DISINTEGRATION
CHAPTER 6
The next two chapters take place during In the Wee Small Hours. Thank you to Judy for you beta services. And to Judy, Squarey, and Flashymom for letting me bounce ideas and talk on and on and on about my plans for these characters….and never pointing out to me that they aren't real, but only exist in my overactive imagination!
Annie had just fallen asleep when she heard the doorbell downstairs. She got up, but heard Bobby opening the door. Curious as to who would be dropping in so late at night, she headed for the stairs. She took one step down, and then stopped as she heard a familiar voice.
"Hey Bobby." Even though it was slurred, there was no mistaking the voice.
"What are you doing here, man?" Bobby's voice was soft, noncommittal.
"Do I need an excuse to come and see my little brother?"
"Yeah, Frank, you do. What do you want?"
Annie sat down on the top step and listened to the brothers.
"Look, Bobby…..I, uh…I need a….I just need to cover a bet I lost. But," he added quickly, "it's only for a couple of days. I'm good for it next week, I swear."
She couldn't see them, but she could hear the weariness in Bobby's voice as he said, "I told you before, Frank. No more. I'm not covering any more gambling losses. If you're gonna keep doing this, you're on your own. I'm out."
"C'mon, man…this is serious. I need to pay these guys off."
"Then I hope you find the money, Frank. But it's not coming from me. And I hope you get clean. But until you do, don't come around my house or my family again."
"That's what this is about, isn't it, Bobby? Your wife?" Annie felt a shiver run down her spine. "She's still pissed that she didn't get me thrown in prison and now she's leading you around by the nose. That prissy little bit…."
His voice was cut off suddenly and she heard the sounds of a scuffle. She got up and went down the stairs, but stopped at the bottom landing as she heard Bobby's voice, low and menacing.
"I told you not to ever talk about my wife like that. And for your information, Annie doesn't even know that you've been asking for money. This is me, Frank. Your 'little brother' is sick and tired of bailing you out just to see you piss it all away." She heard more rustling and Bobby continued. "Here's enough money to get you a cab to whatever hole you are living in now. I mean it, Frank. Don't come back around here unless you're clean."
She watched as Bobby stepped back into the house and firmly closed the door. He turned and stopped as he caught sight of her. They stared at one another for a moment, and then Annie stepped towards him. He shook his head and held up a warning hand.
"Not now, Annie. I don't want to talk about this now."
She stopped and watched him as he walked into the kitchen. She heard the refrigerator open and close, the sound of a beer opening. Then the sound of the basement door opening and closing.
Annie stood for a moment, undecided, and then turned and went back upstairs. She climbed into bed and closed her eyes….willing herself back to sleep.
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Bobby sat the empty beer bottle on the end table next to the couch in his office. He leaned his head back against the dark, soft leather and closed his eyes. He wished Frank hadn't come to the house tonight. And he really wished Annie had not heard their conversation.
He knew she wanted to talk, to ask him questions, but he wasn't up to it. He rubbed his eyes, seeing in his mind the hurt on her face when he told her he didn't want to discuss it. She didn't deserve that….but he didn't know how else to keep from getting into yet another discussion that would end up in an argument.
He got up and turned off the lights, heading upstairs. In the bedroom he found Annie asleep on his side of the bed, curled around his pillow. She frequently did that when he wasn't in the bed with her. He got ready for bed, stripped down to his tee-shirt and boxers, and slipped into the bed on Annie's side. He leaned over her, propped on his elbow, and watched her sleep. Taking a lock of her hair, he twirled it around his finger. Annie stirred.
"Bobby," she murmured and he lay down and wrapped his arms around her from behind. He buried his face in her hair and inhaled the faint lilac scent that lingered.
"I love you, Annie," he whispered.
She snuggled closer against him and laced her fingers through his, pulling his palm against her lips and kissing it softly.
"I love you too, Babe."
"She engaged in reckless and inappropriate behavior."
The words spoken by the teenage girl's father rang in Bobby's head as he drove home. It was five days since Bethany Lunden disappeared and it didn't feel like they were any closer to finding out what happened to her. The two boys who went missing had turned up at the airport in what appeared to be a completely unrelated incident. They did find a girl who they believed had been with the same boy Bethany met at a club. The boy had posted pictures of the girl and himself after having sex. Looking at the pictures of the half-naked girl, who was obviously so drunk she didn't know what she was doing, Bobby thought of his own daughter, on the verge of becoming a teenager, and he felt nauseous.
"No wonder her dad went nuts," Captain Deakins had said, and Bobby agreed. He couldn't imagine what he would do if those pictures had been of Ally. The thought of her being used the way that Suzy was….the way he suspected Bethany was used as well, and possibly a third girl. Who knew how many others there had been.
He knew he had missed dinner….again. He and Eames, as well as Logan and Barek, had been working long hours since Bethany's disappearance. It was almost dark when he pulled into the driveway and lights were on inside the house. As he opened the door, Annie was standing on the stairs, about half-way up, with her back to him.
"……and that bathroom better be spotless when I come back up there or there will be NO TV time tonight!"
She spun around when she heard the door close; she smiled at him as they met at the bottom of the stairs and embraced.
"Tough night?" He felt some of his tension evaporate as he held her against him and nuzzled her neck.
"Just the usual," she said with a sigh. "I sent the boys up to get their baths and they destroyed the bathroom."
He kissed her and held her without speaking for several moments. Finally he pulled away and asked, "Where's Ally?"
"In her latest favorite place…the playhouse, reading. I was going to send her up to get her bath…after the boys clean it, that is."
"I'll get her," he said.
He kissed her again and turned towards the kitchen. Going into the backyard, he looked over at the playhouse. It was too dark for her to read and he could see the light of a battery-operated lantern shining through the small windows.
He had built the playhouse from scratch, the summer Ally turned three. Annie was pregnant with the twins and had brought lemonade and cookies out to the two of them as they worked. Mostly he worked and Ally handed him tools and chattered nonstop. He could still see the look of admiration on her face when it was finally finished. She thought that her Daddy could do anything. When it came to decorating the finished product, he was relegated to handyman as Annie and Ally took over. He painted it inside and out with the colors they picked out. It was definitely a playhouse for a three year old girl; all pink, lace, and "Hello Kitty" designs. The décor had changed over the years as Ally's tastes had changed and as the boys had grown, first to share the playhouse and then, for a time, to take up residence when she lost interest. Recently, Ally had begun spending time in the playhouse again, finding it a nice refuge for reading.
That was also the summer that his mother's condition had worsened to the point that he went to court to have her declared incompetent and himself appointed her conservator, and then had her admitted to Carmel Ridge. In the midst of that emotional turmoil, he had looked forward every evening to coming home to work on the playhouse. Seeing Ally's excitement and hearing her say, "Oh Daddy! It's the best house in the whole world!" had been soothing after watching his mother slipping further and further away from him.
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Ally was curled up on the floor, propped up on pillows as she read. She was so engrossed in the book that she didn't realize her father was approaching until she heard his knock and the door swung open. She looked up, surprised, as he squeezed himself inside and sat down next to her.
She couldn't remember the last time Dad had been in the playhouse. It was really too small for her big father and sitting on the floor seemed to bother his knee. He used to come in sometimes when she was little. While it was usually Mom who played make-believe with her, Dad would occasionally squeeze into the playhouse and very solemnly take part in her tea parties. Playing with Mom was more of a collaboration in imagination. Mom was the one who made up stories and encouraged Ally and her brothers to do the same. When Mom played with them, she tossed out ideas for characters and plots. But when Dad played with her, Ally was the writer and director. She told him what the story was and who each of them would be. He always played whatever role Ally assigned to him and took her direction without trying to change anything.
She suppressed a smile as he lowered himself to the floor, remembering the times he had sat with her, sipping from tiny tea cups and conversing with her assorted dolls, stuffed animals, and imaginary friends.
"What are you reading," he asked.
"The Silver Chair," she told him, looking at him questioningly.
"Ah…The Chronicles of Narnia….that's a good one." She nodded, but didn't answer. He was silent for a moment before saying, "You're growing up."
"Yeah," she agreed, remembering the day she started her period and he took her to lunch.
"It won't be long until you're in high school."
"Yeah."
"And dating."
Ally blushed. What was her father leading up to? She really, really hoped it wasn't a conversation about the birds and the bees.
"I just…." He hesitated and Ally groaned inwardly. "I just want you to know…before you start dating, before you have boyfriends….that no one who…cares about you would ask you to do things you aren't comfortable with."
Oh no! It was about the birds and the bees! And she was trapped in this playhouse!
"Dad! I already know…you know…'the facts of life'. You don't have to…" She trailed off.
"I know, I know," he told her quickly. "I just want you to know that no matter how much you like someone, or even love someone….if anyone, a girl or a boy….asks you to do things that you don't want to do, or that you know are wrong…."
"Just say no?" She grinned at him and he smiled back at her.
"Yeah…just say no."
"I will, Dad."
"Good." He hesitated, obviously uncomfortable, and Ally felt her stomach flutter. He wasn't through yet. "Sweetheart….you don't…." He took a deep breath and went on. "Are any of your friends…anyone you know…sexually active?"
"Dad," she wailed, horrified that he would ask her that question. "Gross! No!"
"OK, good." He smiled at her as she tried to hide her face behind her book. "Just one more question."
She peeked at him over the top of her book. "What," she asked warily.
"Would you tell me if you did know someone who was having sex?"
She opened her mouth to say what she knew he wanted to hear; that of course she would tell him. But as she looked into her father's dark eyes and registered the sincere, intense look he was giving her, she found herself searching her own heart for the truth. What was the truth? Would she tell him if one of her friends was having sex? Would she tell him if she was having sex?
"I….I don't know," she said softly.
She waited for him to react, but he just looked at her for a moment before smiling.
"It's OK, Ally. I'm done with the questions. I want you to know that you can always come to me or to Mom and tell us anything. Even if it's something you think we won't understand or that you think will make us mad. Because we might not always understand, and we might even get mad. But we will always try. And we will always love you. Do you know that?" She nodded and he nodded back. "Mom wants you to go take your bath and get ready for bed."
She sighed with relief and closed her book. Dad sat where he was as she got up to leave, pulling her into a hug as she passed him. He kissed the top of her head.
"I love you, Sweetheart."
"I love you too, Daddy." She wiggled out of his arms and went through the playhouse door. Sandy was waiting outside for her and jumped up, overjoyed to see her. They raced to the house and at the door Ally turned to look back at the playhouse. Dad was still inside. She leaned down and hugged Sandy fiercely.
"Parents are so weird," she whispered to the dog before going into the house.
Annie was in her SUV, ready to leave the church after serving lunch. Her cell phone rang and she looked at the ID on the screen. It was a number she hadn't seen on her phone in over a year. Carmel Ridge. Why was someone at the facility calling her? She had kept in touch with the administrator and the director of nursing for some time after that awful Thanksgiving when Frances had effectively cut Annie out of her life. But eventually she had stopped calling when it became clear that this was not a temporary rift.
"Hello?"
"Ms. Paine? This is the Director of Nursing at Carmel Ridge. The administrator is calling your husband right now, but I thought I should call and let you know what is going on with Mrs. Goren."
"What's happened?" Fear clutched at her. It must be bad if they were even calling her.
"Well…Mrs. Goren had a visitor today. A man who said his mother was an old friend of hers, and that he knew Mr. Goren from the police academy. He…he had a badge, so our receptionist didn't question it. But…he began asking Mrs. Goren a lot of questions about your husband and their family…his father, his brother. Mrs. Goren got upset, but he was alone with her and kept pushing her for answers. Annie….she had a psychotic break. We had to restrain her."
"Physically?"
"Physically and chemically. I'm afraid she is…well, she's very heavily sedated and has been restrained in her bed since this morning. We check on her, of course, and release the restraints and check for circulation."
"And how is she?"
"She's not responsive right now."
"I'm on my way," Annie told her. She ended the call and immediately called Bobby.
"Annie?" He must have gotten the call; she could hear the frustration and tension in his voice.
"The Director of Nursing from Carmel Ridge called me. I'm on my way up there."
"No, you don't need to do that. I'll go…I just have to do something first."
"Bobby," she said, "I can go. I'm in my car, I can leave right now."
"It's not necessary. I'll get up there as soon as I can."
"But I want…."
"I said NO!" There was a stunned silence. Bobby took a deep breath. "It will only upset her if she wakes up to find you there, Annie. That's the last thing she needs right now."
"I…I just want to help."
The frustration in his voice was evident as he answered. "You can help by staying out of this. I'll take care of it."
"Alright," she said softly. "I'll just go home then." She hesitated before continuing. "Wi….will you call me and tell me how she is?"
"We'll talk when I get home. I have to go now." He ended the call.
Annie sat for several moments, staring at the phone. Then she started the SUV and drove home. All she told the children that night was that Daddy would be home late. She decided to let him tell them whatever he felt they should know. After they went to bed, she sat down on the couch and tried to read while she waited for Bobby.
It was very late when the front door opened and Bobby walked in. She could see how fatigued he was. He was favoring his knee, as he did when he was very tired. The weight he had put on over the last year, since the injury, didn't help. Tired though he was she could see he was still agitated as well. He was carrying his coat and tie over his arm and he tossed them over the banister of the stairs. He didn't speak to her, just headed to the kitchen and pulled a beer out of the refrigerator and sat down at the table. Annie followed him and sat down across from him.
"So…how is she," she asked softly.
"Not good," he shook his head. "She's still heavily medicated, although they've removed the restraints. It's going to take a couple of weeks to get her medication regulated again."
"Who was the man that visited her? Do you know him?"
"No…it's…" he sighed wearily. "It's all related to a case we're working. I can't talk about it now."
"But…"
"I said I can't talk about it, Annie."
They stared at one another across the table.
"Again." He raised an eyebrow in question. "You can't talk about it…again. Your mother, your work…off limits. Again."
"You know why I don't talk about my mother. And there are just some cases that are too sensitive for me to talk about."
"Evidently all of your cases are too sensitive these days. You don't talk to me about work at all. And no, I don't know why you can't talk to me about your mother. You know I care about her."
"And you know that she wants nothing to do with you. But you keep pushing. If I try to talk to you about her, it just ends up in an argument."
"If you would just let me see her…"
Bobby slammed the beer bottle down on the table. It didn't break, but beer shot up out of the neck and spilled across Bobby's hand.
"This is why I don't talk to you about my mother! You won't let it go! She does not want to see you, Annie. She's been very clear about that and she hasn't changed her mind. If you try to force yourself on her, she's just going to have more episodes like today because she will constantly be upset. Is that what you want, Annie? Is that what it will take for you to understand that I can't take that chance?" Annie didn't answer, keeping her eyes on the table. "This isn't my fault, Annie. I didn't create this situation."
Annie didn't think she could trust her voice, so she nodded her head without looking up. They sat in silence for several minutes. Annie watched as Bobby got up and washed his hand, then cleaned the spilled beer off of the table. Finally, still not looking at him and still without speaking, she got up from the table and went upstairs. Bobby didn't come to bed that night, instead sleeping on the couch in his office.
Annie didn't sleep well, dozing fitfully and waking frequently to look at the empty space next to her. Since it was obvious he wasn't coming to bed that night, she moved over to Bobby's side and curled herself around his pillow, inhaling his scent. But even that didn't help. She finally gave up around 2 AM. She sat up and turned on the light next to her side of the bed. Pulling out the book she was reading, she tried to focus on the printed words. It was useless; the words didn't make sense to her, even after reading the same paragraph four times. She tossed it aside and picked up her Bible, turning to her favorite book…Ruth. The familiar words failed to soothe her tonight. Wrapping her arms around her knees, hugging the open Bible against her chest, Annie tried to pray. Again, there was no familiar sense of peace.
Finally, she got up and quietly opened the bedroom door, listening. She didn't hear Bobby moving around downstairs and the lights were all off. She padded downstairs in her bare feet and went to the door of the basement. Carefully turning the door knob, trying not to make any sound, she gently pushed the door open and peeked in. The lights were off, but the office was lit by the ambient light of the computer on Bobby's desk. She slipped inside and silently closed the door. She crept down the stairs half way and then slid down to sit on one of the steps.
She could see Bobby lying on his couch, his back towards her. His breathing was shallow and even. Annie wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her head on her knees, watching him sleep. She didn't know how long she sat there and she wasn't aware of having dozed off, but she woke with a start. Sitting up, she blinked in confusion for a moment before remembering where she was. Glancing at Bobby, she discovered that he was no longer asleep, either. He was still lying on the couch, but now he was facing her, his head propped on his hand as he silently watched her.
They looked at one another for several long moments before Annie quietly stood and descended the rest of the stairs. As she approached the couch, Bobby scooted over to make room for her and then wrapped his arms around her when she slid next to him. They lay quietly, not moving. Overwhelmed by his scent and the feel of him lying along the length of her, tears welled up in Annie's eyes. They spilled down her cheeks and her shoulders shook softly as she tried to hold back. Bobby's arms tightened around her, his hand pressing against the back of her head, his lips against her hair, his soft whispers of comfort and apology almost inaudible. His gentleness undid her and she began to cry in earnest, clinging to him.
"I love her, Bobby," she said finally.
"I know, Babe, I know."
"And I miss her. She's been such a big part of my life for so long and suddenly she's…..she's just gone."
"Annie…."
He tilted her head back so that she was looking up at him. He kissed her eyes, her wet cheeks, her nose, nipped first one earlobe and then the other, felt her gasp as he kissed her throat, lingering in the sensitive hollow at the base, then back up to her lips, where he captured her mouth for a long, deep kiss. Annie kissed him back hungrily, pressing herself more tightly against him. He sighed deeply as she kissed his face as he had kissed hers, down to his throat, and back to his mouth.
"Make love to me, Bobby," she whispered against his lips.
He glanced towards the door at the top of the stairs. "The kids," he reminded her.
She kissed his throat again. "They're upstairs and asleep….they won't hear us." Bobby looked at her in surprise. Annie was the one who was always so concerned about privacy. But now he gasped as she slid her hand under the waistband of his boxers. "Please, Babe…make love to me."
Groaning softly, he tangled his fingers in her silky hair and pulled her head back so that she was again looking up at him. He covered her mouth with his, and then rolled to cover her body as well.
End chapter 6
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