Chapter 6

After the kitchen was clean again, Emaleen went up the stairs to go back on deck. The closer she got to the deck, the more she was aware of having attached an idea of safety with her place down in the kitchen. It was enclosed, isolated, and secure. The more she thought like that, the stronger her urge became to hide herself back in the kitchen. However, breathing deeply, she let go of the railing and stepped onto the deck.

The only time Emaleen had been on the deck before, her nerves were wound too tightly to take in much of anything. Now, even though she felt nervous, she did not feel particularly afraid, and she enjoyed taking in the details of the ship. It was large and sturdy, but humble in its design. The wood was a dark, rich brown, and when she ran her hand over it, it felt smooth and strong. She walked to one of the railings and looked over the edge. She didn't know a thing about how the ships worked, creating a space of gravity and breathable air. Now, her first time on one, she figured ignorance was bliss. The less she knew about it, the less she could worry over possible complications.

Despite what she was lying to make everyone on the ship believe, Emaleen was away from the planet she knew for the first time. After looking at the make of the ship, she rested her arms on one of the outer railings and looked out into the vast space which they were sailing through. There was what looked like scattered colorful wisps of clouds. As opposed to what she thought as a young girl, there were not handfuls of stars nearby to grab. She did not know how far off any of the stars were, but she could see plenty from where she was, and she thought they were just as beautiful as they were back home. If she could see her home planet now, she couldn't tell that she was looking at it. She realized with a bit of relief that she had left it far behind.

Simply admiring what was around her turned to thinking back on all that had happened over the past several days. She had always been good with change, but to be able to function as she was, in the face of all that she had endured, she figured she must be in some shock. No matter how apparent the truth of all that had happened was, it felt almost like a dream. Like some game she was playing, and she was only going through the motions. She had had no time to grieve her losses; as soon as escape became an option, she immediately barreled into that course of action. She had kicked into a pure survival mode that she never before knew she had. Feeling a great lump forming in her throat, she squeezed her eyes shut and willed herself to keep her composure; at least while she was out in the open, and surrounded by a crew.

When Emaleen heard someone behind her clear their throat, she made sure any signs of distress were gone from her face. She turned to face the captain, who had been standing behind her. He had his hands deep in the pockets of his coat, and looked at her with a hesitant smile. It was a moment, like others, that Emaleen felt like she was in the company of a peer, and not the captain of a ship. It made it easier for her to feel comfortable with him when he wasn't actively filling his role of authority.

"Can I join you?" he asked, gesturing to the railing with his hands still in his pockets. Emaleen smiled, charmed by his casual sincerity. She could tell that he was genuinely asking for permission; if she turned down his request, he would leave. Realizing that gave her a greater desire to have his company.

"Yes, please," she responded, as she gestured to the space next to her. His smile broadened slightly, and he walked next to her. He took his hands from his pockets and leaned on the railing as she had been. As she leaned against the railing next to him again, he took in deep breath. After a moment of silence, he turned to her. He still had the relaxed smile on his face, but his eyes were squinted slightly as he looked at her.

"How did you sleep?" he asked. With the studious way he was looking at her, Emaleen assumed that she had circles under eyes, or some other telltale sign that her sleep had not been peaceful. In truth, it had not been. She had had vivid dreams of moving quietly through her dark house, looking for her parents. Dreams of running desperately through a forest, where the roots kept reaching up to pull her down. Of swimming in a large body of water, trying to keep her head above water, without in shore in sight. In all of the dreams, she was being pursued by something dark and sinister. Though she never saw it, she knew it was never far.

"I slept fine," she lied. If she admitted to a bad sleep, the captain might ask her why, and she would have to create a more elaborate lie to answer that. "A new ship is always something to get used to, I suppose," she said, shrugging. She hoped that if his questions were fueled by her appearance, he would believe that her problem sleeping was nothing more than acquainting herself with new surroundings. To her relief, he nodded his head, seeming to accept her answer.

After a moment of considering her response, he tilted his head and looked at her again.

"Emaleen, why are you looking for work on a ship? Don't take this the wrong way, but you're young to be on your own, from ship to ship, aren't you?"

Emaleen laughed and looked at him, somewhat reproachfully.

"Captain, I don't think you can be much older than me. And aren't you a little young to be doing what you're doing?"

He laughed and ran his hand through his hair. "Ok, I get it. That's a fair point. What about your family? It's hard to be away for so long sometimes."

Emaleen was afraid his questions would lead to her family. Emaleen swallowed hard and looked off the side of the ship, nodding. "It is hard to be away from them," she answered, her voice soft. "But I'm kind of on my own now." Emaleen tried to say something else, searching for words that would not leave her explanation so feeling so heavy, and sounding so serious. Admitting this out loud was painful, and it took more out of her than she would have expected. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the captain looking at her, a concerned look on his face. She couldn't handle talking about her family now, she forced a smile on her face and turned her attention back to the captain.

"What about you?" she asked. "Is it hard to be away from your family?"

It took a moment for the concern to leave his face, but it eventually did. He nodded and smiled again.

"My mom's back on Montressor. She runs an inn there that keeps her busy. And she's got some good friends there. I don't worry about her too much."

"Do you go back and visit her often?" Emaleen asked, both sincerely interested, and with a desire to keep the conversation focused somewhere other than on herself.

"I do, when I've got a long enough time between trips. It's good to be back home. The planet we just left, we were there for a few days. It's nice to have your feet on the ground for a bit. But it's not home."

Emaleen nodded, feeling a small lump in her throat forming again. She wasn't sure if she would ever see her home planet again… and didn't know that any place would ever quite feel like home.

The captain took a deep breath and stood up straight, smiling down at Emaleen.

"You went down to the kitchen pretty fast yesterday," he said. "Would you like me to show you around the ship a little?"

Emaleen accepted the offer, genuinely curious to see more of the ship. The captain pointed out to her where his cabin was, which was near the wheel. He took her to that, showing her how the boat was steered, and how different notches could add bursts of speed to the ship. He showed her where the rest of the crew slept, and explained to her what different parts of the ship controlled, or supported. Much of it was beyond her understanding, but she enjoyed seeing everything anyway. While they walked around the ship, they were given courteous nods from the rest of the crew, who were busy with their own jobs. When the captain was asked to study a map of their course with Jalson, Emaleen excused herself to prepare for the crew's dinner. For the first time then, Emaleen noticed the captain eating with his crew, and saw him look her way more than once. They spoke very little, however, and he left with a simple smile and a "good night".

After the dining area was clear and the kitchen was clean, Emaleen went to her small bed. Under the cover, she took her coat, which she used as a pillow, and buried her face into it to cry. Trying to stay as quiet as she could, sobs shook her body as she mourned her losses. Her home, her garden, her piano, her mother and her father—things and people she loved so dearly, which she would never see again. For the first time since childhood, Emaleen cried herself to sleep.

Unknown to her, her room was again visited by Jim, when she cried out in her sleep. He was more prepared to act this time, and was at the entrance to her space quicker than the night before. He answered her cries with a soft "Everyone's fine," and stayed until her breathing slowed and her fists uncurled.