The Islander
By: doctorrosetyler
Summary: The Doctor pays his respects on a long-forgotten moon.
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, nor do I own the song "The Islander" by Nightwish.
The Doctor stood at the console, his hands shaking on the materialization lever. He had been avoiding this for centuries- this visit to the last bit of his home. Everything in him screamed that this was the time. He had to go now, or he would never again see a piece of home. The small bit of moon that remained would be dead soon, spun into a nearby star with no hope for survival. Rose was asleep in her bed and wouldn't know if they landed gently. He felt it calling him through the vortex.
The TARDIS sighed and groaned, the weight of loss and grief heavy on her as well. She had once been part of a proud generation of time ships, and was now the last of her kind. He pulled the lever gently and they landed softly on the last surviving bit of Gallifrey- a small and battered moon called Finem. It was fitting that this would mean "last".
He took in a shaky breath, refusing to allow his emotions to run away with him on this trip. He would pay his respects and leave. And he would never look back.
He put his coat on over his pinstripe suit and opened the door. The cold winds rushed to meet him, leaving tracks on his face that could be tears, but were not. The doors closed behind him and he stepped out onto the rocky beach.
He took in the smell of the place, the familiar chemical makeup of the air causing a painful twinge in his chest. It was only the smell of ash in the wind that brought him back to the present. He was here for a purpose.
He began to walk along the beach, the cold waves smashing against the rocks the only sound he could hear. It was lonely, desolate, and exactly as he has expected. He paused for a moment and looked out to sea.
A lone man by the seashore at the end of days
Gazes the horizon with sea winds in his face
This moon wasn't always like this. It had been a beautiful place, full of resorts and restaurants. People would come here on their way home, as a way to relax before they went back to the orderly and strict place that was Gallifrey. He looked to his right and saw an old building, broken and collapsed. He couldn't read the sign on it to even know what it was.
The Time War had destroyed everything. The people that had been here were all wiped out with those on the planet below. Families enjoying a swim, workers preparing meals, and maids cleaning rooms; all were wiped out in the blink of an eye. And it had been all his doing.
Gallifrey was gone. It had burned, and was now dust. With nothing to orbit around, the small moon he was on now became a wandering entity, floating through space and colliding with the remains of his home planet. There were no longer seasons or weather patterns. It was always cold and rainy, and it was always grey. Any life here had died out long ago, for the Doctor had burned up the sun too.
There was only one small bit of land on this moon. It was all rock and barren sand now, the charred and grasping remains of trees the only thing to remind him that there had ever been life here at all. The open maw of a crater housed the empty remains of a dead TARDIS.
That TARDIS was once a home. It was a proud ship that travelled through time and space with its Time Lord. And now it lay there, like a carcass long eaten by vultures. The mist began to thicken, and the Doctor looked once again out to the never-ending sea. He wished he could throw himself into the waves and become dust as his people had at his hand. But his heart refused, for he knew he did not deserve the mercy of death.
And, despite dying nine times, he was terrified of that final darkness.
Tempest tossed island, seasons all the same
Anchorage unpainted and a ship without a name
Rose awoke in her bed, groggily sitting up and looking around. The usual hum of the ship surrounded her, but the pitch was different. They weren't in the vortex. She rubbed her bleary eyes and threw on her pink dressing gown to go in search of the Doctor.
As she padded down the hallway, she realized that something was wrong. The air was heavy. The console room was completely silent as she turned the corner, and she became slightly worried. She ran her hand gently along the console.
"What's the matter, girl?" she asked the TARDIS.
The ship hummed disconsolately. Rose quickly slipped on her trainers by the door.
"Is it safe to go outside?" she asked.
When an affectionate whirr sounded, Rose opened the door and was met with an icy blast of damp air. She shivered and allowed her body to adjust to the temperature before stepping out onto the rocky ground.
She looked around her, confused by their destination. Why would the Doctor want to go here, of all places? Usually, if he landed the ship at night, it was because he got a weird banana craving or something. She was pretty sure that there were no bananas in this place. She scanned the area for him.
When she spotted him, her breath stopped for a moment. He was standing a small distance from her, his shoulders hard and his face like stone. She could almost envision the burden he held in his spirit as long wings on his back.
Her lonely angel.
She stood there, a few feet from the TARDIS, afraid to move towards him. What if this was something he wanted to do alone? Should she intrude on him, when he probably came here while she was asleep so that he could be here uninterrupted?
She squared her shoulders and began to make her way toward him. She had promised him two things: her forever, and that he would never have to do things alone. Not while she was still with him.
He didn't even notice her approach until she placed her hand on his shoulder. His tense shoulders tightened even more, and he turned to look at her with such pain in his gaze that she felt it like a knife in her heart. He quickly composed himself, though not enough to fool her.
"Rose! Lovely to see you, just doing a bit of exploring. You should go on back to bed though, it's chilly out here. You could get sick."
Though his mouth was blabbering on, his eyes were still like glass. She ignored his words. She listened to his eyes.
"Help me" they said. "I hurt". She could do nothing but pull him into her embrace. He tried to act all jovial, but quickly gave it up. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders and she gently pressed his head into the crook of her shoulder. It was the way he always held her when she was upset, but didn't want to talk about it. He immediately recognized the embrace and pulled her closer.
It was like a dam broke. He did not make a sound, his breathing was regular, and his hearts did not change their pace. But the robe on her shoulder became wet from his warm tears. There wasn't a sound for a long time but the crashing waves against the rocks. She gazed out at the sea. Rocks stuck out at jagged angles and what looked like the ruins of a TARDIS lay floating in the water. She saw an old boat not far away, made of some kind of metal. The name on it was written in the Doctor's flowing language.
Was this Gallifrey?
She closed her eyes from the bleak place, and held the warm man in her arms tighter. His arms gripped her to him like iron, though it was probably an uncomfortable position for him because of his height. Eventually his grip loosened, and she allowed him to slide away from her, though she pressed a small kiss to his hair as he went.
He gave her a solemn smile and took her hand. She gripped it tightly, the cold numbing her hand slightly. She slipped her other hand into the pocket of her silly pink robe.
They walked along the sea for a few minutes, climbing over rocks. There was no shore here. Soon they turned away from the water and began the climb to a path. The ground was charred and she could see more broken remains of what she was now sure was a place the Time Lords had once lived. She looked up the path and over the trees, Rose saw an old lighthouse. It seemed to be the only thing still standing, though she could tell from far away that it wouldn't stand for long.
"This was a resort." He said quietly, though in the heavy mist the sound of his voice startled her. She remained silent. "The Time Lords would come here to get away from the strict society, to just be themselves. This was the largest moon orbiting Gallifrey. It is the only thing left."
Her heart broke for him all over again, tears stinging her eyes. She refused to let them fall, blinking heavily. She would not make this about her.
He continued moments later. "That lighthouse was the beacon when the sun was on the other side of the planet. People would come here for a few days, Time Lords wishing to recuperate after a long journey. During the last days it was the site of a great battle. We were supposed to be victorious…" He broke off for a second and swallowed heavily. She squeezed his hand in hers, desperately trying to keep him from being caught in the memories. "When we won, the messenger was supposed to go to that lighthouse and light the flame, calling the soldiers home."
They were approaching the base of the structure now, and Rose was in awe of the sheer size of it. It was much larger than it had seemed at the bottom of the hill. This was a beacon, then?
His voice cut through her like a knife. "I was the messenger. Instead of calling them home in victory, I killed them all in order to save the universe. This destruction is from my hands. Nobody was to ever return from the war."
Sea without a shore for the banished one unheard
He lightens the beacon light at the end of worlds
For the first time, Rose tried to imagine being a soldier in the Great Time War. She would have been out in the depths of time and space, waiting for the signal that she could return home. Instead, she would never see that beacon. She would burn and the man she loved would be the one to do it.
The hand she held had been responsible for the millions of deaths in the final moments of the Time War. He was The Oncoming Storm, the Bringer of Death. He was a powerful being of vengeance and pain. She looked up at the pain in his eyes as he stood at the crumbling door to the tower.
He was her Doctor, her love. He had more than suffered enough.
Showing the way lighting hope in their hearts
The ones on their travels homeward from afar
They began to climb the stairs in silence. She kept her hand in his, tightening her grip. She knew he had killed his people. She knew what he felt so guilty for, and yet she would love him anyway. He was a good man and nothing she saw of his past could ever change her opinion, or her feelings, for him.
She could feel that he needed to do this. He needed to have this final goodbye to his people. She didn't know what he would do when they got to the top of the lighthouse, but she resolved to never let go of his hand again. She would ask him later to look for life-prolonging treatments. Eighty years with this man could never be enough, not when he needed her so desperately. Not when she loved him and promised him forever.
The rain dripped through the cracks in the walls, making the stone steps a bit slippery as they climbed. Rose could feel her lungs burning and her legs tiring, but still she continued forward. This was for the Doctor, and she would not ruin this.
She knew now that he was coming to pay his final respects to his people.
They passed a small window and she glanced through it. The rain was coming down along the horizon in torrents, and the thunder rumbled above them. It was like the sky itself was crying out for the Doctor and his species.
This is for long forgotten light at the end of the world
Horizon crying the tears he left behind so long ago
They reached the top of the lighthouse and looked out over the barren landscape. The rain had reached the little island and was now running in torrents down the side of the tower. Rose could hear the waves crashing on the rocks, and she couldn't help but remember a poem she had read in school. Rhine of the Ancient Mariner, it was called. An old mariner killed an albatross and eventually his entire crew ended up dead. She was reminded of the Doctor's situation in that poem.
The albatross is flying making him daydream
The time before he became one of the world's unseen
"I killed my wife, too." He had been silent for so long now, she jumped slightly at his voice. "My children, my grandchildren. I had everything I could ever want. I had a home, a family, adventure. I destroyed it all."
She felt her throat tighten against a fresh wave of tears. She could hear the self-hatred in his voice.
"You did it for the universe." She said softly, her voice scratchy from emotion.
He turned to look at her with a haunted gaze.
She brought her hand up to hold his cold cheek. If it wasn't for the actions of this hurting old man, she wouldn't be alive. She would have been killed in the Time War as well, or she wouldn't have existed. She met his gaze again and this time a tear managed to escape from her eye.
"Thank you for saving me." She whispered.
He pulled her to him again.
Princess in the tower children in the field
Life gave him it all
An island of the universe
After a few minutes he pulled back to look once more at the small island.
"This place will be destroyed in a few hours. It is going to fly out of this gravity field and speed towards a nearby star. The last bit of my home will be completely gone."
She replaced her hand in his as he continued to gaze out over the dead trees and rocks. She looked behind her to see a pedestal with a small wick in the center. She fingered the small box in her pocket.
They stood there for several more minutes and she knew what she needed to do. The Doctor needed this final act, this moment, some sort of resolution to all of this. He needed to find peace.
She pulled his hand up and removed the small box from her pocket. She pressed it into his palm and he looked down curiously. She felt him tremble when he saw the box of matches in his hand. He turned to the pedestal and released her, standing very still before his long-abandoned duty.
"Call them home" she said softly, and he turned to her with unshed tears in his eyes.
The thunder crashed outside.
Now his love's a memory, a ghost in the fog
He sets the sails one last time saying farewell to the world
He lit one of the matches, a hissing noise permeating the air. The bright orange flame was the only spot of actual color, other than her ridiculous dressing gown, that she had seen since she stepped out of the TARDIS.
He pressed the flame to the wick and the lighthouse sprang to life. The flame grew bright and strong and the platform began to rise. A blaring horn sounded as the flame disappeared through the roof of the small room. The Doctor rushed to the window and she saw a bright beam of light penetrating the fog outside.
He turned to her then, and she couldn't read the expression in his eyes. He stepped closer to her, slipping the matches back into her pocket. His chilled hand came up to cup her cheek, and he was suddenly kissing her.
She had never been kissed like this before. His hand held her face gently and lovingly while his other arm reached around to pull her tightly against him. She returned the kiss eagerly, feeling the incredible passion in his embrace.
She could feel his sobs more than hear them, his breath coming in short gasps against her lips in between passionate kisses. His tongue swept her mouth and she felt completely and utterly overcome. She let her hands drift up to tangle in his hair, the cold from the island no longer chilling her to the bone.
She didn't know how long he kissed her or when they stopped, but they were suddenly walking down the stairs. The horn still sounded, loud and strong, as they made their way past the window she had previously looked out of. The rain was no longer pouring, but a gentle fog had gathered to cover the jagged edges of the stones and the dead remains of the battle that had once been fought here.
They made their way out of the lighthouse, hands still firmly clasped together. Rose was beginning to feel the chill again and wished she had worn more than a dressing gown out into this weather. They continued down the path they had previously ascended, the fog covering the charred ground and caressing her ankles as they navigated the same rocks they had come by.
Soon she saw the familiar blue of the TARDIS, and just as they approached the ground began to shake. She knew that this was the death of the Gallifreyan moon. It would now plummet to a star. The doors opened as they approached, and the Doctor was working the controls as soon as they were in the door.
Anchor to the water, seabed far below
Grass still under his feet and a smile beneath his brow
The ship dematerialized and Rose felt the warmth from the ship saturate her being. The TARDIS was thanking her, and she was thanking the TARDIS for surviving for the Doctor. Now she truly was all he had of his home.
The ship was safely in space now, and the Doctor returned to her side and pressed the doors open. There was the final moon of Gallifrey, in the middle of a cloud of dust.
And if she closed her eyes, she could hear the call of the lighthouse.
Come Home.
This is for long forgotten light at the end of the world
Horizon crying the tears he left behind so long ago
So long ago
A/N: I want to take a moment to thank all of my loyal readers and reviewers. Thank you for sticking with me, even when I don't update for a long time. I promise, I am working on Return To Memory, I have just been so swamped with my Senior Paper and exams and all that. I will get it posted ASAP! Let me know what you think of this one!
With Love,
doctorrosetyler