In the morning, I woke up to see Brian leaning over me. "Good morning." He threw his body on top of mine. "Sleep OK?"

I chuckled a little. "Get off, asshole." I pushed him and he reluctantly complied. I said, "I'm going to the can."

He offered, "There are new toothbrushes in the cabinet."

"I'm sorry if my breath doth offend."

"Just a suggestion."

I brushed my teeth and found him in the kitchen, fully dressed. He asked, "Wanna hit the Diner? I'll buy."

"Sure." At the suggestion of food, my stomach growled. We both laughed. I put my shoes on and walked to the door.

Brian held me for a second. He ran his hands over my arms. "Why didn't you sleep with me last night?"

"I told you – you're too irresistible."

"So, why resist?"

"I'm not ready. I can't."

He lifted my chin with his finger and kissed me tenderly, like our post 'coffee' kisses of the past. "Someday, Justin."

We went to the Diner and Deb smiled as we entered. "Howdy, boys. Fun night?"

"Too much alcohol and not enough sex." Brian scrunched his face in my direction.

I gave a return glance, and then looked at Deb. "Not any sex."

Deb smiled. "Brian, you're losing your touch."

"Nah, I was too far gone." He pulled me close enough to growl into my ear. "Next time, though, your ass is mine."

The next major event in our lives was the bombing at Babylon. I won't go into the details. Let's just say some asshole or group of assholes set a bomb that went off and killed a half dozen people and injured dozens more during a fundraiser to reject some anti-gay legislation.

I was inside the club when it happened, but came out with only a few scratches. I was very lucky.

Brian was in a limo to the airport when it happened. He had the driver turn around to check the scene. He's the owner of the club, but, more than that, he was concerned for all of us – the people who he knew were attending the fundraiser. He found me inside the club helping some of the injured. He rushed to me and hugged me.

We found out that Michael was seriously injured. I told Brian I'd go with him to the hospital. As we sat in the waiting room, Brian did something that really surprised me; he held my hand. I was glad for the shared comfort it gave us. Emmett and Ted noticed. Deb and Carl were exchanging glances. Finally, Brian got tired of them all staring and said to everyone in the group, "What the fuck are you looking at?" He stood up, still holding my hand and pulled me into the men's room.

I was concerned about him. I knew how close he and Michael are. I asked, "Are you OK?"

"No, I'm not fucking OK!" He took a breath, put his hands to either side of my face and touched our foreheads together. "With everything today, and then Mikey…" I pulled him in for a hug.

At this point in our relationship, I'd describe us as friends with benefits. We'd had sex once. There were the regular blow jobs, which had ended when I quit my secondary career. We saw each other at work, of course. And then there were the dinners at Deb's for the whole gang. We'd grown close. I hated to see him in pain over his friend, our friend. "It'll be OK, Brian." I didn't know what else to say.

"I'd tried you on your cell, but you didn't answer. I was so fucking scared that something had happened to you."

"I'm right here."

He nodded, looked down and brushed some dirt off of my clothes. I pulled his chin up until our eyes met. "I'm touched that you were that concerned over me."

He gave me a quick smile and then sighed again. "I'm sure you're as exhausted as I am. You can go home, you know."

I shook my head.

Brian continued, "As soon as I know that Mikey is out of the woods, I'm going home. Deb and Carl will be here for … God knows how long. The house will probably be empty."

I shook my head again. "I don't want to go back there alone."

"Then come back to the loft with me. How does a nice, long hot shower sound?" He gave me a sweet smile. It wasn't sexual, just friendly.

I thought about that wonderful shower of his. I'd enjoyed it once. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back imagining the water pouring over me. "That sounds wonderful."

"OK. It's set then. Unless you want to go back there now? I'll give you the key."

"No. No, thanks. I'll wait it out with you. I'm concerned, too." I put my hand out to hold his again.

"Good man." He took my hand.

A couple of hours later we got word that Michael was doing better and that his condition was no longer critical. Brian turned to me and said, "C'mon, Justin. Let's go and get you in that shower you've been looking forward to."

We returned to Brian's loft. As he locked the door, I started to undress. My clothes were covered in soot and I couldn't wait to get out of them. I wanted to wash it all away: all of the pain, all of the sadness.

The loft phone rang. Brian picked it up. "Hello? … Yeah, Lindsay, I'm OK. Michael is stable, so I came home." He continued his conversation. I motioned to him that I was going to take a shower and he nodded.

The shower felt so good. I expected that Brian might join me, but I could hear him talking on the phone. I finished the shower and wrapped a towel around myself.

He ended his conversation. "Yeah, 'Love you, too, Lindsay." He clicked off the phone.

"How is she?" I asked.

"Fine. She and Mel are back together and holed up at the house with the kids. They're still in shock over their friend, Dusty." He reached into his dresser. "Here's some boxers for you to wear. I'll find something else for you tomorrow – old sweats or something."

"Great, thanks."

"I'm going to take my shower now."

"Sure." I left him to it.

I listened to the water running and glimpsed Brian through the foggy glass. I was deep in thought, reflecting on what had happened at Babylon. What was I doing, going through life alone? Sure, I had a few casual friends, but I'd never dated. I never let another guy get close enough to me for me to care. What was I afraid of? Going through life alone? I'd already picked that fate for myself! How could it get any worse? Maybe there'd be heartache. Maybe there would be jealousy. Who cares? I had to open myself up to someone. My eyes turned back to Brian. Maybe…

He got out of the shower, dried off and came out wearing a towel. I was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed, wearing the boxers he'd given me. He asked. "Are you OK?"

"Yes. Uh, no. Oh, fuck I don't know. I'm still a little freaked out."

"Yeah, me, too." He sat next to me on the bed.

"I didn't think anything could get to you."

"There is someone beneath this cold exterior."

"Actually, I could see that … with the way you care about Michael and everyone."

"Ben is really there for Mikey."

"Yes. I love watching the two of them together. They are really in love. You don't see that often." I sighed. "I wish I had that. I've got to change."

"I've been thinking about that, too. If something happened to me, who would care?"

"You have Michael, Lindsay and your son. There are people who care about you."

"But no one that's mine alone. Special to me." He looked away. "I never thought I'd want that."

"Yeah. I've decided that I'm going to start dating, meeting guys, getting myself out there. Enough of this solitary crap. I can't live my life alone."

"Exactly."

I looked at him. He had a slightly vulnerable look to him. One that I hadn't seen before. He'd been wounded by what happened at Babylon, emotionally if not physically. So had I. I saw someone with the same needs as myself. "What are you looking for in a guy, then?"

His eyes gave me a once over. "He'd have to be honest, caring, smart and easy to get along with. He'd have to be OK with my friends, because, well, they are a part of me."

I chuckled. "They are that."

"And good with Gus."

"Of course."

He sat closer and put his hand around my shoulder, then ran his fingertips over my skin. He kissed my ear and breathed his next words into it. "I'd want someone that I find very attractive, very hot."

I was getting all of the signals he was sending me. He was choosing me. I couldn't think of anything that I wanted more. I ran my hand over his cheek and neck. "What else?"

He pushed me over onto my back. "He'd have to be a great lay, fucking hot in bed. Someone I could have sex with for hours." He rolled his body on top of mine. His towel fell open and I could feel his hard on pressed against me. I was so turned on. My heart was pounding in my chest.

I could barely speak. "Would it matter if the guy had been with a lot of other guys?"

"Who am I to judge that? No, that wouldn't matter." He kissed me. "I told you once that, when you were ready, you'd give yourself to me. Remember?"

I swallowed nervously. "I remember."

"Are you ready, Justin?"

I looked into his amazing hazel eyes and his hand stroked my face. I can tell you that that is the precise moment that I fell in love with Brian Kinney. I knew that I was ready to give myself to him emotionally and physically. "Yes, Brian. I'm all yours."

Brian kissed me tenderly and then with more passion. His kissed his way down my body and started to lick and suck my cock. After a few minutes he licked his way back up, stopping at my nipples along the way. We kissed again and then I pushed off to flip us over. I mirrored his actions: kissing, licking and sucking. When I approached his cock, I licked my lips and took it into my mouth. It is so magnificent and it had been a while since our last 'extra cream' session.

"Fuck, I missed this so much!" He said.

I continued for a while and then brought my face up to his. "I think it's not so much that you want me around, just that you're addicted to my blow jobs." I smiled.

He pursed his lips and nodded with a straight face. "You're probably right … it's the blow jobs." He kissed me. "And the kisses." I could tell that there was much more he wanted to say, but had to get up the nerve. This was the 'new' Brian. This was a guy who was learning to express his true feelings, something he'd never done before. His eyes shone as they looked deep into mine. I looked down on him and smiled, waiting for his next thought. "And your sunshine smile." He kissed me again and thought some more. "And … you."

We continued kissing and his stiff cock was now in between my ass cheeks, teasing me. I never wanted someone inside me more than I did at that moment. I had been with many guys, but, all of them, even Brian, were paid customers. This time I wanted him because of the relationship we were starting and the incredible heat between us. "I want you so bad."

He reached for a condom and lube. He handed me the condom and said, "Put it on me." I did so and then he lubed his sheathed cock. We kissed over and over again until the heat between us was almost unbearable. We were both breathing heavily and his hands were all over me. When a finger poked into my entrance, I gasped, wanting more.

"Let's do this." He spoke with his lips against mine.

"Yes." I lowered myself onto him and rode him for some time. He sat up and we kissed over and over again. He put his hands under my ass to guide me up and down his shaft. Fuck, it felt so good.

Then he rolled us over so that he was on top. We never lost our lock on each other. We continued to kiss with great passion. I couldn't hold back any longer and stroked myself until I came. Brian pushed into me several more times and then reached his own vocal finish.

We cleaned up and held each other all night. Once, during the night, I woke up and Brian was behind me, his body snuggled up against me. His arm was around me and I'd never felt so secure, so warm, so loved.