Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do however, own this plotline.

A/N: I apologize for the delays and hope you enjoy this chapter! This chapter needed a lot of reworking so I've divided it into Part 1 and 2. Thanks to Megan for telling to get my butt into gear, and Heartbroken1 for editing this for me :) Happy Easter everyone!

Part 1

Jacob's POV

I woke up, the sun permeating my thin cotton curtains, casting shadows across my bedroom walls. A scowl already marred my features, as I rose, and trudged towards the kitchen, grabbing a box of cereal. I was meeting Sam for patrol at 10. Another pointless exercise in my now pointless existence.

I reflected on what had happened to my life in the last few weeks as I chewed my cheerios without fervor. I wished that I could go back to the days where Bella and I sat in my ramshackle shed, drinking soda, whilst I fiddled with our motorbikes. Back to a time, when we had no secrets, when life was simple. When I was human.

That night, when I made my first change, had shattered everything I knew and what I had come to love. Mornings at school with Quil and Embry, chasing the senior girls and generally creating mischief; afternoons in the lounge with Billy, watching the game and eating Harry's famous fish. Evenings walking First Beach with Bella's hand in mine.

Right now, I felt like I could never get that back. Life was changing, and I had no control over where it was heading. My head no longer controlled my decisions. I didn't think before I would act.

The invariable link between my emotions and my transformation made school and my friends impossible. I had never felt more isolated. It's not like I could call them up and say, 'sorry, can't come in today, I may turn into a killing machine but you can visit if you want'. I laughed bitterly at the thought. I was too dangerous, too unpredictable… A monster, an alien creation.

The transformations, although still uncomfortable, had become less painful, the transition more fluent. I became what I was easier, more proof that I was no longer human, and held no right to live with their race.

I seethed with anger, my body shaking with tremors that belied my mood. It truly was uncontrollable.

I just couldn't understand what had happened to me, why it had happened to me. What did I do to deserve this curse? This abnormality?

These questions swirled around my mind unceasingly, clouding any commonsense.

As always my thoughts turned to Bella. As of yet, I couldn't find any solution to the injunction set against me. Sam had forbidden me to talk to her about this, about anything! I growled, the sound rumbling in my chest. She had the right to know.

"It's too dangerous," Sam told me in a self-righteous tone. "I'm sorry, Jacob, but I can't let you see her."

Sorry? I doubt it. I didn't want to be part of his 'gang' when I was human, and my mind hadn't changed now that I was a werewolf.

He told me his story in an attempt to justify the enormity of his command. Although 'told' doesn't seem to be the right word. I had experienced this particular phenomenon when I made my first transformation; and I hadn't yet become fully habituated to it. When my brothers and I are in our wolf form, our minds are connected. There is no privacy, unless you have complete control of your mind. And only Sam had mastered that. He had been like 'this' longer than everyone. I still had trouble voicing the name of what I was. This time, however, he had let me see into his mind. Pictures of Emily came forth; she was beautiful, her skin was smooth and clear, her smile wide and her eyes shaped like almonds. The images quickly changed to something I surmised as more recent, to how Emily was now. Long, claw-like marks lined the entire right side of her body, from head to toe, pulling down one side of her smile. The gashes were deep and red, even though they were long healed.

Since that day, I had tried many times to rid this particular image from my mind to no avail. Sam morphing, his body lengthening, his claws extending, slashing Emily's fragile human body. He'd lost his temper, just once, and Emily, through no fault of her own, had been in the way.

I felt repentant. I'd been pestering Sam for weeks, trying to sway him. I had to see Bella. I wouldn't take no for an answer. But now, I couldn't help but thinking, would she want to see me?

I shook my head, hoping that the action would dislodge that unpleasant thought. Bella wasn't like that. She accepted a vampire into her life, why not me? I would talk to Sam again this morning; let him know that I understood his decision, but that I wasn't him.

Bella had been calling my phone twice a day for the last two weeks. She'd spent every free afternoon outside of my house in her truck, waiting for me to come out. I could tell that she wasn't coping.

Bella was already beginning to fall into the stupor I'd first found her in. Every day, she looked thinner, the black rings around her eyes larger. I looked on as she became increasingly lifeless.

Just when she had started to gain some color into her cheeks, and a smile on her face, I had ruined it.

It was my fault.

I had completely broken the promises I'd made to her, "I'll never leave you; I'll never hurt you."

So much for that.

But then again, promises were made to be broken.

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