Mary missed the grounds of Downton Abbey. The way the trees stood proud and the wind blew, there was something that reminded her of how special this place was. The weather was crisp and this weekend was the Harvest party. Edith and her mother had gone into town to help with the setting up of the event. Tom and her father were on another estate doing only God knows what. So, Mary was spending her quiet time sitting on a bench with a book and a heavy sweater. Thankfully the crisp weather and the sweater were a perfect combination as she sat to finally read a book she had wanted to sit down and dedicate some time to for a while. As she turned the page in her book, she heard a buzz come from her phone. For the first time in a few days, Richard sent her a text. It was a text to let her know he had sent her a bracelet to Downton as a way to show he missed her. She knew it was a way to also apologize for his actions, but he would never admit it. She sent him back a thank you and he asked about seeing everyone. She was short in her response, but let him know it had just been family up to this point. Mostly family. There was no point in mentioning that Isobel and Matthew had been at dinner the other night, or that Matthew had tried to get her alone to talk several times that evening. It would anger him and honestly, Mary made sure to get away from Matthew each time. She didn't want to talk to him about the past. It wasn't something that would help and when she had just seen his face, she felt too much. It took her back to that day in his office. The day she thought about at least once a week since. The hurt in his face, the pain in her chest. It was sad and it broke her heart.

"Mary." It was his voice. His voice was one she knew from anywhere. She looked up to see him standing by his bike. He smiled, his striking eyes making contact with hers. He rolled his bike over to the tree, propping it up, before walking over to her.

"Oh. Hello Matthew." Mary reached for her bookmark, closing the latest John Grisham novel and setting it to the side. She wasn't one to be rude, but she didn't really want to speak with him. She wasn't sure how to be around him. She didn't want to argue, she had enough of that in her life. She didn't really want to talk and he clearly did. "I'm sorry. Papa and Tom aren't home at the moment."

"Yes, I ran into them at the station this morning" Matthew walked closer and sitting down on the bench next to her and she began to clearly look annoyed. "I actually came to look for you."

"Oh?" She wrapped the sweater tighter around her. "And why is that?"

"It's been over a year since we talked." Matthew crossed his arms looking over at her. Noticing how she shifted away ever so slightly. "Would you like to go for a walk?"

"I can't." Mary stood up, reaching for her book and holding it close. "I'm very busy."

"Doing what?" Matthew sighed, looking around at the empty grounds. "I can see you don't have any entertaining to do at the moment."

"You don't know my life Matthew." Mary groaned, turning away from the bench and beginning to walk in the direction of the house.

"Mary, wait." Matthew ran after her.

"Matthew…. what do you want? You're here and you keep trying to get me to talk to you. But about what?" Mary turned around, the wind blowing strands of loose hair in front of her face. He was too close to her.

"I just want to talk to you." Matthew admitted, his hand moving to his pocket. "Can't we take a walk?"

"Matthew." Mary shook her head, trying to think of a solid reason to tell him no. The truth was, he was so calming and she thought for even a moment, she didn't need an excuse. Maybe she wanted to hear what he had to say. "A short walk."

"We won't go on for miles, I promise." Matthew moved his hand over his heart as if to show he wasn't keen to break his word to her. He walked towards the sidewalk, gesturing for her to come along with him. "Unless you want to."

"Don't push it." Mary rolled her eyes, dropping her book on the bench and walking towards Matthew. For a moment they began to walk, neither one of them saying anything. It reminded her of the walks they used to take, sometimes never saying anything at all. Only this time here was so much floating over them that the tension seemed to keep them both quiet. They had actually made it to the end of the drive, before either one of them said a word. Mary broke her silence first. "I missed the grounds here, there isn't anything like it in London."

"London is lovely, but lacks the charm of this estate." Matthew smiled, looking over at her as she looked in the opposite direction. He felt she looked tired and worn, as if she needed days of sleep and good meals. It was something he had noticed at dinner and even Anna had pointed out to him before he ever saw her. "Well, I can think of one bit of charm that it has. That Downton has been lacking."

"So, you're going with flattery." Mary let out a soft giggle, before crossing her arms over her chest. "Surprising since the way we left off."

"Mary." Matthew stopped as they turned onto the street, his hand moving to her arm. She pulled it quickly away, her eyes looking down. She took a deep breath and began to walk again, he followed. "Mary, I was wrong. In that office that day, the things I said. I was hurt but I never should have said them to you. I didn't mean it."

"Never should have said it? Maybe you meant it, but you regret how it turned out." Mary spoke, walking slowly along the road. "I don't know what you want me to say Matthew."

"Then let me say it." He stopped, reaching for her arm again and she pulled it away, this time her face looking startled.

"Please don't." Mary ran her hand over her sweater.

"Sorry. Just please let me speak." Matthew pleaded, his voice softening. "Mary, I have so much to say. So much I should have said so long ago and now I just want to say that I am sorry. The way I treated you, the way I spoke to you when you came to my office was uncalled for. I never should have dismissed you. I should have asked for time."

"Time?" Mary laughed almost sarcastically. "I came to you and you wanted me gone. Out of your face."

"Mary, when I was in the office that day I wasn't thinking clearly. I dismissed you and I acted like there was nothing between us. I was hurting from Lavinia and to be honest, her death still breaks me, but there is something that breaks me more. I understand Lavinia died and it really wasn't our fault. I blamed you and it wasn't your fault." Matthew said, his voice delicate as she looked down at her feet, shifting her shoes. "Having lost you, breaks me more than anything. Having sat back that day the town turned up to see you say your vows to a man who…I'm sorry. I don't know him. Not well enough, but he's not good enough for you."

"How do you know that Matthew?" Mary groaned, pushing her hair behind her ears. "How can you say everything you said that day then sit here and say Richard is wrong for me. You pushed me to marry him!"

"Because you should have been mine Mary." Matthew's voice was still calm, as it seemed he was still discovering what he wanted to stay. "That night we kissed, there was a moment. A moment where I knew I wanted that forever and then when Lavinia died, I pushed it out of my mind in fear of the guilt I had. It tore me apart, but not seeing you in over a year has ruined my life."

"What do you want me to say?" Mary asked as a man rode by on a bike and she turned to begin walking with him. "I'm married."

"I know."

"We're having a baby." Mary said.

"What?" Matthew frowned, the color draining from his face. "You're pregnant?"

"No." Mary shook her head, walking slowly. "But we want to try. Richard is eager to get started."

"And you?"

"It's the logical next step." She shrugged, holding up her hand to show her ring. "Isn't that what married people do next?"

"I suppose." Matthew lowered his head as they walked. He didn't know why, but he didn't believe that it was what she wanted. When she showed the ring, her hand was a bit shaky and he just knew Mary. Even after a lapse in seeing her, he knew her, because he knew her heart. He knew his heart. She wouldn't have married Carlisle if he had asked her not to. He just wanted her to tell him that. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Mary walked, running her finger over the ring that was too tight.

"If I had asked you to not marry Carlisle that day and give me time, would you have stayed at Downton and dismissed him?" Matthew stopped, Mary stopping a few steps ahead of him. She turned around, looked out at the pasture along the road. "Matthew…. don't do that."

"Just tell me." He pleaded, running his hand through his hair. "Would it have made a difference? Whatever he was promising you, would it be us now trying for a baby? If I had asked you to stay, would you have?"

"Matthew, I…I can't answer that." Mary's eyes began to water. She couldn't help it as the burning sensation took over and suddenly the soreness in her body became stronger. It had been three days since Carlisle roughed her up and her bruises were dark on her arms and back, her shoulder still throbbing in pain. "Please don't make me answer that."

"Mary." Matthew, tried to take her hand and she flinched. "Why do you do that? Why do you just pull away when I try to touch you? This isn't us."

"There is no us Matthew!" She shouted, tears running down her cheeks, her voice shaking. "Don't you get it? I made a choice. We made a choice and I walked out of your office. I told you I wouldn't look back and I can't. I can't look back and wonder how our lives would be together. I have a husband who is in love with me. I have a life. I'm not the same woman."

"Mary, I know you're married." Matthew frowned, his own eyes turning red. He knew she was married and he didn't want to disrespect that, however he needed her know he made a mistake. He needed her to know he loved her so much and would change things if he could. "I made a mistake. I don't expect you to change your life, but you deserve to know my single biggest regret is letting you leave my office that day. I never should have let you get married without putting up a fight. If I could do it all over again, I would have fought up until the moment you said 'I do.'

"Carlisle would have had a field day." She wiped at her eyes, avoiding eye contact with him again.

"Mary, I wanted to tell you." Matthew took a deep breath, weight moving off of him as she looked up. Her eyes were wet, her breathing slow. "I want my friend back. I want to put this behind us, so that if I can have anything, I can have your friendship. It means the world to me."

"Friends?" Mary bit her lip, letting out a deep breath. "Like the infamous Matthew and Mary."

"Matthew and Mary." Matthew laughed. "Walks and all. Dinner laughs included."

"Just friends." Mary sighed, walking up the hill. Thinking about how mad those very words would make her husband and wondering if there was a way to have it with out him ever knowing. He was always very defensive when it came to her being with Matthew. He felt Matthew was a threat to their relationship.

"The best of friends." Matthew chuckled.

"Might be strange." Mary added, reaching for a leaf off the ground. She walked alongside him, feeling positive by the idea that maybe this tension with him would be with relieving. She wasn't in a place to feel comfortable with him again, but there was a familiarity to him that left her wanting to talk to him. She had Anna and Tom, but Matthew was special to her. He smiled coyly as she walked with him and they continued to speak. He had said things that meant he knew he made a mistake, but he just wanted to be her friend more than anything and apart of her missed that comfort they had. She had so much weighing on her and if it meant they could at least move past their fight, she was willing to relieve some of the stress. Some of the world that was holding her down. Her husband didn't have to know. Richard never had an interest in returning to Downton and if he didn't know about Matthew, then she was safe. Things wouldn't ever be the exact same with Matthew. She wasn't sure she wanted them to be. But he was here, trying to make nice and probably just trying to make things easier for her family. She hadn't come home and he probably just wanted to help her family. So, for now they would talk, he had changed the subject and they may have just put the rest of it behind them. Maybe he even had someone special in his life, she wouldn't know these things unless they talked more.