A/N: I just learned what A/N meant the other day; my gold star is in the mail.

Okay so remember when I said that I was going without a beta reader well I lied. I'm actively looking for one and if anyone wants to do it or knows someone that can do it PM me and I'll set things up so we can get this mother done. I finished this chapter today and didn't want to make you all wait while I went on my quest for a beta reader so this chapter like all the others before it is going to read like it was edited by my nine year old cousin. Hopefully, I have all my fingers and my toes crossed, by the time chapter seven goes up I will have found one. I want to make my story better for all of you so I am going to do everything I can do to make that happen. Thank you all so much for your patience.

Okay so this chapter has a little less angst then the chapter before it. It has a little bit of fluff and it's rather light. But I'm a dark person so you might find it way more angsty than I do. I hope you all like it.

And I suggest that if you never heard or haven't heard I Need You Tonight by INXS in awhile that you download it. It will help you understand the story better if you have heard the song the character is singing. I have left a youtube link to it in my profile. Sorry about this minor spoiler.

I'm also going to address something that was brought to my attention that I hadn't noticed. The drinking. I'm Canadian and I don't want to say that no one cares about underage drinking but it's really easy to get away with it up here, well at least it was for me. And I know that they live in America but I'm going to fudge a few facts.

BPOV

I didn't go visit Jasper in the hospital. I couldn't force myself to do it. I wanted to go, I wanted to see him but I knew I wouldn't be able to look at him. I kept imagining what the cuts on his face would look like and how I would have to hold his hand and stare at the bandages around his wrists; a constant reminder of how much he hates his life. How nothing in his life is worth living for; not even me.

Two days after he was released he came to see me. It was 11:32 in the morning on a Thursday and I didn't have to do anything that day. I didn't have class or work and I planned on watching Will Ferrell movies while I sat around and made myself feel guilty for being such a coward.

He knocked so lightly on the door I barely heard it; I wouldn't of unless I was walking past it at that particular moment.

He stood on the other side of the door with his head down. Much to my relief he was wearing a long sleeved shirt and a jacket so I didn't have to see his mutilated arms. He looked up at me. He had bandages on his face. Again I was relieved that I didn't have to see his cuts. "Can I come in?" His voice was a slurred whisper; the way the bandages were on his face made it difficult for him to speak.

I moved and motioned for him to come in. He passed me quietly and took a seat on the far side of the couch. I sat on the other end. He looked around the apartment like he had never been here before; like he was seeing it for the first time.

We sat in silence for a long time and then he finally said something. "You look tired."

I gazed at him. Really? You mutilated yourself in my kitchen and then tried to kill yourself on my time and then you come into my home and tell me I look tired. Jasper you're really fucking good at not helping your cause. "Well I haven't been sleeping all that well lately." I started running my hands through my hair forcing myself to look him.

He nodded and looked up at me. "I'm sorry for what I did." I opened my mouth to speak but he shook his head and raised his hand to stop me. "I don't blame you for not coming to visit me, I wouldn't have come to visit me either so don't feel guilty cause I know that you are." He ran his hand through his hair. It was clean and he was in dire need of a haircut. "There is something wrong with me Bella and instead of dealing with it I just hoped it would go away." He paused and sighed deeply. "Clearly it didn't." He scratched around the bandages on his face and started to pick at them. "You're going to have to forgive me. Talking is really difficult with these on my face." He peeled them off.

He had cut himself deeper than I thought he had. He had stitches that started about an inch away from his mouth on both sides. One cut curved upward stopping at his temple and the one when across stopping at his ear. I gasped and brought a hand up to my mouth; tears welled in my eyes. "Jasper look at your face."

His was looking down at the floor lightly rubbing his chin. "I can't do this by myself that's obvious."

I moved closer to him and grabbed his hand. I was crying. "I'm here you just need to talk to me. You have to let me know what's going on."

"I want to Bella I really do but I can barely think about it. That's what all this drinking and cutting and trying kill myself was about. So I'm gonna go get help." He looked at me he had tears in his eyes. "I'm sick of feeling nothing and drinking myself to death. And when I do feel anything it's nothing but anger and sadness and animosity to the person who made me this way. Do you know what it's like to live like that?"

I shook my head my tears falling on our hands.

"So I'm leaving."

My head shot up. "What? What do you mean you're leaving? Leaving where? Leaving when?"

He brought his hand up to his eye and wiped away a tear. "My parents are paying for me to go to a rehab clinic just outside Forks. It's only for a month. Then I'll come back to school, have sponsor, go to meetings and see a shrink. I'll be back before Halloween." He moved closer to me. "I need to do this Bella and I understand if you want to break up with me."

I snapped at him. "Why do you do that? When things are shitty you think I want to break up with you." I wiped underneath me eyes. "I knew that you weren't really together when I started dating you and I knew that it was going to be difficult but I saw something in you and I still see it; it's there, it's barely there but it's there. It was something that made you special, something that made you great and maybe you forgot what it is or you just refuse to let it shine through cause you don't think you deserve to be the person you are and have the things you have but you do Jasper. And I don't care how long it takes you to get better or if you can never tell me why you do the things you do, I am going to be here for you and that's just that's just the way it is because that's what you do for the people you love."

"Bella." Tears were rolling down his cheeks; they were making his cuts all wet making them look far more grotesque than before.

I raised my hand to stop him from speaking. "I'm sorry I reacted so poorly when you told me you were leaving it was just a shock that's all. I'm glad you're going. I'm glad you are going to get better."

He took me and pushed my head to his chest. He manoeuvred me very carefully that his cuts never touched me. His hands stroked my hair and I was forced to look at the bandages that were poking out around the ends of his jackets. "I don't what I did to deserve you but it must have been something really good."

I laughed and parted from him. I took a long look at his face and brushed a stray piece of hair out of his eyes. He was good looking boy, even with the cuts that I knew were eventually going to scar him he was still one of the best looking men I had ever seen up close. I knew he had the interior to match it; he had just lost his way that's all. He could do this, he could get better and then we could work on this relationship. It could turn it into what it always should have been. I could love him proper and hopefully he could love me back. It didn't matter really just as long as he was in my life, friend, boyfriend, lover; I would take what I could get. "Are you leaving tomorrow?"

"No my parents are actually waiting for me outside. I'm leaving today." He stood and made his way towards the door.

I followed him. We stood at the door awkwardly. I crossed my arms and looked down at the floor lightly kicking one of my shoes. I looked up at him. He was staring at me trying his best to smile; the cuts made it difficult but it was a smile none the less and a real one too. I threw my arms around him. "I'm going to miss you so much."

He hugged me back squeezing tightly, he laughed. "It's only for a month and I'm gonna miss you too." He parted from me and brushed all the hair out of my eyes. "I'll call you the second I get there." He traced his index finger from my temple to my chin; he took my chin in between his thumb and index finger and pulled me in for a kiss. It was sweet and simple and said nothing but goodbye. This brought forth another wave of emotion and I began crying again. His eyes got sad. "Bella please don't cry."

I backed away from him shaking my head wiping under my eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm just being girly."

He smiled again; it looked so good on him even with the cuts. "Okay Bells I'll call you in a couple of hours." He leaned in and kissed me one last time before he walked out of the apartment and closed the door behind him.

I cried through the three Will Ferrell movies I watched that day. He did call about six hours later and I managed to compose myself for the fifteen minutes we spoke on the phone. I couldn't understand why I was so upset. Is this what love feels like? You feel the pain the one you love feels? I had never felt love for anyone other than my mother and father and even that love was tainted. I did love Rose but she was a girl and I knew it was strictly platonic. Am I confused because I should love him more than a friend but don't. Do I want to? A good girlfriend should love her boyfriend; I mean really love him.

Rose came in around seven with mass amounts of shopping bags in her hands. "Bella I got us a bottle of wine and a sappy chick flick. It's got Gerald Butler in it who is so fine." She drifted in to the kitchen and I heard the clinking of wine glasses. "I think like he dies in this and then Hilary Swank has to read letters or something, I don't know I didn't really read the back of the box, just saw the Gerald Butler part and was sold." She passed in front of me and put down the wine and the glasses and went to but the movie in the player. She made her way over to the couch in a hurry. "Bella what's wrong?"

I looked up at her. I was still crying; I couldn't believe it. I had been crying for almost eight hours. "He's gone." My voice was coarse and the words came out in pitchy squeaks.

She hugged me. She brought me to her chest and rocked me slightly. "It's okay he'll be back and things will be better." She knew what I meant when I said gone. He wasn't leaving forever, we were just handing him over to professionals for a reboot like a computer and when I got him back he'd be Jasper 2.0.

Rosalie held me till I passed out on the couch. My body ached from the heaving sobs I put it through all day. I prayed that tomorrow would be better and that this was all really for the best.

The next day was better but it didn't mean I was pleasant or even pretended to be happy. I went to my graphic novel class on Friday and called in sick to work on Saturday and slept the whole day. On Sunday Rose forced me out of the house and made my go to work which I did.

I cursed the weather when I left it was still freezing and it was a mix of snow, rain and ice falling from the sky. This had been the coldest September in Seattle's history.

I did nothing the entire time I was there. I rested my chin in my hands and my elbows on the counter and watched as cars and people passed out side. I did this for five hours till I was startled by Edward.

He came up behind me and brought his lips to my ear and in the lowest voice imaginable said, "Hey." He quickly backed away from me and walked over to my other side.

I shot up right and then returned to my original position when I realized it was just him. "Hey. What's up?"

"Nothing much how are you?" He started looking through a three day old news paper that was left on the counter.

"Not much." I scanned the street and held my breath as someone passed the restaurant. When they passed unscathed I started breathing again.

"How's Jazz?" I looked at him from the corner of my eye he looked concerned. His face was hard and his jaw was clenched making his jaw bone jut out in a way that was far to appealing.

"As good as one can be after one tries to kill themselves. He's gone off to rehab." The word rehab was a disgusting word for me to say. I had visions of Jasper telling his sob stories to Lindsay Lohan and Kirsten Dunst and it made me cringe.

Edward nodded. "Well that's good at least he is trying to get better." He threw the paper back on the counter. I felt bad for Edward. I knew that he wanted to be there for his friend but he knew that if he got involved he would just make everything worse. He moved his head close to mine as if he was trying to get my perspective. "What are you looking at?"

I smiled. "Easton asked me to salt the sidewalk which I did do but I left one patch completely unsalted and I've spent my whole day watching people fall."

He smiled that crooked grin and then laughed rubbing his fingers along his mouth. "How many people have fallen?"

"About twelve; no elderly people have walked by thankfully, I think I would feel pretty horrible about that but there is nothing quite like watching someone take a tumble." It really was the high point of my day. There was nothing like watching other people fall when you felt like you were down. In a strange way it made me feel less alone.

He nodded and mimicked my pose. It was a good twenty minutes before anyone passed; this person that passed was someone we knew, it was Jacob. He hit the patch of ice and went down like it was nobody's business. It was amazing. He was so tall and the way his limbs flailed everywhere was unbelievable. He stood up immediately and looked down at the patch of ice and started swearing at it. He looked up and saw Edward and me staring at him with our mouths open trying not to smile. He looked so surprise when he saw us and smiled the biggest smile I've ever seen, he waved at us and walked into the restaurant.

"Hey guys did you see me fall on that patch of ice? One of you should probably salt that." He pointed behind him towards the door and his smile got impossibly wider. I smiled; Jacob was so adorable I wanted to put him in my pocket.

I looked over at Edward. "Yeah one of us should probably do that." I grinned.

Jacob leaned over the counter and started playing with things and then looked up at me sympathetically. "How you doing? How's Jasper?"

I sighed. I only had one person ask me this question so far and I was sick of answering it. "Jazz will be fine and I'm okay."

"No you're not." I looked over at Edward who was looking at me like I was crazy.

I scoffed and looked back at him like he was crazy. I don't know why I did; he was right I wasn't okay but I didn't want to admit that to anyone, not really.

"Oh come on Bella your boyfriend just mutilated and tried to kill himself and now he is off to rehab and you're fine." He turned his whole body towards me and pointed at me. "You know what you should do? It will make you feel better." He was grinning.

"Don't say get drunk." I sighed out. I wasn't in any mood to get shit faced.

"Get drunk." He pronounced each word thoroughly while he smiled and nodded his head like his plan was the greatest plan in the world.

Jacob perked up and his eyes widened. "Yes."

"Guys I really don't think drinking is going to solve my problems." I started riffling through papers in hopes that they'd leave me alone.

Edward stepped towards me and took all the papers out of my hands. "Bella getting drunk is the only way to make you feel better. Alcohol is the starter and solution to all life's problems." His face was the most serious I had ever seen it.

"That's a stupid logic." I just wanted to stop talking about this. I could just push it out of my mind and forget about it till he came back. It was going to get better; it wasn't like Jasper died he just went to a clinic to get better.

"Okay why are you upset?" He crossed his arms.

"Because my boyfriend's in rehab." I crossed my arms and gave him an annoyed look.

"And why is he in rehab?"

I didn't answer right away. I knew where this was going. "Because he drinks too much."

"Therefore alcohol is the starter of your problem and the only solution is alcohol." He raised his eyebrows and smiled smugly.

"See how that works." Jacob was leaning over the counter with the same smug look on his face.

I was irritated now. Alcohol wasn't the starter of his problem Alice was. My stance became even more defensive and I pointed my finger at them. "So let me get this straight your plan to help me feel better about my suicidal, alcoholic boyfriend is to drink alcohol." I had a 'really' look on my face.

Both of their faces fell and they looked away from me; they both looked a little guilty. "I didn't really think of it that way." I looked between the two of them and both of their cheeks had gone the sweetest shade of pink.

I started to back up. "Well I'm done now so I'm gonna go and I'll talk to you both later." I turned.

"Bella you're not going to come out?" I turned back to look at him. He was standing there with a smile I had never seen. It was mischievous and really sexy; he was looking up at me through his lashes. I had to look away from him.

I smiled and looked up at Jacob so I wouldn't have to see Edward's face. "I guess I can't throw this pity party forever." I paused and then looked at him with that incredible smile. "I'll see you at Twilight at ten-thirty." His smile changed to the crooked one and he turned and high fived Jake.

I got changed and caught my bus back to my apartment. I went into my room and snuggled into my bed hoping I could get a nap in. I started counting my breaths praying that tonight would be fun and be exactly what I needed.

EPOV

Ten-thirty wouldn't come fast enough. I actually rushed my last table out so that I could get out of there. I cleaned everything half assed and got dressed. I told Easton I was done and met Jake at the bus stop a block away from where the restaurant was.

We waited a little longer than I would have liked for the bus and got to Twilight at ten-fifty.

There was only about forty people in the bar when we arrived. I scanned the room looking for someone I knew. It didn't take me long to locate Rosalie who stopped me as I made my way to the bar. "Hey there Edward!" She was so chipper and her smile made her already gorgeous face even more gorgeous. "How you feeling?"

"Great. Where's Bella?" I flagged down the bartender and ordered a pint of beer.

"Funny you should mention her." The bartender put two shots of vodka and in front of us and Rosalie winked at him. She picked up one shot and motioned for me to do the same. "Cheers." She brought the shot glass to her mouth and drank it quickly smacking the glass on the bar. I followed suit. She looked at me again. "Bella told me that you had an interesting conversation with her today about how she could feel better about Jasper leaving."

"Yeah? Is she drinking?" I started scanning the bar looking for her feeling a little more excited than I know I should have. The bartender put my drink in front of me.

"Bella is drunk. I have never seen Bella drunk before. I've seen her tipsy and flirting with drunk but never drunk. She had three shot of vodka and two forties of colt 45 at home and she's had four pints and three shot of vodka since she's been her." Rosalie was not impressed.

I tried not to laugh. I couldn't wait to see how Bella acted when she was drunk. How Soon is Now by The Smiths started playing and I finally located Bella standing with her back to me looking at the jukebox. She was running her fingers along the buttons slowly swaying her body to the music. Of course Bella chose this song. She was wearing stretchy pleather pants that looked like they were painted on her, black leather stiletto boots that came up to the mid of her calf an almost see through white t-shirt and this weird corset thing that made her look really skinny. Her hair was up in a ponytail and was set in loose curls.

She seemed to moving in slow motion or maybe I was slowing things down to look at her better. She looked over her shoulder and lazily raised her eyes to look at me. She smiled in a way that made her look dangerous and I found myself moving towards her without even noticing I was moving.

She turned and leaned against the jukebox. "Hello Edward." Her voice sounded alluring. She was drunk; she kept closing her eyes and breathing in deeply like she was completely at peace. "You need a haircut." She leaned forward and ran her hand through my hair.

I moved closer to her so she wouldn't have to lean so far forward. "So you took my advice. You're getting a little silly?"

She was still fingering the ends of my hair and she nodded slowly and licked her lips slowly before she spoke. "Yep, drinking was a bad idea until it was a good idea." She smiled and stepped away from me sort of dancing as she did and then she pointed at me. "You were right. I feel better. I feel fine." She stopped and jerked her head quickly like she just remembered something. "Do you see these pants?" I looked down at her pants. "Rosalie dressed me tonight and these pants make my ass look amazing."

I couldn't help but agree with her. I nodded my head. "That they do."

She started swaying to the beat of the song. "I feel like dancing, you know?" She moved closer to me while she moved her hips slowly.

"I don't think you should dance in front of me. The last time you did I was beaten with a vacuum cleaner." I smiled and chugged half of my beer.

She doubled over in laughter and swayed around and almost fell but caught herself just in time. "Oh yeah that was a funny day." She kept laughing. "I need another drink." She kept moving closer to me still swaying those hips to the music that had changed into Head over Heels by Tears for Fears and it was mixing with a karaoke version of Tiny Dancer.

"You know what, how about we don't do that and go have a sit down." I said as I tried to push myself as far up against the jukebox as I could while she slowly pressed her body up against mine. She placed her hands on my chest and looked up at me through her lashes. "Do you want to dance with me Edward?"

Yes. I couldn't say yes and I knew that saying no would make her emotional. I couldn't come up with a response. I thanked God for Rosalie when she shouted Bella's name.

"Bella babe, why don't you come over here; I got you another drink." She motioned for Bella to come over. Bella pushed herself off of me and sauntered over to the table. I quickly followed.

I sat down and saw that Renesmee had arrived and was whispering something to Jake. Bella sat down across from me and beside Rosalie who was beside Emmett. Bella turned her attention to the large glass of water that was in front of her. She looked at it quizzically. "Rose I thought you said you got me a drink. This is a glass of water."

Rosalie started shaking her putting her arm around her. "No sweetie this is a new type of vodka Josh just got in. It's called Pure Water and it looks like water and taste like water but really its vodka. It goes down easier this way." Rosalie was looking at her like every word that just came out of her mouth was true.

"Really?" A huge smile spread across her face and she took the glass and started drinking. "This really tastes like water." She was so excited and drank to whole glass in about thirty seconds.

I looked at Rosalie. "Is that really vodka in there?" I asked pointing at the glass.

Rosalie looked at me like I was a moron and then smiled, leaned across the table. "Edward where is Ashley?"

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Asleep."

"I don't think she would appreciate, you know, you running around at night, in bars, getting pushed up against jukeboxes by a girl as pretty as Bella." She cocked an eyebrow at me and smiled smugly.

"I was helping her keep her balance." Fuck fuck shit fuck.

"Uh-huh." She nodded and narrowed her eyes at me sceptically. "I'm not buying it. I see you Cullen. You're not fooling anyone." She turned back to Bella and motioned to the glass. "Do you want another one babe?" Bella nodded and Rosalie got up to get her more water.

Fuck Rosalie and her hyper observant ways. It been just over a week and she knows that I have feelings for Bella; how obvious am I?

Bella's eyes widened and her head perked up. "I wanna sing karaoke."

"Can I pick your song?" I don't know why those were the first words out of my mouth but they were and I really did want to pick her song.

"Yes." She started nodding and her eyes narrowed in a way that made it seem that this was the best idea ever.

We both stood up and made our way up to the guy who was operating the machine. I was trying to think of the best song for her to sing. I didn't want it to be too difficult. I settled on I Need You Tonight by INXS. Why I don't know but I figured it would be better entertaining to watch her sing it.

The karaoke guy handed Bella a microphone and I helped her onto the stage. I went back to the table and took a seat and ignored Rosalie who was shooting looks of death my way.

Bella brought the microphone up to her mouth. "Check, check. Testing 1, 2, 3. Okay microphone works." She looked over in our direction. "Hey everyone I'm Bella and I'm going to sing for you tonight. I'd like to say I'm sorry in advance." She turned towards the TV that was going to be showing the lyrics.

I didn't know what to expect. I had never heard Bella sing before. Well I sort of heard her before but it was difficult to hear over the vacuum cleaner.

The title of the song came on and she looked at me. "I love this song." She cracked her neck and started running up and down on the spot getting ready for the song; and then it started.

"Come over here." Bella started swaying her hips and looking around for something. She pointed and the karaoke guy passed her a microphone stand. She put the microphone on the stand and started dancing with the song. She was much better at the dancing since the last time I saw her. Maybe it was because she was dancing like someone was watching.

"All you got is this moment/ The twenty-first century's yesterday/ You can care all you want/ Everybody does yeah thats okay."

Everyone in the bar had stopped to watch Bella. She took the microphone of the stand and made her way off the stage and started dancing with people in the bar.

Her voice surprised me. It was a little pitchy but she was drunk as shit and that was to be expected. She sounded a little like if Fiona Apple and the leader singer of Heart were to have a child. It was kind of hard rock sound with a sweet, sad girly undertone.

I turned to Rosalie whose mouth was wide open. "Did you know she could sing like that?" Rosalie shook her head and continued to watch Bella owned everyone in the bar.

"I need you tonight/cause I'm not sleeping/There's something about you girl" She pointed at some girl and turned her back to her pushed herself up against her and slide down. "That makes me sweat."

She stood up and made her way around the room sing to and dancing with everyone. I heard Rosalie scream out "Yeah." I turned to look at her and her, Emmett, Jake and Renesmee were all clapping and dancing along with her.

"How do you feel/I'm lonely/What do you think/Can't take it all/Whatcha gonna do/Gonna live my life"

She made her way over to our table and stepped up on her chair and then up onto the table. "So slide over here/And give me a moment/Your moves are so raw/I've got to let you know/I've got to let you know/You're one of my kind." She danced all over the table and slowly lowered herself so she was resting on her haunches and pointed at Rosalie when she sung you're one of my kind.

She danced around the table until she was almost done the song. As she got to the last verse she stood in front of me. "So slide over here/And give me a moment/Your moves are so raw/I've got to let you know/I've got to let you know" She sat down in front of me and put one foot on either side of me letting her feet rest on my chair and looked at me intensely as she sang the last line of the song. "You're one of my kind." She smiled and then swung one of her legs over me and headed back up to the stage.

She placed the microphone back in its stand and then curtsied. She earned herself a standing ovation as she stumbled gracefully off the stage and took her seat across from me. She chugged her glass of vodka water.

Everyone turned to look at her; Rosalie put her arm around her. "Bella that was amazing." Everyone at the table agreed.

Bella tried to brush it off as if it was no big deal, then her face got really serious. She had a look on her face that indicated that something had just gone wrong in her body. I leaned forward. "Bella are you okay?"

She looked up at me and then brought her hand to her mouth and shook her head. She got up and bolted to the bathroom and Rosalie followed. I looked over at Emmett who had turned his head to watch them go. He turned and looked at me. "We should probably get the tab then." I nodded and paid for half.

Jacob told me he was going home with Renesmee. "Yeah so don't wait up okay." He raised and lowered his eyebrows. "Wish me luck."

"Go Jacob." I said watching him leave. "He's gonna marry that girl." I said quietly to myself and smiled. I turned to see Rosalie and Bella coming out of the bathroom.

Rosalie looked at me. "Can you sit here will her while we wait for a cab?" I nodded and she transferred Bella's weight onto me. They went to go wait outside and I lowered us onto a bench. She rested next to me with her head against my chest.

After a couple of seconds I felt her head tilt up to look at me; I looked at her. "I vomited." She said very quietly.

"I'm sorry Bella I shouldn't have talked you into doing this." I felt really bad. She looked awful and smelt like vomit.

"It's not your fault. I'm glad I went out I was just wallowing in my own self pity all week and this is the hump. Tomorrow I'll be fine. Tomorrow the end of October will only seem like a couple of days away and he'll come back." She lulled her head around and was taking sharp, deep breaths in. Her eyes were closed and she still had her face pointed up at me.

I slowly brought my hand up and was lightly stroking her arm. "Bella is the fact that he's gone what's upsetting you cause feel like it's something else."

Her nostrils flared. "I know he's coming back. At first that's why I was upset that he had left and then I started thinking about what's going to happen when he comes back. He wouldn't touch me when he was sober. I'm afraid that when he comes back he won't want me." She was crying; tears were coming through her lashes and rolling down her cheeks. She opened her eyes and let the tears fall more freely. "And it doesn't make sense why I want him to want me. I love him." She stopped. Shit she loved him. That means I'm out. "I mean I love him like a friend or maybe it is real maybe that's why I'm so upset and I feel so confused but-" she stopped and closed her eyes again. "-but I feel this connection to him and I can't even explain it, he treats me like shit and I know it but I know I can't live without him." She started crying harder. "You must think I'm an idiot." She managed to say through her sobs.

I raised the hand that was rubbing her arm up and wiped away a tear. "I've never felt the way you do but I understand what you are saying." I wiped away another tear and went to press my lips to her forehead and decided that this was probably not a good idea so I turned my head away from her but not before I caught and whiff of her hair. Her hair smelt like strawberries and I told myself to hold onto that smell. God I'm a creeper.

I heard the door open and shut and then Rosalie's voice. "What the fuck did you do to her?"

"I didn't do anything to her, she started talking about Jasper and then she started crying." What the fuck did I do to Rosalie? There is no reason for her to dislike me. Bitch.

Rosalie leaned forward and grabbed Bella. "Come on Bells it's time to go home." I knew that Rosalie wasn't going to be able to carry Bella's dead weight so I stood up with Rosalie and helped carry her out to the cab. Bella's head hung forward as we carried her. Rosalie looked over at me. "Why did you let her talk about Jasper? Why didn't you stop her or change the subject?" She was looking at me like this was standard Jasper/Bella protocol.

I rolled my eyes and looked at her like she was crazy. "Because Bella is an adult and I am not her mother."

We got to the cab and I took Bella from Rosalie and swept her off her feet and placed her gently in the car. Rosalie was standing right behind me with a look that could have killed me. "You're an idiot and I don't like you." She stepped around me and got into the car.

I stood there confused with my arms out shrugging. "I don't understand you at all."

"That doesn't matter once Rosalie makes up her mind that's it." She shut the door and the cab drove away.

"What the fuck?" I said looking around the parking lot. Why was Rosalie referring to herself in the third person? Crazy bitch. I hauled my ass down to the nearest bus stop and made my way back to my dorm.

Jake wasn't there when I got in and it made me smile that he was finally getting some from a girl that was perfect for him. I contemplated going to see Ashley but I was way to fucking tired and I had class in the morning. I smoked a cigarette stripped down to my boxers and snuggled in to my cold, empty bed.

Jake woke me up the next morning. I moaned and hated him for a split second for waking me up and then remembered why he was coming home in the morning. I sat up and looked at him. He had the biggest smile on his face. "So dude how was your night?" I lit a cigarette.

"Awesome. Ness is amazing. I'm so glad I found her." He looked down at his hands his eyes all dreamy.

"You really like this girl, huh?"

"Yeah. Like when I'm with her and she talks I actually care about the things that she says. It's not just about sex." He looked up at me. "Which was awesome by the way." I smiled and he chuckled. "I want to be with her all the time. I want her to be my girlfriend."

Oh Jacob you sentimental, gooey, in the early stages of love, Hallmark loving bastard. He was so happy and it made it impossible for me to wipe the smile off my face. Jake's happiness radiated off of him and if you were in the room with Jake when he was happy you couldn't help but be happy to.

He looked at me. "Did Bella get home okay?"

I shrugged. "I think so. Rosalie took her home. Rosalie is crazy by the way. She hates me for no apparent reason."

"Yeah she's a funny one." He looked around the room and then back at me with a knowing look. "So you're pretty into Bella, huh?"

I sighed. I could lie and he could keep bothering me or I could just tell him the truth and he would probably leave me alone. "I have some feelings for her yes. Which means I am royally fucked."

Jacob nodded. "Yes you are. I think your situation officially makes you the mayor of Fuckedville." He gave me a sympathetic look. "I don't know what to tell you man." He paused. "Do you love her?" He looked really curious.

I scoffed. "No. That's ridiculous nobody falls in love after they've know each other for two weeks. That's like romance novel bullshit." It was true I wasn't in love with her. Yet. "But maybe one day." I sighed. Stupid Jacob making me talk about my feelings. I snuggled back into my bed and then shot up. "What time is it?"

Jake looked at the digital clock that I could have easily looked at. "Eleven-thirty."

"Mother balls." I jumped out of bed and put on my pants and threw on a shirt. I looked at Jacob who was staring at me like I was crazy. "I'm late for class."

I shoved my laptop into my bag and slung it over my shoulder. I was almost out the door when I heard my cell phone start ringing. I left it on my night table. Jake grabbed it and tossed it to me. It was Bella. "Hello."

"Hey it's Bella." She sounded great considering how much she drank the night before. "I'm blowing off my creative writing class to go see a movie do you want to come?"

I looked at Jake and dropped my bag. "Yes I do."

"Great meet me at my place in thirty minutes?"

"Yeah I'll see you then." She hung up the phone and so did I. Shit. This isn't good. I shouldn't be hanging out with her. It was all bad news bears.

"You're ditching class to do something with Bella aren't you?" Jacob was now lying in his bed playing with a stress ball.

"How did you know that?" I was curious. Did I talk a different way when I talked to Bella?

"Because I'm a wizard Edward." He looked at me. "And you've also put down your bag and I saw Bella's name when I passed you your phone. I'm just putting things together. And if I was you I wouldn't go you're only going to like her more." He paused. "But you're not going to listen to me are you?"

I shook my head. "No absolutely not. See you later dude." I left the dorm and made my way to a bus stop. He was right I shouldn't be hanging out with her anymore than I had to. I was setting myself up for heartache but I couldn't help myself.

BPOV

I wasn't as hung over as I'd thought I'd be. I was happy about that but really had no desire to do anything all day. I had a creative writing class at twelve but fuck that, there was no way I was going to class. But I knew I couldn't sit around here all day.

I couldn't do anything with Rose because she'd make me feel guilty about not going to class. I couldn't really call Jasper up and see if he was up for something. So I sat around my apartment feeling like a loser because I had no friends. And then I thought of Edward; he'd do something with me.

I called him and he agreed to meet with me. I was excited to see him. Once I decided that I wasn't going to hate Edward I always felt better when I was with him.

I went to the bathroom to make sure I looked okay. I dapped a little foundation around my eyes so I wouldn't look so tired and waited for him to arrive.

I knew this was the starting of our friendship. I knew that we were going to form a long lasting unbreakable bond. I don't know why I knew this I just did. I knew that I was going to see him everyday till Jasper came back and that he was going to help me through whatever happened when he came back. I could feel it and I knew that Edward Cullen was and forever would be a part of my life.

I'm going to answer a few questions that I have been getting quite frequently.

About chapter 4, a lot of people want to know why it is so repetitive. The reason I did this was because I thought it was important to see how Edward viewed the first time they spent any real time together. I also wanted to show how similar they are even though they think they are different; even some of their inner monologue is the same.

About Alice, Alice will come into the story but not for 5 to 6 more chapters but she will appear I promise.

When I was thanking a few people last time I said I thought that AngstGoddess had something to do with my surge of new readers, I don't think anymore I know she is the reason everyone is here so again thank you so much. I adore you with the fire of a thousand suns.

And I'd like to thank Tuesday Jane, Asher55 and ARenee363 for giving me some of the sweetest reviews ever. Thank you thank you.

And I'd also like to say how much I love everyone for reading my story and giving it such positive reviews. Thank you.

I sound like I'm accepting an Oscar or something.

I'm also going to be posting a list of music that I mentioned in the chapters or music that inspired me while I wrote the chapters on my profile if any of you are interested in the music I mention and want to hear it.

Christ could I have anymore notes.

Crazy love for everyone.

Reviews make me happier than finding Robert Pattinson in my bed. Well almost as happy as finding Robert Pattinson in my bed.