That afternoon at school, Joey ran into Mary Angela and was surprised to find her looking happy and cheerful. She didn't seem heartbroken at all.
"Mary Angela?" Joey was relieved but confused.
She turned to him and scowled angrily. "Joey! I can't believe you!" She hit his arm.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"You having a talk with Chandler this morning! He told me how you tried to get him to let me down easy or something!" She hit him again.
Joey backed away from her and decided to take the conversation outside, where their classmates couldn't hear them. "I was just trying to protect you, Mary Angela. You shouldn't have a crush on him if he's gay."
"How many times do I have to tell you? I don't need you to protect me. I can take care of myself."
"It doesn't look like it, when you're falling for a gay kid."
"I'm not falling for him!" she denied. "I told you, we're just friends, Joey."
"Then what are you doing touching him all over, huh?"
"What?" She blinked and worried that Joey had somehow discovered their secret relationship.
"Vinnie saw you two having lunch on the steps today. He told me that you kept hugging Chandler and whispering in his ear, even when he tried to push you off of him."
She folded her arms scornfully. "Oh! Why does Vinnie have to be such a gossip?"
"Hey, Vinnie is just being a good friend, telling me what's going on with my sister. So, what are you doing pawing that kid, if you don't have a crush on him?"
Mary Angela pouted and tried to think of something to say, but she was caught off guard. Maybe she should have been more careful about her behavior at lunch after all.
Joey felt smug. "See? You do have a crush on that kid! That's why I told him to let you down easy, but apparently you're too stubborn to listen to him. Do you know how uncomfortable you probably made him?"
"I didn't make him uncomfortable! He liked it."
Joey stared at her incredulously. "Mary Angela, he's gay! You can't convert him no matter how much you want to."
She was frustrated. "I'm not trying to--! Look, why are you so sure he's gay, Joey? You don't even know him."
"I know enough!" Joey insisted. He sighed and shook his head. "Maybe Angela was right. If you're this desperate for a boyfriend, maybe I gotta back off."
"What?" Mary Angela stared at him.
"I mean," Joey took a deep breath and spoke very reluctantly, "I mean, I'm gonna let you have a boyfriend, okay?"
She gasped in shock and disbelief. "Really?"
He nodded. "Yeah. You go find yourself some guy to date. I'm gonna trust you."
"Oh, Joey!" She jumped for joy and hugged him. It must be a miracle.
Joey remained a little apprehensive. "But please don't move too fast with the guy. Take it slow and be careful. I don't want you to get into trouble or anything."
"I know! I'm not dumb, Joey!"
"Right, okay. But I still get to meet the guys, don't I? And warn them never to hurt you, or I'll kick their asses?"
She nodded and laughed. "Yeah, okay. As long as I can tell you to go away, and you don't send Vinnie to spy on us or something. You just worry about your own love life, Joey."
He frowned in confusion. "Worry about what? I'm doing just fine."
"Fine? You need to stop sleeping with so many girls! I think you should settle down with Angela Delvecchio. She gave you some great advice!"
"Hey, I date whoever I want to!"
"And from now on, so do I!" She giggled and hugged him again.
Joey sighed and asked quietly, "So, um, who you gonna ask out first?"
"Chandler!" she said without thinking.
"Hey, no! The whole reason I'm letting you date is so you can get over that gay kid. Forget about him."
Mary Angela frowned and realized that she had a problem. Joey was letting her date, but only if it was a straight boy. "But what if Chandler's not gay, Joey?"
Joey looked irritated. "Mary Angela, I told you! Chandler told you too. Just give up and find some other guy already."
"But what if he isn't gay? What if, um, what if he's bisexual?" She looked at him hopefully, trying to judge whether her brother would believe that.
Joey just stared at her. "I thought you asked him before, and he told you he was gay, not bi."
"Well, um, he didn't know me that well yet," she floundered, caught by her earlier lie. "Maybe he wanted to become closer friends before he said more."
"That doesn't make any sense," Joey said. "You'd think he'd admit to being straight first, and save the gay stuff for close friends."
"Well maybe, maybe you scared him, Joey. Yeah! Um, at his locker, when you dragged me away, he saw that you wouldn't let me date anybody, and he didn't want to make you angry. So then when I asked him if he was gay, he said yes, to reject me without hurting my feelings. But now that you're gonna back off and let me do what I want, maybe he'll quit saying he's gay."
"You still think you got a chance with him? Dammit, Mary Angela, you don't just need a boyfriend, you need a shrink or something!"
"I don't! I just--" She frowned and hesitantly explained, "Joey, what if Chandler was just pretending to be gay? What if he really, really wanted to date me, but he knew that you wouldn't let him, so he sacrificed his reputation just so he could see me in secret. Wouldn't that be romantic?"
"No!" Joey looked very angry. "If he did that, then he's a lying jerk that doesn't deserve you!" He grabbed her arms and met her eyes seriously, "But he isn't straight, Mary Angela. Trust me, you've gotta let him go!"
Mary Angela sighed and didn't know what to do.
Just then, the tardy bell rang, startling them both. "Oh-oh." They were both going to get detention. That was the least of Mary Angela's problems.
Chandler talked to his friends that day, and like Mary Angela had said, they didn't shun him for being gay. In fact, they were amused.
"I knew you were lying about that Julie girl at camp," Matt said. "Nobody can gain 140 pounds in one year."
"I swear, she did!"
"Yeah, imaginary girls do that," Jack said with a laugh.
Chandler pouted. "She wasn't imaginary! Come on, didn't you believe that I was flirting with Mary Angela at my locker? You were impressed."
"Sure," Jack said. "But maybe you were just embarrassed that Jason and them called you gay in front of the whole school. You were gonna try to fit in, like you said just now."
Chandler felt more and more irritated with the lies that Mary Angela had talked him into repeating. "Well, I wasn't lying about Julie, okay? I, um, I thought I was straight at first, and that's why I fooled around with Julie at camp. But then I broke things off with her when I realized I didn't like her that much." There, that fixed things. After all, Chandler's dad thought he was straight long enough to marry Nora and conceive a kid with her.
"Okay, okay."
"Sorry."
The boys changed the subject to the books they had to read for English class.
After school, Chandler went to meet Mary Angela for their afternoon date, only to find a note taped to her locker door.
"I'm sorry, Chandler. I got detention today. I'll call you tonight and tell you what happened."
Chandler was disappointed, but hoped they could reschedule the date for tomorrow. It was bad enough that he had to pretend to be gay, but if he wasn't getting any kisses and such to compensate for it, then it wasn't worth it.
Going home gloomily, Chandler greeted his mom briefly, then went to his bedroom to do some homework before dinner. Even if his mom embarrassed him with all her discussion of sex, at least she never assumed that Chandler was gay.
Chandler got up and went over to his mirror, frowning at his reflection. "Why do I look gay to some people?" he wondered aloud. "I've stopped dressing preppy, I've changed my hair, and I don't act like Dad. I've never dressed in girls' clothes or put on makeup or fooled around with the houseboy in the pool house." Then he blushed and cleared his throat. "Although I did undress my cousin Glenn a few times when I was younger, but the therapist and I agreed that I was just imitating what I'd seen my parents do to each of their boyfriends. That's all it was."
Sitting in detention, Joey silently brooded on his morning encounter with Chandler. "How could that kid think I was hitting on him? Even if he didn't hear about my reputation yet, he saw me with Angela in her car. He saw me! I mean, sure, my first girlfriend was Lisa DiBatista, with the mustache, but that was before I learned how to pick up really hot girls. That's all it was."
Chandler's cousin Glenn was mentioned during episode 711, TOW All The Cheesecakes. Lisa DiBatista is mentioned on the uncut version of 224, TOW Barry and Mindy's Wedding.