Bella sat in her bed after dinner with the pack, she had wedged herself between Jacob and Quil in wariness of Paul. He was a towering entity-he had somehow shifted into Jacob's role. A more honest, intimidating, and attractive Jacob. The school year without Edward had ruined her. Bella sat in the dark awhile before she realized the sleeping earlier at Paul's house was temporary. She wouldn't be sleeping in her bed.

Good for Charlie-he ached every time his daughter screamed. Nothing was more terrifying then hearing her scream-scream as if she was being murdered. His hairs would raise on the back of his neck. He loved Bella. She was his little girl. Bella was a part of him. Like an affectionate memory- she was a reminder of constant responsibility and over-powering love. His one and only child. His one and only great contribution to the world. Bella laid back and stared at her ceiling counting the poppy material until she could see the sun rising up through her window.

Paul sat in his kitchen at 5:36am and made coffee. He had an itch in his chest that had urged him to brew the distant memory of his mother. He wanted to rip his skin open again and sink his nails into his chest and rake until the itch stopped. He didn't know why he was making coffee. Not until he heard the rumbling of a truck coming up to LaPush. Bella was 7 miles out headed towards his house. He had slept the night before scenting coffee because she had rolled all over his damn sheets. He was partly angered and relieved. Thank the fucking gods that he had gotten deep sleep-but he had woken up with a raging hard on that hadn't gone away. His sweat pants fit snug. Bella was coming up the hill to his house now. He listened to her slam the door and swing her bag over her frail body. She had brought things...

Bella paused at the door... What if he couldn't understand why she was here again? What if he turned her away? She fucking needed it. She needed the autumn dreams. She needed his presence there. She was going crazy all night with tiredness and he was like a healthy size of morphine and NightQuil. She almost turned around but instead she flung the door open and stepped inside. Paul was already waiting for her. He had sat a cup of coffee across from him on the island at her bar stool. Bella trudged forward through the living room to reach the kitchen. She dropped her bag on the floor and hopped up on the bar stool and lifted the coffee to her lips. She had needed this.

Paul turned his back on her and opened the refrigerator. He could make her breakfast at least. He had to run patrol in a few hours. He reached for the bacon and eggs. Bella observed him silently. She was hungry and at peace. Emotions that had evaded her all year until this summer- before Paul. Paul began to cook and Bella continued to watch. She wondered vaguely why she had come here instead of Jake's. Shouldn't she sleep better with him around? Instead it was Paul she wanted to surround herself with-or rather his scent. She slept in it and dreamed of it.

"Good morning Bella. You should eat before you sleep" Paul placed two sandwiches in front of her. He had cooked eggs and bacon, toasted bread and placed jelly on the sandwich for her. She looked down at the plate. "You're... you're welcomed here anytime you need Bella. I don't mind you being here". Paul was beginning to get why the wolves imprinted.

Bella lifted the sandwich and ate as she continued to watch Paul. "You don't like coffee?"

"I use too..." Paul washed the dishes he'd used with his back to Bella. "My...my mother made coffee all the time- I can't stand it anymore ever since she died". Paul's hand shook. She needed his experience. It was just so fucking hard for him to admit and voice out loud. He hadn't fucking talked about it ever really. Not like he should have.

Bella's chest lurched and she moved the coffee mug away from her hand. She suddenly regretted liking it so much. She had upset him. She could see his hands shaking. Paul wasn't angry. He was hurting. He was afraid for the first time in a long time. He'd always been afraid back then when he was a child. He turned around when he heard he coffee mug scrap against the counter top from Bella shoving it away. He moved over the island to her side and grabbed the mug. He hadn't tasted coffee in a while. Bella watched him drink it. She memorized the place he had put his lips on her mug-she wanted to mold her lips over the same exact spot. She wasn't sure why or what it was about him.

Paul didn't break eye contact with her as he placed the mug in her hands. She lifted it accordingly and drunk her coffee. She wanted to lick her tongue where his lips had been. She held back the urge because he was watching her so intently. "You know Bella talking about things is good for me. There's a lot I use to love that I gave up. I loss people I loved and I haven't been the same since. I've had no one to talk to... But I can talk to you Bella... I can talk to you".

"You can talk to me..." Bella whispered. Paul hadn't been asking but she answered anyway. She wanted him to talk to her... She wanted to talk to him. She wanted to tell someone-no him that she was broken inside, she wanted to die; she wanted to disappear from the face of the Earth to rid herself of Edward. "I like this... I like your breakfast. I like your coffee". Bella couldn't understand why she had said that instead.

"Good. You can have it every day if you'd like Bella." Paul moved back across from her.

"I want to die almost all the time. I want to let myself die and I want to let myself be taken... I want to let it happen to me" Bella blurted out. Paul stilled instantly. She had revealed a lot at once. She hadn't told anyone that Victoria was after her. Laurent had confessed to her that day in the forest when she was searching for the meadow. Paul didn't know that's what she had meant-she would sacrifice herself to the vampire that was threatening their territory; Paul held his breathe. The wolf and him battled with opposing reactions to her words. He settled on the man's reaction.

"When don't you want to die Bella?"

"When I here at LaPush. When I'm with the pack. When...when I'm with you" Bella felt a vague warm emotion flush through her suddenly. She couldn't place it-the emotion was admiration. Paul hadn't scolded her, Paul hadn't mocked her, and Paul hadn't told her she wasn't within reason.

"Come more often then." Bella finished the sandwiches he had made her. Paul's hands flashed out and snatched the plate away to wash it. Bella felt lazy-she might be a guest but she felt like she was taking advantage of his kindness. The thought almost stunned her. Paul and kindness were words that she never thought she'd think of together. Paul finished taking care of the kitchen and made a mental note to cook her lunch before he left to patrol. Bella was heavy from the food and she wanted to rest. They moved like a song. As she lifted herself off the stool to go to the bedroom. Paul crossed the kitchen to go down the hallway. Ladies first-Bella let herself into the bedroom. The bed wasn't made-she slid in the covers imagining that it was the exact spot he had slept hours earlier. Paul watched her settle in the bed and moved to the bathroom. He needed to shower-though the presence of Bella in his bed was distracting again.

Bella kissed the autumn dream hello.

Paul showered and ignored the urge to touch himself to the thoughts of Bella. It wasn't right-she wasn't ready. He knew she felt the attraction to him. After all Paul could smell her becoming aroused when she looked at him. He just couldn't place his finger on why he believed she wasn't ready for him to show his own physical attraction to her. He knew if he touched himself to the thoughts of his imprint his-his moans would stir Bella. And while Bella would be aroused she would be terrified and would avoid him for a few days. She needed rest and to eat those were things only he could help her do. He ignored the growing painfulness of blue balls and let the water run icy cold.

Paul understood that Bella was beyond a simple attraction to him-he shared his mind, body and spirit with a wolf. He needed a mate-someone that matched every part of him. The wolves needed someone for them too. They needed to have someone capable of matching the man and wolf to maintain balance and harmony. The itching-the urges he felt were all from the wolf helping him figure out how to help her. Paul was just a man. He couldn't possible know what she was needing without her voicing it-no man could. But his other half, the wolf, the animal in him could read Bella's body language. The wolf could smell and hear Bella far greater than the man. That's what helped him be more than a- husband. He could be a protector, he could be a best friend and he could be a fixer. Bella was his to solve. She was capable of healing-he just needed to help her. She was matched for him. Maybe it was the soft innocence she had that was good for Paul. Or maybe it was her loving accepting nature that was unlike Paul's skepticism. It didn't matter to him what she did for him-it was what he could do for her. He could prove himself by being what she needed.

Paul fixed Bella some instant pasta after he had finished showering. He wanted to make sure she had very little to worry about. He hated her had to leave her. He needed to patrol there was a leech running loose after something. He wanted to end the threat. He felt a great need for some unknown reason. He moved back into the room to tell Bella goodbye. He thought of leaving a note but instead he opted to tell her goodbye- to touch her before he left.

"Bella I have to go patrol. I left you lunch in the kitchen. Feel free to help yourself to anything it's whatever you want" Paul caressed her cheek and her eyes fluttered open. He wanted so badly to kiss her. He knew it was too soon but he wanted her. Bella rolled her head underneath his hand and placed a kiss on his palm that had gentle encompassed her cheek.

"Good night" Bella was vaguely aware of what he had said. Paul chortled softly at her antics; she was cute. He leaned down and kissed her forehead-she pressed into his lips. A sleepy smile glossed over her face. When Paul was outside naked that was the last image on his mind as his paws hit the ground.

Bella woke up much later. The weather was its normal summer gloom. The skies were gray and the trees emerald. She showered. She had brought her toothbrush and some clothes. Instead she shifted through Paul's things until she found a shirt she liked. She slipped into it and her leggings she had brought. The kitchen was empty without him there. She rummaged through until she opened the fridge to find pasta made. The memory of his voice in her sleep was triggered by the delectable smell of shrimp pasta. God he was an amazing cook. Bella opened the freezer and noticed wings. He had told her to eat. She fixed them while she reheated the shrimp on the stove.

The time on the oven had told her it was 3:43pm. She had slept 9 hours. She felt it. Her body felt good. She felt good. She was prepared for Paul's absence-she had brought a new book along with her Nightmare Abby. She ate and read. She didn't feel so plagued at Paul's house. She wondered if it was because she had no memories to mock her here. Or it could be Paul's amazing scent. Bella enjoyed reading in his bed. She advanced well into the novel until she noticed the sun setting in the background. Paul has cooked for her but she hadn't cook for him. She decide she should return the favor and treat Paul-her friend, to a meal. Bella moved her hair to a bun and began to whip up food for her and the older wolf. She spent her time making the meal hoping he'd like it.

Hours later she began to feel intensely antsy. Before she could even ask herself why the front door thundered open. Bella gasp and whipped around. Paul was in the door. He was soaking wet. When had it began to rain? He was furious. Paul's lip was half lifted in a grimace. His shoulders and chest were rising and falling rapidly. His fist were clenched and his eyes were the worst part. Bella had seen them golden and beautiful, but she had never seen them golden and pissed. Suddenly golden didn't seem like a good description of his eyes. They were fire orange yellow. And his eyes were locked on her. Bella dropped the spoon that was in her hand coated with cake batter.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME ISABELLA?" Paul slapped a hole through his own door. Bella misplaced the anger for a second. Why was he so angry? Because she had cooked? Because she had secret growing affectionate feelings for him? Why was he so ...wrathful? "THAT BITCH WAS THIS CLOSE TO YOUR HOUSE TODAY" Paul pinched his fingers together leaving little space in between. "SHE MOTHERFUCKING TURNED AROUND AND GUESS WHERE SHE WAS HEADED BELLA?"

Bella had fucked up. She hadn't told any of the wolves about Victoria. But she also hadn't pieced together that the vampire they were hunting was actually her. Bella felt stupid. She felt naïve. She felt like her chest was going to drop out of her fucking ass. She was so motherfucking stupid for keeping it from him. She felt all the air leave her lungs. She couldn't speak. Why the fuck hadn't she just told the wolves right out that she knew there was a vampire someone hunting her? She had assumed Victoria was only counting her days until she tortured her to death.

Paul was filled from the crown of his head to the soles of his feet with rage. She had fucking kept this from all of them. From him. Today he had been patrolling and caught a whiff of leech headed towards Forks. He had fucking known. The fucking imprinting had let him know. His wolf had gone ballistic when it had realized where she was headed...towards his soul-mates home. He had gone ballistic. He had fucking clawed the hell out of the leech's leg. He had yanked a chunk of her porcelain granite skin from her calve and he had taunted her with it. She of course backed off when he had gained ground-but he knew she would be back.

"Guess where Bella?" His voice had gone still and frigid.

"LaPush..." Bella's voice wavered. She felt something at the back of her throat. She couldn't control it. Something was filling her lungs and she felt like she was drowning. Paul was mad at her. "I wanted to die Paul. I WANTED TO DIE. I didn't... I didn't want you guys to stop her. I wanted her to put me out of my misery..." That was it. The truth had suffocated her. She tried to resist the urge to tell him what she had felt because she didn't want to cry. She couldn't lie and she couldn't stop herself from crying.

"You. Are. So. Fucked. Up. You let the pack risk themselves because we didn't know what she was after. You risked your father. You risked the town. You risked YOURSELF BELLA" of course he couldn't keep the last part calm. He had begun moving towards her. He had corned her in the kitchen between himself and the countertop beside the stove. She was looking at him with tears streaming down her face. She was sad. She was miserable. He was mad. What could he do for her? He wasn't just mad. But his wolf was furious. He couldn't feel an itch to fix her pain-because she needed to be taught no matter how selfless she was-someone would get hurt because of her recklessness.

"I love him so much. I LOVE him. I don't want to be here" Bella sobbed. She was so upset with herself suddenly. She couldn't lie to Paul. Paul's own heart cut into two at the present tense of the words. Of course she loved him still. Paul was nothing and he would never be. In his own fury his hands came down in anger on either side of her and he slapped against the hot stove top. He branded his hand. He'd burned it badly because he felt it. He gasped and pulled his hand back. Bella watched him move away towards the bedroom. He had hurt himself. She had hurt him. She had upset him so much that he had burned himself. She was so disappointed in herself. She had made him do that. Bella ran after him as he entered the bedroom. He yanked off the sweat pants and Bella ignored his nudity. He moved in the bathroom and switched the shower on with his good hand. His burned hand was still clutched to his chest. Bella waited at the door as he stepped in the water. Paul wouldn't look at her. Bella wanted to help. She needed to help but she didn't know how.

"I don't want to die as much anymore, I'm sorry Paul" Bella murmured at him. He still wouldn't acknowledge her. She knew he needed her right now-she needed him. She moved to take off her shirt and slip off her leggings. Paul didn't look up until she was in front of him in the shower naked. His hand had begun to heal but the blistering hurt badly even for him. Bella had no idea what possessed her to join this man in the shower but she did. And she pushed herself into his chest until he couldn't ignore her any longer. Paul moved back. She was so close and naked. Bella's lip trembled. "Oh god I don't know why I did this. Am I ... Oh god I probably disgust you". She moved to get out but Paul gripped her arm.

"Bella... You don't disgust me. It's the opposite. You aren't ready for... I don't know if I can control myself" Paul stepped closer to her until their chest were almost touching he could no longer see her face from this angle. "You can't let yourself die Bella. It would devastate the pack. It would destroy your father... And ...and it would end me".

Bella didn't fully understand what was happening between her and Paul. He was so warm even in the shower with the water head spraying directly on her back. She was naked. He was naked. They needed it. She knew they needed it. She pressed her hard nipples against his stomach. And wrapped her arms around him. Paul returned the favor and wrapped his arms around her. They stayed that way, holding each other naked. They both needed it.