P.O.: Hey guys…hehehe…so here's an update…ahe…he..hehe
Yassen: You should probably start running now.
P.O.: *dashes into the distance*
Alex: Figures the only time she runs is in retreat.
Yassen: Appropriate though.
Alex: Meh, on to the story.
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Italy
"So, why are we here?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, you and I are both targets of Scorpia."
"Yes.."
"That wasn't a question."
"No, but you get grouchy when I do not respond."
"…I'm gonna ignore that. Sooo why are we here?"
"Little Alex, vowels are not meant to be elongated."
"Says the king of dramatic understatements."
"What does our…relationship…with Scorpia have to do with anything?"
"Exhibit A."
"Alex.."
"Fine. Because, oh, I don't know, maybe it's the fact that we're In ITALY THEIR HOMEBASE!"
"There is no need to shout Alex, I have excellent hearing."
"Well, it's a good thing you have 'excellent' hearing since your good sense is painfully lacking…then again you are an assassin…and you did kidnap me…and your feet stink…"
"Little Alex, I highly suggest you cease your mumbling, as I have already said, my hearing is excellent."
"Wha- Oh, um…yeah, but really, your feet do stink, and, honestly, don't you ever get tired of assassinations, I mean, don't you ever want to do something else? Like civil engineering, you could definitely be a civil engineer. I still remember that elevator trick you did with that one guy and-"
"Alex, you are rambling. And aside from that, you should remember the 'elevator trick' was done for an assassination. "
"And see, that's exactly my point. All you do is assassinate people, drag me around, and occasionally do yoga. Not once have I seen you go out with mates or do anything outside of-"
"I do not have friends, Little Alex. I am an assassin, as you so blatantly pointed out. Friends are not in the job description."
"Well maybe if you stopped interrupting people all the time you would. Jeez, it's like I can't even-"
"Alex."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"You did that on purpose, didn't you?"
"…"
"You're such an ass."
"I am a middle aged male with a healthy sense of humor."
"Yeah right, more like a- wait. How old are you Yassen?"
"Old enough to be your better, young enough to be your brother."
"What does that even mean?"
"It means, I will not tell you."
"Oh my God."
"What has your depraved mind conjured now, Little Alex?"
"You're a woman."
"Pardon?"
"Not physically, but the whole 'never ask a woman her age' thing is what's going on. But I bet I could guess."
"Pardon."
"Okay so, you have that whole ageless thing down pat-"
"Alex…"
"-but you constantly talk about how I should respect my elders-"
"Alex."
"-however you also said you could be my brother-"
"Alex."
"-it all makes sense now, I totally know your age, you're-"
"ALEX!"
"Ow, now who's shouting?"
"I suggest you end that train of thought."
"But Yassen, I know how ol-"
"Alexander Jonathan Rider, do not finish that statement."
"What does 'Yassen' mean?"
"Alex, I just said- what?"
"'Yassen', it's Russian right? What does it mean?"
"…It means 'ash tree'."
"It's not common."
"No."
"It's not your real name either."
"No."
"I thought as much."
"Yes."
"Will you tell me one day?"
"Perhaps."
"Okay then."
…
"Yassen?"
"Little Alex."
"We need to get out of this country."
"I see no reason to leave."
"I really think we should."
"Why?"
"Remember the excuse you gave for kidnapping me?"
"Excuse? You mean carefully thought out reason."
"Uh-huh sure. Do you remember the excuse?"
"Reason, and yes."
"Mind reiterating it?"
"…"
"Yassen?"
"Little Alex..."
"Yassen, are you- are you tearing up? What the hell!?"
" I did not know your vocabulary allowed for words beyond two syllables."
"….You are such an asshole."
"Language."
"Voi stronzo."
"…"
"When in Rome…"
"What a strangely appropriate proverb."
"I'm that good."
"You have a Rider's luck."
"What?"
"That is why I kidnapped you. Your luck would turn on you."
"No, but that's besides the point. Where are we?"
"Italy."
"Do you see my issue?"
"We are well hidden with copious-"
"Yassen. I am Alex Rider."
"…you may have a point"
"Can we leave then? Please."
"I'll…start packing."
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*Voi stronzo – Italian for 'you asshole'