A/N: Thank you to misamisa, things24, ArrayePL, Iaveina, Sobatra, and Sirithdiliel for reviewing. :)
Chapter Six - Time and Again
After returning to the room that she had been given at the Earth Kingdom base, Ursa paced around the small space, her mind full of new thoughts. From the supposed information given by the firebender to news on the Avatar and how it involved Hakoda's children.
She didn't know if she believed a word out of the firebender's mouth. Yes, his story made sense, but the drug the Earth Kingdom had used was, as she had told the general, unreliable. It had been around in the Fire Nation for years, and she was well-versed on the effects it had. She just wished that she could get some substantial information on Misaki.
And if wishes were ostrich horses we could ride into a sunset of rainbows, she thought caustically, pinching the bridge of her nose. Sighing, she sank down onto the hard rock bed and folded her hands into her opposite sleeves. The sun had long since set and the only light came in through the open windows and a door that led out to a small balcony. She missed her inn. She missed Huang. She missed the friendly faces of familiar neighbors. And the older, deeper ache of places and people she missed was only made worse by the fresh hurts.
She stared out through the door to the balcony; she could make out the shapes of trees and mountains in the light of the moon and stars. What now? General Ling was going to want an answer from her. If she proved to him that she could call out earthbenders, then he wanted her to work with Hakoda and see if she could help find more firebenders in the underground. There were so many problems with that. Yes, she had been fighting against the Fire Nation for years now, but she had been doing it subtly. She had been avoiding, as much as possible, exposure to anyone from the Fire Nation. To anyone who might recognize her.
She'd had more than one moment of panic since the Fire Nation patrols had started coming through Huang. Every time firebenders had stepped into her inn, she had been afraid that one of the soldiers would recognize her. She hadn't exactly led an inconspicuous life within the Fire Nation. Granted, most people probably didn't expect her to be tromping around the Earth Kingdom wearing their clothes and with their hairstyles. And since leaving the Fire Nation, she had never been so grateful that her father had given her the name Ursa. It was an Earth Kingdom name, and before he died, he had told her that she had been given such a name to remind her that the four nations were meant to be joined hand in hand. If she'd had a Fire Nation name, she would have had to go by a false identity in the Earth Kingdom. It had been a comfort that she could at least still be Ursa, and at the time she had been banished, anything familiar had been a significant comfort to her.
She had always been careful, though. What General Ling was asking of her would send her out looking for firebenders. Yet…could she really say no? The Water Tribe would continue carrying out their task, and she had the ability to offer them help that they wouldn't find from a whole lot of people.
With another sigh, she lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. It had been a very long week and all she wanted to do was sleep and not think about anything, but all she could do was think.
Her thoughts moved onto the Avatar. His reappearance was significant to the whole world, but for her, it held even more meaning. It was not well-known—in fact, it was something that not even her own children knew—that her grandfather had been Avatar Roku. Ursa had very fuzzy details about his life and death. She remembered her father telling her about her heritage before he died, remembered that he had talked about betrayal, and she wished that she could remember more. She wished she had thought to pursue the matter more deeply when she had been in the Fire Nation.
Her parents had both died when she was four, and she had been taken in and raised by her mother's sister, who had done her best to avoid any of Ursa's questions about her heritage. It had been as though she wanted to sweep it away under the carpet and make Ursa forget about it. "Some questions can bring more trouble than you want, Ursa. There are some matters that will only bring all of us that trouble, and you don't want that, do you? Of course not. You're a good girl. You have a good life with me. You have influence and standing in the Fire Nation. Be grateful and keep your silence about your father's family, for all our sakes."
Her aunt had always looked wary and even a little scared whenever Ursa spoke of her father's family, and so Ursa had learned to stop asking questions and just live the life in court that her aunt wanted for her. Being the Avatar's granddaughter was something that was better left quiet, and she had only ever told two people in her life about it: her husband and her brother-in-law.
But now the Avatar was back. Her grandfather, reborn and walking around. A new body, a new mind, new life and loves and dreams, but supposedly there was something of her grandfather still within the new Avatar. It was a strange thought, one that had the potential to be both disconcerting and comforting.
He was still a child, though, and she knew the Fire Nation would be doing their best to capture him, which also meant that Hakoda's children would be in equal danger, if they were with him. Perhaps more danger, because if she knew anything about Ozai and how he operated, he would want the Avatar alive, to prevent him from being reborn. He wouldn't care one way or another about two Water Tribe children.
Ursa covered her face with her hands. If only she hadn't been so blind for so long. This was her fault, too—everything that Ozai did might have been stopped if she had made different choices.
She wasn't even aware of falling asleep, except that she was dreaming again. The same horrible, vivid reliving of her past, and even though she knew that it had already happened, even though she was aware that she was just dreaming, she could do nothing to change it. And this time there was no one to see her thrashing and wake her from her nightmare.
She saw it all again: confronting Ozai, throwing out the possibility of a plan to spare Zuko's life. Then the memory continued.
"You know what this will mean for you." Ozai still held Ursa pinned against the wall, one hand pressed against her upper chest and shoulder, the other one still held in a threatening fist, as though he would use it against her if he heard something he didn't like.
Ursa's head spun. Her spur-of-the moment plan had bought her a few minutes, but now what was she to do? Maybe if she could get Zuko and Azula, sneak them out of the palace before Ozai realized—
Maybe it was too late for that. He would be watching; Ozai was not stupid. This was her fault. If she had paid more attention…if she had noticed earlier…taken her children far away before it came to this…
If she had let herself notice earlier, then maybe they wouldn't be here right now. If she had accepted that she and Ozai had started down a different paths a long time ago, if she had done more, if, if, if.
"It means," Ozai continued, "that you will be banished. You will be a traitor to the Fire Nation. It is your plan and it will be your deed and I will wash my hands of it."
"And of me." She sounded numb, probably because there was still part of her that couldn't believe this was happening. It was all too fast, too unreal.
"You're unfit to rule at my side."
She understood. She might have been living a disillusioned life for a long time, but faced with the truth, she couldn't deny the facts. She wasn't stupid, either. If she were to carry out her own plan, then she was automatically a threat to Ozai. If she could kill one Firelord, she could kill another one, and Ozai would not risk it.
"There will be a ship in the harbor tonight. It will take you to the Earth Kingdom. I suggest you leave quickly." The pressure of Ozai's hand on her chest as he held her to the wall grew so tight it hurt. "And Ursa? If you try to take Zuko and Azula, I guarantee you will regret it."
Of course he had guessed what she planned. Of course he would realize that she wasn't going to leave the country without her children. "Do you really think I'm going to just leave them with you?"
"Maybe you don't understand. I am going to be Firelord. Zuko and Azula will be heirs to the throne, cherished by their people. I will not suffer them to be taken from me by my treasonous wife. You will disappear quietly, and people will think nothing of it because you are nothing to them. My children, on the other hand, are a bright hope to this country."
"A bright hope that you were going to kill!"
"I've no reason to harm Zuko if you carry through your proposal, do I, Ursa? This is my bargain. I will keep my promise not to kill either child if I am Firelord."
"Because you're so good at keeping promises."
"Let me make this very clear." A flash of fire and burning, burning heat were all the warning Ursa had, but she could do nothing to stop Ozai. His hand, still against her chest and shoulder, was searing into her skin. She smelled burned cloth and flesh, and couldn't stop her agonized cry.
The flames disappeared as quickly as they had come, but Ozai's hand was still pressed against her charred skin. His eyes weren't cold, Ursa realized as she took deep breaths, eyes stinging with unshed tears. They were blazing.
"If you ever," he hissed, "try to take Azula or Zuko, if you put one foot back in the Fire Nation, if you tell anyone what you are about to do, if you fail me in going through with your plan at all, then my bargain with you will be over." He let her go and finally stepped back.
Ursa remained where she was, hardly daring to breathe. Her disbelief at his actions, at his intent, at everything he had just done and shown her, was so strong and unfathomable that she was dizzy.
"Don't try anything, Ursa. I will be watching."
Trembling—more from shock than anything else, Ursa thought—she took a staggering step forward. "I'll need to gather a few things." She had no way out. She had dug her own grave. No—she had dug the grave of the Firelord. "And I'm going to at least see Azula and Zuko one last time before I leave."
"If you say anything to them of this—"
Ursa's fingers went to her fresh burn and she bit hard on her lip to keep from crying out at the pain when she touched it. That seemed to be clear enough to Ozai.
"When you do this," Ozai said, "your ties with us will be forever broken. You will not be my wife. You will not be their mother. It will be as though you died." He turned and walked out of the room.
Ursa's legs finally gave out from under her and she sank to the floor, pain radiating from her wound, feeling like she would throw up. He was wrong. He could cut her off, disown her, divorce her, but he could never make her stop being Zuko and Azula's mother.
It was her choice. Her choice: her father-in-law or her son.
That was no choice at all.
She was jolted awake—this time, not by a concerned Water Tribe warrior, but by someone pinning her to the bed and pressing a hand over her mouth, muffling the scream that was instinctively fighting to get out. It was dark and she was disoriented; she couldn't make out anything except the shadow looming over her, but she could tell it was definitely a man.
"Now, now, Ursa, we wouldn't want to disturb anyone. I'll give you two seconds to stop moving before I run you through with my knife."
She felt the sharp point of his knife jab into her stomach and she froze, her shout stuck in her throat.
"Not a word," her assailant murmured, "or I swear by the spirits I will kill you. I've no use for traitors. Fortunately for you, I know someone who does."
Ursa had no idea what he was talking about. Was this some Earth Kingdom soldier who thought she was somehow in league with the Fire Nation? The way he had said her name, though…it had sounded like he was familiar with her. The only other explanation was that he knew she was Fire Nation, and that's what he meant by calling her a traitor. But that would make him Fire Nation, wouldn't it? Or at least someone in league with the Fire Nation, and she had a hard time imagining anyone from the Earth Kingdom joining up with the Fire Nation.
"Get up," the man demanded. "Slowly."
She obeyed, rising carefully to her feet as her attacker moved to stand behind her, the end of the knife now poking lightly into her back. She hoped he wasn't easily startled; one wrong move and she would be impaled. Her eyes darted around the room, looking to see if there was anything that could help her, but she came up empty.
Ursa had no choice but to move out of the room at the man's prodding. If she just kept calm, then maybe she could find a way out of this. She was in an army base; surely someone would notice that something was amiss.
However, her captor led her slowly and confidently through the base, winding his way past people without notice. The one time they passed a soldier who looked curiously at them, she gave the soldier a long, wide-eyed expression that she hoped he would interpret as urgent, but he wasn't even looking at her anymore, just continuing on his way while Ursa got hustled out of the base and toward the solid rock wall that the earthbenders had opened for them earlier. There were two men standing guard, but while they gave her the same curious looks as the soldier who had noticed her inside, they were more than happy to open a door in the rock when Ursa's captor explained he was escorting her to Gaoling. Whoever this man was, he was obviously trusted and well-known on the army base.
Which meant that her chances of getting help had just slipped to almost nothing, especially when she was taken all the way out of the army base. Just her and some stranger with a knife, surrounded by nothing but trees and mountains.
It was only when she had been taken a little way into the woods that her captor shoved her to the ground. She got her breath knocked out of her lungs and a mouthful of dirt as her hands were quickly and expertly bound behind her back. Her heart was racing, but she showed none of her fear when she was yanked back to her feet and spun around to face her captor. She still couldn't make out much of his face in the pitch black, only enough to see a very tall, well-muscled figure with facial hair. She could also see the knife he held in his hand. She fixed her eyes firmly on his face, her voice low when she demanded, "Who are you?"
He twisted the knife in his hand around in circles, but she still refused to look at it. A familiar warning was tingling in the back of her mind as he said, just as calmly, "I heard you could tell just by my movements."
And there it was. "You're a firebender."
"Not everyone who joins the Earth Kingdom army is an earthbender. You're not the only one who can work your way into the fold." The knife kept spinning in his fingers. "Did you really think you wouldn't eventually be recognized if you stuck your nose into Fire Nation business?"
Ursa's heart was thumping in her chest so loudly that she could hear it. "Where are you taking me?"
"No more questions. Just be glad I'm keeping you alive at all. Now move."
Ursa glared at him and didn't budge. No matter how powerful or threatening he thought he was, she had still faced worse than him and she was not going to play the subservient captive. Inwardly, she was cursing herself for being foolish enough to think an army base could be completely safe. It went back to the saying about the two-headed rat viper. One of her enemies might have been imprisoned, but another had just bitten her while her back was turned.
The man grabbed the ropes that bound her hands behind her back and shoved her forward. The ties dug into her wrists and Ursa gritted her teeth. "Best do what I say, understand?" He pushed her forward again. "There's no one to help you now."