It was a quiet night. The faint noises of crickets and livestock were the only sounds to be heard.

That and Marty throwing up in his mouth several times.

"I really think we should've cut back on the garlic in that one. Over."

They were huddled together in a peculiar booth, muttering into two-way walkie talkies to each other and surrounded by rows of pipe openings and computer screens, broadcasting footage from all over the village.

"But that's exactly why we did it! Imagine how a vampire would react if you're already-"

"I understand the rationale, it's just really bad."

"You have to end by saying 'over', Marty. Over."

"Fine! I understand the rationale, it's just really bad over. Why are we even using walkie-talkies, we're right next to each other."

"Marty, if you keep talking after you say 'over', you're not actually over. Over."

"Oh for goodness sake. Over."

"And to answer your question, Marty, we might get separated in our vampire hunting tonight. We should have a way to keep in touch. Also, you don't exactly smell like daisies yourself. Over."

"The garlic was your idea, so I'm still blaming you. Over."

The cow on the screen mooed gently.

"Hold that thought. What you got on the pony, Marty?"

"Nothing so far. Just sleeping right now."

"Alright. Nothing on the cow, either."

"Okay."

The two sat in silence for a while.

"Sooo, how did you start traveling, Mr. Travis?"

"Hm? What? Sorry? Oh yeah, well if we're being completely honest, I started as a young lad just like you. I was a sheepherder, actually. Not a bad job. Long stretches of green pasture…absolutely beautiful."

He sighed theatrically.

"Then one day a large manticore came down and stole a lamb. The villagers were terrified: we'd never fought any monsters before… So I set out, my rod in hand, and began hiking up the mountain."

He gazed wistfully off into the distance.

"And when I got to the top, goodness the view was magnificent. Absolutely glorious. You could see stretches of mountain range, plains, and forest. And then down there, a little speck, was the village. Only then did I realize…just how big the world was, and how little of it I was seeing from my little microcosm in the villages…"

Marty was silent.

"And then I got mauled to death by the manticore and never saw my family again- ulp. We got something."

"What? Where?"

"Waddles the pig, on screen 2."

"Waddles?"

"Heard it on a show somewhere, I'm sticking with it."

On the screen, the newly christened runt piglet lay sound asleep, and all seemed normal.

"I don't see anything."

"The flatuloculus definitely sees something there. Better safe than sorry. Well, huff and puff, Marty!"

"Wha- me?!"

"Yup! You go first!"

"Aw jeez, alright then."

Marty closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then clamped his mouth over a pipe and unleashed a massive, magnificent belch into it. The burp rumbled through the tubing, winding through the twisty pipe, festering, seething, and raging.

It emerged from the pipe with a deafening URRRRRRRP, reverberating about the barn house it had been led into, sending Waddles flying into the air, squealing in terror.

Unbeknownst to Marty, the garlicky fumes also rendered the nearby invisible vampire comatose.

"Ha! Got 'im!" Travis pumped his fists, "Come on Marty, off to kill a vampire!"

"What? Where?"

"Hemogoblin! He must have cast an invisibility charm, but he'll have to try harder if he wants to evade the flatuloculus! Mwah!" He blew a little kiss at the bizarre gizmo and burst out the door, enthusing.

Marty rose from his chair to chase after him excitedly. I could really get into this! This is actually quite fun!

A sudden movement caught his eye. He turned back, and his eyes widened.

On the monitor, a large spidery figure was busy wrapping up a pony in long strands of webbing.