Hello, hello, hello~

You might be wondering why I've been gone for more than a week.

Well, if you simply must know, my internet connection bitched and only came back after we had left for a three-day trip. :/

The Sims 2 is a wonderful cure for internetless boredom.

Oh, and also, I upped Fang's level of incoherency in this chapter, because in the past few days I've been living off senseless rambling. I've actually spammed my own FB wall with "HURR DURR".

By the way, there is no intended homophobia here, just Fang hoping for godchildren. I'm sorry if anyone gets offended.

CHAPTER 6 - Badass

"Umm... Fang?" Hope mumbled nervously, breaking the hour-long silence.

Fang didn't flinch from the sudden interruption, and continued with what she had been doing the past 60 minutes, A.K.A. looking at Hope.

Hope sat on a mossy rock in the Vallis Media uncomfortably, mostly because of the fact that Fang was observing him like a terraquatic in a jar.

"Fang?" Hope repeated.

"Hm? Yes, 'Ope?" she replied absentmindedly.

Hope blinked, his great eyes tired from trying to keep up with the Pulsian's spooky, unblinking stare. "Why are you looking at me?"

"Hm... becoss yoh adowable," she said nonchalantly.

Hope blushed wildly, his gigantic eyes widening. "W-what?"

Fang didn't reply.

Hope took a moment to gather his bearings, then realized what she said was probably not why she was staring. "I know that's not why you're looking at me!"

Fang, finally, straightened up and blinked. "Yah. It's not. Yoh ah such a lilil genyuss, 'Ope."

"Well, why then?"

"Becoss, 'Ope, ah figad yah, despoyt thah physcal progress ahve 'elped yah with, well... hah do oy put this... yah still look loyk a fockin pusey faggeht."

Hope stood up, outraged. "Excuse me?"

"Mah point proven," Fang said, shrugging.

"Well, I guess... that did sound kind of gay."

"Rilly gay."

"So... what should I do?"

"Yah need tah look... badass."

Him? Badass? Yeah, right, and I can effing fly. Humans, they're all always overreaching their potential, thought a lone munchkin passing by.

After a couple more minutes of observation, Fang came to a stunning conclusion.

"Ah got it! Hold on foh a bit, mate, ahll go get a few things," she said, running off.

Hope sat down, wondering why he didn't look badass enough.

My gloves are pretty badass, aren't they? he thought to himself. And my shoes... on second thought, my shoes kind of look like what a preppy schoolgirl would wear*. My pants are badass, though... okay, no. But my shirt! It's black! It's totally badass!... Okay, maybe it's a little tight... Gosh, my jacket. What got into me that day, deciding to wear this jacket to somewhere as cool as Bodhum? And my hair does sort of remind me of a pixie...

Amidst his fortifying reverie, he didn't notice Fang return.

"Oi, 'Ope!"

Hope looked up and saw a bundle of Pulsian-looking clothing in Fang's arms.

"Where'd you get those?"

"Ehbah!"

"What? You went all the way to Oerba in less than a minute?"

"'Ave yah evah hed offa Waystone, yah fockin' moron?"

"Oh, right, there's one up ahead, isn't there?"

"Duh."

"So, what do you have there?"

Fang showed him several saris, some underwear that embarrassed Hope quite a bit, several beaded accessories, a lot of fur, and suspicious-looking tools that reminded Hope of medieval forms of torture.

"These look like stuff you or Vanille would wear," Hope mused.

"So?"

"You're trying to make me badass, right?"

"Yah."

"Umm... okay, then."

"I look like a total faggot," Hope concluded, horrified.

"No, yah don't."

Hope stepped away from the water's edge, hoping that the disappearance of his reflection would change him back. "Look at me, Fang!"

"Yah look totally badass," Fang insisted.

Currently, Hope's hair had been put into a single spike at the top of his head (all those hours fighting flan paid off, considering the amount of transparent ooze in his hair), he was shirtless underneath a black sari with yellow and cerulean detail, he was wearing black wide-legged pants that fell past his sandaled feet, and his neck and arms were adorned with several chunky black-and-yellow accessories.

"I look even gayer than before!" Hope flailed.

"Yowah fockin' insayn, yah look terrific!"

"Look at this!" Hope yelled, gesturing to the yellow paraphernalia that rested on his hips. "What is this?"

"Tea leaf grindah," Fang said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why would I want a tea leaf grinder on a weird-looking belt hanging off my waist?"

"Wha wouldnchoo? Yah Cacoon payple ah fockin' mad, ah don' undahstand how yah cud possibley wock arawn withat a tea leaf grindah."

"Well... where's yours?"

"Ovah heh," Fang answered, patting her carrier belt proudly. "Let it go, yah look foyn. Terrific, in fac', didncha heh whot oy sed eliya?"

"Whatever, just... never mind this"- he gestured to his outfit- "I'll just go and wear my old stu― Fang. Where are my clothes?"

"Ah dunno. Sumwheh."

"What do you mean somewhere?"

"Loyk... bottom of Atzilut's Tehs sumwheh."

"Bottom of where?"

"Ah didn' see much use foh 'em so oy did thah, yeesh, keep yah undahweh on."

"You did what, Fang?"

"Ah dumped them in tha pond."

"You what? NO! My shoes will be ruined, my GLOVES! Oh gosh, Fang, my GLOVES will be ruined!"

"Akchally, ah kept yah gloves. Theh pretty badass."

Hope sighed in relief. "Good... give them back, please."

"Whot? NO! It'll ruin yah entaya ensemble!"

"You seriously think I'd walk around wearing this? No thanks!"

Hope reached for the gloves in Fang's hand, but she dodged him and began to run away.

"W― Hey! Fang, wait! Come back!" Hope yelled, chasing after her.

"Na-ah!"

"Fang, this is ridiculous, you're being childish!"

Fang replied with a boastful laugh and continued to run.

They ran past Snow Villiers and Sazh Katzroy, and in their haste failed to notice the two men.

"Was that... Hope?" Snow mumbled after several seconds.

"Ah... I think so."

"What was he wearing?"

"Ah don't know. Sazh gettin' too old for this crap."

Snow looked at the pseudo-Pulsian, now a good dozen feet away. "Well," he said after a bit, "he looked pretty badass."

WHEW. THANK GOD THAT'S OVER.

*Who's played Tekken 6 here? You'll notice Xiaoyu has a pair of shoes VERY similar to one Hope wears.

And who's played Uncharted 2 here? I swear, Chloe sounds exactly like Fang. My little sister actually called Chloe "Fang" in the first half of her appearance in the game. o_O

Oh, and I might not be able to update often, because school's coming up. On second thought, maybe I'll end up writing more chapters now that I have lectures I need distraction from... ||D

REPLIES:

chibifangirl08 (YOU BITCH. ALL THESE GODDAMN CHAPTERS AND YOU ONLY POST A REVIEW NOW? I SERIOUSLY HATE YOU. And also, I'll give your pencil back on the 23rd, kkk? XD Go be happy with Allen~ :3 You're meant to be, don't even try to deny it.)

Shatorio (Just put her in the other party, I suppose. XD)

Shaun Yun Farron (ERRKAAAY. I try to post as soon as I can, but apparently that isn't quite enough. XD)

BerzerkerKane71 (Well, sorry I disappointed you. And as for the OOC with Hope and Fang, this is a crack fic, and to me OOCness is one of the major elements of a crack fic. It was bound to happen sometime. And if you seriously thought everyone would get along, I'll just remind you that there were death threats from chapter one. And in my frame of mind Fang wasn't trying to kill Vanille, just trying to knock her unconscious as a form of mercy. But whatever, I'll try not to get Vanille physically raped in the future. XD)

Liz99 (Well, thank you. *bows*)

DemonChick344 (OH HAI. Fang's the best XD)

HBHound (I'm pretty positive you weren't alone in that aspect XD)

SoupieLuv (You did? O.O Well, I'm happy to have been the driving force of that XD)

malefan (That's a pretty good idea, and lucky, too, because my draft for chapter seven has Big Al and Hammy in it XD)

OintmentJar (... I didn't get much of what you intended to say there. But thanks! No, Fang and Vanille's accents are actually pretty easy to follow, especially with subs, I just really like exaggeration XD)

Oerba Yun Fang (Oh hai. Am schorry choo not hab replaid in soo long. Yeah... must be the pen name. *scratches head* I'm schorry to hab distracted you from yer OTP. XD)

So many XDs, so many line breaks, so little time to watch Sungkyunkwan.

I LOVE SONG JOONG KI.