A/N: and now, the corruption of the entire wizarding community!

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Uzumaki Harry

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 6: Chamber of Secrets, Genin Remix Part1! Diagon Alley

Disclaimer: I don't own, you don't sue.

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"About time you got here, you old pervert!" Harry yelled at a smiling Jiraiya, waving a letter at the older man's face. "What took you so long? Your letter said you'd be here three days ago!"

"Sorry," Jiraiya said, "but I was passing through this town and I remembered there was this nice bordello, and then–"

"I don't want to hear it!" Harry yelled as Naruto and Sasuke came up behind him. He grabbed the sannin's left arm while his brother's grabbed his right. "Come on! We have to go buy my school supplies! The Portkey's been with the old man for days! We are not wasting any more time! I promised Naruto and Sasuke I'd show them around Diagon Alley!"

The two nodded in confirmation.

The three Uzumakis dragged off their 'uncle' Jiraiya in the general direction of the Hokage's office.

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"You think Harry will be here?" Hermione asked as she, Ron and the Weasleys started climbing up the stairs leading to Gringotts.

Before Ron could respond, a voice whispered in Hermione's ear. "Why don't you ask me yourself, cutey?"

Hermione jerked around, startling everyone. Behind her, Harry was grinning like a lunatic, hands casually crossed in front of his chest, wearing cargo pants, a camouflage shirt and his usual hitai-ate, weapons pouch and holster. Next to him were the two boys who he'd introduced as his brothers, who were in the middle of rolling their eyes and shaking their heads at their brother's actions.

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed in surprise, not expecting to see her dark-haired friend.

Said boy gave her a casual two-fingered wave. "Yo, 'Mione," he greeted, acting for all the world like his clothes practically didn't point a spotlight on him and highlight him for the whole Wizarding population.

"Harry!" Fred exclaimed, rushing forward to shake his hand. "Wonder-ful to see you mate–

"– charming– " George added.

"– spiffing– "

"– just grand– "

Harry chuckled indulgently, letting the two keep pumping his arms up and down as they pleased, but his eyes had already sought out and locked on to Ginny, who was suddenly blushing and trying to hide behind Mrs. Weasley.

"All right, all right, I think he gets the idea," Ron said, rolling his eyes and pulling the two off his best friend. "Hey, Harry."

"Hey, Ron," Harry said, nodding. "How was summer?"

Ron shrugged. "Not bad. You?"

"Hell on Earth," Harry said, mouth twisting slightly. "I'd rather have detention with Snape."

Behind him, Hermione saw his two brothers exchange knowing looks. She had a sinking feeling Harry would rather prefer detention with Snape over what he'd been doing over the summer.

"Well, let's not stand around here, shall we?" Harry said, rubbing his hands together and bounding forward towards the bank's front doors. "Come on, you two!"

As Harry dragged his two brothers through the doors, the Weasleys (and Hermione) heard an annoyed sound. Turning, they were greeted to the sight of the man Harry had identified as his guardian, this time wearing strange red and green clothes and carrying what looked like an oversized scroll on his back. "Crazy kid," he muttered, shaking his head. Seeing that he had an audience, the man broke into a smile. "Sorry we weren't properly introduced last time. I am Jiraiya, the Great Frog Hermit!" he said, breaking out into his crazy dance. Everyone sweatdropped.

A kunai flew out the doors of Gringotts, striking Jiraiya squarely on his metal-covered forehead. "HEY! GET IN HERE YOU OLD PERVERT!" was the chorus of three voices.

Grumbling and rubbing his head as he climbed the stairs (the others eventually following suit), Jiraiya followed his young charges.

"Jiraiya?" Fred whispered to George. "Isn't he the one who wrote those books?"

Realization sparkled in the other twin's eyes. Hermione remembered the comment from last year and suddenly became very nervous. Percy looked like he was told he'd be Minister of Magic for a day.

After getting money from the vaults (and doing a little paperwork that allowed Naruto and Sasuke to withdraw from his account), they were off. Percy, Fred and George went off on their own business, Mr. Weasely took the Granger's to the Leaky Cauldron for a drink, and Mrs. Weasley and Ginny went to shop for second-hand robes– much to Harry's disappointment ("Chear up, bro," Naruto said. "You can put the moves on her later," Sasuke added. "OW!" the two chorused as Harry slapped them upside the head). Jiraiya disappeared, leaving the three Uzumaki's to pray that there weren't any public bathhouses nearby.

"Public bathhouses?" Ron asked.

Harry made a sound somewhere between a sigh and a snort. "Yeah. The old pervert likes to peep in on women. Says it's 'research' for his books."

"So he's really the Jiraiya?" Ron said as Hermione looked both shocked and disapproving.

Naruto, Sasuke and Harry shuddered. "Please let him be the only one," Sasuke said.

Naruto nodded fervently in agreement. "I don't think the world can stand two super perverts!"

Harry agreed with his brothers. "Yeah, he's the Jiraiya. Why?"

Ron's face lit up. "Brilliant! Do you think I can ask him for an autograph?"

The three Uzumakis looked at Ron, and Harry turned away, chuckling under his breath.

"Pervert," Naruto said quite clearly.

Ron turned quite red, spluttering as he tried to protest.

"Ronald Weasley!" Hermione declared. "I cannot believe you! Why, if your mother knew what you were reading, she would have some words to say to you! I am shocked, absolutely shocked, that you would even consider reading such a book!"

As Ron turned redder in embarrassment, Harry chuckled and patted Ron comfortingly on the shoulder. He looked Hermione right in the eye. "Well, Hermione, if you're so unappreciative, I guess I won't be giving you book two on your birthday like you requested."

Hermione turned a cute shade of red as Ron stared at her incredulously. She gave a weak and unconvincing chuckle. "Do you think your guardian can spare an autograph for me, too?"

Harry grinned widely, wrapping an arm around both his friends' shoulders as he suggested they go for ice-cream, Sasuke and Naruto following behind. The black-haired boy was chuckling under his breath and muttering in Japanese about crazy gaijin.

"Perverts," Naruto said, shaking his head in squinty-eyed, Naruto-frowning disapproval. "All of them, perverts!"

After an hour of ice-cream, shopping, and meeting people, they found themselves standing outside Flourish and Blotts, looking at the back of a large crowd– which seemed mostly composed of middle-aged witches– jostling at the doors and trying to get in.

"Is it usually like this, onii-chan?" Sasuke asked, looking at the crowd warily. It looked claustrophobic in there.

"Reminds me of one of Ero-sannin's book-signings," Naruto said.

Harry shrugged, not sure what all the fuss was about himself. "Wasn't like this last year. Wonder what the big deal is?"

"Oh, isn't it obvious!" Hermione said, pointing to the banner above the doors. She squealed, a sound so un-Hermione-like that Harry almost wondered who had been impersonating his friend. "Gilderoy Lockhart! We can actually meet him! I mean, he's written almost the whole booklist!"

Harry and Ron exchanged a look, wondering if they could get away with pretending they didn't know Hermione. Sasuke was suddenly reminded of some of his more obsessed fangirls and shivered. Naruto was suddenly reminded of some of Sasuke's more obsessed fangirls and snickered.

The five managed to squeeze inside, Harry simply leaping on to the ceiling and sticking to it for a while before dropping down to a relatively clear spot. Ron and Hermione were too pre-occupied to notice, and were surprised when they found Harry already inside, already grabbing copies of books. Sasuke and Naruto were immediately drafted to help carry.

When they sneaked up the line, they found the Weasleys standing with the Grangers and a perverted ninja. The latter seemed to be chatting pleasantly with Hermione's father, who was looking rather relaxed.

"Oh, there you are, good," Mrs. Weasely said, sounding breathless and patting her hair. "We'll be able to see him in a minute…"

Funny, Harry had never envisioned Mrs. Weasley as the fangirl-type…

Looking around as they waited, Harry spotted a lot of males standing around with disgruntled expressions, and pegged them down as annoyed husbands and boyfriends. When he pointed them out to Sasuke, the boy shuddered again. Apparently, he was also familiar with the type.

When Gilderoy Lockhart came into view, Harry was immediately let down. "That's it?" he said, annoyed. He'd been expecting some kind of otherworldly bishonen type, with long, wavy hair, and intense persona and maybe flower petals blowing everywhere before a backdrop of a setting sun. Instead, there was…

A mimbo. Man-bimbo.

The wavy hair was there –blond; big surprise– but it was obviously high maintenance. He must stay up half the night just getting it to curl like that, never mind keeping it clean. His chin looked pretty weak, too. The blue eyes were too dazzling, as if he used illegal eye-shine enhancers on them or something. And speaking of the illegal shine…

Harry was suddenly reminded of the insane jounin he saw in Konoha, the one who wore green spandex. Mentally, he cut and pasted his image and compared it with this guy's. Yup, they were a match. He wondered if the two of them were somehow related. Sure, they looked nothing alike, but that smile… that horrible, shiny, sparkly, twinkly, smile…!

Harry's ruminations on the possible relation between the two were interrupted as he heard Jiraiya not-so-quietly disparaging the guy. A lot of what he said was right on the money in Harry's opinion, and he could see Mr. Granger and Mr. Weasley nodding along in agreement, as well as some of the earlier mentioned disgruntled husbands and boyfriends, to the displeasure of many of the women present. One of the wizards who worked in the store suddenly appeared and asked him to keep it down. There was a hastily muted conversation that Harry couldn't hear. The line shuffled a little closer towards Lockhart.

At one point, Jiraiya seemed to make a polite inquiry, pulling a letter out of his clothes. The wizard took one look at it, and suddenly bowed almost all the way to the ground, tried to shake Jiraiya's hand, seemed to think better of it, and disappeared.

"Oh boy…" Harry said, knowing what was coming up next.

"What is it?" Ron said, Hermione, Naruto and Sasuke leaning in to listen.

"The pervert's been recognized," was all Harry said. Ron and Hermione seemed confused, but Naruto and Sasuke…

Sasuke sighed, and stepped out of the line, moving towards a nearby alcove against the wall, as if getting ready for something. Naruto started muttering under his breath about perverts.

Ron looked like he was going to ask what was going on, but suddenly had other things to think about as a short, irritable looking man with a camera suddenly stepped on his foot.

"Out of the way, there," the man said, not even apologizing. "This is for the Daily Prophet."

"Big deal," Ron said, rubbing his foot.

Lockhart, of course, heard him. He looked, saw Ron… saw Harry. Cue the stare. Then he leapt to his feet and said, "It can't be Ha–"

Suddenly, there was a commotion as a pair of Wizards suddenly appeared next to Lockhart and started to shuffle him away. Another started packing up the promotional displays. The crowd started whispering, sounding mutinous, while Lockhart started asking what the heck was going on.

"Sorry sir," Harry distinctly heard one of the wizards taking Lockhart away say, "But a celebrity has arrived recently and will be needing your spot."

"Here we go…" Sasuke said.

There was a whirled of confused and angry witches as suddenly, there was a different display where Lockhart had been sitting, with stacks upon stacks of little orange books. Jiraiya was now sitting there, beaming widely and looking as weird as ever.

"Ladies," at this, there was an angry roar, "and gentlemen, I am pleased to announce, available for today only, the esteemed Jiraiya!"

There was a sudden roar of approbation, and behind them, Harry was fairly sure what he'd see if he turned around. So he did. Yup, right on the money.

A long line of the formerly disgruntled husbands and boyfriend were now queued behind them, each holding a little orange book in hand. A few fights broke out over who got precedence. The disgruntled and annoyed husbands and boyfriends were suddenly replaced with disgruntled and annoyed wives and girlfriends.

"Mister Jiraiya, writer of the critically acclaimed 'Make Out Paradise'," at this, there was a thundering roar from the males in line, waving their books in the air, "has sportingly agreed to an impromptu signing session. If everyone would please line up…"

Mrs. Weasley looked shell-shocked, and was insensate for the whole time they were at the bookstore.

Hermione, now at the head of the line, looked like a deer caught at the headlights.

"Is there something I can help you with, little girl?" Jiraiya asked pleasantly.

Shakily, Hermione pulled a little orange book out of her pocket. She gulped, and said, in an almost-whisper, "I was wondering if I could have your autograph…"

Gilderoy Lockhart wasn't seen or heard from all day…

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At some point in the book signing, Harry was somehow dragged to the front with Jiraiya for pictures. In retaliation, he dragged Ron, Hermione, Naruto and Sasuke in front as well, trapping them there with the simple expedient of putting his arms around them, Hermione was still clutching her book, looking absolutely mortified. Luckily for her, her parents weren't looking.

After getting out of the media trap, Harry made his way to the edge of the room, carrying his books in one hand as if they weighed nothing. He brightened as he saw Ginny standing there with her new cauldron. Before he could think of anything to say– or rather, say it, since he already had something to say– he felt a familiar presence coming up behind him, and he sighed, putting down his books next to the cauldron where they'll be out of the way. "What do you want, Malfoy?" he said, not turning around.

"Bet you loved that, didn't you, Potter?" came the usual sneering tone as Harry turned around, completely relaxed with his hands entwined behind his head. "Famous Harry Potter! Can't even go into a bookshop without making the front page."

"Leave him alone, he didn't want all that!" Ginny said before Harry could formulate a response–or at least, give the response he'd formulated.

"Potter, you've got yourself a girlfriend!" Malfoy drawled. Ginny went scarlet.

Harry took the situation and decided to have fun with it, a plan already in place in his head. Sighing dramatically, he put an arm around her just as Ron, Hermione, Naruto and Sasuke fought their way over. "Yes, Malfoy, it's true. I have girlfriend now. Will you now realize you don't have a chance, never had a chance to begin with?"

Malfoy, Ron and Hermione blinked, while Naruto and Sasuke rolled their eyes, grinned, and wished they had some ramen to eat as they watched the show. "What are you talking about, Potter?" Malfoy demanded, loosing his stride.

"Malfoy, Malfoy, you don't have to keep it secret anymore," Harry said, sounding both mournful and understanding as he struggled to keep a straight face. "I know you have a crush on me. Who can resist my dashing good looks, my boyish charms? But really, I don't swing that way you little degenerate, so buzz off already! You're just embarrassing yourself striving to gain my attentions with your pitiful attempts at masochism! I don't swing that way, either!"

Malfoy went pale as Naruto, Sasuke, Ron, and Hermione burst out laughing.

"Ron!" Mr. Weasley said, pushing his way through as he subtly tried to push an orange book deeper into his robes. Behind him, Fred and George were comparing the autographs on their books. "What's going on here?"

"Well, well, well– Arthur Weasley."

Harry looked at the newest arrival. The blond hair, the way he had a hand on a fuming Draco's shoulder, the condescending tone… everything about him screamed 'related to this little idiot!'.

"Draco!" Harry said brightly before Mr. Weasley could respond to the sneer. "Aren't you going to introduce us to your mother?"

The others, Mr. Weasley included, tried to choke back laughs and failed miserably as Malfoy senior turned to a smirking Harry, who still had his arm wrapped around Ginny.

"I don't believe we've been introduced," was the cold reply as Malfoy senior looked Harry up and down, focusing on the scar visible under Harry's forehead protector.

Harry made a gracious bow, as a superior to an inferior, and Mr. Malfoy's lip curled. "Harry Potter at your service, Mrs. Malfoy, and I must say, I can see very well were your daug– er, son, gets his good looks from. It's only right a woman such as yourself gets such a child!"

At this point, Mr. Weasley was laughing outright, with the children not far behind.

Mr. Malfoy glared, not sure how to reply to that. Instead, he turned to Mr. Weasley, idly plucking a very old, very battered copy of A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration from Ginny's cauldron, his hands shaking as if he wanted to have them around something else– like Harry's neck, maybe. "Such company you keep, Weasley… and I thought your family could sink no lower…"

"Well, they have to," Harry said for Mr. Weasley, who looked like he wanted to reply to the insult, but was laughing too hard to do so. "When you're at the top, it's the only way to meet little people like yourself. Always be nice to the littlest people, Professor Dumbledore always said… and it doesn't get any lower than this fruitloop over here…"

There was a thud of metal as Ginny's cauldron went flying; Malfoy had thrown himself at Harry, who was grinning widely. Pushing Ginny gently out of the way, he proceeded to go to town on the other boy, amidst cries of "GO, ONII-CHAN!" (Naruto and Sasuke), "GET HIM, HARRY!" (Fred and George), and "NO, Draco, NO!" (Mr. Malfoy).

Eventually, they were broken up. Well, actually, no, that would be a lie. Harry had a kunai to a badly bruised and beaten Malfoy's neck and was talking straight into his ear. "That's the closest thing to sex you'll get from me, you deviant. Just a little something for you to remember when you marry Crabbe and Goyle," Harry said, pushing him towards his father and idly licking the blade of his knife for effect. The two started to shuffle off, the older shoving the textbook he was still holding towards Ginny angrily. "It was a pleasure meeting you too, Mrs. Malfoy!"

It was a laughing party that left Jiraiya in Flourish and Blotts that day. Mrs. Weasley, however, was still shell-shocked.

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"Hey, what's down there?" Harry asked as they made their way to the Leaky Cauldron, his arm still around Ginny (hey, she wasn't saying anything). The Grangers were leaving to go home, and the Weasleys were going to Floo back using the fireplace.

"Hmm?" Mr. Weasley said, still chuckling over what had happened at the shop. His face darkened slightly when he saw where Harry was pointing. "Oh. That's Knockturn Alley. Dodgy place. Full of the Dark Arts."

That piqued Harry's interest. "Dark Arts?" he repeated. "Could you clarify that?"

Mr. Weasley snuck a look towards the Grangers, then leaned in close to whisper to Harry. Naruto and Sasuke leaned in to listen. "Dark Arts are… the Dark Arts. It's evil magic. The kind You-Know-Who used."

Harry blinked. "Like the– what were they called?– Unforgivable Curses? Things that can kill a man with one hit, torture endlessly, cause pain like they were going to die?"

Mr. Weasley nodded, clearly feeling uncomfortable. "Yes. Best you stay… away?" he blinked, realizing he was talking to himself. Looking around, he saw Harry and his brothers racing to be the first into Knockturn Alley. "HARRY! COME BACK HERE! IT'S DANGEROUS TO GO IN THERE!"

It took the Mr. Weasley and Hagrid– who he met on the way– the better part of three hours to corner the three Uzumakis. They brothers always seemed to be one step ahead of them, splitting up and confusing their pursuers. The fact that the denizens of the Alley itself seemed to be trying to keep them apart didn't help, although they did find more than one person with a stab wound on him somewhere (people had tried to kidnap them and were promptly taught it was a stupid idea to try that on a shinobi– or even a shinobi in training).

Eventually, the two men caught up with the boys, who were standing in front of a store and looking strangely meek. They wasted no time dragging them off towards the Leaky Cauldron, berating them about running away like that and making them worry. And to Knockturn Alley, of all places!

The three just nodded along, saying all the right things and looking properly remorseful when Mrs. Weasley said her piece. it was only when they'd bid Hermione good bye and were having a little supper at the Cauldron(the Weasleys were staying to give Harry, Naruto and Sasuke a little company while they waited for Jiraiya's impromptu book-signing to get done)…

"So, what really happened?" Fred said as he, George and Ron leaned in close to the three brothers.

Making sure the older Weasleys weren't paying them any attention, Harry's face split into a wide grin. He reached into one of his pants' pockets and pulled out a dagger a little over a foot long. It's sheath was a dull black, so that it wouldn't reflect the light. Harry unsheathed it, baring the blade. It was also dulled, and shaped like an elongated spade with a long notch on each side close to the hilt ("For catching other daggers," Harry explained). Running through the center was a long transparent tube leading into the hilt. The handle was wrapped in good leather and guaranteed not to slip.

"That tube is for carrying poison to the edge," Harry explained quietly. He gestured to six studs within convenient reach of a persons thumb under the guard. "A person can load up to six different kinds of poison into it, and enchantments keep the substances from mixing. You still have to be careful about cutting yourself, though. But that's not the best part!"

With a strange, complicated twisting action, Harry popped the pommel of the dagger off, revealing the inside to be hollow. "It's designed for you to be able to store your wand inside it! That way, you can surprise your opponent by casting a spell even though it looks like you don't have a wand!"

"Wicked!" the twins chorused.

Ron looked perturbed, though. "Shouldn't something like that be illegal?"

Harry blinked at him innocently. "You're not going to tell anyone, are you Ron?" Yup, so innocent, any judge would mark him guilty for it alone.

Ron blushed, but turned to Sasuke. "Did you get anything?"

Sasuke looked at Harry, waiting for his nod before pulling out… Ron recoiled in horror, barely keeping down an exclamation. In the boy's hand was a shriveled hand. "Bloody hell–?"

"It's a 'Hand of Glory'," Sasuke explained. "It's supposed to give light only to the wielder. Pretty cool in my book."

Almost afraid to ask, Ron turned to Naruto. "And you? What did you get?"

"Nothing," Naruto said simply. "There wasn't anything cool enough there."

Harry rolled his eyes, slipping the dagger into it's sheath and tucking it into his hip pouch ans standing up. "I don't see why you didn't get that cool sword. 'Scuse me, nature calls."

When Harry was out of sight, Naruto quickly leaned in looking around just as Harry had been. "I brought this really old book," he whispered excitedly. "I'm planning to give it to onii-chan for Christmas."

Sasuke nodded. "My plan was to give him this thing on Christmas too."

Ron frowned, wondering what kind of book…– suddenly recalling where they'd been, he thought it better not to know.

They were half-way through supper before Jiraiya finally showed up (to much applause and handshaking with the male population of the inn). Mrs. Weasley was quietly disapproving of him, but the Weasley males chatted him right up. Percy, for one, didn't seem to want to leave his side, even as Jiraiya and the Uzumakis were leaving for home.

Harry always knew Percy was a big closet pervert…

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The day after they got back from Diagon Alley, Harry immediately went to the Academy to ask Iruka-sensei for pointers on how to use a dagger like the one he'd bought. Anko was still MIA, and he wasn't stupid enough to go looking for her. He wanted to live, attend Hogwarts and make moves on Ginny (and maybe a couple of other girls, if they were interesting enough), thank you very much.

Iruka managed to give him a couple of tips, as well as a scroll that contained some basic and intermediate dagger-fighting moves. Harry spent the remainder of the summer practicing with his new weapon, both as a knife and as a hidden wand. The logging industry took a slight rise in business as Harry tore through practice logs at a furious rate.

Harry also shopped around for poisons to put in his dagger. He had soon loaded his weapon with a paralytic, a tranquilizer, a pain-inducer, a slow-acting non-lethal, a muscle relaxant, and, just for kicks, a flammable liquid that also happened to be an acid (for a really cool burning blade effect!). He also stocked up on antidotes, making a note to stock up– read: raid the cupboard at Hogwarts– on bezoars and study more poisons at school.

The only down side was that he might have to suck up to Snape to learn new lethal mixtures. UGH!

Well, at least he wasn't Anko…

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Harry unknowingly spoiled Dobby's 'Save Harry Potter!' plan by Portkey-ing straight to Platform Nine and Three Quarters, by-passing the entrance completely. Still, Dobby, being the stubborn and 'not exactly all there' person that he was, went to his impromptu Plan B.

Harry was just settling down to his seat, his nose firmly lodged into the intermediate scroll Iruka had given him, when he suddenly whirled, his new dagger in hand, the other grabbing Dobby around the neck as the little house-elf was in the process of trying to mess with Harry's trunk. "What do you think you're doing?" Harry hissed dangerously.

What happened next really messed up the mood. The house-elf took one look at Harry and suddenly let go of the trunk and started bowing despite the hand holding him and the brandished dagger. "Harry Potter!" Dobby squeaked. "So long has Dobby wanted to meet you sir… Such an honor it is…"

Harry blinked, slightly thrown off his stride. He tried to get back on track. "Who are you?" he demanded.

"Dobby, sir. Dobby the house-elf," Dobby said.

"Alright, Dobby," Harry said, raising the blade up to Dobby's chin and ready to activate the acid flow. "Why are you messing with my stuff?"

Dobby gulped. "Dobby is trying to save you, sir."

Harry raised an eyebrow, amused. "Save me?" he said. "From what?"

"Dark and terrible things will happen at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry this year," Dobby said, suddenly shaking. "Dobby has known of it for months! That is why Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"

Harry blinked, taking that in. "You lost me there."

"Harry Potter must be safe," Dobby said. "If Harry Potter goes back to Hogwarts, he will be in terrible danger! That is why Harry Potter must not go!"

With that, Dobby started tugging on Harry's luggage again, as if trying to pull it out of the rack.

By now, Harry wasn't sure if he should be amused or annoyed. One thing was for sure, however: this little thing wasn't a threat. Releasing Dobby, he sat back, the dagger relaxed in his hand. "What danger?"

Dobby cringed. "Dobby cannot say, Harry Potter," he said, and starting banging his head on the floor. Harry raised an eyebrow, watching the house-elf abuse himself, before giving an exasperated sigh and grabbing his arm.

"Stop that," he said.

By now, the sounds of the other students were wafting through the train. Harry could distinctly hear an annoyingly familiar laugh echo through the halls. Looks like the ferret had landed.

Dobby's eyes suddenly went wide. "I must go! Remember what I said, Harry Potter: don't go to Hogwarts!"

With that, Dobby disappeared, leaving Harry grasping empty air. Harry raised the other eyebrow.

"I have got to learn that."

After checking around the compartment for Dobby, just in case he was still hanging around, Harry opened his trunk to see if anything had been disturbed. Everything was still where he'd put them last night… or was it?

Reaching into the bottom, he tugged aside some books and shirts, revealing a small bundle of three scrolls. A piece of paper had been wrapped around it, held in place by a rubber band.

The scrolls had definitely not been there last night!

Very wary, Harry carefully pulled back the piece of paper, letting out a breath when it wasn't an exploding tag. Rolling back the rubber band, he unfolded the piece of paper, and his eyebrows nearly mated with his hairline as he read the short, hastily and roughly written message, which looked like it had nearly torn into the paper at spots.

The message was short: 'DON'T SLACK OFF!'

Gulping and wondering when the psycho had been into his house–while he was sleeping! (since he hadn't let his trunk out of his sight until getting into the train)– he shakily put down the note, afraid it might have poison powder on it or something equally Anko-ish. Yes, he would definitely need to stock up on bezoars.

His hands still shaking slightly, he opened the scroll on top, the dagger scroll lying forgotten on the ground). His breath caught.

Written clearly on the scroll, in Anko's rough, forceful hand, was Sen'eijashu…

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- To be continued...

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A/N: For some reason, I keep writing Hermione as a closet pervert…

I'll reveal the contents of the other scrolls next chap (which should be in half a year -evil grin-)

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.