*peeks out nervously* So I realize that I'd said in my review responses that I'd probably have this up on Monday, and it is now just after 2 am on Wednesday here, but I have a reason for this being late: you see, after reading the responses I got back for the previous chapter (and some before then too), a lot of you were really highlighting Lindsay's anger at Danny for breaking his promise. When I typed the chapter up as I had originally written it, she only acknowledged that anger really quickly, and I felt that it was a story thread that I had really dropped the ball on. The original version of this chapter was much shorter, and what transpired between them seemed to happen too fast (and too easily) given what they'd been through, so it needed a massive overhaul (I kept some of the original version, but most of it changed). I never imagined that the overhaul would take me so long to do, but I've struggled with it, not sure if I went too far the other way now (from too easy to too crazy).

I'm gonna stop making excuses now and just let you all get on to what you've been waiting so patiently for.

Lindsay was in no rush to get upstairs and go to her office – she even questioned whether she should go there or not. She had behaved like this only one previous time in her life, and remembering that experience, she knew that there was nothing she could do but let her mind and body work as they so chose. There was no on/off switch that could magically bring her out of it and make her all better, so she would have to wait it out.

A great portion of her hesitance was because she knew her biggest problem would be dealing with Danny: the minute she entered the room, he would try to get her to open up, to tell him why she was pulling away from him, but she knew that she couldn't answer those questions right now. She needed time and space, but Danny and Lucy needed just the opposite. As she slowly climbed the stairs, Lindsay tried to determine just whose needs were more important at the moment. Weighing the pros and cons of each rationally, she came to the conclusion that she needed to go to her office.

Focusing on the new task before her, she exited the stairwell and glanced over at the office, noticing that only the light on her desk was on. Taking it as a sign that both Danny and Lucy were asleep, she opened and closed the office door quietly. Casting her eyes into the far corner of the office, she could make out the outline of the playpen and hear the even breathing of its occupant. Satisfied that Lucy was in fact asleep, she turned her attention to the couch, where she could see Danny had crammed himself onto. His breathing was even as well, and since he made no movements after she waited for several moments, she knew he was asleep as well.

She started to make her way over to her desk, deciding to turn off the light and put her head down and rest for a while, but stopped when she heard a dull thud. She looked over at both Danny and Lucy, thinking it was one of them, but neither had moved. She brushed it off, chalking it up to exhaustion, and took another two steps before she heard it again. This time, she stood still and waited for the sound to happen again, closing her eyes to focus on what direction it was coming from.

Nothing happened for several moments, and then she heard it again. *Thud* It was followed quickly by another. Then another. The single thud turned into a series of them, slow at first, but gaining speed with each successive one. By the time Lindsay figured out where the sounds were coming from, they were almost on top of one another.

The sounds were coming from her chest – her heart, to be precise.

She let out a breath, having not realized that she was holding it while she tried to figure out the mysterious noise. With the next intake of air, Lindsay felt like she had been punched in the gut. She doubled over in shock and pain, and her mind was filled with so many thoughts all at once:

The shock and disbelief of hearing Shane Casey' voice over the baby monitor.

The hurt and anger of listening to Danny give up on his own life, trying to bargain instead for her life and Lucy's.

Her heartbreak while listening to Danny say goodbye to Lucy.

The fact that she could have easily lost Danny or Lucy or both of them, either by Shane Casey's hand or through her own error.

The pain over having taken another life, even Shane Casey's.

The guilt over keeping both Danny and Lucy at arm's length.

With everything that was going on in her mind, it took Lindsay a moment to realize that she was once more in full control of her own actions and emotions, but that was after a sob or two had already escaped her lips. She was suddenly very aware that she was about to break down in a room where people were currently sleeping, and she knew that she needed to leave. Forcing herself upright and willing her legs to carry her as quickly as possible, she bolted for the door, yanking it open, and fled. She was gone so quickly that she never heard an emotion-laden voice break the relative silence.

"Linds?"

What Lindsay had not realized when she entered the office was that Danny was in fact still awake. He heard the door open and he quickly peaked out from under his arms to see who it was, making out the frame of his wife in the low light. Her back was turned to him as she slowed the door from snapping shut, so he quickly re-covered his eyes and focused on evening out his breathing, feigning sleep. Though he needed to talk to her, he wanted to see what she was going to do first. If she planned on pushing him away some more, he needed a little more time to prepare himself for the ensuing battle. Danny needed to know what was going on with her, and he was going to get her to talk to him, whether she wanted to or not. It hurt that she was pushing him away, but what was worse was that she was neglecting Lucy: she acted as if their daughter wasn't even there, and though Lucy may not have picked up on it yet, she would soon if Lindsay continued with her behaviour.

He prayed that she would come over to him and try and wake him up, but when he heard her footfalls head further into the office, he sighed. His frustration boiled up once more and he felt tears begin to streak down his still-covered face, his breathing becoming more laboured as well. He knew that if Lindsay was paying attention, she would figure out that he wasn't actually asleep, but since she seemed to be ignoring him, he knew that he would have to reveal that fact to her himself. He opened his eyes and was about to uncover them when he heard the sound of a sob fill the room. He stopped and waited for more, and he heard another. He sat up slowly, knowing his back would protest if he went quickly, and called out the one name he hoped those sounds, however horrible, had come from.

"Linds?"

His only reply came with the snapping shut of the office door. He stood up and rushed over to the playpen, listening for a moment to Lucy's even breathing, making sure that the sound had not come from her. Certain that his daughter was still asleep, Danny was now faced with a dilemma: should he stay here with Lucy on the off chance that she woke up because of a nightmare and then freaked out because she was in an unfamiliar environment, or should he go follow Lindsay and figure out what had just happened. He knew it was not a good idea to leave Lucy all alone without someone to check up on her, but there was something about what had just happened that made him believe that the Lindsay that had just ran out of the room was not the same women who he'd found holding a gun on Shane Casey.

Deciding that he was needed more elsewhere, Danny left the office, looking up and down the hallway for any indication of where his wife had gone. Not finding anything, Danny started walking over to the stairwell, thinking that she had gone there for a little privacy. On the way, he ran into a young officer, who he guessed was on his way back from dropping some evidence with one of the lab techs.

"Hey, have you seen a petit brunette woman, she ran out of an office about a minute ago crying? She's my wife."

"Yes sir, she went running off that way," the young officer said, pointing towards the locker room.

"Thanks. Hey, can you do me a favour? Our daughter is sleeping back in our office, can you just stand outside the door and make sure that she doesn't start crying while I go find my wife?"

"OK."

"Thanks kid. It's office 28, on your left, the nameplate says Detectives D. and L. Messer," Danny said over his shoulder as he ran off to the locker room.

He was thankful that it was the middle of the night at the lab, meaning that there was only a skeleton crew of people working, because if this had been the middle of the day, everybody would have been talking about seeing Lindsay running through the lab in tears. People already had enough to talk about with respect to him and Lindsay, they didn't need anything else to fuel the gossip.

As Danny put his hand on the door of the locker room to push it open, he could already hear the soul-wrenching sobs that Lindsay was currently experiencing. He burst through the door and quickly found her cowering in the corner furthest from the door, her head resting on her knees and her arms keeping her legs as close to her body as possible. He crossed the void between them in several large steps and he crouched down in front of her.

"Babe…"

The next thing Danny knew, he had landed on his ass several feet back, a searing pain on the left side of his face. Reaching out to grab his face, he stared over in shock at his wife, her arm still raised and her red eyes trained on him, her stare cold and hard though her tears continued and her body kept convulsing from the sobs.

"What the fuck Linds?"

"Get away from me!" Her voice was no longer devoid of emotion: she spat the words out at him.

"What?"

"Get the hell away from me!" Lindsay spat out again, starting to stand up, determined to get away from him if he wasn't going to listen to her.

"No!" He saw what she was about to do, so he stood right in her way, moving with her every time she tried to side-step him. When she reached out to shove him out of her way, he caught both her arms and stopped her.

"Let go you bastard!" She pulled her arms from his grasp and stepped back, trying to come up with a new tactic. Danny stepped back as well, giving her more room, but making sure that there was no way for her to get past him.

"What the hell is going on here Lindsay? I have no idea what is going on with you – first you act like a robot, now you're getting physical with me!" Danny was completely confused: what had changed within his wife?

"You want to know what my problem is? It's you!"

"What did I do?"

"You broke your promise!" Lindsay's eyes continued to glare at him as her arms came up and encircled her own body, trying to comfort herself.

"I…I didn't think you heard that," Danny admitted dejectedly, his eyes unable to look at his wife.

She noticed how upset he seemed about his own actions, but she was past the point of caring at the moment. "So, just because you didn't think I heard it, that makes it OK?"

"No, but…"

"You promised me that you weren't going anywhere, and then you invite Shane Casey to go ahead and kill you? What the fuck is that?"

"What else could I have done? He had Lucy in his arms and he had a gun on me. The one time I tried to defy him, he started to turn the gun on our daughter. If I had done anything, he would have killed her. I had to protect her, and you." Danny knew that he couldn't really excuse his actions, but he hoped that if he explained what he had been facing, she would see that he'd had few options.

Lindsay, however, wasn't buying any of it.

"You could have tried to make enough noise to wake me up, or maybe draw the attention of one of our neighbours. You could have had enough faith in me to know that I would have figured out that something was wrong and would come to help you. But no, you have do go around acting like you're this one man show, keeping everyone else safe while sacrificing yourself."

"You don't think Shane Casey would have figured it out right away if I tried to get your attention? C'mon, he ain't that stupid. And I didn't think you heard anything – when I got up, you were still out, you hadn't moved at all since you'd fallen asleep. I had no clue that you were even aware of what was going on until you asked me if he was dead. I thought he'd shot me, I didn't know that you'd got him first." Danny paused to take a breath, and he glanced over at Lindsay, seeing that she was now avoiding his gaze. "You honestly think I wanted to die, that I was willing to give in so easily?"

"That's what it seemed like to me," Lindsay responded curtly, still looking away from Danny.

"Well, you're wrong. Of course I wanted to live, but I had no weapon to fight back with and Lucy was being used against me. I couldn't see how I was going to make it out of there alive. The rational part of me took over and I was trying to keep you and Lucy safe. I was hoping and praying that if he did what he came to do, he'd leave you and Lucy alone. To me, that seemed like a fair price to pay: my life for yours and Lucy's. That's not what I wanted to choose, but that was the only acceptable choice: I couldn't have lived with myself if I did something that got you or Lucy killed. It may have cost me my life, but you know me, Lindsay, I protect the people I love, with everything I got."

"I don't need your protection, I NEED YOU!" Lindsay's eyes met his once more, and her tears had subsided at least for the moment, her anger taking hold of her once again.

Her last barb caused something to snap within Danny. He knew that he shouldn't have escalated this anymore, but she'd pushed him too far. "You need me? You really expect me to believe that after the way you've been acting ever since you killed Shane Casey? You've pushed me away, you've been ignoring your own daughter, who has no idea what the hell is going on, and you've got this wall built up around you that nobody can get through. You asked me if Casey was dead, if Lucy was OK, if I was OK and then I've gotten nothing out of you since – you've barely even looked at me until now! Shane Casey made me say goodbye to my own daughter, and I had to all but beg him to cover her face so she wouldn't see me die right in front of her! I didn't think I'd ever get to see you or her again! I needed you after that, and I've needed you for the past several hours, but you've been acting like a fucking robot!"

"I can't do this anymore! Just go, please," A lot of the anger that Lindsay had had only moments before was now gone, and her eyes pleaded with him to listen to her.

"No, I want to know what the hell is going on with you, and I'm not leaving here until you tell me!" Danny crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her, determined to get his answers.

"You wouldn't understand."

"Then make me."

Lindsay closed her eyes and tried to collect herself, certain that Danny was not going to believe what she was about to tell him – in all honesty, who would – but he deserved to hear the truth. "I wasn't making a conscious choice to pull away from you, I just shut down emotionally. The same thing happened to me when my friends died, it's a defence mechanism or something. I got through answering all the police questions about what happened the night my friends were murdered. I picked Daniel Cadence out of a line, I saw the parents of my dead friends and apologized for not being able to save their daughters' lives. I didn't break down through all of it until my parents took me home. I got into my room and saw a picture of the four of us and I completely lost it. I never told you about it because I never thought it would happen again and I didn't want to freak you out.

"It all started again when I heard you ask for Lucy's face to be covered. My heart stopped beating at that moment, and then all my emotions stopped registering when he told you to say goodbye to Lucy. My mind and body shut everything else out but rationality, and I've been kept focused on what I needed to do: first it was to stop Casey, and then it was to answer IAB's questions. When that was finished, my next task was to go to the office and be with you and Lucy, even though I needed time and space, because your needs were more pressing. I guess my mind also thought that you'd both be asleep, so I could have the time while still fulfilling your needs. I started to head over to my desk to put my head down and get some rest, and then my heart started beating again. Everything came rushing back to me and I needed to get out of there before I lost it while you and Lucy were both asleep." Lindsay looked over at her husband, trying to gage his reaction, and he looked as though he was confused. "Maybe shut down isn't the best way to explain it, because as I discovered the first time this happened, just because I wasn't dealing with my emotions in the moment doesn't mean I wasn't feeling them at all. It's more like there was a disconnect between my emotions and me actually feeling them. I don't know how else to explain it."

Lindsay dared another glance at Danny, and now he appeared to be in disbelief. Sure that she'd been right all along and that he wouldn't accept her explanation, Lindsay turned away from him, her tears beginning once more. If he didn't believe her, how could they ever get past this?

"Paralysis."

Lindsay whipped around, unsure whether he'd actually spoken or it had been in her head. She stared at him and she could see that he was now crying as well. "What did you say?"

"It's like a temporary paralysis: you can't feel things, but that doesn't mean you don't get hurt."

Lindsay was in shock. She'd struggled for years to figure out a way to explain what had happened to her, even just for her own piece of mind, and in one fell swoop, Danny had accurately captured the entire thing.

The two of them stood in silence for several long minutes, staring at each other, neither sure of what to say or do next. Danny was the first to break the hold pattern and he slowly made his way closer to Lindsay, giving her ample opportunity to stop him. This time, Lindsay didn't push him away, but met him in the middle, wrapping her arms around him and crushing her body to his as sobs rocked her body once more. Danny held onto her just as fiercely, and he cried along with her, finally able to rid himself of what he'd been holding onto for the past several hours.

Neither knew for how long they stayed like that, but by the time they'd pulled apart, both had tear-stained shirts. Danny noticed that Lindsay looked like she was about to collapse, so he tightened his grip on her. "Let's head back to the office now, we can sit down and continue this there."

Lindsay responded by nodding her head and she let Danny lead her back to their office.

As they came to the hallway leading directly to their office, Danny noticed that the young officer who he'd asked to stand watch over Lucy was still there, glancing down the hallway in search of his young charge's parents. He finally noticed Danny and approached him, not wanting to disturb Lucy. "I hope you don't mind sir, I propped the door open just a little to make sure that I'd hear any cries she might make, but she's been quite the entire time."

"Not a problem. I'm glad that nothing happened while we were gone. Thanks a lot for your help…" Danny stopped mid-sentence, and looked to the young officer, waiting for him to say his name.

"John Druitt, sir."

"Well, thank you very much, Officer Druitt, but please quit calling me 'sir' – Danny will do just fine." He reached out to shake the young man's hand, which Druitt eagerly accepted. "I owe you one Druitt, so if you ever need some help, just give me a call."

Druitt was shocked at the warm reception he'd received from Detective Danny Messer, a man who had a reputation throughout the NYPD as a bit of a tough customer that you really didn't want to mess around with, but Druitt could tell that that rumour did not so easily sum up the man before him. "It wasn't any trouble Danny, and thanks. I should be heading back to finish up my paperwork, so goodnight."

"See you around kid."

Druitt turned to Lindsay and smiled warmly before heading off to the elevators. Watching him leave with a smile on his face, Danny shook his head thinking about the young officer and continued to their office, holding the door for Lindsay before closing it and heading back to the couch. He sat down on it and leaned forward to slip his shoes off, and he was surprised when he didn't feel the couch shift as Lindsay sat down with him. He looked to the other end of the couch and noticed that Lindsay wasn't there, but instead was still standing just inside the door, her face full of hesitation.

"Linds, what's wrong?"

"I don't know why you want me here, after everything that I put you through tonight," she admitted, avoiding his gaze.

Before Danny started to explain to her just how wrong she was, he got off the couch and walked over to her, stopping just in front of her and he reached out to hold her face in his hands. "Babe, I'm not mad about what you did because you explained to me what was going on. I believe that you didn't have any control over it, so if you're worried about that, then don't be. I won't lie to you and say that I wasn't hurt by your actions, but now I understand them, and you have nothing to feel sorry about. I wish you would have told me about the first time it happened because maybe this could have gone a lot smoother, but I understand that it's still hard for you to talk sometimes about what happened to your friends and what you went through after that, and I get that you never dreamed that this kinda thing would happen to you again. I'm just glad that I know about it now, and I hope that there's never another situation that will make it happen again."

Lindsay stared up at her husband, trying to see if there was even the smallest hint of a lie in his words, and she was relieved to see that he meant every single one. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Danny, and she felt him once again hold her close, this time placing a kiss into her hair. Breaking their close contact, she walked over to the couch and sat down, taking off her shoes as she waited for Danny to sit down beside her before she spoke.

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about it, and I know that was a horrible way to learn about it, but I'm glad that you know about it as well. This may sound crazy, but I'm kinda glad that this defence mechanism kicked in when it did – it allowed me to focus on dealing with Shane Casey with one blow, because otherwise, I think I could have messed it up and got you, Lucy, or you both hurt, or…" Lindsay trailed off as her tears renewed.

"Hey, hey shhh, it's over now. You got him and he can't hurt us anymore. Both Lucy and I are safe, and we have you to thank for that."

Lindsay shook her head quickly. "I was just doing what I was trained to do, you would've done the same thing in my position."

Danny's hands darted out quickly to grab her shoulders firmly, turning her so that she was face to face with him. "Don't do that Linds, don't brush off what you did like it was nothing out of the ordinary. I would've done the same thing if the roles were reversed, but I know for a fact that I couldn't have done it with the same amount of courage. I would've been struggling with my emotions and trying not to shake like crazy at the prospect of hurting you or Lucy in the process. It may not have been conscious, but I wouldn't have been able to muster up that much focus in that situation. You're my hero, Linds, because you saved me and our daughter, and I'll be eternally grateful to you for that. You can scoff at the title if you like, but true heroes are always the ones who never think they did anything special, they're just people doing what they're supposed to."

He tilted his head down and looked out at her intensely, a look she recognized and knew not to argue with. Instead, she moved her head up and down and gave him a small but warm smile in appreciation of his words.

"That's something I never get tired of seeing," he said as a similar smile took over his features, then disappeared as he remembered something.

"What is it babe?" Lindsay asked, having noticed the change in Danny's face.

"I probably should be the one doing the apologizing here Lindsay, because you're right about me breaking that promise to you. Frankly, I don't know why you would even want to be in the same room with me after that. I did give up too easily, and there really is no excuse for it. But you have to know that it was weighing on my mind that I was breaking that promise to you: when I was so sure that I wasn't going to make it out of there, I regretted that I couldn't keep my word to you - that and the fact that Lucy wouldn't remember me." Danny started crying softly, disappointed in himself for making a promise that he'd already failed to keep, even though it was the one thing that he'd promised his wife that he'd desperately wanted to stay true to. He tried to look away from her, not wanting to see the disappointment in her eyes, but Lindsay reached out to cup the one side of his face, the same side she'd slapped, keeping their eyes locked together.

"First off, I'm sorry for hitting you – you didn't deserve that, no matter what you'd done. And about the other things you said, Danny: if worst came to worst, Lucy may not have remembered you herself, but that doesn't mean that she'd ever forget you. I'd have never let that happen – she'd have always known who her daddy was and how much he loved her, even if he couldn't be with her anymore. And I know for a fact that you'd do the same if it was me." She saw him nod in agreement, and tears started flowing down her cheeks again, spurred on by the macabre topic. "And I owe you an apology about that promise, it was unfair of me to ask that of you."

"But it shouldn't have to be!" Danny was getting frustrated, wanting his life to be so much simpler than it was, but knowing that that life would come only in a different career – and even then nothing was ever so straightforward.

"Dan, I want it to be that easy just as much as you do, but you and I both know that those types of promises can't be kept, no matter what you do, because ultimately, we don't make those kinds of decisions. It was just that after everything that we'd been through, not only in the past few months, but even going back further than that to when we first became friends, I just needed to hear you promise that you weren't leaving me."

Danny listened to the words that she said, and there was something in the way she'd worded her last sentence that clicked in his head. "Now that I can promise you." She looked at him, not understanding what he meant, but she waited as he took her hands in his and explained. "Lindsay Monroe-Messer, I will never abandon you of my own free will. You and Lucy mean so much to me and together we've built a life based on love and happiness. I don't want to give that up for anything in this world, or the next."

Lindsay stared at him with tears in her eyes, seeing the love he felt for her radiating out from his entire being. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she reiterated his pledge back to him, but in her own way. "Danny Messer, I promise to stay with you forever and not give up on what we have by choice. The love and joy and support I get from you and Lucy everyday is unlike anything I've ever felt before, and it makes me feel whole. I don't want that to ever end."

The smiles slowly returned to their faces as they leaned forward for a loving kiss. Pulling apart after a moment, they rested their foreheads together, not willing to give up their closeness just yet.

"I love you Danny."

"And I love you too Lindsay. Now let's try and get some rest. I don't think either of us will be able to sleep, but at the very least we can lie down here on this small couch and relax for a little while."

Lindsay nodded and stood up, needing to stretch before she crammed herself onto the couch. Danny stood up and walked over to Lindsay's desk, turning the lamp off. If they needed it, one of them could always turn it on again, but he figured there had the best chance of getting rest if the light wasn't blinding them. He groped his way back to the couch and lowered himself onto the middle. Turning to lay down on his back, he could feel Lindsay's body pressed against the back of the couch, turned on her side so she'd be trapped between the couch and her husband. He settled in and felt Lindsay's upper body lay on top of his own, her head resting very close to his heart. He wrapped his one arm around her body, holding her to him once more and let his other hand seek out on of hers, intertwining their fingers and placing them on his stomach. Together, they lay there in the dark, listening to the soothing sounds of their daughter steadily breathing in and out, still fast asleep.

Alright, I hope you didn't hate all the changes I made!

I know I usually do this at the start, but I really wanted to make sure that I said a gigantic THANK YOU! to each and every one of the people who reviewed the last chapter. Hearing back from you was the driving force behind the changes to this chapter, because I didn't want to let you down by whimping out on a plot point you really felt strongly about (and one that you were all completely right about) – you all certainly deserve better than that!

I'm going to run off to bed now, but thank you from the bottom of my heart for continuing to follow this story! Goodnight everyone!