Hello, my lovely readers. (:
I know it's been awhile since I have updated, but I haven't forgotten.
Thanks to everyone who has reviewed. DON'T STOP REVIEWING. Lol.
Also, if you have any suggestions for me, I'd love to hear them. Or criticism, give me everything you can. Haha. :D
Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or any of it's characters, sadly. I also do not own any other television show, book, movie, or song if any happen to be referenced in here.
Clare's POV-
Eli came back a few minutes later, and sat down next to me on the couch again. "Who was on the phone?" I wondered aloud. His lips pulled up into that gorgeous half-smile that never fails to leave me breathless, only this time it was reluctant. I could read a myriad of different emotions on his face all at once. He didn't answer, he just kept staring at the television screen. Surely he didn't think I'd give up that easily. "Well?" I pressed. "Wrong Number." Yeah Right. "You're lying, Eli. I know you." His smile disappeared, and his face became cold. He looked straight into my eyes, piercing me with his. "You don't know anything about me, Clare." In those few moments, he was as distant and cold to me as he's ever been. I didn't know what to say. I was stunned, and at a total loss for words. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, and soon enough, they came flowing down.
I jumped to my feet, and quickly strode out of the room. I ran out the front door, and into the street in the direction of my house. Suddenly, I realized something: Eli wasn't worth crying over. No guy is. I realized that after hours of crying over K.C. I could see my house now, and I slowed to a walk. As I walked up the steps that led to my front door, I wiped the last of the tears from my eyes. Never again would I cry over Eli. Never again would I waste my time on him…
Eli's POV-
I can't believe I said that yesterday. And to Clare of all people. I cant believe I just sat there and watched as she ran out of my house, crying. I cant believe that I didn't go after her. She wouldn't text me or return my calls.
I spent most of my day just sitting there, my cell phone in my lap, waiting on a text or a call that I knew wasn't coming. Monday couldn't come fast enough. It was after 10:00 p.m. and I still hadn't heard from her. It was then that I realized something: That was a good thing. Its clear that I'm no good for her. Anybody can see that. And I don't deserve to be happy. Not after what happened to Julia. Every day I wake up, feeling even guiltier than the day before. Every day I find myself wishing that I could go back, and re-do everything that was done that night. It's been over a year, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. It doesn't make me feel any less guilty.
All of this is only part of the reason why I can't be with Clare. A big part. The smaller, less important part, is simply that she's too good for me. Too good for everyone. It's selfish of me to want her, but I do. More and more everyday. But, I can't tell her that.
Logically, that's what I should do. That's what any guy in my position would do. Tell her how they really feel. You would think that would solve all my problems. Well it should, but it doesn't. And it won't. Ever. Because, every day I find myself wrestling between what I want but don't need, and what I need but don't want. I want Clare, but I don't need her. I need time, but I don't want it. But, then again maybe I need both time, and Clare. I guess I'll figure it out.
Okay, before anybody beats me with a wet noodle for this part, I promise I'm not leaving them like this. Also, don't forget to hit the review button. And the favorite button. (: