She doesn't realize she's barefoot until she reaches the bakery, her feet soiled in dirt.
Chapter 5 - Smile
She feels safe tucked away in the corner of her couch with a large blanket draped over her body.
Sae and her granddaughter were regular visitors to her house again. She assumed Haymitch or maybe even Peeta had asked Sae to check up on her once in a while again, just to make sure that she was alive.
Not that it mattered, she thought to herself.
With Peeta gone, she was as good as dead. She couldn't sleep, she couldn't eat, she couldn't move.
Katniss sat around everyday and watched Sae cook and her granddaughter clean her dusty home.
She was flipping through the book she had created with Peeta when she heard his familiar voice. Her eyes flashed to the TV screen and she instantly begins to drown in that familiar and soothing tone.
Katniss couldn't find it in her heart to be angry when he announced his engagement to Elena on national television.
Peeta was getting married.
She knew she had an audience, Sae and her granddaughter were closely watching her, waiting for a reaction.
She should be happy she thought to herself. She has to act happy.
Happy.
Happy?
But the truth was… she was devastated.
"One more time? For the audience?" she remembers Peeta saying.
So she turns around to face them and does her best to channel Effie Trinket as she announces that his wedding was going to be a big big day in her high pitched Capitol voice.
She must have done a terrible job because they both stared back at her in pity.
So she bolts up to her room and slams her door shut.
She walks straight up to her full length mirror and begins practicing.
"I'm happy for you."
"Congratulations."
"Wow, heard you're getting married."
"Good job, buddy."
She practiced for hours behind her locked bedroom door. She needed it to be convincing so she tried smiling but it hurt her face too much to smile. Not to mention she looked like a pathetic lunatic, all disheveled hair, tired and puffy eyes, dry and chapped lips.
Peeta had told her she wasn't particularly pretty once. And she sees it, she was fucking ugly.
One more time, for the audience, she repeats to herself and keeps practicing her smile.
She smiled, and smiled, and smiled. Her only goal was to perfect it.
The problem was none of the smiles were good enough.
They were all fake.