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Disbelief is all I could feel, that and anger. How dare Yang do that? Is she aware of how hypocritical she's being? Is she even aware that we all are very upset with her? I would be surprised if she even felt that much remorse for doing what she did. She's always been like that. She always sticks to what she does and has no problem shitting on other people as long as she can get some satisfaction. No... that's not completely true. I know that she feels remorse. She's told me herself. When we ate dinner that one night I learned things that I was blind to for months. I love her a lot, sincerely, but that doesn't keep me from seeing her almost endless faults. She's arrogant, over-sexual, selfish, and I don't think she has ever considered thinking about what she says before she slurs them out of her big mouth. Does she know how much she impacts people by acting so dumb? So awful? Ruby feels the same way I do, and I know that as a fact. You can tell by the way the flicker in her silver eyes die down whenever Yang does something that is completely insensitive. Her face melts completely. She feels abandoned by the only person she is so close to, like whenever you want one of the older kids to play with you more than anything, only to be shot down by harsh and frank words. I can hear her gasp for air whenever the words deliver the blow, leaving her momentarily breathless. I saw that in Ruby today, I saw her stomach contract from the hurtful blow of words and emotion. I felt the pain as well, as did everyone else who was in the room. When I walked in I was able to tell how the ending of the meeting was going to be: awkward, nail biting, and gut wrenching.
I learned long ago not to think of the bad in people without looking at the good. All I was able to see in Yang was pure disgust. I'm trying to think of something that could possibly give her some retribution, but my mind is clouded by my rage, and the cloud only continues to get thicker and thicker, leaving me shaking. Does she think that Ruby would act the same way if she caught Yang fucking some random person in our room late at night? Ruby wouldn't even be half of the bitch that Yang was to her and Weiss, and Ruby and Weiss were actually bonding, connecting to one another with a first kiss. How dare Yang think that she can just break anything up just because she's the older sister? Just because "that's Yang, that's what she does". It's pathetic. I walked further to where Yang was hiding, shivering with anger and excited to tell her what she did wrong and make her feel even worse than Ruby does.
I walked with Adam through some woods that I had never seen before with some Faunus whom I recognized, not particularly knowing where we were going. All that we were aware of is that we were to vandalize a dust shop and get rid of everyone who didn't comply to our demands. The White Fang...I don't know how I feel about it. I've been a part of it so long that it's kind of become a part of who I am, but I can feel it start to sour. It just feels like a completely different place than what I had remembered. I remembered justice and a feeling of self worth, but now...I feel like we aren't walking on a straight line, more like drunkedly stumbling, missing the path but hitting the line every once in a while. We are trying to make the Faunus equal to the humans, and we are in a way, but it feels like we are doing something else. It feels like what we do is unnecessary to our goal of equality. We don't HAVE to be this forceful at all, but our leader says that that is what is best for us, so I'm torn. I don't let anyone know how I feel because I'm scared of being questioned about my beliefs, but my curiosity is killing me. I know that Adam is practically the same way; we share a lot of similarities, one of them notibly being relatively self-preserved, me more than him. I ask him, but terrified as to how he'll respond.
"Hey Adam, what are your thoughts on...this?"
"Well 'this' can be a pretty broad term. What do you mean by it?" Adam asked frankly.
"The whole vandalization. Not that I'm questioning our orders or anything, but this isn't anything at all like we used to do. We went from riots to being outlaws. I'm just asking your opinion." He didn't say anything for a long time, just walking with his head down observing my question thoroughly. He always did that and it honestly pissed me off. Whenever someone asked him a question, he would analyze it and think of what he said like he was writing a damn speech in his head.
"...Well Adam?"
He sighed deeply and responded.
"I think what we're doing is the best thing that could be done at this moment. There's a reason why we're doing other things, Blake. Riots weren't enough. They might've worked for a little while, but that method eventually got... rusty. Things weren't progressing like they were now, that's why I'm glad to be doing this. Our new "boss" isn't ignorant. We are doing such drastic things because that's what needed to be done in order for there to be a drastic change, and that's what we're getting. It may take a couple of deaths and a few robberies, but as long as what we're doing makes a difference, I'm all for it. Nothing said can change that." We hopped down a little ledge that put us in a distance view of the town we were after.
"Yeah, there certainly has been change," I said as we inched closer to our target city.
"You see it now? You're doing a good thing here, kid," Adam said in a whisper. We were at a crouch now, looking above the town with the dust shop sitting at the corner that was closest to us. Everyone was at a slight whisper, talking to their partner or the group that they wanted to be affiliated with. Adam was at the front since he was the mission organizer and practically the captain of the whole squad. He stood up to speak, silencing the crowd. Adam always had the ability to get people's attention, even if he wasn't meaning to. So when he actually was trying to get attention, you could see the change in the atmosphere, and you could hear the concentration being curved toward that single source.
"Alright, we're here. This is a simple procedure. We break in, bang up the people inside, take the merchendise, and cover our tracks. That's it. You should all know by now that if you do anything other than this there'll be punishment. We all have our jobs to do, and if you stray from your job, you'll experience that punishment." He was talking about the public execution. I've seen three of them since we actually started to get violent in our fight. The first one I saw was about a year ago. It was an elderly Faunus with Rabbit ears, his arms scarred with the many years he'd been with the White Fang and the tiredness in his eyes made you feel pity for him. They were a pale brown with hardly any pupils, and the story that they told could bring you to tears. They told: "My life has been nothing but pain and oppression. I've lost everyone I loved and I'm holding onto life by a string." He was caught sliting the throat of another Faunus late at night in one of our camps. The old man didn't feel remorse or anything at all by that point. His eyes were more dead than they were prior. When he was hung, it's like his eyes stayed the exact same, the only thing that changed was the color of his face as the blood was supressed to his head.
The second and third were brother and sister. They both resembled goats with small, curled horns that protruded from the sides of their head. They were nothing like the old, lifeless man. They were lively and determined, but their determination wasn't with the White Fang but with their own self interests. They only looked after one another and had no interest in the rest of the group. They did their missions only because they weren't ready to face the consequences of saying no. But the one time that they did disobey orders, they faced consequences worse than they imagined. After fleeing for a few hours during a mission, they were found and were beaten one at a time, the other watching as their close siblings slowly let go of life after blow and blow again. Then it was the others turn. I cried the whole time, and just thinking about it hurts me greatly. I cried so hard because I felt so connected to them. They were only five or six years older than me and they acted just about the same as I did. Whenever I saw them being killed, I saw myself in those shackles. That was only two weeks ago, so it's still fresh on my mind. Whenever I question if what we're doing is right, I get scared of being punished. I think of what would happen to me if I decided to act against the White Fang, so I only let it out in bursts.
"You all know what to do. Remeber why we're doing this, so be excited that what we're doing here is taking us one step closer to our goal. Stand up and let's show them who we are. Let's make them respect us, yeah? Let them be reminded of what it feels like to live in fear. Let us remind them that there are more things about us than are dreamt of in their pathetic minds. Let's go."
I take out my weapons and stand up, looking at Adam straight in the eye. I want to tell him how I feel. I want him to see me screaming from my glare, but we never make eye contact. He turns around and sprints towards the shop, leading a pack of mindless sheep to do a bad man's bidding.
"What the hell is WRONG with you, Yang?!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. Her head bolts up at me, her eyes wide and shocked to see me standing there yelling at her. Finally, I'm able to tell her how I feel. She better take this to heart. I slam the door behind me and give her the worst look that I could muster. "Who the fuck do you think you are to tell Ruby what not to do? She kissed a girl, so what? You don't know how she was feeling, do you? Maybe this was the best thing that's ever happened to her and you fucking ruined it. How does it feel to be so self centered? To think the world is yours and you can do whatever you please? Huh? Does it feel great? Well it feels pretty shitty on the other side, Yang. It fucking sucks. How hard do you think Ruby's crying right now? Hell, I bet she can't control herself. How does that feel?" Yang looked awful. Her eyes were puffy from previously crying and her mouth was agape from the blow of my hurtful words. I felt a twinge of regret, but I brushed it aside.
"Blake..I-"
"What? What are you going to say? You better think about what you say before you pour out some nonesense like you usually do. If you DARE try to defend yourself, we are going to have a big fucking problem." She started to cry, her face crunching up and fresh tears rolling down her eyes. I knew I reached her, but now I actually did feel bad. Everything I said had a purpose, but not all of it was actually true. Some of it was, but the things that hit home weren't entirely truthful.
"I'm so sorry!" She bauled out between gasps of air. She didn't look strong at all. She looked so weak, something I've never seen before. I hated it.
"Well... I'm not the one you should be apologizing to, Yang." I said in a soft tone, trying to let her know that I was sorry as well. That I understood the situation. All the rage I previously had vanished. I then understood that it wasn't at all like I thought it was. I started to feel worse and worse, but I decided to not show it completely. "I didn't mean a lot of what I said, Yang. I was just really pissed at you, and I had a really good reason."
She sniffled out, "Yeah, I know. Thanks." We sat in silence for a while until I sat next to her, touching her shoulder. I felt something about her that wasn't selfish at all.
"So why did you do it, Yang? I know it's hard but it does deserve an explanation."
She let out one big sob before she spoke, then collected herself to give her explanation. It felt like talking to a kid who had just scraped his leg, except this was with the woman I had feelings for... strong feelings. Even if I did speak my mind, I still loved her. "I just wanted to be seen as rebellious and careless. That's how everyone already sees me, you said it yourself. I just try to make myself look good and cool so people will see me a certain way. I knew what I did was wrong before I even did it, but I wouldn't be seen the same if I decided to let my sister do things with another person without making them look bad. I didn't want to do it, Blake I swear. I feel the worst out of everyone...except Ruby probably...oh God." Yang started to cry again with the reminder of what she did and who she was.
"I promise you're not a bad person, Yang." I grabbed her face gently and motioned it towards mine. If this weren't a serious moment, I would be blushing tremendously. "You are who you are, and that person is someone who knows what's right, but needs work. That's all it is. No one's perfect. I'm a coward, and I hate myself for that, but I'm going to work on it so I can be better. That's what you need to do. You have to be strong for you and for everyone else, okay?" She nodded her head and wiped a tear from her eye. I looked her in the eye and saw the twinkle from the tears and the remorse from her mistake. I bit my tongue to keep from saying anything romantic or sugary, so instead I did something even worse. I kissed her cheek. What the FUCK was I thinking? That was way too soon and completely out of the blue. I wasn't even thinking about that two seconds ago, and then..? How could I kiss someone who just yelled at her little sister for kissing another woman? I feel just as insensitive as I thought Yang was being. I cringed up, closing my eyes in embarrassment. What would she think of this? Oh, God what the hell did I just get myself into? I opened my eyes slowly to look at Yang's reaction to that kiss...she was smiling.
"Um... I'm going to get Ruby and Weiss over here, okay?" I said softly, embarrassed.
"Sure, I need to tell them what I actually think," Yang said with a smile and a sniff. I felt the redness in my face intensify, and I got my scroll out shakily. Did that kiss...mean anything to her?