A fic for xNomii who suggested 'Ostrich' hope you enjoy!

Ostrich.

"It's official," He looked down at the two boys on the ground before him, bound by magical ropes and struggling in vain to escape, "You two are literally dumber than paint."

Earlier…

He tried to slow his breathing and quiet the frantic thrumming of the heart in his chest. He took and deep breath and tried to become one with the surrounding shadow. This was life and death. This was a matter of honour… and a bunch of other stuff he would think up later when Remus would give him that look and act as though running Snape's underwear up the school flagpole was not only immature, it was also unimaginative. As Sirius snuck through the darkened hallways toward the rendezvous point he couldn't suppress a giggle. As he entered the fifth floor corridor he headed towards one of the marauders favourite secret passageways - one that led straight to the dungeons. He could just make out the movement of James coming the other way. They met beside the passageway, each checking that the coast was clear. As they did their eyes fell on the portrait behind them. An ostrich preened itself regally. Sirius was just about to remark that it reminded him of another preener he knew when James laughed quietly and whispered "Ugly bird." They then looked around once more before they entered the passage. Unseen the Ostrich shook its wings angrily and slunk out of its frame.

By the time the boys walked out of the passage near the dungeons the Ostrich was there, standing beside a morose looking child, squawking. It had already attracted a couple of Slytherins.

"Shit."

By the end of the hair-raising escape they then had to make they had realised a few things. There was no chance of getting those undies tonight, the Slytherins were getting slightly faster and that their favourite passage way had now been discovered and was therefore useless.

They also knew that this meant war.

"Don't you think you two are over-reacting?" Remus asked as they plotted a few days later.

"What do you mean, Moons?" Sirius asked sweetly.

"Well… It's a painting…"

"And?" James asked.

"Of a bird."

"That bloody Chicken lost us one of our best passageways!"

"You did kind of started it."

"What?"

"You called it ugly."

"So? It was totally uncalled for it to bug out like that."

"Like how last week you cursed Douglas Spedden for asking you to move your ego so he could see the blackboard?"

"That's different. Now, are you going to help or not?"

"Not."

Sirius and James stared at him in disbelief.

"I not only think that it's stupid, I also think that you'll fail."

"Fail? Against a painting?"

"A painting that has been here longer and seen more than you could possibly imagine."

"We'll just see about that, Moony."

…

Soon Sirius and James had come up with a plan. They were going to transfigure the painting so that the ostrich was emerald green and silver and the plaque read 'Another Snake'. They had researched and mastered the relevant spells, and were ready to go. They passed Remus on the way out. He looked over his book at them and hummed a song they play in cartoons when someone is doomed. Sirius and James merely looked at him blankly, having never seen a cartoon in their lives. With a shrug they were out of the door. As the portrait swung shut behind them Remus pulled the Marauder's Map out of his pocket and settled in to see how the two little dots, with his best friends names attached, headed out to learn a lesson in contrition.

Once again they split up, making their separate, silent ways toward the enemy. Sirius was walking confidently yet stealthily, a sure smile spread across his face until he heard a strange sound behind him. He stopped in his tracks and slunk to the side, hiding in the shadows by the walls. He strained his ears trying to recognise if the sound was the shuffling of Filtch, or the gentle sweep of Mrs. Norris or the footfalls of teachers or students. The more he listened, though, the less he could tell about it. It seemed to be getting closer then further away and coming from all different directions. Sirius decided to meet James and they would decide what to do then. He hurried towards the ostrich portrait, he was now running late. As he was very near where he was to meet James he saw a dark figure coming towards him, it was running in his direction, wand raised. Sirius reacted instinctively. He cast a binding charm at the same time the Shadowy figure did the same. The binds hit him as he ran forward, he tripped over himself and found himself skidding forward toward James, similarly bound. They came to rest below a canvas showing the golden plains of Africa. Soon an ostrich was above them, preening and shaking its feathers in smug delight.

In the common room the portrait swung closed as Remus Lupin stepped out of it, on the way to say I told you so.