God Gave Me You

James stood, his forehead propped against the window in the emergency room, listening to the rain fall outside. He checked every so often when he heard feet walk by; hoping it might be someone with good news, but no one had come. The surgeon, whom they were assured was the best in LA, had only come from the operating room once. And the last time he did, it was to inform Jennifer that Katie had lost her vitals, and bled out, but they were doing everything they could to save her.

At that point, James decided there was no use waiting at the operating room anymore. He wouldn't be able to bear it if he was the first to get the bad news.

When the doctor had told them that the possibility of survival dropped to minimal, and she needed blood, Kendall was the first to jump and offer. James didn't mind, Kendall was the only one who matched her blood type. James had sat there, in the waiting room, crying for an hour because he didn't think he'd done a very good thing. And while Katie was his life, and had been since day one, he'd never treated her that way. What if he lost her? How could he tell her he loved her if she was gone?

He turned so his back was against the wall and slid down to the floor, bringing his knees to his chest. It had already been six hours. It wasn't supposed to be longer than that, but because she had bled out, they needed to go longer. They were heading into the end of the seventh hour now. He was starting to lose hope fast.

"I brought you some coffee," Logan commented, sitting beside James on the floor and offering the Styrofoam cup. "It's not a lot, and it won't make you feel better, but it will keep you awake longer."

James smiled weakly and took a sip of the offered coffee. "How did you know where I was?"

"I didn't. I just thought of where I would go if I just heard Camille died. This was the first place. Either that or the bar, but Katie's not gone yet." Logan blinked and reworded his last statement. "She's not going anywhere, I'll tell you that much."

"How do you know? Can you promise me?" James asked, his voice slightly demanding.

Logan sighed and looked away. "No, actually, I can't. But I'm no idiot. I saw that ring, James."

"So she said yes. Now if she dies, I get to go through the rest of my life as an idiot, because I didn't see it before. The spark between us was always there, since she was ten years old, and I was too stupid to speak up. Any other girl, I can speak up and shout it off the rooftops…but Katie…I always hesitate." James whispered.

"Because you're afraid of Kendall hating you." Logan sighed and looked over at James. "You're afraid of losing everything in one go again."

James found it harder to breathe. "You're saying that I was afraid of my best friend, and that's why I never made a move on his sister?"

"That's how it always is. You don't want to ruin your friendship. It's a social suicide to fall in love with the best friend's sister."

"So instead of facing my fear, I hesitated on the one thing that mattered most to me." James frowned and stared into the cup of coffee. "What did you put in this?"

"Sugar and cream, like you like it. Why?"

"It's kind of bitter." He looked up at Logan, trying to change the topic. "Like, really bitter."

"Huh, I wonder why." Logan turned to face James, but didn't say much to him. Instead, he turned away and faced the doorway, where Jennifer was walking. Jennifer was crying, which prompted Logan to abandon his drink and run over to Jennifer and give her a hug. "Ms. Knight? What's wrong?"

Jennifer welcomed the hug, her normally bright blue eyes puffy from tears. "It's Katie…something changed in her condition."

Logan turned to James, but he was gone. The other boy was already running through the halls, working his way back to where Katie was. The operation sign was no longer lit, Carlos and Kendall were gone. He turned the corner and ran to the nurses' station to find someone on call. The young nurse was sitting behind the table, her green eyes fixated on the computer monitor.

"Excuse me," James growled growing impatient. "I'm looking for Katie Knight."

"What relation are you?"

James hesitated for a long time. If he said brother, it would look weird if they got married. "Her fiancé."

The woman looked up at him and paused for quite some time. "Aren't you James Diamond?"

"We'll do introductions later; right now I'm looking for my soon-to-be wife! Where is she?"

The nurse turned to the keyboard and began to type, pulling up documents. "Room 34A, but the doctor requested no visitors."

James peered over the desk at her, closing his eyes to the oncoming headache. When he reopened them, he looked at the nurse with dark brown eyes, full of tears. "Listen, I've gone through hell and high water to be here with her. I've waited hours to know if she'd be alive when she came out of surgery, and now you're telling me that I can't see her. I'm going. I don't care anymore."

Katie stared out the window, listening to the birds chirp. Oh, how she missed birds outside her window. She turned sharply when the door opened, but it wasn't who she was expecting to see. Now that she wasn't groggy from the anesthesia, she could remember and recognize the people in her rom. Kendall sat at the chair next to her bed, taking her hand gently. "I was afraid you wouldn't make it, little sister."

"I was sure I would have died of a broken heart." Katie commented quietly. "James never came."

"He was here the whole time," Kendall answered. "He even saw you for a few minutes after you were done in surgery…"

"I don't like that pause. What does that pause mean?" Katie whispered.

"Well…when they tried to escort him out, since the doctor said no visitors, he picked up the nearest thing and told them he'd kill them if they tried to take you away from him again. He was escorted off the premises by security, and told not to come back or else they were putting him in the psychiatric ward." Kendall smiled a little. "He's back to his old self again, that's a good thing."

Katie chuckled a bit, for the first time since she'd really found out about the cancer, she felt free to laugh. "Kendall, do you disapprove of us dating?"

"No. I knew you would be taken care of by James from the moment dad died. He was better for you, and I liked that. He was there for you when I wasn't, and I couldn't deny that. James has always bailed you out of trouble, and you've always helped him. Katie, I may be blind to love, but I'm no fool. I know what he did before you went into surgery."

Katie stared at him in disbelief. "He told you?"

"No. Jo did. And what's with me having to find everything out second hand? Katie, why didn't you tell me you slept with James?" Kendall asked bitterly.

"I was afraid you would hurt him." Katie whispered, staring down at her hands. "Please don't. He didn't hurt me, and I was the one who asked him. He was very nice to me the whole time, and when I asked him to stop, he did."

"I understand. I'm not going to judge you for what you did, just make sure I don't find anything else out through another source. Please? Let it be you who tells me. It eases the horror if finding out." Kendall smiled at his little sister and brushed a hand over her forehead. "The doctor said you had news for us?"

"Yes! When they got in, they found out that only one ovary was cancerous, they removed it, so now I have a fifty-fifty chance of having kids. He said he thought it was strange that I managed to get pregnant before the—" She paused and looked at Kendall. His eyes were furious. "Kendall, it was my choice! I wanted to stay with him, and as much as I hated the idea, when I thought about it – being a mother was a dream come true for me. I was devastated that I lost the baby."

"Katie, you're just a baby yourself!" Kendall hissed.

"Twenty one! And how old were you when Jo miscarried? Twenty two?" Katie bit back. "I don't want to hear anything from you about it."

"…Katie…you don't understand. The circumstances were different. Jo and I loved each other, and she knew I wouldn't cheat on her with another girl. Do you know James isn't going to cheat?" Kendall inquired.

Katie pushed herself into a sitting position so she could see Kendall's eyes. "He stood by my side every single day until my surgery. How could you honestly say that he doesn't care? Kendall, he would never turn me away. He even let me stay with him when I was looking for a new apartment. He was there…every single day."

"How can you prove it?" Kendall inquired, hesitating only briefly.

"I can't." Katie whispered quietly. "But I know that even if the world was falling down, I'd still fight for him. I'd stand by his side one hundred percent of the time, because he'd do it for me. And you know what, Kendall? He'd do it for you, too!"

Kendall smiled softly and pats her head. "I know little sister. I just wanted to make sure you loved him for the right reasons." He frowned again. "I'm sorry about the baby."

"I was five weeks when I lost her."

"Her?" Kendall inquired.

"I'm pretty confident it was a girl. I even have a name for her. I just told James about it…he didn't know. He was more devastated than I was…he sat in silence for an hour, then just started to cry and repeat that he was a horrible person over and over…" Katie quietly looked out the window. Logan and Carlos were outside her window with sticks, evidently jousting each other. She could only imagine what the doctors thought of their fellow intern. "He wanted it as much as I did."

"James told me. He said he felt horrible for putting you through that pain. Not only did you know you had cancer at the time, but you lost a baby. And he knew how much that meant to you. Katie, he loves you very much. Don't let go of that for anything. James may not show it very well, but he'd do anything for you. I mean, he socked his dad in the face for you." Kendall snickered. "You can't argue with that."

"You mean he did go? He told me he didn't!" She huffed and folded her arms. "Let me guess, he took you because he felt it would be easier?"

"No, he took me because I wanted to go after his dad for all the things he did to James growing up. You probably don't remember a time when he came to school covered in bruises." Kendall commented, leaning forward. "I'm only saying this. We spent the night at the bar three days ago; he told me all about everything that happened to you. He already knew about the baby before you told him. He knew because he'd seen the test. He didn't know you lost it…he went out and got you something."

"He…" Katie began to cry. "He's such a good person. Why can't anyone else see that?"

"I don't know, Katie, but you need to get some sleep. You're going to need it to deal with James later." He smiled and pats her hand. "You're going to be a great mother one day."

James never did show up the next few days she was recovering. He wasn't even there when she went to her apartment later. She pushed the door open hesitantly, waiting for someone to jump out at her in a surprise, but no one was there. When she opened the door and stared at the table, her breath caught.

Sitting in the middle of the table was a pink teddy bear, a note attached to the neck written in James' sloppy scrawl. She plucked the note from the neck and read it, tears running from her eyes.

Katie Baby,

I've done a lot of bad things to you. I wasn't there when you needed me most. I ran way when you needed me. I even got myself kicked out of your room. I promised I'd be there when you woke up, and I wasn't there. I promise from today forward, I'll be there no matter what. And I'll show you I can be the man you want to marry. I'll be the boy you fell in love with ten years ago. And the next girl I'll ever love is our daughter, I promise you that. This is for little Landon Ruth Diamond.

I love you,

James Diamond

Katie stared at the note for a long time, covering her mouth with her hand, tears spilling. She put the note on the table and fell to her knees on the floor, breathing through the tears, only to cry more. He'd found the note. He'd found the note with her list. She scrambled through the notes on the table until she found the one she wanted.

Step One: Call mom and Kendall
Step Two: Tell James I love him
Step Three: Tell James about Landon Ruth
Step Four: Start treatments
Step Five: Tell Kendall the show must go on
Step Six: Remind myself that life is still worth the fight
Step Seven: Give over ownership of the company to James' sister, Jade
Step Eight: Thank every single person whom helped me
Step Nine: Visit my father's grave to remind him what he left behind
Step Ten: Write letters to all the 'family'

She noticed something scrawled on the back of the paper in dark blue ink, it had bled through slightly onto her side. She stared at the page for a moment until it hit her. It was James' handwriting.

Step One: Make Katie my wife
Step Two: Tell her I love her
Step Three: Burn all the old photographs of other girls
Step Four: Remind Katie that our child isn't dead
Step Five: Remind her that it isn't her fault
Step Six: Stay with her, no matter what
Step Seven: Don't leave anything or anyone behind
Step Eight: Continue to follow my dream, with Katie by my side
Step Nine: Remind myself that life doesn't end with Katie
Step Ten: Write a letter for Landon…

Katie looked up when she heard the footsteps coming up through the hallway. James paused in the doorway and looked at the woman on the floor, finding it hard to breathe through her tears. He set the box he was carrying on the table and knelt beside her, bringing his soon-to-be-wife into his arms. "Why are you crying, Katie Baby?"

"Why didn't you tell me you get it?" She inquired, burying her head against his shoulder, her fists against his chest. "Why didn't you tell me you knew all along?"

"And ruin the surprise? Are you crazy?" He smiled and pulled away, kissing her head. "Katie, I've been taking some notes from Jo, she talked me through how to be more romantic than I am…you know, what you've been expecting from me." He brushed her hair back and leaned closer to her, whispering softly in her ear. "Now that you've got the green light from the doctor, want to try and keep Landon's memory alive?"

"I don't know, James. I can't handle another miscarriage. It would just…it would be terrible. Knowing I had it all and lost it in that instant…" She looked away, wiping her tears away.

"Logan explained to me that the reason I was so hesitant about telling you I loved you was because I was afraid of losing everything again. You can't fear life. If you fear what life can do for you, you'll never move forward." He put his thumb and index finger under her chin and tilted her face towards him. "I'll be there by your side for every step, every tear, every laugh, every hug, everything. Katie, please let me be there for you."

She laughed slightly, brown eyes dancing. "I won't hesitate anymore. Not when you put it like that. I'd do anything for you, James Diamond."

"Good, now let's go on a date. I didn't bring champagne and a wedding license for nothing." James smirked, pulling her to her feet. "We can just do a little ceremony now; we'll do a nice big ceremony later down the road, when you're ready to be public about it."

"Sounds like a good idea to me." She laughed again, throwing her arms around his neck. "I love you so much, James Diamond."

"You have no idea, Katherine Knight."

This is kind of rushed. I wanted to skip the wedding because I have another idea in mind. Also, there's a few more chapters after this. One or two at least. I'm not really done yet. =) Expect to see a lot of OC in the next few chapters. Umm...there's one more update after this for this week. Kind of my reward to you guys for breaking my promise previously.

Although, since I'm kind of having a bad week, any chance I can get 5 reviews on this chapter? =)