Chapter 6 : Meeting with Deoxys

Okay, we're back to humor. XD It's a pretty cool chapter, with Deoxys in it, so...don't run. I have cookies...and yogurt.

After a long time, the group came back from Professor Oak's and discovered something. Something...wow.

" Okay. Why is all my makeup smeared on the mirror ?! " Domino demanded.

Tracey pointed to a note. " Why is there a note left on the mirror ? "

Misty grabbed it and started to read it.

Misty, Blondie, Tracey, Mr. Mailman, Miss Ketchum, and Retard,

Me and Molly left to safety with my aged twin brother, his very hot girlfriend, Roxanne, some optimistic guy named Reiji, this big-headed purple pokemon named Mewtwo, and this revived girl with the name of Ai Fuji. Don't bother panicking ('cause I know Ash will laugh.) Oh, and my mom is psycho.

Anyway, we're going to Darkrai's fortress. Make sure you don't touch my PokeNav ('cause it's bugged.)

Max.

Domino sweatdropped. " Those poor kids ! I hope they're safe ! "

Ash groaned. " Sh-t. That little bastard owed me twenty bucks ! We have to go ! "

Everyone was about to head for the door, when Giovanni started to pale. " Fuji...ohhhhh,sh-t. "

" What's wrong, Mr. Douchebag ? " Misty asked.

" Well, um...okay, so, a few years ago, I met up with the Fuji doctor guy. Dr. Fuji. He may have had that funny name, but I knew him better 'cause he kinda changed his name, and he was...a certain person's brother. "

Delia glared at Giovanni. " Continue, Mr. Douchbag. "

" Okay, so I asked him to make superpokemon. So, he went out into the Andes and took an eyelash of Mew's, and cloned some sort of purple pokemon that I can't seem to remember. Anyway, four years ago, the purple pokemon blew up this laboratory in New Island, and I kinda came and picked up the purple pokemon, and, well...Dr. Fuji was still alive under all of that rubble (though badly burned), and I sorta left him to...die...the- "

THROW GIOVANNI INTO WALL!

" THAT WAS MY BROTHER ! " Delia roared as she broke a vase on Giovanni's head.

" Yeah, well, I was still evil back then. "

Tracey scratched his head. " So ? "

" Look, I can't help it if I let a few people die ! What am I supposed to do, atone for all my evil actions ?! "

(Everyone else) " Yes, Douchebag. "

Giovanni groaned. " Okay, so I guess I'll start by helping out the little glasses kid and his friends. "

Ash nodded. " And Mewtwo. "

" DAH ! THAT'S THE POKEMON I WAS TALKING ABOUT ! "

Domimo nodded. " Yeah. His psychic powers weren't that good. I've been remembering for six months now. "

T.T " And nobody told me this because... ? "

" It's fun, " Domino coolly replied.

" Yeah, and you tried to kill Mewtwo two years ago, " Ash added.

" Hey, I was only trying to bend his will ! " Giovanni snapped.

" Bending wills, killings, they're all the same thing. "

" Shut the hell up, Ash, or I swear to Bob I'm going t- "

Delia held a brick in her hand as she glared at the man. He sighed. " Fine. You're lucky your mother's pissed at me. "

" YAY ! NO MORE DEATH THREATS (for now) ! "

Misty sighed. " Great. We're going to have another fun-filled adventure, " she said sarcastically.

Tracey shrugged. " Yep. Uh, do you think I'll be able to sit this one out ? "

Domino punched Tracey in the arm. " Nope ! "

" Awww...douche. "

" So...who's going ? " Ash asked.

Gary shrugged. " I guess I'll go. "

" Me and Trace will go, " Domino said cheerfully. " It's like a paid vacation, only with more death ! "

T.T " You're not getting paid, Blondie. "

" Oh. Well...that's okay, too. "

" Damn it. "

Misty grinned. " I'll go. "

" All right. That makes eight. "

Tracey sweatdropped. " No, it makes five. "

" Really ? "

Everyone else facefaulted. Ash gave a nervous chuckle. " Anyway, with Dad coming against his will, it's six, and Mom's not coming 'cause she's still fuming at him. "

Misty shook her head. " Nope, it's eight. I sorta invited a couple of people to join us... "

" Who ? Brock ? "

" No, friends of mine, not Brock. "

As if on cue, the door flung open, and two girls of seventeen stepped in. Ash groaned. " Whitney and Jasmine ?! Oh, you just had to invite the weakest gym leaders of Johto with us ! "

" Actually, Bugsy's the weakest, " Jasmine said in a soft voice.

T.T " Good point. But I'm not bringing along any more gir- "

MOOMOO ' D !

Whitney gave a broad grin. " Heehee. It's nice to see you again, Ash. "

" Whatever. "

Domino squealed. " Oh, my God. You two are my favorite gym leaders ! "

" What happened to Clair ? " Tracey asked.

" Uh...I lost respect 'cause she's Lance's cousin...and Lance is a douche. "

" LANCE IS MY UNCLE ! " Ash roared.

Misty, Domino, Jasmine, and Whitney all sweatdropped as they had horrible, horrible thoughts.

(Thoughts...)

" I AAAAMMMM YOUR UNCLEEEE ! I AAAAAMMMM YOUR UNCLEEEEE ! " Lance moaned as he hopped around in a fluffy pink tutu.

Ash started laughing as he took off his clothes to reveal a pair of skin-tight aquamarine tights, and a mesh shirt. " I AAAAMMM YOUR NEPHEWWWWW ! I AMMMM YOUR NEPHEWWWWW ! " he screamed in the same tone of voice.

PURSE !

. " NOOOOOO ! YOU'RE ALL IDIOTS ! " Domino screeched as she and the other girls ran out of the room.

Gary sweatdropped. " Tracey, you seriously need to get rid of Blondie sometime. "

Tracey slowly nodded. " Yep, I do. "

Giovanni looked at the four girls and groaned. " Domino, I already told you that I would not pay out to your Entertainment Magazine subscriptions. "

Domino shook her head. " Nope, Boss. We have two more girls with us. "

" ...DAMN IT ! "

Jasmine turned to Misty. " He doesn't like girls ? "

" Not us. "

" So...he likes boys ? "

" Better than girls, I have to tell you that, " Misty coolly replied.

Whitney gasped. " Good Giratina ! He's a molester ?! Holy crap ! "

" No, that's not how I'm putting it... "

The pink haired girl grabbed a frying pan and hit Giovanni on the head with it. " That's ungodly, Mr. Ketchup ! " she murmured as the man fell to the floor.

" It's...Mr. Ketchum... " Giovanni said as he passed out.

As Giovanni rubbed his head, he glared at the seven teenagers. " Okay, what do we have here ? Bedwetter, Oaky, CarrotHead, Whiny Artist, Psycho Blondie, Shy Gardener , and Religious Baptist. Great. We're gonna have fun. "

Ash grinned. " Yay ! Let's go to Disneyland ! "

-facefaultx7!-

" Idiot, " Gary muttered under his breath.

" All right, let's get this fact straight - my son is retarded. There's no contest about it. "

Misty nodded. " It's the truth. He plastered pancake batter all over the walls last Tuesday. "

" Wait a minute...Ash did that ?! I thought it was Domino ! "

Domino huffed. " Great bond of trust, Boss, " she muttered sarcastically. " Yeah, I'm an insane girl of eighteen that likes throwing pancake batter all over the walls like a flippin' Aipom ! "

Ash started cracking up. " Yep. I even have a song for you...to the tune of " Barbie Girl " ! "

They say she's just a witch,
But Blondie is a biiitch.
She almost never thinks.
Looks awful in pink.
Blondie's such a whore.
KICK HER OUT THE DOOR !
I really hate her.
Why does Tracey date he-

PURSE ! SLAP ! KICK ! TULIP ! BROOM !

" YOU F--KING RETARD ! " Domino hissed as she yanked Ash's head to the wall and started to hit it.

Everyone else sweatdropped as Ash started to get bruise marks all over them. Whitney poured salt on him. " Oh, Ashy ! You really need to hit the books and not the violence. "

" Or the table... " Jasmine trailed off.

" Okay, is everyone ready ? " Giovanni asked as he started his car.

(Everyone else) " Yes, Sir. "

" No hunger issues ? "

(Gary and Tracey) " Nope. "

" No issues with lotion ? "

(Misty, Jasmine, Domino, and Whitney) " Nope. "

" No issues with the toilet ? "

(Ash) " A little, Dad. "

" ...GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CAR THEN, BEFORE YOU WET MY SEAT AGAIN ! "

Ash nodded as he quietly slipped out of the car. Tracey sweatdropped. " Freezing priest, Ash ! How much apple juice did you drink today ? "

(muffled voice) " Seventeen and a half cups... "

O.o " That's ungodly... "

" Oh, don't start again, Whitney, " Misty muttered.

Twenty minutes later, everything was set, and once again the car went on a small (yet mental) adventure. Whitney was driving everyone nuts with her humming of Paul McCartney songs, but besides that, things were pretty quiet until...

" Hot Danish ! Is that a Deoxys ?! " Jasmine inquired.

Everyone looked to the side view to see a young Deoxys hitchiking on the side of the road. Ash tapped the brakes and the car came to an abrupt halt. He, Gary, and Tracey stepped outside to see the legendary slick back his fake dreads. " Uh, are you a real Deoxys ? " Ash asked.

" Uh, yeah... "

" Cool ! I've never seen a robot before ! " Tracey cried.

Deoxys fumed as he flipped his dreads to the side. " I am not a robot ! " he snapped. " I just look it ! Anyway, I'm Mortimer. Any of you guys seen a tall emo purple pokemon with a shoulder-length blonde wig around here ? "

" You mean Mewtwo ? " Gary inquired.

" Uh, yeah, but I call him Marvin. "

" Well, he's out trying to save the world from doom with this little nerd called Max, " Ash replied.

" Yeah, and he said something about Darkrai's fortress, " Tracey added.

Mortimer gasped. " Darkrai's fortress ?! Then...that means that Shaymin and Phione are in trouble by psychos ! "

" Who ? " Misty asked as she stepped out of the car.

" Uh, the weight-obsessed hedgehog, and the baby of the Manaphy with Engrish speaking qualities. "

" Ohhhh. "

Domino stormed out of the car and crossed her arms. " We have no time for this ! " she cried. " We're on an adventure ! "

" Well, so am I. And since we're gonna head towards the same place, I wanna come ! "

" He's a foul beast, though ! " Whitney whined through the windows.

" Hey, I shower every two weeks ! Give me a break ! Mewtwo was always the clean one ! " Mortimer hissed.

Ash grinned as he patted Mortimer's back. " Okay, Mr. Mortimer Deoxys. You're in ! Any person (or pokemon) that isn't the clean one is a friend of mine ! "

Mortimer clapped his fins. " YAH ! LET'S GO, THEN ! "

As the legendary pokemon made his way into the car, Giovanni sweatdropped and turned to Jasmine. " Yeah...you may want to spray Lysol around you... "

" Oh, don't worry, " Jasmine replied. " I have plenty of car ornaments that serve as air fresheners. Do you want lime...or strawberries. "

T.T " Lime is fine, Miss Waveheart. "

Whtiney kicked the seat. " Awww. I wanted the fruity type. "

" Well, when you drive, you can have whatever scent you want, " Giovanni muttered.

" Okay ! "

" I didn't ever say that you could drive my car ! " Giovanni hissed.

Whitney shrugged as she rolled her eyes. " Oh, don't act so selfish, Mr. Ketchup. It's wrong. "

" My name is Ketchum ! "

" Well, whatever. Now don't make me turn this car around ! "

" Ugh, the only good thing about this is that Ash hasn't wet the seat yet. "

Ash started to blush as he shook his head. " Too late, Dad. I just did. "

" Well, at least you didn't soil the passenger seat this time ! " Tracey replied. " Aren't you glad that you changed seats with Misty when Mortimer got here ? "

" No. "

" Ash, be nice to your girlfriend ! " Giovanni warned.

" D-fu- She's not my girlfriend ! "

Mortimer chuckled as he took a sip from his brandy. " That's not what my aura is reading, " he said in a sing-song voice.

" Dude, don't toy with me ! "

" Eh. WHO WANTS TO PLAY BLACKJACK ?! "

Domino and Gary raised their hands. The unshameful Deoxys chortled as he dealt the cards. Jasmine sweatdropped as she turned around from the front seat. " Are those Chinese characters ? " she asked.

Mortimer nodded. " Yeah. I can't read English numbers that well. "

" Oh, so you're foreign ? "

" Hoennese, actually. That's why my eyes are squinty. "

" Just like Squinty ! " Gary exclaimed.

Ash nodded. " Yep. So, I've been wondering, Mort. How is Mewtwo when you two are alone ? "

" Well, he drinks bottles of tequila on Thursdays and gets freakin' wasted, man. I remember when he crashed that R.E.M. concert. There was no friendly mosh pit. Only pitchforks...and beer bottles. "

Domino's jaw dropped. " It's just like when Wendy gets wasted. She could put away a whole pack of Jello shots and still see straight. "

Everyone sat in silence for a few seconds while Whitney drove the car slowly until Giovanni popped the big question. " So...has Mewtwo created any world domination schemes yet ? " he asked.

The Deoxys shook his head. " Actually, he's living in an apartment with me...and his girlfriend, Rai, when she comes home...and sometimes Azelf. He's a pretty good housekeeper. One giant neat-freak. Keeps his tea sets all in one row, all in order. I can't even touch them 'cause he doesn't trust me. "

" Why would a pokemon want tea sets ? " Misty inquired.

" The same reason why Arceus has a human oven - to make pink cupcake frosting. "

" How do you make pink cupcake frosting with tea sets ? "

" It's a very complicated concept, Misty, " Mortimer replied, " but you need a loooot of patience to deal with it. That's why I can't touch his things. I have no patience. "

" Neither does Domino, " Tracey said. " She can't even play through one game of Monopoly without whining that she's bored. "

" That's because you do nothing ! " Domino retorted. " You buy nothing, you pay out nothing. You don't do anything with that money except pay taxes and my rent money ! "

" Well, if you would give me a loan... "

" I'm not giving you bull ! Get a job, Tracey, or at least pass GO instead of getting yourself in jail all the time ! "

" It's not my fault I always roll the wrong number ! It's karma ! "

" Hey, karma didn't do anything with Life, so don't blame it on Monopoly, either ! "

" Well, my arm is still in a cast, if you must know ! "

Domino let a piercing scream as she smashed Tracey's arm into the car door. " Damn it, and you still owe me in Sorry ! "

" OWWWWW ! CALL MY MORTAGE LAWYERS ! "

" NEVER ! "

As the couple continued to fight, Mortimer sweatdropped. " Why are they fighting over Monopoly money ? "

Ash scratched his head. " It's not just Monopoly. They fight over Yahtzee..."

" And Connect Four... " Gary trailed off.

" And Chutes and Ladders... "

" And CandyLand... "

" And Go Fish... "

" Oh, and don't forget last week's badminton incident ! " Misty added.

Giovanni groaned. " Why did I agree to come with you guys ? "

Ash patted his dad's back pitifully. " Because Mom threatened you, that's why. "

" Right. Now I have one thing to ask. "

" Alcohol ? "

T.T " No, Red. WHITNEY, LET ME DRIVE MY OWN CAR , DAMN IT ! "

The car screeched to an abrupt halt, and Whitney sniffled. " Fine...you meanie. "

They switched spots and Whitney choked back a sob. " Ash, your dad is a douche. "

" I know that, Whitney. I know that. "

End

(Next chapter preview)

Max gawked at the coal-black legendary. " Darkrai...you're beautiful ! "

Ai nodded. " Yeah, no wonder Mewtwo has a crush on you ! "

Mewtwo started to blush frantically. " Well, she is my girlfriend. "

Molly gasped. " Really ? "

T.T " Yeah, really. "

Roxanne began to laugh. " Oh, that's so cute. You're just like Conway...or Uryu. "

" Uryu, as in from Bleach, Uryu ? " Reiji inquired.

Conway nodded. " Yeah. Caroline actually had triplets... "

Max's jaw dropped. " WHAT THE F--K ?! "