, because the stones and the timelines were just too close for them to know if they'd accidentally undo everything.
They can't risk Thanos being alive again, even if it means they lose Peter too.
And they know how much Gamora hates them for it.
"Listen, Greenie," Stark replies, taking a foolishly dangerous step closer to her, notably limping from the first time he'd tried to stop her today, "we didn't let your boyfriend take anything. He got in there somehow and got the stone, before we even realized what he was doing. He wanted you back, and nothing was going to stop him..."
Gamora growls, striding forwards, and she can tell how much Stark wants to take a step back as she approaches him, because he knows what she is capable of now, but he stubbornly stands his ground. Her voice is low, threatening, as she looks him directly in the eyes. "And nothing is going to stop me now. I'm getting him back."
"Lady Gamora," Thor interrupts, seeing how close she is to back handing Stark again, and she glances over at him. "I understand your rage, and your grief, but we don't know that using the Soul Stone could even bring him back."
"It brought me back," she snaps back, turning away from Stark and towards him. "So there's no reason that we can't get Peter back, too."
"That won't work," Strange adds with a frown. "The Soul Stone needs a trade, a soul for a soul, and you already know that."
Gamora does know that, and she intends to trade herself for Peter, to undo what he's done. She hasn't said it aloud, but she knows the rest of them have already figured that out anyway.
"Gamora, come on," Rocket's tired voice finally chimes in, "we know you want to trade yourself back for Quill...but you know that ain't gonna work."
"You can not make the same trade again," Thor muses quietly, recapping what they'd already learned about the stone. "If you intend to trade yourself back for Peter Quill, that will not work. You can not trade the same soul twice."
But Gamora is damned determined to try.
"And as much as we miss Quill," Drax adds gently, "it would mean losing you again, so this is no solution. Our family is already torn apart, and we don't yet know the full consequences of dealing with the stones..."
Drax trails off for a moment, looking at her with both understanding and sadness. "And we can not chance losing both of you."
Gamora steps back from the group closing in, closing her eyes and shaking her head, refusing to listen to them. She opens her eyes and glares at all of them, her body shaking with barely restrained anger. "No, you don't understand! We can't just leave Peter trapped there for the rest of eternity, you don't know what it was like. We can't just let him die..."
She chokes back a sob, rising unbidden from her throat, clenching her fists so tightly to ground herself that she's drawing blood from her palms.
"Look, we're sorry, really," Stark adds, sounding more sincere than he has this whole time, the normally self-assured look gone from his face, "but if we let you use that stone, it could potentially undo everything. We got lucky that Quill didn't do it the first time when he saved you...and we just can't risk that again."
Gamora snarls through her tears, looking at all of them in a mix of anger and desperation. "Then why didn't you stop him?! Peter shouldn't be the one who's gone, how could you let him do this?"
Although it's a baseless, angry accusation, Gamora wants to blame somebody, anybody, for not stopping Peter. Especially the Guardians, because they should've known that Peter would do something that reckless when it came down to it.
When it came to her.
"We're very sorry," Mantis replies in a trembling voice, eyes mournful. "We did not know that Peter would do that."
"I am Groot," Groots adds sadly.
"Yeah, we knew how broken up Quill was about you, I mean, we all were," Rocket sighs heavily, "but honestly, we didn't think he'd go this far. We didn't even believe that he could save you...and that was a mistake on our part, Gamora."
"But there was really never any stopping him from making rash decisions," Drax looks at her knowingly, "especially when it came to you."
Gamora knows that they're right, but it doesn't make her any less angry, because if she's not angry, she's sure she'll fall apart. She glares at the Guardians, body shaking with pure rage and grief. "This is all your fault! You all were supposed to look out for him, you should have stopped him from doing this! It shouldn't have been Peter—it should have been you!"
Her words are angry, broken, and she collapses to her knees in front of the vault door, feeling like all of the fight has been sucked out of her. She doesn't mean that, not really, but she doesn't know who else to blame...except for herself. And Peter.
"It should have been me," she whispers painfully, but they can all hear her. "He shouldn't have brought me back. How could he? How could he do this?"
"He loved you," Peter Parker chimes in softly from behind her, still trying to keep her from tearing the vault door off of its hinges.
The kid is right.
But it doesn't make it any less painful.
She staggers back to her feet, ready to fight to the bitter end, even against her own family, because she can't just give up now, can't give up on Peter now. Just as she braces herself for the fight, another voice suddenly appears from behind her.
"Gamora, enough."
Gamora wheels around to see Nebula now there, standing next to Peter Parker, and she silently curses herself for letting her sister get the jump on her. Nebula is the only one of them who could, really.
"Nebula," Gamora warns, but the venom in her voice is now mixed with sorrow, desperation.
"Quill is gone," Nebula reminds her, and although her voice isn't gentle, Gamora can read the sympathy in her eyes, and she almost breaks.
She makes one last, desperate attempt, lunging for the vault door, but Nebula stops her before she even reaches the handle.
Gamora goes down in a tumbled mess of limbs and fists as her sister stops her, screaming Peter's name.
Anger.
It's late at night when she walks into the lab, but she knows that they're still in there.
She's mildly surprised that there isn't more security after her attempt to get the the Soul Stone.
She also realizes that she's definitely being watched by Stark's A.I., and that the whole team could descend on her again in seconds if she makes one wrong move, tries to steal the stone again.
But that's not why she's here. Not this time.
Gamora finds herself leaning in the doorway of Stark's lab, not feeling the need to announce her presence yet, silently waiting in the shadows. She has no doubt they already know that she's there, but not because they've seen or heard her—she's too good for that—but Stark's tech has been keeping tabs on her ever since...well, since Peter.
She watches Stark and the other doctor—Banner—concentrate on a new experiment, on what she's not sure, maybe something to distract their minds from recent events. She still doesn't speak for several moments as she trains her watchful gaze on them.
"So, are you just going to watch us, or would you like to talk?" Banner finally says quietly, looking up at her. Gamora walks slowly into the room, stopping next to him as he pushes his glasses back up his face, squinting at the screen in front of him. Stark doesn't say anything, just gives her a grunt and a nod of greeting as he continues moving data points around on the touch screen projection in front of him, pulling up several other displays.
Things are still a little tense since her attempt at taking the stone, but all of them understood her motivation. They'd all lost people they loved in the battle against Thanos, and that type of miserable company stuck together, in the face of tragedy and loss, looking for hope once again. Gamora hasn't given up hope...not yet. She gets right to the point.
"I want you to bring him back."
She doesn't even bother to hide the pleading in her tone.
Banner sighs, taking off his glasses and rubbing his tired eyes. "You know we would if we could."
Stark finally turns toward her, minimizing another screen projection and straightening up, his back audibly cracking. His face is drawn, lined. "Listen, I know how much you want Quill back, and I get it, I really do. Hell, if these things could bring back Rogers..."
He pauses, dragging a hand roughly down his face, but Gamora doesn't miss the flicker of grief cross his features at the mention of the fallen Avenger. She hadn't known Captain Rogers, but she had heard all about him since she had been back, and his brave final sacrifice to stop Thanos during the final battle.
It's unlikely that the stones could save him, since they weren't the reason he'd died...
...but there's still hope for Peter. That's why she's here.
Stark sighs, looking at her sadly but firmly. "We just can't."
But Gamora isn't ready to accept that yet, so she tries harder. "There has to be something, anything, we can do. Please."
She hates how weak she sounds, but she is too tired and defeated to care anymore. Nothing matters anymore, now that Peter is gone. She had tried to remember what her life had been like before him, but found that those horrific memories were now muddled and unclear, distant finally. Nothing had made sense before him, and the Guardians.
Nothing makes sense now.
Banner looks up and smiles sadly at her, shifting uncomfortably as he shoves his hands in his pockets. For someone who has a literal monster crawling beneath his skin, Gamora can't help but admire the quiet calm he always seems to exude. "We know you already asked Thor, and if anyone would have that kind of power, he would. I'm sorry."
"But what about the gamma radiation," she looks pointedly at Banner—she's learned a lot about the Avengers since she's been here—taking a step closer to them both, "or the serums, or the Wakandan technology, paired with the Asgardian magic...there has to be something we can try," her tone is earnest now, foolishly hopeful. She knew she was surprising them both with this show of vulnerability, because by now they both knew her former reputation, and had seen some of it in action. "If we used them in conjunction with the stone, to stabilize..."
"We can't do that," Stark cuts her off, giving her a pointed but understanding look. "It's never been done, other than what Quill pulled when he got you back—and if it has, I don't know how. We still don't know enough about how the stones work, or how they are all interconnected, exactly, even if we took what we think might be the right measures to keep the whole thing from blowing up in our faces."
"There's too many unknown variables," Banner adds quietly, giving her a small shrug. "We just don't know what else it could do, if we use that stone again."
"And using that stone again is the only way to save Peter," Gamora bites back, fists clenched at her sides as she tries to force down her anger again. Lashing out at them won't help, she's already tried fighting them—all of them—and it hadn't worked. Even if she could take potentially take down Stark right now before he activated his metal suit, she'd stand no chance against the Hulk, and she's smart enough to know that now.
It's not that she wants to hurt any of them, that's not what this is about—she's just ready to do whatever it takes to save the man she loves.
And as much as it hurts to understand, she knows they are just trying to do what's right, even when it's a difficult call, even when it means sealing the fate of those they lost.
Sometimes lives do have to be traded.
But that doesn't make it any easier to accept.
"Look, we're still trying to find some alternatives," Stark replies, but he doesn't sound all that hopeful. "Right before Thanos came to Wakanda, apparently these guys," he gestures at Banner, meaning the rest of the Avengers, "tried to save our Android friend, Vision, who was basically up and running because of the Mind Stone. That's the most data we've ever gotten on one of the stones."
He pauses, shaking his head. "I mean, it didn't work in the end, and we couldn't save him, either—but the point is that we know more now then we did before."
"We also know that even though the stones all hold entirely different and incredibly powerful properties," adds Banner, "they are all interrelated with how they function, we just don't know yet to what extent."
"So what does that mean?" Gamora snaps in frustration, the edges of her voice tinged with desperation. She has to get Peter back, she has to, but they aren't giving her any straight answers.
"It means any major changes with one stone will affect the others," Stark raises his eyebrows at her. "Like what you did with the Soul Stone when you helped stop Thanos."
"But I don't know how I did that," Gamora protests, because she really doesn't, has been telling everyone that since they told her what had happened.
Apparently during the final battle with Thanos, the Soul Stone had weakened, or backfired somehow, and it had been a chain reaction to the rest of the stones, making Thanos just weak and vulnerable enough so that they were finally able to kill him for good.
And all of them think it was because of her. Because she was trapped inside the Soul Stone, fighting back against Thanos once she realized what he was doing in the real world, and that she had somehow inadvertently subdued the stone's power drastically enough that it had eventually led to his downfall.
Gamora would like to believe that, but all she had felt inside the stone was trapped and powerless, and even though she had tried to fight back against it when she felt Thanos abusing its power, she hadn't thought that anything she'd done had actually worked.
She still isn't sure that it did, but the rest of the Avengers and the Guardians seem to think so.
Peter had thought so too.
It had been the reason, in fact, that he had believed she was still in there, that she still could be saved, and had subsequently gotten the stone and made the trade for her.
Gamora still hasn't forgiven him for it.
"Yeah, either do we," Stark replies with a long sigh. "But I'll say this, as much as Quill was a pain in the ass and really outdated on his Earth references..."
He pauses suddenly, throwing up his hands in surrender at the glare Gamora levels at him. "Okay, okay, look, what I'm trying to say is that Quill was a good guy, and we wouldn't have been able to beat Thanos without him. He was the one that figured out the Soul Stone was weakening, and that Thanos was losing power. We would probably all be dead right now if it wasn't for him...and you."
Gamora has already heard this too, how Peter had been the one to figure out that Thanos was losing power, so that they could devise a plan to win...and how it had made him realize that she was still there, still able to be saved, trapped inside the stone.
She nods, swallowing thickly around the words caught in her throat, unable to answer.
Stark nods back in understanding, turning back to the projections in front of him and frowning. "We're still trying to figure out how these overpowered pop rocks function, but this is something we still don't have a clue how to harness the power of."
"Or how to destroy them," Banner adds quietly, and Gamora's heart clenches. That had already been a heated discussion earlier, about what to do with the stones...but destroying them, if that was even possible, would mean that Peter was truly gone forever.
She takes in a deep breath to steady herself, staring at both of them intently. "We can't destroy them."
"And we can't use them either," Stark says quietly but firmly. "I'm sorry but..."
"Enough," Gamora replies sharply, voice laced with pain, putting up one of her hands to silence him. Stark and Banner get it and don't press any further, both of them nodding in sad understanding.
Gamora turns and leaves the lab as silently as she had come, wishing that she had any type of miraculous power, or if she knew how she had used the Soul Stone while she was in there—something, anything, that could bring Peter back.
For all of the things that she was capable of doing, she had never felt so powerless.
Bargaining.
It's quiet here.
That's because there's no one left.
Knowhere is a ghost town. There's no one around, no one left in the remains that Thanos had left behind after he had decimated it for the reality stone, right before she and the team had confronted him in the ruins of the Collector's museum.
Right before he had taken her from Peter. Other than their encounter in the Soul Stone—that was the last time she had seen him.
That was the last time she had seen him alive.
Gamora stumbles ungracefully as she walks through the crumbled building and heaps of rubble that used to house Tivan's collection. There's nothing left of it now, not even him, and she assumes he didn't make it out when Thanos took the reality stone.
It's foolish now to think they ever could've stopped him, and Gamora can't help but wonder how things might have played out if they hadn't pursued him after Thor's warning. She might not have been taken and used as a sacrifice on Vormir...and Peter might not have had to sacrifice himself to bring her back.
It's a dangerous road, to think about the what-ifs and could-have-beens, and that was something Gamora had long ago learned not to do in her years under Thanos. There was no point in looking back, it was weak and foolish.
But now that she's lost the person she loved, more than anything...she can't help but think about it all the time.
If she hadn't been taken, and used as a sacrifice, if Peter hadn't traded himself for her, if they had never come to Knowhere to take on Thanos in the first place, if she had never met Peter at all...he might still be alive, be free and happy to live his life.
Instead of being trapped for all of eternity in her place.
At that painful thought, Gamora stumbles again as she walks through the ruins, tears streaming freely down her face now and blurring her vision. She stops in the middle of the rubble, burying her face in her hands as the tears come, unable to hold them back anymore.
Why Peter? Why would you do this? Why couldn't you just let me go?
She doesn't think she's cried this much since she was a child and she lost her entire family and home to a madman who took everything from her.
Now because of him, she's lost Peter too, and Gamora thinks this is what will finally break her.
Losing Peter is tearing her apart. She's a mere shell of the former assassin she once was, and the so-called fiercest woman in the galaxy is completely broken.
At least no one is here to see it.
Which is why she had left, suddenly and without warning, stealing the Benatar in the middle of the night, even though it had left the rest of the Guardians—and Nebula—stranded on Earth.
She knows that Stark will put them up in his building in the meantime, so she hadn't been too worried. She had needed to get away, to be alone, to grieve and try to figure out how she was supposed to go on in a universe without Peter in it.
Drawing in a shaky breath and trying to force back her tears, Gamora reaches into the pocket of her leather jacket, unsteadily pulling out the Zune.
It had been one of Peter's most precious possessions, and just hearing the Terran music he had so loved made it feel like he was right there with her.
She closes her eyes, tears still streaming down her face, before sticking the earbuds in her ears and pressing play.
Ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you babe
Her heart clenches as the familiar lyrics fill her ears, knowing how much Peter had loved this song, how thrilled he had been to find a familiar song from his mother's sacred mixtapes also on the Zune.
It had been one of the only things he'd had left from his mother, and later, from Yondu.
And now it's one of the only things she has left of him.
That sharp, painful realization hits her like a hammer, and it feels like her chest is seizing, her heart breaking, and she can barely breathe.
She's felt grief before, known tragedy, lost her family and her home, been tortured and manipulated and forced to carry out the genocide of someone who claimed to love her as his own.
She's even died, technically—because of that so-called love—but this is the worst pain she's ever felt.
Peter dying for her, sacrificing himself to the stone so that she could live, is something she doesn't know how to deal with.
When she's not impossibly angry, at the circumstances that have forced this to happen, at Thanos for his part in everyone's misery, at Peter for saving her, at the others for letting him, at herself for living...
...then she just feels empty and numb and hopeless.
Being angry is easier, and something she knows how to work with, how to channel her energy into.
This deep, dark, bone crushing feeling of loss is something Gamora isn't sure how to handle. It's not something she can just push down and keep moving forwards with, like she's been able to do before, out of necessity. She'd been so young and terrified when Thanos had taken her, she hadn't had much time to grieve the family and life she'd lost, focused on her survival as a scared, manipulated child.
Now, with Thanos dead and the danger finally gone—all she can think about is Peter. She's slowly being swallowed whole by her grief, at her inability to do anything to save him, like he'd done for her.
But Gamora knows Peter probably planned it that way. He wouldn't have wanted her to just turn around and bring him back, at the expense of her life yet again, and he must have either somehow known that the Soul Stone wouldn't accept the same trade twice...or that the Guardians would be able to stop her.
She simultaneously loves and hates him for it, and she feels a familiar surge of anger rise up through her again, and she latches onto it, desperate to feel anything else.
Anger she can work with.
Gamora's eyes snap open, and she unsheathes Godslayer in one smooth movement, narrowing her focus, tears now gone and replaced by a cold, hard stare.
What little is left of this place she is going to tear apart.
Her movements are beautiful in their violence, almost in rhythm to the songs echoing in her ears through the Zune, as she hacks and swings and destroys the remains of the Collector's former home.
But it won't end here. No, she is going to destroy the rest of Knowhere before she's done, to make sure that this awful place can never rebuild itself again, so that no one else could ever be hurt by the evil of this place ever again.
Just as soon as she figures out to cause an explosion big enough—Ego briefly comes to mind—that will take down this entire planet.
Without Rocket's expertise, it will be difficult, but not impossible. After all, she hadn't needed it when she'd destroyed Sanctuary II and the remaining ships from Thanos' fleet, her first stop after leaving Earth. All of the evil that Thanos had touched will be eradicated from the universe before she's done. She'll rid the universe of any remaining evil, of anything else tied to Thanos, no matter what it takes.
She'll burn Knowhere to the ground if she has to.
Even if it means taking herself out with it, but she can't find it in herself to care that much about that anymore.
She's breathing and panting and there's a strong ache in her arms from hacking through the rubble, intermittently yelling out in anger as she takes out all of her pain and grief and aggression on the metal and stone around her, before she finally sees it, and realizes it's what she needs to complete her self-appointed—and possibly suicide—mission.
At the very back of the Collector's museum are three large, towering generators, that had previously powered the electricity and security systems of this place, as well as several surrounding areas of Knowhere that the Collector had no doubt overcharged the locals for as a power source.
The far left one is partially collapsed and melted, smoke still wafting up from the damaged coils and bent pipes, but the other two still stand, tall and menacing over the ruins of Knowhere.
Gamora pauses, staring up at the massive generators, chest still heaving from exertion. This is exactly what she needs.
If she can use these generators to cause an explosion, it would be enough to at least take out the surrounding areas, and if she does it correctly...cause a chain reaction to the rest of Knowhere, obliterating the planet for good.
She also realizes that it will leave her little time to make it back to the Benatar and escape, but it doesn't bother her as much as it should.
Firmly pushing that thought away, she starts making a fire at the base of the generators, to make them overheat. With their already compromised systems, it won't be very hard. She turns off the coolant systems—it was too easy, really—and closes all of the vents to make sure the heat and pressure builds inside quickly.
Gamora just needs one last thing to make sure this really works.
She swallows thickly, squaring her shoulders and reaching again into the leather jacket of her coat. Her fingers close around the rough, rounded metal, as she pulls out one of Rocket's grenades.
She stares at it for a long moment, before taking a deep breath, and looking back at the quickly building fire at the base of the generators. She can already hear the telltale creaks and moans of the metal from the inside of the giant machines as the pressure builds. Adding the grenade at precisely the right moment will make sure that these generators level this half of Knowhere, at least what's left of it.
Gamora clenches her jaw in determination, because this is what needs to be done. Tears streaming down her face yet again, she gets ready to throw the grenade and run...although she's pretty sure she won't be fast enough to make it.
If she does die, at least it'll be with some sort of a purpose, she supposes, and she hopes that the Guardians—and Peter, if he could see her—will understand.
She frowns, shaking her head as she briefly imagines Peter screaming at her to stop, that he didn't trade places with her for her to just turn around and be so careless with her own life.
"I'm sorry, Peter," she whispers aloud, even though she knows he can't hear her, because she knows what it was like to be trapped in the Soul Stone, forever alone, but she can't help herself, trying desperately to get some closure that she won't ever get. "I'm just doing what I have to do...please try to understand."
Deep down, she knows he wouldn't, that he would be screaming, pleading, that this isn't worth her life, that it won't change anything. She can picture it so clearly that she can almost hear it.
"I don't know what else to do," she murmurs hoarsely, shaking her head at herself, talking to a ghost that isn't even there. "You shouldn't have saved me...I don't, I don't know how to do this without you..."
She trails off, clutching the grenade even more tightly in her hand. "I love you. Please forgive me."
But Peter isn't there, and the only answer she gets is the cold, harsh wind and echoing silence of the ruins around her.
Before she can even throw the grenade in her foolish attempt at retribution, she hears someone distantly calling her name.
"Gamora...wait!"
She curses, in disbelief that she was caught so off guard that she didn't hear anyone coming, ripping the earbuds out of her ears and clenching the grenade tightly in her hand. She wheels around to see the rest of the Guardians approaching her, with Nebula—and is that Kraglin?—in tow.
They finally make it within a few feet of her, weaving around the piles of destruction left behind by Thanos.
Before they can even say anything else, Gamora barks at them, hiding her grief behind irritation. She had been so close to completing her mission. "How did you find me?"
"Well, we had to find a ride, for one," Rocket huffs, jerking a padded thumb at Kraglin, who shrugs in confirmation.
Of course. They must have contacted him to come for them with the Quadrant, once they realized that she had taken the Benatar and left them all behind.
"It wasn't hard to follow your trail of destruction," Nebula narrows her eyes at her, although Gamora can see the barely hidden concern there. "Predictable."
"Yeah, that was quiet a number you did back there on Thanos' old fleet," Rocket whistles, raising an eyebrow at her. "We weren't even sure you made it outta there, at first."
She barely had, but they don't need to know that.
"I am Groot!" Groot grumbles, staring at her.
"Yes, we would have come with you," Drax agrees, almost pouting, "if you had advised us of your plan, instead of leaving us on Terra."
Nebula spits in disgust. "I can't believe you left me there."
Gamora knew how she felt about her time on Earth.
"Either can we," Drax adds, but his voice is more solemn now, expression concerned. "We do not leave family behind."
"We were very worried about you, Gamora," Mantis says, eyes wide and sad. "You left without saying goodbye."
"I am Groot," Groot mumbles petulantly, but Gamora can tell how hurt he is, try as he might to hide it.
"Look, I'm sorry I left without telling you," Gamora sighs, harsh look softening a little bit, but she really needs to get this show on the road if these generators are going to explode soon, "but I don't need you to follow me halfway around the galaxy. I just needed some space. I'm fine."
Rocket scoffs. "Nice try, but you already know that's not gonna work on us. None of us are fine...'specially you," he pauses, ears flattening against his head, something he's been doing more now when they talk about everything they've lost, "but we get, Gamora...we really do."
"I am Groot," Groot adds sadly, and there is no trace of the indifferent teenager now, just sadness and understanding.
It breaks Gamora's heart to see him like this, to see all of them like this. She swallows down her reply, about how none of them could understand, but that would be a lie. They all miss Peter—maybe not in the same way that she does—but they are all grieving for him.
"Yeah, we miss 'im a lot," Rocket agrees with Groot, turning back to her, "but you runnin' off in the middle of the night—with our ship, by the way—isn't gonna help anything."
"We thought you were going to do something dangerous, or foolish," Drax nods, frowning heavily as he gestures at her hand still clutching the grenade, "turns out we were right."
"Wait a second," Rocket's eyes go wide as he finally notices what's in her hand, pointing a claw at her, "is that one of my grenades?!"
"Sure looks that way," Kraglin chimes in, forever helpful.
"Yes," Gamora sighs, standing up straighter. "I needed it to complete my mission."
"Your suicide mission, you mean," Nebula replies knowingly, and Gamora could punch her for it.
"I'm just doing what I have to do," she says shortly, squaring her shoulders at the mixture of hurt and disbelieving looks her family is giving her.
"So what," Rocket finally speaks after a moment, voice rising in anger and disbelief, "losing Quill wasn't bad enough, you decided to just go around blowing up everything you could in some sort of effort, to what, erase Thanos and all the freakin' misery he left behind, even if you freakin' died doing it?"
Gamora flinches at his words, at his anger, at how right he is, but she can't back down, not now. "I'm doing what needs to be done, but you don't understand, none of you could understand!"
"Gamora," Mantis' voice is gentle, and sad, "we are all feeling a lot of pain, although you are feeling the most, but I do not think we could take it if we also lost you. Losing Peter already hurts so much."
Drax takes a step closer to her, meaning to put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, but stopping when she flinches and backs away. He puts his hand back down, sighing heavily. "Gamora, you must know how much you mean to us, to this family. We've already lost Quill, and we are all grieving for him—but we can not let that destroy our family. We have to take care of each other. That's what families do."
"I am Groot," Groot nods quickly in agreement, tears in his eyes.
Gamora shakes her head, and she's not crying again, she's not, but having them here, all caring so much about her, is just overwhelming, and she doesn't think she deserves it. She's hurt them so much already, not intentionally, but her own grief has clouded her judgment, and she knows it.
"Being reckless with your own life now won't prove any points," Nebula says, voice softer now, and knowing, because they both know what it feels like to try and even the score your whole life. "It won't change anything."
"Ya know, Pete was always one to make these sorts of reckless decisions," Kraglin says, and this is the most Gamora has ever heard him talk, "but he only did it 'cause he cared so damn much. That's why Yondu always called 'im soft. But I always sorta thought it made 'im brave...not that I ever told 'im. I shoulda...so I'm gonna tell you now. Yer being brave, but stupid, and Pete wouldn't a wanted you to."
"You don't know what Peter would've wanted!" Gamora finally snaps, and it's not the first time she's said these words, and it's also unfair. Kraglin, and the other Guardians, knew Peter too—Kraglin arguably most of all—but she still feels defensive when everyone tries to tell her that Peter wouldn't have wanted this.
They don't know what Peter would've wanted, none of them do, because Peter is dea...
She closes her eyes tightly, whole body trembling with anger and grief and emotion that she can no longer hide, no longer has the strength to hide, trying unsuccessfully to hold back her tears.
"Gamora," Rocket's voice is hoarse and strained, the anger now gone, replaced with sad understanding, "I know you think you gotta do somethin', anything, to try and escape the pain...but it won't work. Doin' this, it's not—it's not gonna bring Quill back."
His words are painful but true, and Gamora finally breaks.
Peter isn't coming back. He's gone.
She chokes out a sob, sinking to her knees in front of them, the grenade rolling carelessly out of her hand. She's barely aware of one of them safely picking it up, and someone else putting out the fire before the generators do blow up with them still standing there so close by. She's barely aware of any of that because she's drowning, can't breathe, can't move, just wishing that she couldn't feel anything at all.
"Peter," she chokes, burying her face in her hands, shoulders shaking with the force of her sobs, breaths coming in short, pained gasps. "Oh God, Peter, no..."
And just like that, her family is surrounding her, trying to comfort her with their strength and love. She's barely aware of strong arms all around her, a combination of bark and muscles and fur and metal and yellow skin and ravager leather, all closing in and holding her close. Some of them are whispering reassurances and soothing words, and some of them are crying along with her, and mostly they all are just refusing to let her go.
Before Peter, Gamora hadn't liked to be touched, was aversive to it in most every way. Now, it's the only thing she can cling to as she finally falls apart.
Later, as she watches from the safety of the Benatar's portside window as Knowhere implodes, thanks to some help from the others—Gamora wishes it made her feel any better.
It doesn't.
Depression
Gamora closes her eyes, inhaling deeply to take in the fragrant smells of the flowers and grass around her, to absorb the warm sun shining on her skin.
She can tell why Peter loved it here, growing up in Missouri...even if he was always too afraid to come back and confront the painful memories of his past.
Which is why Gamora is here now.
She exhales deeply, trying to center herself as she opens her eyes and stares at the iron wrought gate before her, at the neatly trimmed grass and rows of stones perfectly aligned behind the fence.
She has a mission to complete, one final thing that she needs to do...for Peter.
Walking forwards slowly, purposefully, Gamora enters the cemetery, moving carefully through each perfectly manicured row until she finds the one she's looking for—right where Stark had said it would be—and her heart stops in her chest.
Meredith Quill
Beloved mother and daughter
Never stop dancing
Gamora's eyes fill with tears, as she kneels down and reverently fingers the edges of the stone, tracing a name she has heard a thousand times over the years, heard countless stories of love and laughter, a name she knows because of the undying love of her son.
But now he's gone too. The universe is cruelly unfair.
Peter should be the one doing this right now, not her, and she has to push down bitter tears at that fact. She takes a deep breath to steady herself, before she finally finds the words to speak.
"H-hello, Meredith," she begins shakily, "if you're there, if you can hear me..."
She trails off, unsure of what to say. She knew that Terrans believed in a higher power, that souls go to a place of salvation after death, and knew for a fact Meredith had believed that, from her final letter to Peter.
I'm going to a better place, and I'll be okay.
She knew Peter had believed that to some extent too, and had often mentioned that he might as well believe in that since his real father had been a literal god—albeit a real a-hole—and he'd been abducted by aliens as a child, both things he wouldn't have believed in before, so why not believe his mother was in a better place?
Gamora wants to believe it, too. Needs to believe it.
It hurts more than she can bear that Peter didn't get to go wherever he thinks his mother went for the after life, to be reunited with her once again—because instead he's trapped in an eternal hell, inside the Soul Stone.
That hurts most of all, still hits Gamora like a sucker punch that takes her breath away when she thinks about that fact, because she knows exactly how Peter is suffering, even if Peter willingly made that choice.
And they can't save him. He's gone. She's still trying to accept that...but she doesn't think it's possible.
She doesn't even have a grave, a place to mourn him, so she had to come to Meredith instead. All she has left are memories and a Zune in her pocket and a shared bedroom on the Benatar that she still can't quite make herself go into.
Gamora wonders if Meredith knows what happened to her son, if she knows of all the brave and heroic things he accomplished before he made that final, foolish sacrifice play—for her.
Gamora needs the forgiveness of a dead woman she's never met, more than ever, because she didn't keep Peter safe from this fate.
But, more than anything else, she needs to make sure Meredith knows that her son was a hero.
With shaking hands, she pulls out Peter's mask, fully activated now, and sets it gently on Meredith's grave. It is unsettling and jarring to see the mask just staring up at her, red eyes erie and haunting, with no one behind it to wear it.
No one will ever wear the mask again. Gamora couldn't imagine anyone else ever wearing it.
The rest of the Guardians had whole heartedly agreed—so much so that Rocket had rigged a self-destruct component if anyone else even tried—right before they'd also agreed to let her go to Missouri, alone this time, to complete this final task.
It was the least they could do, since they'd dragged her back to Earth in the first place.
"You'd have been so proud of the person he was," Gamora's heart clenches at the use of Peter in the past tense, and she doesn't think it's something she'll ever be used to, "he was so, so brave, and he had the biggest heart..."
Tears are streaming silently down her cheeks, but weirdly she's smiling now, as she continues, telling Meredith about how her little Star-Lord grew up to be a real honest to goodness galaxy-saving hero.
She was so proud of him too, and telling Meredith—if she's really there, somehow—all about Peter and their life together and the man he'd become is more therapeutic than she ever could've imagined.
"...and he got all that from you," she finally finishes softly, kissing her fingers and gently pressing them against the mask, before standing slowly to her feet.
"Thank you, for raising such a wonderful man," she finishes quietly. "I'm sorry—I'm sorry I couldn't protect him—I'm sorry that I failed him..."
Her voice breaks, and she shakes her head, trying to regain her composure, before she painfully whispers one last thing to the stone before her.
"I loved him, more than anything. I always will."
With that, she turns and walks away, footsteps simultaneously heavy and light, leaving the stone and the mask behind her.
Acceptance
Except she'll never accept it, not really, that Peter's gone because of her.
Her vision is blurred with tears as she leaves the cemetery, head swirling with grief and emotion and not knowing what to do next, feeling lost and aimless in a way she's never felt before.
She's so lost, in fact, that she doesn't know how long the holo has been ringing from the bottom of her bag.
It stops, then suddenly starts up again, a loud annoying chirp that's unmistakable anywhere in the galaxy, and Gamora blinks, shaking her head to clear the fog as the noise finally registers.
Whoever is trying to reach her is certainly being insistent, but she doesn't want to talk to anyone right now, doesn't think she could. Besides, the other Guardians, and Nebula, know where she is and what she is doing, so she keeps walking, ignoring it, headed back towards the road that will take her back to her hotel. Peter's hometown isn't very big, after all.
But it keeps on ringing and ringing, and Gamora swears under her breath, throwing the pack off her shoulder and furiously digging through it on the side of the road until she finds it, fingers closing around the hard square edges of the holo pad as she pulls it out.
Hastily wiping the tears from her face, she scowls as she sees Rocket's name and picture lighting up the holo screen display. With a loud huff, she answers the call.
"This better be important."
"Geez, Gamora, what took so long?!" Rocket's impatient voice immediately replies, and she can see him with the rest of the Guardians crowded behind him on the display. "I musta called like four times!"
She feels a small pang of guilt at the accusation in his tone, and the worried looks on the rest of their faces. She knows they are anxious that she will take off again, or get herself killed, and after losing Peter, they haven't wanted to let her out of their sight.
She gets it, really.
Softening a little, she sighs. "Look, I'm sorry. Everything is fine. Can this wait..."
"No, no, this news is most urgent!" Mantis all but shrieks from behind Rocket, and Gamora's enhanced hearing, even through the holo screen, makes it almost painful. She winces, before raising an eyebrow in concern.
"What is going on? Are all of you alright?"
"I am Groot!" Groot chimes in, leaning in over Rocket's shoulder, and Gamora swears he's gotten taller since she's been gone.
"Yes, we are all in good health," Drax agrees, "but we need you to come back to Stark's tower at once."
Gamora furrows her brows in confusion, trying to read all of their faces through the screen, trying to stifle her growing worry. "Why, what's happening? Tell me what is going on."
"Look, it would just be a whole lot better if we could tell ya in person," Rocket answers, trying to sound causal, but his normally grouchy expression is a mixture of apprehensive and nervousness, and possibly excitement.
Honestly, she doesn't know what to make of it.
"So, how soon can ya be back?" Rocket implores her further, and she can see the earnest and urgent looks the rest of the team are giving her.
"I will leave at once," she replies, but she narrows her eyes at them in concern. "But you all know how long a journey back this is. Please tell me what is happening."
At this point, she can't take anymore unknowns, especially when it comes to them, to her family, and they can see it clearly on her face, in the pleading tone she's barely hiding from them.
"Just tell her."
Gamora's eyes widen as Nebula walks into the screen as well, arms crossed and scowl ever present on her face, but a soft look in her eyes reserved just for her. Gamora breathes a sigh of relief, because Nebula can talk some sense into the rest of them.
She hopes.
They are just trying to protect her from something, probably...but that's what she's afraid of.
"Nebula," Gamora smiles at her, grateful to see her face, "do you know what's going on?"
Nebula gives a stiff nod, but there's something in her expression that Gamora can't quite read, even as well as she knows her, as well as she had taught her some of those expressions as a child warriors together. "You need to come back here. Now."
Gamora can feel her frustration growing, her unstable emotions and worry and concern and just everything in general growing quickly out of control. "Would you all just tell me what..."
"They figured it out."
Gamora stops, heart skipping a beat, as she levels her gaze at Rocket, who had spoken, apparently changing his mind on waiting until she came back. "Wait, they figured what out?"
She's too afraid to hope, because that's not possible.
Nebula glares at Rocket for stealing her thunder, but he merely shrugs, not sorry in the least. She sighs, turning back to Gamora. "Stark and the others...they figured out how to use the stones."
Gamora thinks her heart might literally leap out of her chest, and she forgets to breathe for a second.
"Hey, don't forget us too," Rocket scoffs, waving at the rest of the Guardians, "we helped too, ya know."
"I am Groot," Groot nods quickly, giving Nebula a smug look.
"But not as much as the others..." Drax says simply, but Gamora cuts him off before he can go on another tangent.
"What does that mean?!" Gamora's voice rises, desperate for answers now, because she can't dare hope again, not really, if there is nothing to really hope for. She couldn't survive it.
"Gamora," Mantis' voice is so gentle, and so happy, that she can practically feel it through the screen. "They can save him."
Gamora almost collapses right there, staggering to lean against a nearby tree, clutching the holo pad desperately in her other hand, her head swimming at those words, the words she's wanted to hear for so long. "...w-what?"
Nebula is the one who speaks this time, and Gamora could swear she's almost smiling when she answers her.
"They can bring Quill back."
In the end, it's messy and chaotic and takes all the combined efforts of the Guardians and the Avengers, using a little bit of Asgardian magic and the Time Stone under Dr. Strange's guidance, paired with the Wakandan data from the Mind Stone and some help from another super powered Terran named Carol Danvers...
...but in the end, they do it. They undo the Soul Stone's power, and they save Peter.
It's a whirlwind of swirling wind and blinding lights and noise and chaos and people running around everywhere, but then Peter is there, shaking and gasping for air and barely conscious and very confused...but he's there. Alive.
Gamora hadn't dared hope that it would be possible, not since she'd stolen the Benatar and gone on her suicide mission, that she would ever get him back.
She's never been so happy in her entire life.
Scooping him up into a sitting position from the ground, she immediately pulls him into her arms, and he slumps against her, still trembling and mumbling nonsensically in her ear, trying to get his bearings at being back in the land of the living.
It's beyond overwhelming—Gamora knows, after all—and she just clings to him, sobbing into his hair as she clutches him to her chest. She couldn't get words out right now if she tried. Peter is actually real, is actually alive, beyond all possibility, and she just tries to absorb it all in, to feel the warmth of his body against hers and anchor herself to the fact that she has him back.
While the Avengers leave to deal with the stones, the other Guardians gather around, relieved and ecstatic to see Peter back in one piece, but first giving her a moment with him when everything is so raw and new and just completely unbelievable.
And yet, it's real. Peter is here Peter is here, in her arms. And he's okay. They should probably get him to the hospital and check him over, and let him rest, but for the moment, he's okay.
"...-G-Gamora?" he finally rasps against her, as awareness slowly comes back to him. She pulls him back slightly so that they are face to face, cupping his face in both hands. He reaches up a shaking hand to clutch one of her hands holding his face, lacing his tanned fingers against her long green ones, eyes wide with disbelief and confusion, teeth chattering together. "W-what...what's happening..."
"You're okay, Peter, you're okay," she croaks, tears still spilling down her cheeks, and now he's crying too, as he realizes that he's no longer trapped in the stone, but he's back with his family, and the woman he loves. He starts shaking harder, and Gamora keeps soothing him, pulling his focus back to her. "It's okay, I'm here, we're all here. You're back, you're safe now."
"...but how?" Peter coughs, shaking his head in disbelief, blinking slowly as he takes in the destroyed room and the rest of the Guardians standing around him, trying to piece together what the hell happened. "How am I back?"
"We had a little help," Rocket answers quietly, and if there's tears in his eyes, no one comments on it. "But we'll fill you in on that later. It's, uh, real good to have you back, Quill."
"I am Groot!" Groot waves at him, extending a branch to squeeze his shoulder before shyly pulling it back.
"Oh Peter, I am so overjoyed that you are okay!" Mantis beams at him, somewhere between crying and laughing, her antennae lighting the room. "We have missed you so very much!"
"We have our family back," Drax adds quietly but with meaning, reaching down to pat Peter's other shoulder with surprising gentleness. "We were lost without you."
Peter nods, tears streaming down his cheeks as he smiles at them all gratefully, taking a deep breath to steady himself. His voice is hoarse when he finally speaks. "Thank you, all of you...for bringing me back."
Gamora turns his head back towards her then, and kisses him for all she is worth. Later, she'll yell at him yet again, for making another selfish, foolish, self-sacrificing move on her behalf, and how his recklessness had actually gotten him killed this time, but this is the one chance they had to save him, so he had better not waste it...
But she'll do that later. Right now, she wants to kiss the person she loves more than anything else in the world, just beyond grateful that she gets another chance to do so.
Sometimes, the universe does surprising things. Gamora is learning how to appreciate it.
She pulls back, running a hand through his hair, smiling even through her tears, as she echoes his own words from the Soul Stone back to him. "I couldn't let you go."
Peter just nods, swallowing thickly and studying her face, before pulling her to him and pressing their foreheads together, echoing some all too familiar words back to her...but this time, with relief and happiness.
"I love you, more than anything."
And Gamora has never meant anything else more in her life than when she replies.
"I love you too."
After all that, we needed a happy ending for these two.
Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed my first venture into the GOTG fandom.
I have a few ideas for some multi chapter Starmora fics, so I may start posting one (or all of them) soon, and see where the muse takes me.
Until then,
Fictional