A/N: Hey guys. This chapter kind of wrote itself and ended up in places I hadn't originally intended, but hopefully you like it. Let me know if you have any concerns or suggestions regarding my story 

End of Last Chapter:

"Edward, if you don't mind I would rather you didn't sit with me in class anymore"

Silence.

"Oh" he replied, shocked "If that's what you want?"

Of course it's not!!! My head was screaming, but my outward appearance gave none of this away.

"Yes thank you" I confirmed and then strode ahead of him before I lost my nerve.

I may have lost my heart, my happiness and my future, but at least I had my nerve.

Chapter 6

Edward respected my wishes and sat well away from me in the next class.

I stared straight ahead and tried to concentrate on the teacher, but my mind was heavy and clouded with the rush of thoughts invading it.

I could scarcely comprehend how my entire world had been turned upside down in the space of one small little day. Edward had returned, I was been hunted by two vampires and I had lost my best friend.

As my thoughts turned to Jacob my stomach heaved in pain. How could he just turn his back on me like that after everything we had been through? He must know how much I needed him desperately right now, yet he had abandoned me.

I understood why he had reacted the way he did, but understanding didn't stop the hurt and rejection that flooded me. On top of that, I also felt the dull weight of guilt because I too had hurt and rejected Jacob just as much last night by not choosing him. He had done nothing in the past but be there for me and offer love and support that I probably didn't deserve. When the time came for me to repay him for all that he had brought into my life I had let him down.

I vowed to call him after school to try and fix our friendship. Perhaps things would be easier now that I had put some distance between Edward and myself.

He would be here long after the Cullen's left again and I owed it to him, and myself, to fight for our relationship. I knew I would always need Jacob in my life and, although it was terribly selfish of me, I didn't think I could live through Edward leaving again without Jacob to lift me back into the light.

But would it make any difference? Would Jacob be able to save me from myself after I watched Edward slip away again, this time having an equal hand in the separation?

I put my head into my hands and felt the smallness of my existence wrap around me.

The enormity of what was unfolding around me, and how fragile and helpless I was, began to seethe its way into my thoughts. My confidence in my abilities to cope faded as I sunk into the shadows of solitude. The fight to keep my head above water becoming both overwhelming and pointless.

For the first time since I came to Forks I was truly afraid. Not of what could happen to me, but of not having the energy or strength to try to stop it.

The teacher, Mr Dohl, assigned the class a task to complete, then slunk over to where I was sitting. Nervously he looked around to make sure no one was paying attention and then muttered quietly to me "Ms Swan, if you don't mind could you please grab your bag and follow me out into the hallway".

I sat there in shock and looked to see the reactions of the other students, but everyone was engrossed in the task at hand.

Everyone except Edward, who sat there with his head in his hands and his body slumped over the desk. If I didn't know better I would have thought he was crying. He drew himself up slightly, but kept his chin and mouth cradled in his hands as if in shock or pain. The look on his face was horrifying.

What was going on?

As we maintained eye contact, I widened my eyes at Edward as if to ask him what the teacher was thinking. He simply closed his eyes, shook his head and mouthed the words 'I'm so sorry' before returning his face to his hands.

Slowly I got up and followed the teacher out of the room into the hallway.

Once out into the corridor I started to panic

"What's wrong Mr Dohl, has something happened to Charlie?" I asked, my voice beginning to rise and shake. What picture could have been in his mind to cause Edward so much distress?

"No, Bella, it's nothing like that" he reassured me.

"Is this about yesterday when I left your lesson without asking permission?" I continued "because I am truly sorry for disrupting your class like that and...."

"No Bella, it's not about that either. You see...." and he paused nervously.

I could see what he was about to say made him feel extremely uncomfortable and I was utterly confused as to what this could be all about.

"We here at Forks high school like to consider ourselves as a caring community, looking out for each other" He began.

"Uh huh" I said hesitantly, not really looking forward to where this was going.

"Because it is such a small and close-knit community, we try to keep aware of any issues or problems that may be affecting our students."

I nodded, swallowing loudly.

"I am aware that Chief Swan, your father, has been going through a particular stressful time in the last few days pulling some long shifts with the return of the unpleasant situation we had last year. I'm also aware that you have had your own fair share of....complications...."

I cut him off there "Thanks for your concern, Mr Dohl, but I really am fine" feeling the blush stain my cheeks hot and scarlet.

"No you're not fine, Bella" He replied with concern "Normally we are happy to let students sort out their problems in their own time, but I am frankly quite worried about you. Your behaviour yesterday was extremely out of character for you and..." another pause while he fidgeted nervously with his hands "and well, I haven't seen you look like you do today for many months now."

"Look?" I questioned, squinting my eyes.

Mr Dohl nodded slowly "The same look as when you weren't feeling very well after you were found in the woods all those months ago. But frankly, I have to admit that this time you actually look worse"

I was mortified. The teaching staff talked about me? They talked about my private life? They talked about what a mess I was?

"You may not think we notice or care Bella, but we do. I don't want to see you go down the same path again as you did recently. You're a promising student and we all want you to achieve to the best of your abilities, especially in this crucial final year. The reason I called you out of class today is that I think that perhaps you need an early weekend. Take the rest of the day off, and come back on Monday with some rest and recuperation under your belt".

I shook my head and began to argue with Mr Dohl when he interrupted me before I had a chance "Bella, please don't be offended when I tell you that you seem to be in as much, if not more, distress as before and I strongly recommend you take some time to deal with your issues before they become major problems again".

Shocked and embarrassed, I stared at Mr Dohl speechless.

Then the realisation hit me that he was right.

If I didn't try and sort things out in my head right now I knew exactly where I was heading...lying in bed till 4 in the afternoon, crying and wishing that when I woke the rest of the world would have simply melted away while my eyes were closed.

"Maybe your right Mr Dohl" I resigned.

He heaved a sigh of relief "I'm sorry if this discussion has made you feel uncomfortable Bella and like I said we normally leave the students to sort out this kind of thing in their own time, but with Chief Swan being under so much pressure at the moment I figured it couldn't hurt to try and ease the burden a little. I'll inform the office that I've given you the rest of the day off, so you are free to handle this situation in the best way you see fit. May I suggest stopping in to the counsellor's office on the way...."

"Thanks Mr Dohl" I interjected "I appreciate the concern and the offer. And I'll see you on Monday"

"Take care Bella" he muttered and then sprinted back into class, fleeing from the scary hormonal teenage girl and her problems.

As I walked down the hall I suddenly realised why Edward had looked so sick and sad...he had heard Mr Dohl's thoughts about not only my current state of mind, but of my previous mental breakdown. I knew he must be feeling guilty and responsible for my emotional state.

Poor Edward, as much as I tried to make this easier on him I couldn't shelter him from the thoughts of others. My only response, I thought, was to put on the best show I could muster from now on to make him think that I was feeling better. How on earth was I going to do that?

As I headed out of the building Alice was suddenly by my side

"What are you doing here Alice?" I asked flatly, not because I held any ill feelings for Alice but because my energy was draining by the second and I was beginning to feel strangely surreal about the whole situation.

"I saw you" She replied, tapping her head "and wondered if you needed me to do anything? Talk? Listen? Shopping?" she tried to smile to lighten the mood, but her concern dragged her features down and she came across looking like she'd just smelt something really awful. I chuckled a little at that and it seemed to ease Alice's features.

"If you don't mind Alice" I replied carefully "I just want to be by myself for a while. It's not that I don't want you around, it's just that I need some space and time to think"

"Of course" she smiled, but I could see she was hurt "Just call if you need anything ok?"

"Ok" I replied and then walked away.

With every step I felt smaller and smaller and wondered if I kept on walking would I just all of a sudden vanish?

Vanishing actually sounded nice.

I decided to take a walk into the forest area just beyond the school grounds. There were some nice quiet areas there where I could sit and think about everything.

As I walked, I tried to pay attention to the trees and wildlife to appreciate the beauty of it all, but it just seemed like my whole world was getting darker and darker, fading to desolate blackness.

Just as I thought I had found the perfect secluded spot to sink into my loneliness, I saw a figure sitting on the forest floor.

Panicked and suddenly on edge, I crept to the side to get a better look at who was there, all the while chastising myself for being a complete idiot again and forgetting that there were at least two deadly vampires lurking around town waiting for the perfect moment to torture me to death.

Peering past a large tree and zeroing in on the lonely figure, I suddenly felt all my tension and fear dissipate.

"Logan!" I shouted "What on earth are you doing out here!"

"Bella" He shouted back in return, obviously startled by my sudden entrance "I could ask you the same thing!"

As he hurriedly stood up, I noticed that he tried to discreetly wipe his eyes with his fingers....he had been crying!

"Logan are you ok?" I asked with concern. Why would Logan be out in the woods alone and crying. As soon as I thought that I stifled a smile...that was exactly what I had come out here to do!

"Yeah, sure" Logan said in an upbeat tone, but as we locked eyes I could tell he knew his game had been given away "Well...maybe not so ok, but look who's talking!"

He managed a laugh on that last one and I laughed back. What a pair we were!

I plonked myself down on the grass beside him and patted the ground as an invitation for him to do the same.

He sat down with no hesitation and for a while we just stayed like that. Staring straight ahead and not saying anything.

"So" I finally started "Do you feel like talking about it?"

Logan closed his eyes and opened his mouth. I could tell he was trying to find words that would not come and I could see the pain etched across his features. Whatever Logan had come out here to think about was obviously very serious. I didn't want to push him to talk if he didn't want to. I hardly knew him after all.

"You don't have to if you don't want to" I said, but as he opened his eyes to look at me I felt an enormous thread reach out between us, binding us in this moment together. Somehow, for some reason, we were connected.

"I do want to talk about it Bella I really do. It would be nice to share with someone, but I just don't know where to start"

"Anywhere you like, I've got all day" I smiled.

"Ok, so...

...I miss my mom" Logan blurted out.

I had to laugh at that, and thankfully Logan laughed along with me.

"I know, sounds really manly huh" He chuckled.

"You could say that" I agreed "But I can relate, I miss mine too. So where is your mom?"

The smile gradually faded from his face and he stared solemnly off into the distance.

I suddenly pieced the puzzle together. He had moved recently to live with his sister, he was out here crying in the woods, and he missed his mom...

"Oh my god Logan" I blurted out, horrified at myself as I realised what was going on "I'm so sorry, is she...."

"It's ok Bella" he said "Yeah, she died a few weeks ago. Breast cancer. She was in a lot of pain towards the end and so everyone keeps telling me that it was probably for the best. That she no longer has to suffer in pain"

I looked down at my hands...my useless, weak and fragile hands, and wished so badly there was something I could do to comfort Logan.

He began to weep quietly "I just miss her so much. She was basically all I had in this world"

I took his hands into my own and held them tightly.

Logan began to unravel the story of how he came to be here, both to Forks and also to the forest in the middle of the school day crying into the nothingness.

"My sister is quite a bit older than me, thirteen years actually, so it's been just me and mom at home for quite some time now. Dad left us four years ago. He is a concert roadie, that's where I get my love of music from, but it means he's away for more months in the year than he's home. It was too much for their marriage and they ended up divorcing. That was really hard because despite everything they still really loved each other but couldn't make it work. About two years ago mom got the diagnosis. At first we were really confident, the doctors thought she had caught it early and initially the cancer responded really well to treatment. But then the treatment stopped working as well as it had and finally it stopped working altogether. She just got sicker and sicker until one day...well, one day she simply told me she was tired, closed her eyes and went to sleep...

and never woke up"

My heart shattered with the enormity of what he had gone through. He looked so lost, so lonely and so frightened.

And on some level I could understand what he felt right now. The powerlessness of losing a loved one, the sense of a lack of closure, the enormous hole created in our hearts that could never be filled. I knew our stories couldn't be more different, but it perhaps helped explain why he and I felt so connected to each other. Maybe our hearts recognised the broken beat of one another's.

His voice was wavering, but he continued "The thing that sucks so badly Bella is that I feel like she let me down. She was so confident that she could beat it. She kept the truth of how sick she was getting from everyone including myself. She actually promised me that she wouldn't die...she promised me. I'm not a fool, I know it was not her choice or in her power to break that promise and I know whatever she said was to protect me, but at the end of the day she left me with no warning and I was completely alone. It was as if someone had snuck up behind me and turned off the light and I was plunged into darkness with no path through it. She didn't have time to make any plans for me in the event of her death, and we never got to say a proper goodbye."

Logan looked at me with tears streaking down his face, the gravity of his grief displayed across his features.

"She let me down because she didn't give me the chance or the choice to face this with her. She let me down because she didn't trust me or have faith in me enough to think I could handle what was happening. She let me down because by trying to protect me she only left me more vulnerable and broken"

His voice trailed off as he was drawn deep into this own thoughts and memories.

After a while he shook his head and said "You must think I'm a terrible person for feeling that way about my mother"

"Believe it or not Logan" I replied, shuffling closer to him and putting my arm around his shoulder "In my own insignificant way, I completely understand how you feel"

And I did. I knew it was not the same, but everything he said stung as I thought about how I had felt when Edward left me.

He leaned his head on my shoulder and with a sigh I felt his body relax. I felt grateful that I was able to offer him some release from his caged thoughts.

"Have you tried talking to your sister about things?" I asked.

Logan sat back up and sighed wearily "No, she's a real mess at the moment. She and mom hadn't seen much of each other in the last five or six years. Not because of anything like a fight" he replied almost defensively, turning to face me "but because my sister, Lisa, was busy leading her own life. They were just really bad at keeping in touch. Because mom was so secretive about her illness Lisa had no idea how sick she really was until it was too late. Mom's death hit her really hard. At the moment Lisa doesn't really leave her bedroom. Every now and then she'll have a good day, but to be honest since I've been here I've only seen her leave the house once. I think she may have even quit her job, but I'm not too sure because she doesn't really talk to me. I didn't have anywhere else to go though because my dad is over in Europe touring, so I had to come here....to tell you the truth I'm not 100% sure she even knows I'm here"

"Logan, I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been going through!" I said with tears in my own eyes "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"You've already done it Bella" he said with a shrug "You're my friend and you listened to me. What can I say" he added with a twinkle in his eye "I'm an easy man to please"

I gave him a playful push and he faked injury on the grass. We both started laughing, but then all of a sudden his smile faded and he sat bolt upright

"What is it Logan?" I asked terrified.

"I just remembered I wasn't the only one howling into the wind out here" he replied "What brings you out here sobbing into the greenery?"

"No way am I telling you, you'd think I was pathetic" I muttered.

"Yeah, because unless your mom is dead and your sister is catatonic you don't rate in my books" Logan said with a smile "Come on Bella, my story is pretty extreme I know, but it hasn't killed my compassion or capacity to care for others. Tell me please?"

"I....I think I might be losing it again" I admitted.

"Again?" Logan prodded.

"Well, when Edward left me five months ago, I sort of unravelled. I came apart and for what seemed like an eternity I swam in an ocean of numbness and nothingness. But then I met my friend Jacob, who lives on the Quilett reserve, and he really helped me get through things. Being around him was so releasing, I actually felt myself begin to laugh and enjoy things again. You remind me a lot of him" I added and smiled as I saw Logan blush scarlet "Anyway, last night Jacob and I had a huge fight and he asked me to promise never to see the Cullen's again. That I had to choose between him or them"

At this Logan raised an eyebrow "And you arriving in Edward's car this morning indicates..."

"It indicates that I couldn't choose between Jacob or the Cullen's, so Jacob chose for me and has severed all ties with me. So I've lost my best friend. And to add insult to injury, I realised today that Edward is in great pain just being around me. I know he feels really protective of me because he hurt me so badly, but at the same time doesn't want to be around me because he doesn't love me. I hate that he feels such an obligation and because I still love him so much it repulses me to think I am causing him so much discomfort. So this morning I decided that I would force him to keep his distance from me in order to shelter him from his unreasonable sense of duty and responsibility"

Logan just shook his head "So you hurt yourself in order to make it easier on someone else. You are the nicest, most selfless person I've ever met Bella"

"Not really" I said sadly "Everything Edward is going through is my fault to begin with"

"I doubt that's true" Logan replied seriously

"You have absolutely no idea Logan" I replied, never speaking more truth than right now.

There was a silence between us for a few moments until Logan blew out a long gust of breath and finally spoke.

"It's not fair what you've been through Bella. It seems like your always being placed at the sharp end of someone else's problem"

I looked at him about to refute that, but his stern look silenced me immediately

"Don't try to tell me how this is all your fault again Bella because I think you've said that enough times already and from the way you say it I also know that you think it way too much! I feel like I get you Bella, and I like to think I can trust my instincts as they've never let me down before. You are a good heart with a kind soul. Sorry to use a cliché, but the way I see it is this: Like moths to a flame, you attract others to your brilliance. When they get burnt by your heat, you blame yourself instead of accepting that they are the ones who acted upon you and not the other way around. You didn't burn them, they burnt themselves. You owe these two guys nothing Bella and you need to sit back and wait until they come grovelling to you with a damn fine apology"

Logan looked at me and I could do nothing but stare at him with my eyes wide and my mouth slightly gaping. It felt different, weird, to have someone say such things to me, but at the same time it felt wonderful and empowering, like a huge weight had been taken off my shoulders and thrown away.

It was liberating to feel the lightness of human closeness and connection, with none of the supernatural battles or concerns. I was simply what I was to Logan – a human girl instead of being the focal figure in some mythical story - and he still saw me as something special.

I threw myself into his arms and hugged him hard.

"Thank you Logan" I said through my tears "That was just what I needed to hear. Thank you so much"

"Careful now" Logan said pulling away "You don't want to be responsible for another moth fatality do you?" He said shyly and then blushed again.

I thought about how much we had shared together in the past hour, almost complete strangers yet closer to each other than we were to anyone else in our lives at this moment. Although I could not fathom ever being with anyone again, it did make me wonder where this friendship could go in time. He was undoubtedly very handsome and I felt so eerily connected to him. It wasn't an impossibility that this could perhaps one day lead to something else...

I quickly chastised myself for thinking like that. As if Logan needed all the baggage, not to mention the large danger magnet, I lugged around with me. And he definitely didn't deserve to be second best to anyone, he was far too special for that.

"Bella?" Logan asked concerned and I looked up to see a scared expression on his face.

"Yes Logan?"

"I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable just then, and please don't think I was trying to hit on you or anything. I just wanted you to know how amazing you are. Please don't run away from me!"

I started laughing quite hard at that.

"What?" Logan asked, beginning to lighten a little.

"Have you ever seen me run Logan? Through the forest no less?"

He began to laugh too "Is it anything compared to how I've mastered the art of relaxing in chairs" Logan chuckled, reminding me of our first meeting.

"We should really be in the same gym class" I sobbed with laughter.

"Forks isn't ready" Logan choked out, before we both lay down on the grass racked with laughter.

We lay there for another hour I think, just laughing at nothing and talking about easy subjects. It was a nice warm-down to the previous emotional outpouring.

Finally I sat up "Logan, we should really head out of here. It's starting to get cold and I'm all wet from lying on the ground"

"Good idea" He agreed and helped me up.

As we began to walk back into school grounds I realised how much the weather had chilled. With my damp clothes I was so cold my teeth were chattering together and Logan commented that my lips had turned blue. He didn't look much better.

I thought to myself how a werewolf would come in handy right now, but instead Logan and I huddled together to try and conserve body heat.

"Do you want a ride home?" Logan asked "I don't think I'm in any state to go to my last classes"

"Yes p p p please" I stuttered and at this we were both set off laughing again.

It was obviously lunch time when we returned to school grounds and there were students everywhere. As people noticed us a shocked look registered on their faces right before they hurriedly began the business of talking behind their hands to one another. Yet again today, I wondered what was going on.

I turned confused to Logan and noticed he had a grin from ear to ear.

"What's going on?" I whispered to Logan.

"Oh Bella, you're going to HATE this" He cringed, rubbing his hand across his forehead.

"Tell me!" I spat, growing impatient.

"Ok, so how does this look to you...two outcasts emerge from the forest after disappearing a few hours ago. They are hugging and giggling, their hair is dishevelled and their clothes are muddy and wet..."

My hand flew up to cover my mouth that had dropped to the ground in mortification.

"Oh Logan they couldn't possibly think that could they?" But as I asked the words I saw it written all over their faces. It was exactly what they were thinking.

I heard Logan chuckling to himself and spun to face him "And you think this is funny?" I screeched.

He composed himself a little before saying "Honestly Bella, after they get over the initial appearance of us, do you really think that they would assume that we, of all people, were engaging in illicit activities in the forest during school hours".

He was right and I felt myself calm down.

"Well, not me" I said with a crooked smile, raising an eyebrow "You, however, could be a bit of a dark horse for all they know"

Logan faked insult and clipped me behind the ears. I stumbled forward a bit and then my eyes settled on a pair of well kept, expensive and familiar shoes in front of me.

I straightened up, all the amusement vanished.

"Edward" I cringed.

"May I talk with you in private for a moment" Edward said.

He seemed to be perfectly in control, but on closer look I could see a vein flicking at the base of his jaw line indicating that, despite what he may be trying to convey, he was livid.

I bit my lip. "Sure" I replied, and gave Logan a reassuring look "I'll meet you at your car ok?"

Logan slowly nodded and then backed away.

Edward grabbed me by the arm and led me off to the side. His grip was too forceful and a shot of pain seared through my arm.

"Ow Edward, you're hurting me" I yelped and he instantly released his grip.

He sighed heavily and stood in front of me, running his hand through his hair while scowling.

"Bella" he finally spat out "What the hell were you thinking?"

"It wasn't what it looked like" I quickly replied and he looked at me like I was an idiot.

"I know it wasn't what it looked liked, I've got exceptional hearing remember" He said sarcastically.

"You were eavesdropping!" I gasped, feeling my face blush furiously.

He had heard everything! I felt utterly humiliated and degraded. It was one thing that I had told a complete stranger the truth about what was hidden in my heart, but for Edward to have heard what I said about him...I was so embarrassed.

"Well when you go running off into a forest by yourself while there are creatures trying to kill you it kind of perks my interest" he continued with his sarcastic tone.

"Hear anything interesting then?" I challenged back. My embarrassment now turning to anger.

"Nothing other than you putting yourself in a situation where you were utterly alone and isolated, trusting a complete stranger that you know next to nothing about."

I shook my head "Logan is no threat to me Edward I can tell. I can trust him"

Edward laughed bitterly "Your instincts haven't exactly steered you well in the past Bella"

"You definitely right there Edward" I hurled at him and then attempted to regain some composure "But it's really none of your concern now is it. Logan is not a threat to my life"

Edward stole a glance in Logan's direction and glared. Turning back to me he opened his mouth to say something but I decided I'd had enough of listening to him. This was ridiculous and was just getting worse with every step I took to try and fix my broken life.

Slowly and deliberately I said "Why don't you just leave Edward. We don't need you here. Your family can take care of matters"

Edward looked at me shocked and then became enraged "If you think I would leave my family behind here to clean up this mess..."

How those words that rushed from his mouth bit me to the very core.

"This mess?" I yelled "THIS MESS?" I had lost all control and didn't care "So you think of me as a MESS that you need to clean up!!!"

I would have carried on if I hadn't seen Logan sprinting over to us, obviously concerned at the nasty turn our discussion had taken. He was running too fast and I knew Edward was too distracted to notice his speedy approach. I opened my mouth to scream at Logan to stop but was too late.

As Logan came up behind Edward in an effort to reach where I was standing, Edward was startled. Instinctively he drew his elbow back to deflect the blow he mistakenly thought was coming and struck Logan straight in the ribcage. The sound of bones cracking was sickening. The force of the impact threw Logan into the air and back about 6 feet, his head smashing against the concrete knocking him instantly unconscious.

"Logan!" I screamed and ran over where he lay. I couldn't see any blood, but he wasn't moving. "Someone call an ambulance!" I yelled while checking his breathing and his pulse, noting he was still very much alive thank god. I crouched beside him holding his hands, tears streaming down my face, pleading with him to open his eyes.

A crowd had gathered around us by the time the ambulance arrived. They loaded him in and I offered to drive his car to the hospital. I had no desire to be confined in an environment where I felt panicked and helpless with nothing to distract me.

As the crowd slowly dispersed and I pushed my way through the remainder of the spectators, I saw Edward still standing there with a look of absolute horror and disbelief on his face. Alice was standing beside him with exactly the same expression. Edward looked at me and began to walk towards me, but I held up my hand to stop him.

I knew he could hear me from where he was, so whispered under my breath.

"You stay away from me, you hear? I never want to see you again." Then I turned and walked to Logan's car never once looking back. As I opened the car door and sat down in the seat, I couldn't stop myself from adding "You were right all along Edward....you are the bad guy".

As I drove away all I could think of was that what I had just done and said to Edward was perhaps the single most stupid and smartest thing I had ever done to myself. And as I began to sob with gut wrenching tears I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was going to tear my heart to shreds more than anything else in this world could ever possibly do. Infinitely.