I'm back again with a new chapter as promised. I really hope you guys like this chapter and you don't hate me. Either way, please leave a review and let me know what you think. Apologies for any mistakes. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own or have any affiliation with Chicago PD, its characters, writers, cast or crew.
XXX
"Why did you come here, Erin?"
Erin looked up from the cup of hot tea in front of her and met Olivia's eyes. She gave a shrug of one shoulder. "I didn't really know where else to go. Everyone I know lives in Chicago, but Hank and everyone back home...They were suffocating me. I needed to get away."
"I can understand that. You've been through quite a lot recently."
Erin nodded her head before she lifted the mug to her lips and took a slow sip.
Olivia watched her with inquisitive eyes. "I've gotta ask you – your hands are shaking, and now that I can see you better in the light of my kitchen and not a dim hallway I can see your pupils. Looks to me like you're coming down from something. Are you?"
Erin took another sip of her tea and then set the mug down on the table in front of her. She wanted to look away, but Olivia's gaze kept a strong hold on her.
"You need to tell me, Erin," Olivia said in a quiet voice.
Erin looked down at the table, the guilt beginning to set in again. She gripped the mug tighter between her hands and sniffed back the tears she felt in her eyes. She whispered across the table, "Coke."
"Are you holding?" Olivia asked her.
Erin looked up at her and Olivia sighed because she knew. "If you're gonna stay here in my home the drugs have to go. I have to think of Noah here, Erin. You are more than welcome to stay here as long as you want, but the drugs can't. Do you understand me?"
Erin shook her head up and down quickly. "I'll get rid of it. I will. I swear."
"Where is it?"
"In my carry-on," Erin told her.
"How'd you even get it on the plane?"
Erin ignored her question, stood and walked to her luggage on the floor a few feet away. She unzipped the front compartment on the smaller one, pulled out two small circular containers, and walked back to the table. She placed them down in front of Olivia before she sat back in her chair.
Olivia picked up one of the containers to closely examine it. When she realized what it was she sighed and placed it back down on the table. "Your make up."
Erin nodded.
"Let's get rid of it now," Olivia said.
Olivia grabbed the makeup containers and got up from the table. She looked down at Erin with hopeful eyes and Erin swallowed hard before she stood up slowly. Olivia placed a hand on Erin's shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze before she let go, and then she led Erin to the bathroom.
Erin stood just inside the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest. When Olivia lifted the cover and seat of the toilet Erin shook her head. "I don't know if I can do this."
Olivia placed the containers on the vanity and then turned around. She took a step forward and placed her hands on Erin's shoulders.
"Yes, you can," Olivia told her.
Erin shook her head again as her eyes became heavier with more tears. "No. No, I don't want to. I know what you said and it's fine. I'll go somewhere else. I shouldn't have come here anyways. I – "
Olivia sighed. She squeezed Erin's shoulders and looked her in the eyes. "Erin, you can do this."
"I don't want to. Just give it back to me and I'll go, okay? I'll go."
Erin shrugged off Olivia's hands and tried to step around her, but Olivia was quick and blocked Erin's path.
"I can't let you do that, Erin," Olivia told her.
The tears spilled over Erin's eyes and rolled down her cheeks. She raised her hands to her hair and held her head between them as tears continued to fall from her eyes. She could feel her hands shaking against her scalp and her bottom lip was quivering. She just needed a line. One more and she would be straight again, she knew it.
"I need it, Olivia," Erin whimpered. Her hands slipped from her hair, and then her arms fell limp at her sides and she was sobbing.
Olivia could feel her own tears in her eyes as she watched the woman in front of her breakdown. She took a step forward and raised her hands to hold Erin's face, forcing her to look at Olivia again. "I know you feel like you can't do this and I know you may think you don't want to, but I promise that you can. You can do this. I'm right here with you. We'll get rid of this stuff together."
Erin whimpered again. She felt so torn – she knew what she had to do, but she just wanted one more line. She felt the sharp ache through the front of her head as it rested right between her eyes. All she wanted was to snort up a line and have the pain in her head disappear.
Erin released a shaky breath and ran a hand through her hair. She felt so sick then, she stepped forward and barely made it to her knees and hunched over the toilet before she threw up what little she held in her digestive tract.
Olivia stood behind her in an instant and pulled Erin's hair to the side with one hand. She moved her other hand to Erin's back and ran her nails along it in a comforting manner while Erin continued to heave.
A few minutes passed until Erin shrugged Olivia off of her and pulled herself to her feet. She tore some toilet paper from a nearby roll and wiped her mouth before she dropped it into the bowl, and then flushed.
Erin moved to the sink and did her best to clean herself up before she lifted her eyes to the mirror in front of her. She saw the reflection of a woman that she recognized to be herself, but at the same time was someone completely different. Her eyes held an unexplainable vacancy in the center of them. Her pupils still seemed dilated. Her face was thinner and her collarbone protruded vastly from her chest. The circles that rested underneath them were the darkest she was sure she'd ever seen.
Erin swallowed hard and dropped her gaze from the mirror before took a deep breath. She knew what had to happen. It had finally begun to hit her. She took another deep breath.
"Flush it," Erin whispered.
"What?" Olivia asked. She had barely heard her small voice.
Erin turned her head to look at the older woman stood a few feet away from her. Her face was puffy and the skin beneath her eyes was blemished with broken blood vessels.
"Flush it. All of it, please. Just get rid of it," Erin said in a louder tone, pleading.
Olivia wasted no time after she heard Erin's words. She stepped forward and grabbed the containers. She unscrewed the tops one at a time before she flipped them over and dumped their contents into the toilet bowl. Olivia glanced up at Erin, but she had turned away not watching what was happening. Once Olivia was sure both containers were completely empty she flushed the bowl. She heard Erin sniffle and looked over at her. The young woman was in tears again and she visibly shook in front of the sink. Her knuckles were white from her grip on the counter that she held onto.
Olivia moved towards the sink and stood to the side. She rinsed the containers and then dropped them into the small waste basket on the floor.
Olivia turned back to Erin and reached out to grab her hand. She squeezed it twice. "I'm proud of you for what you just did. You should be, too. I know that wasn't an easy thing for you."
Erin lifted her eyes to Olivia's and shrugged. "What if I slip again and get more?"
Olivia shook her head and squeezed Erin's hand again. "I won't let you. I'll help you in any way I can, but you have to want the help, Erin. And from what I just saw, I think you want help."
"I don't wanna feel this way anymore," Erin said in a small voice as more tears filled her eyes.
Olivia smiled through her own tears she felt in her eyes and squeezed Erin's hand once more. "Then I'll help you so you don't."
Olivia tugged on her hand. "Come on. Let's go sit back down in the kitchen."
Erin nodded and let Olivia lead her out of the bathroom. She only let go of Erin's hand once they reached the kitchen, and Erin sat back down in her chair. Olivia walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water before she returned to the table and sat down. She handed the water to Erin with a smile and rested her hands on top of the table in front of her.
Erin took a few sips of the water and then looked back to Olivia. "What do I do now?"
"Does anyone know you're here? Hank? Anyone?"
Erin shook her head. "No, I just uh, I packed a few bags and got on a plane."
"Erin, everyone must be worried sick about you. You should call someone back home."
Erin shook her head again quickly. "No. No, I can't."
"Erin, think about how worried they must be. You didn't tell anyone you were leaving. They have no idea where you are. I know what you're going through. Believe me I know better than anyone. And I know you probably aren't ready to talk about her yet, but remember how you felt when Nadia went missing? The worry you felt not knowing anything. Do you really want to put the people who care about you through that?"
Erin swallowed a lump in her throat and dropped her eyes to her lap at the mention of her late friend's name. Of course she remembered. She remembered all too well the things she felt when Nadia disappeared. The anxiety when Nadia's phone continued going straight to voicemail when Erin called. The panic that set in when Kim had mentioned a smashed birthday cake on the ground and they discovered Erin's car was missing. The wrench in her gut when she realized her friend wouldn't be coming home, and the guilt that set in when she realized it was because of her. It was her fault.
"I can't talk to them Olivia. I just can't," Erin said as she looked back up at Olivia.
"Then let me. I can talk to them for you. At least let me tell them you're safe. Would that be okay?"
Erin looked away from Olivia and didn't speak for a few moments. Olivia could tell Erin was scared as she fiddled with her shaking hands and took a few shaky breaths. Then Erin reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out her cell phone. She stared at it for a few seconds before she set it down and slid it across the table to Olivia.
"I turned it off so they couldn't track me," Erin said quietly. Olivia nodded, turning the phone on.
Eight hundred miles away Hank Voight sat in his office of District 21. He hadn't left the pen since he returned to the district with Jay Halstead several hours earlier. Hank looked up from his desk and saw Jay at his own desk. His eyes roved over the computer screen in front of him. Hank glanced through the open door way of his office and realized the entire team was still in the pen. He sighed and stood from his chair, and everyone looked up as he walked out of his office.
"All of you guys – "
"Hey, boss!"
Hank turned to his left and saw Mouse enter the pen from the side hallway. "Yeah, Mouse."
"Erin's phone was just turned on," Mouse said as he walked towards Hank. Several gasps were heard around the room while both Hank and Jay's eyes widened.
"Use my computer again. Find her," Jay commanded as he stood up from his chair. Mouse nodded and took a seat. Hank and Jay stood on either side of him, waiting.
Less than a minute later Jay noticed a strange look on his friend's face. "What is it?"
Mouse shook his head and pointed to the computer screen in front of him. "Either I'm off my game, or that really does say New York. Manhattan to be specific."
"What the hell would she be doing in New York City?" Jay asked.
"Let's find out," Hank said. He nodded at Jay and then in the direction of his office. Jay followed Hank into the small room and closed the door behind him.
"Keep quiet," Hank said to Jay, who nodded once, and then Hank pulled his cell phone from his chest pocket. He dialed Erin's number and set the call on speaker.
Back in Olivia's kitchen, Erin sat with her thumb nail pulled between her teeth as she waited for Olivia to make a call on her cell phone. Her left knee bounced up and down under the table and then she froze completely when a ringing sounded throughout the kitchen.
"Hank's calling," Olivia told her.
"That didn't take long," Erin muttered.
Olivia cleared her throat before she answered the call and lifted the phone to her ear. "Hello, Hank."
"Olivia? Is that you? What are you – " Hank paused and sighed. "She's with you?"
"Yes, she's with me at my apartment. She's safe," Olivia told him.
"Is she alright?" Hank asked.
"Could be better, but she's okay," Olivia said.
Hank sighed again and shook his head on his end. "Halstead and I will be on the next flight out."
"No, that won't be necessary, Hank. She's emotional and scared right now. I told her she could stay here."
"Excuse me?"
"She needs some space right now," Olivia told her friend.
Hank scoffed on his end. "What she needs is medical and professional help. She disappears and doesn't care to tell anyone where she's going, gets into God knows what, and then runs off to the Big Apple, but I'm supposed to give her space?"
"Hank, I'll take care of her. Maybe getting some distance between herself and Chicago isn't such a bad idea right now with everything going on."
"Olivia – "
"I know what she is to you, Hank. I know you're worried about her, but pushing her and overwhelming her isn't going to help. Believe me. I will get her to a doctor tonight and get her the help she needs. I promise you, as your friend and as a mother, I will take care of her."
Hank took a deep breath and blew it out. He shook his head again on his end of the phone call. "Alright. We'll do it your way. Just – just keep me in the loop, okay? And tell her I love her. That we all do."
"You have my word," Olivia swore. She heard another deep sigh and then the call was disconnected.
Hank slipped his phone back into his chest pocket and looked up to see Jay already walking to the door. He opened it and stepped back out into the pen, and Hank followed. He looked around the room and saw everyone's eyes on him.
"Is she okay?" Kim immediately asked.
"So, where is she then?" Adam jumped in.
Hank sighed heavily and then met Antonio's eyes. "Well?" Dawson pressed.
"Erin is in New York with Sergeant Benson. She'll be staying there for an indefinite amount of time," Hank announced to his team, but kept his eyes in front of him on Jay.
Jay scoffed. "She can't stay in New York. That's the last place she needs to be. We need to go there. We need to go and bring her home."
"Jay," Hank said quietly, shaking his head yet again.
"You're telling me you're okay with this?" Jay asked him with his hands on his hips. He took a few steps forward and then turned around, beginning to pace back and forth.
"You heard Olivia, Jay. I don't like it either, but maybe she's right. Maybe some space will do Erin some good right now," Hank said.
Jay just shook his head in disbelief before he snatched his jacket and left the pen.
XXX
"Thank you," Erin said as she looked at Olivia. "For what you did and said, thanks."
Olivia nodded. "I meant every word. I'm gonna call Rollins to see if she come and watch Noah so I can get you to a doctor. Closest hospital is Bellevue. Ten minute drive tops," Olivia told Erin.
Erin shook her head. "No, no hospitals. Please."
"Erin, you should see a doctor sooner rather than later," Olivia told her.
"I can't go to a hospital with coke in my system, Olivia. They'll – "
"You let me take care of that," Olivia said.
Thirty minutes later Olivia pulled into the parking lot of Bellevue Hospital. She parked the car, and her and Erin made their way to the entrance.
"Just follow my lead, alright?" Olivia said to her. Erin glanced over at her curiously.
"Trust me," Olivia told her.
Erin nodded, and then she and Olivia entered the emergency room of the hospital. Erin kept her eyes down and her hands in her pockets as she followed Olivia to a front desk in the waiting room.
"May I help you?" A nurse asked.
Olivia pulled her badge from her belt clip and flashed it at the woman behind the desk. "I need a room and a doctor. Now."
The woman only nodded and disappeared behind a set of automatic double doors. Erin stayed quiet and still kept her eyes low. Olivia glanced around the waiting room – there was an elderly couple, a woman with a brace on her knee, another younger couple with a whiny toddler, and a man with a cast on his arm. Olivia sighed a breath of relief that the ER didn't seem too busy. The sound of the double doors opening made Olivia turned and she saw the same nurse from before wave her over.
Olivia patted Erin's arm and the two followed the nurse to a room halfway down the hall.
"Dr. Peterson will be in shortly, officer," the nurse said to Olivia. Liv smiled her thanks and then the nurse left the room.
Olivia turned to Erin and gestured to the hospital bed against the side wall of the room. Erin nodded and sat down on the side of it, keeping her hands in her pockets; they were still shaking.
Ten minutes later there was a knock on the door and then it was pushed open a moment later. A middle-aged woman, late thirties entered the room. She had blonde hair pulled back into a pony tail and she wore a white lab coat over her light blue scrubs.
Her eyes were blue and Erin couldn't help to stare. They reminded her of – she stopped the thought before it could finish processing in her head and watched the woman as she walked towards her on the bed.
"Hello, I'm Dr. Peterson. My nurse told me there was a police officer in need of medical attention. What seems to be the problem?" She kept the smile on her face as she glanced between Erin and Olivia.
Olivia stepped forward, and raised her badge again for the doctor to see for herself. "I'm Sergeant Olivia Benson, Special Victim's Unit. This is Detective Erin Lindsay, Chicago P.D. She was working with us as an undercover for a federal sex trafficking case. To not blow her cover she had to ingest some cocaine. We wanted to get her checked out. Make sure everything is okay."
"Of course," Dr. Peterson nodded. She glanced at Erin and then back to Olivia. "We'll have to check her out in the system, go over her medical history and – "
Olivia shook her head. "Like I said, the case is federal level and extremely sensitive as I'm sure you can understand. You can run whatever tests you'd like on my colleague, but I need her name to stay out of it. Put her down as a Jane Doe."
Olivia pulled a card from her pocket then and handed it to the doctor. "Here's my card. You can send any medical bills to the precinct."
The doctor swallowed nervously, but nodded her head at Olivia. She turned to Erin. "We'll get some blood and urine tests going and get you in for an MRI contrast to check your internals out. Then we'll set up an EKG to check your heart. We'll try to have you out of here as soon as possible."
"Okay, " Erin said quietly in response.
Dr. Peterson smiled at her again. "Sit tight. I'll go grab a couple nurses and we'll get started."
The doctor left the room and Olivia stepped towards Erin. "You're gonna be okay."
Erin looked up at Olivia with unblinking eyes and her knees started to shake again.
"I just hate hospitals," Erin whispered.
Olivia nodded. "So do I."
A few minutes later Dr. Peterson returned with two nurses behind her. The doctor turned to Olivia. "You'll have to take a seat in the waiting room, Sergeant."
Olivia nodded and faced Erin. "I won't be far okay?"
Erin nodded as well. "It's just a bunch of tests. I'll be alright."
Less than an hour later Erin returned to her room. Within another ten minutes the door opened and Dr. Peterson entered. She smiled at Erin as she sat on a rolling stool at the side of the bed.
"I thought I was supposed to have an MRI," Erin said sleepily to the woman beside her. It was nearing three o'clock in the morning and all she wanted to do right then was sleep.
The blonde woman smiled as she held a chart in front of her and looked at Erin. "You were supposed to, yes, but due to medical reasons we couldn't perform the MRI contrast. Everything else seems to be fine, relatively speaking. The cocaine in your system didn't test positive for any abnormalities in your blood or urine. It also doesn't seem to have affected the fetus too severely. A few days of detox and the both of you should be just fine."
Erin snapped her head up, now fully awake, and looked up at the doctor. "Fetus?"