I own none of the characters of Downton Abbey.

The Quiet Man

Chapter 6

Anna had much to think about. What Vera had told her about her experiences in life had really shocked her. But she supposed that she had led a pretty sheltered life, compared to someone like Vera. Anna came from a very loving and happy family – they may not have had much money to go round, but her mother and father had always ensured that their family were all very well looked after and were very protective towards all of them.

And in working at Downton Abbey, she knew she was again very lucky, because his Lordship took very good care of his staff, as proved by the fact that he had arranged for Mrs Patmore to have her eye surgery at the best hospital in London, and had also thoughtfully arranged for Anna to accompany her as well. How many employers would do that for their staff – not many, Anna knew.

So who was she to judge Vera Bates? She'd simply done what she had to do to survive. Born into extreme poverty, her parents had just been glad to get rid of her into a position as a scullery maid, the lowest position of all. Anna had heard terrible stories of households that expected such staff to work extremely long hours doing very hard manual labour, and that beatings for work not done to the very highest standards were common place. Could she really blame Vera for trying to find a way out of such a hard life? She'd been a pretty girl who'd managed to catch John's eye, so she'd used this advantage to claw her way out of her hellish life.

And John – well maybe he had fallen for Vera's wiles, as many a young man before him had. Anna knew a bit about young men's 'desires' - she had three brothers after all, and had heard enough of the male servants banter to understand that their feelings were often very strong and hard for them to contain. Hence the lock between the male and female servants quarters. So she shouldn't judge John too harshly for giving in to his natural feelings – he had been a young man in those days. The mature man he was now had been moulded from those and so many other experiences that he'd been through.

Maybe he and Vera might have made a go of things between them, had it not been for the Boer War. Both his mother and Vera had said that it had had a terrible affect on him, that it had changed his personality, as well as causing his physical disability. Most men would not speak of the terrible things that had happened during that war, but she had heard that there were things that had happened there that no man should ever experience or witness. It had profoundly affected John, that was beyond dispute. But that wasn't his fault was it? He'd had no choice, as a soldier he was doing his duty, following orders.

Anna had blindly believed that John was blameless and innocent, that there had to be another explanation of why he had gone to prison as a drunken thief. But what she'd discovered wasn't that simple, it was far more complicated and twisted, as she supposed John had tried to warn her. She didn't like everything that she had found out, but she realised now that that was what happened when you decided to open a can of worms.

xXx

Anna was thankful that this would be her last visit to see Vera at St Thomas' hospital. She had found each visit to be deeply disturbing, both because of the sheer physical horror of the illnesses contained there, but also because it had opened her eyes to the seedier parts of John's life, and she felt uncomfortable with that knowledge now.

This time as she walked into the ward, the nurse at the desk looked up but did not smile at her.

"Vera's fading fast I'm afraid. I really hoped that maybe she was getting a little bit stronger, but after you left yesterday, she just seemed to let go, and started to deteriorate."

"Oh, right, perhaps should I just go then?" Anna asked guiltily. Maybe she had worn Vera out yesterday, but she'd seemed desperate to finish telling her everything, she wanted to get it off her chest, she'd said.

"No, I think she'd still like to see you, but I'm not sure you'll get much out of her, I'm afraid my dear."

Anna looked over to the far corner of the ward to where Vera's bed was, but she couldn't see much from where she stood. So she heaved a big sigh, put her shoulders back and made her way over, trying her best to ignore the putrid smells and disturbing moans as she did so.

Vera was lying with her eyes closed, her breathing now much shallower than before, no colour at all in her cheeks. Anna quietly pulled up a chair and sat down beside her. God forbid that anyone should end up like this, alone, in a soulless ward full of dying bodies, with no one to mourn their passing. So she took Vera's hand gently in hers. At her touch, Vera's eyes flickered open, and a hint of a smile hovered on her lips. She tried to form some words, but no sound escaped.

"It's alright. Don't try to talk," Anna reassured her. But still Vera looked as if she wanted to say something.

"Don't worry. I understand. You did what you had to do to survive. I don't blame you, really I don't. Who knows, maybe I would have done the same if I'd been in your shoes," Anna found herself saying.

With this, Vera seemed to relax, it was as if it was important to her that Anna understood this. She closed her eyes again, and Anna watched for a while as her breathing gradually became shallower and slower. She looked up towards the nurse and caught her eye to come over.

They silently watched together as Vera slipped away and breathed her last, with Anna still holding her hand.

"I'm afraid she's gone now, my dear. It was as if she just hung on until she'd seen you today for one last time, and once she had, then she was ready to go," the nurse told Anna, as she checked Vera's pulse to confirm her passing.

Anna felt an incredible surge of sadness as she looked at the now lifeless body of Vera lying in front of her. Sadness at the waste of her life, sadness at the hardship Vera had endured, sadness at the impact she had had on John, and sadness that that now affected her life too because of her own very deep feelings for John Bates.