And Then There Were Two

Chapter Six

Death is scary. It's painful, and tragic, and most of the time you aren't ready for it. It's something that hits you like a ton of bricks. It destroys you. When someone you love dies, there's nothing you can do to make it right. The days keep going, sure, but it's never the same again. You stop breathing, you stop living. When you lose someone you love, it's like losing a part of yourself. We, as humans, thrive on connection. When a connection is snuffed out, we break. We forget how to keep going. We forget what life is all about. Death doesn't just kill one person. It kills us all.

"Chief Shepherd? Are you okay?" A teary-eyed April grabbed the string on his surgical gown, pulling the end of it to release the tie the scrub nurse had made earlier. Her voice was hesitant, shaky even.

"Is there a reason you have to be at my feet every second, Dr. Kepner?!" He hadn't meant to snap at her.

But he did. He did snap at her. "I, I'm sorry. I just, I thought..."

"You thought what?! Is there something that you need? Something that you need to say, right now?!" Despite how hard he tried, there just wasn't any way he could get the picture of that innocent child out of his mind. Gone, dead. Stillborn. A perfect little life, taken before he even had a chance to breathe his first breath. The husband of that woman, now fighting for her life, had refused to see his dead son. He'd made it perfectly clear that he didn't even want pictures. Is that what he would do, if the situation was... stop it. That woman, she's not Meredith. Meredith is safe. Your baby is safe. So stop it. But that wasn't the point. A child was gone. A woman was barely hanging on to the edge between life and death. A family's future was hanging in the balance. He thought about his wife, and their baby. What if something had happened to Meredith? What if something did happen to her?

"I'm sorry." April's words were quick, tears sliding down her cheeks. "I, Chief Shepherd?"

She had planned on just going. That was the plan, to walk away, until she saw him wince as he pulled off his surgical gown. Something was wrong. He wasn't supposed to be doing surgery anyway, not long and complicated ones. She knew that. He knew that. They all knew that. Heck, Teddy had barely cleared him to drive, much less stand on his feet for hours on end.

"Dr. Kepner." He exaggerated her name, taking in a deep breath as he tried to slow his racing heart. His chest hurt, hurt like hell. You can drive now. Short periods only. No sex for another few weeks, no lifting anything over ten pounds. No surgery. No work. No standing in one place for more than fifteen minutes. Walk daily. Don't run. Don't overdo it. You could send your heart into shock. You need more time to heal. He remembered Teddy's words from his appointment earlier that week. But a woman is going to live. She's going to live, to mourn the loss of her baby. That perfect, innocent, dead baby. His hands were shaking, and he closed his eyes for a moment.

"You look...you don't look...chief Shepherd?"

Owen saved her by entering the room after getting the patient settled in recovery, "You okay?" He frowned after taking one look at his friend, pulling his surgical cap off. "Maybe you should sit down."

"I'm fine." Derek refused to let people think of him as some sort of invalid. The solution was simple. His patient was in recovery. He had time, time to go back to his office and rest with Meredith. He'd use the excuse that he was staying to monitor his patient. It would give him enough time to rest, to get his heart to stop acting as if he were trying to run some sort of marathon. And he could check on her, and, maybe try to convince himself that everything really was okay.

Only, it wasn't. It wasn't okay. Nothing was okay. And on top of Meredith being fragile and her pregnancy being on the line, he couldn't sleep. Memories of the shooting plagued him. The absence of murdered staff members haunted him. And now it was his heart. The pain was back, his heart was pounding, and dizziness was causing him to use the edge of the sink for support. So no, it wasn't okay.

"No offense, Derek, but.."

"Doctor. Hunt." He emphasized his name in the same way he had April's. "I don't..." His words were interrupted as his pager went off. "Meredith." He frowned, hands still a bit shaky as he slid his pager back onto his pocket. "I have to go."

** GA ** GA ** GA **

"You came," Meredith smiled when he came into the office, though her look was soon replaced with one of concern. Had he always breathed like that? Had his chest always looked like it was desperate to get more air? She didn't remember him gasping like that when he breathed. But, that was because he didn't. Derek had always been a great breather. He breathed just fine. "What's wrong?"

"I could ask you the same thing." He was still worried, scared. She had paged him, right? He hadn't imagined that. Now if he could just figure out how to take a deep breath, and slow things down. Don't do this, not in front of her. You're freaking her out.

"Sit down." It wasn't a request. She sat up, pulling her knees to her chest as she cuddled up on the couch with the blanket pulled around her. "Derek." A deep frown crossed her lips.

"I'm fine. Meredith, Mer." He sat down next to her, not about to argue. Even if he could just get the burning, the gnawing in his chest to stop, that would be a start. "You paged me."

"I timed your surgery. Figured you would be out by now. I just, Cristina just left, and I wanted to make sure you were okay." She watched him with concern. Obviously, he wasn't.

"So, you're okay?" He managed a sigh of relief, looking at her closely just to be sure.

"I was, until I saw you. Derek..." Tears were filling her eyes. "Breathe, please. You're scaring me."

"I'm breathing, Mer." He assured her, lowering his head as he tried to relax some. He was grateful when she began to rub his back. "Just need to sit down for a minute."

"You've been doing too much. Too much too fast." She reached for the phone. "I'm going to page Bailey."

"No." His head shot up and he reached for her hand, though the look in his eyes told her all she needed to know. He was hurting, and scared.

"Derek." Meredith ran her hand through the back of his hair. "You aren't okay. How long have you been like this?"

"It just started. I mean..." He sighed. She was going to cry, because of him. He couldn't let that happen. "Don't cry, Meredith." Gently, he brushed the tears away from her cheeks. Even if he hated it, Derek Shepherd knew he needed to be honest with his wife. "It's been hurting some, since I carried you. And by the time I was done with the surgery, I don't know..." Again, another sigh. "My heart is racing, chest feels like it's on fire, and I just can't seem to slow things down."

"Okay, it's okay." She pulled what little inner strength she had left to the surface, laying her hand on his cheek. "Please, let me page Bailey. She'll know what to do."

Derek had just started to agree with her when his pager went off. Sighing, he glanced at it. Dead. His patient was gone. She had coded on his way up there. There hadn't been anything Hunt or any of the rest of the team there could do to bring her back. It was the last straw, for a man who was hanging on by a thread. "I don't need Bailey, Meredith!" There it was again, the yelling. He jerked away from her, throwing his arm across his desk as he stood, sending the stacks of paperwork flying into twenty different directions. "I just need for this to stop!"

Now she was crying, tears falling quickly down her cheeks. "I'm sorry." There was nothing left for her to say as she crumbled into a mess of sobs, burying her head on the armrest of the sofa.

Geez, he really could be a jerk lately. "Meredith." Derek sighed and knelt down in front of her, steadying the spinning room by resting both hands on the couch. What was left of the food he'd had earlier in the day was threatening to spew from his mouth, but he forced it back down. He would not get sick, not here. Not now. "I'm sorry. Mer...so sorry." He ended up laying there with her, holding her in his arms with her head on his chest. "Please, don't cry."

"Something's wrong with you." She finally managed to say, wiping the last of the tears from her eyes. "Please, let me page Dr. Bailey."

"She'll just yell." Derek said quietly. "I'll go downstairs, to the Emergency Department. There will be someone down there that can prove to you I'm okay. Just a little stressed."

"You have no color to your face, shaky hands, edgy temper, fear in your eyes, you're admitting to me that you're in a lot of pain and having trouble breathing, you're obviously dizzy...that doesn't sound fine to me." A few stray tears lingered in her eyes, sliding slowly down her cheeks. "And walking to the..."

Their conversation was interrupted by the insistence from his body that the food no longer stay put. He grabbed the trashcan just in time to vomit into the bottom of it, groaning as he did so. And then came the gasps for air, one hand clutching his chest. "Maybe you should page someone."

That wasn't a good sign. It was never a good sign, when he admitted that he needed help. Still, Meredith didn't hesitate. In fact, she was the one that got off the couch and made sure he laid down across it, holding his hand as she dialed the extension to the emergency department. "Hold on, Derek. Someone's coming. They're on their way." She was frantic with worry, but tried to hold it together, for his sake.

Derek's mind was on only two things; the woman and unborn child that had lost their lives, and the fear that he might be headed for the same fate. He held tightly to Meredith's hand, praying that she was right, that this was just a result of him pushing his body past the limits of where he was in his recovery process. Memories of the shooting came flooding back, he opened his eyes to look at her. If he looked at her, he saw Mr. Clark's face less.

** GA ** GA ** GA **

"I want to be with him!" Meredith fought hard against Bailey's hold, screaming as tears fell down her cheeks. "I have to be with Derek! I have to go with him! Please!"

"Meredith...Meredith!" Dr. Bailey stepped in front of her, putting her hands on her shoulders. "Look at me. LOOK at me!" She frowned. "Derek is in good hands. Do you hear me?" She was firm, not yelling, but firm. "He's being taken care of. They are taking care of him. This is not like when he got shot. It's not the same. This is okay. He's okay. And he would want you to do the same. And if he comes up here and you're standing here, freaking out, he's going to kill me. That man will kill me. And I'm not about having Dr. Shepherd freak out on me right now. So you, you will rest. You will sit down, and rest."

"Please, doctor Bailey." Despite her protesting, Meredith sunk down into the couch. In fact, she sort of collapsed onto the couch. "He has to be okay. He has to be."

"He'll be fine. That man, he's more stubborn than any man I've ever know. Infuriating, even. But trust me, he'll be fine." Miranda sat down next to her, determined to keep an eye on the chief's wife.

"He'll be fine." Meredith repeated, nodding.

"What do we have?" Dr. Webber watched the EKG monitors that were keeping track of the man that had taken his job.

"Supraventricular tachycardia." Dr. Hunt looked over at Richard.

"Trauma surgeons treat tachycardia now?" Richard gave Owen an amused look.

"Used a little authority." Owen admitted, turning up the flow of the oxygen mask that kept Derek's desperate gasps for air muffled. This was one of their own. He wasn't about to let some general doctor take over. This was something he could take care of. "Another deep breath, Derek. And hold it. As long as you can." He glanced at Dr. Webber once he was sure the patient was following his directions. "We're running out of time here. He can't go much longer like this."

Derek tried. He tried to hold the breath he took in, but it hurt. His chest hurt, and already felt like he wasn't getting enough air, his hands gripping the rails of the bed.

"Adenosine, now." Richard looked at the nurse who was standing nearby. "Now!" He raised his voice a bit when she hesitated.

"Yes, sir." She frowned and quickly left, going to the drug cart to grab the vial she needed. Within seconds, she was back, putting it into his hands.

"Alright, Derek. Just relax. Close your eyes and relax. You may feel worse for a minute here before you feel better." Dr. Webber wasn't really keen on the idea of using such a high-potency cardiac drug, but he knew they were running out of options.

Derek almost shot up off the bed as the medicine raced through his veins and to his heart. And he'd thought he was hurting before. Wrong. The gasp he drew in was almost painful just to watch, and his widened eyes showed just how scared he was.

"Easy.." Owen frowned, laying a hand on his chest to keep him still. "Deep breaths." There was a tense moment of silence in the room. He looked at the monitor. "Normal sinus." There was a sigh of relief as Derek's heart rate dropped back down into a normal range.

Relief spread through everyone in the room. It had been a tense couple of moments, and it was always amazing to see just how far modern medicine had brought them. One minute a man's life was hanging in the balance, and the next he was functioning just like the people on the other side of that gurney. It really was incredible.

"I think it's safe to say you're done working for a while. You need to be resting just as much as Meredith does. Otherwise you're going to end up admitted." Richard found himself lecturing almost the moment he was sure Derek was going to be okay.

"Okay." Derek wasn't about to argue with that. Richard was right. He knew that. And so there was only one logical thing that he knew how to do. When the shock had worn off enough and he was able to talk without feeling as if he was suffocating, he looked at the man who had been in charge for so long. "Can you hold things together here, while I'm gone?"

"What?" Richard looked surprised, shocked even.

"Someone has to be chief. I don't know how long I'll be gone. It could be a few weeks. And someone has to be in charge. You're the right man for this, Richard. You know this hospital."

"Derek." He wasn't quite sure what to say, caught completely off-guard by the request.

"Just say yes, Dr. Webber. Say yes. It's just for a few weeks."

"Okay, alright." Richard smiled. "I'll do it."

** GA ** GA ** GA **

"You scared me to death. You know that, right? And you can't do that. You can't keep hovering over me while you just do whatever you want. You can't keep making yourself sick and not caring. Because we're married. We're married and you have to pay attention to you. Not just to me. Because I need you." Meredith made a face at Derek as they sat on the couch together that evening after getting home. It had been a long day, for both of them, and neither one had really wanted to deal with the stairs that led to their bedroom. So, they snuggled there in the living room, Meredith resting in his arms.

"From now on, I'm going to make sure that we're both taken care of." He assured her, planting a soft kiss on her forehead. "You and this baby, the two of you, mean everything to me. I intend to stick around. So yes, the answer is yes. I'm going to take better care of myself."

"Okay," Meredith smiled, yawning a bit. She glanced at the clock, then closed her eyes. "I hope this baby is a girl. Can't deal with another stubborn Shepherd boy around here."

Derek laughed, running his fingers through her hair. "A girl would be nice, especially if she turns out to be anything like you." The incident earlier in the day had left him reeling, and he was just starting to come down off of the shock of ending up a patient in the emergency room. It just wasn't worth it. Surgeries and work, Seattle Grace, none of it was was worth putting his life on the line. And it wasn't worth putting Meredith in a situation where she just worried. This was his life now. His family was most important. He knew that all too well after watching that woman and her baby die. He couldn't think about that though, not now. For now, he just wanted to sleep. He wanted to drift of there with his wife in his arms, and enjoy the time he was able to spend with her. "How are you feeling?" He asked gently.

Meredith still hadn't brought up the patient to him. She knew he would come to her and discuss it when he was ready, and as easily broken as he had been lately, she knew now wasn't the time. "I'm a lot better. Actually feeling sort of normal now. "

"Good," He smiled, shifting a bit so he could look down on her face. "I love you, Meredith Shepherd."

A genuine smile spread across her face. "I love you too, Derek Shepherd." She kissed him before resting her head where it had been before. "We should get some sleep." Her voice was softer. "It's been a long day."

"It has." Derek agreed, closing his eyes. But sleep would not come.

Reviews are so appreciated!

*Revised/Reworked 6/2017