Hello wonderful readers and Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! I hope you are all having a wonderful holiday so far, and as promised, here is part of my gift to you all: Chapter Six! If you haven't noticed, I also wrote a holiday tag-along story for "The Note," so if you enjoyed that story, I highly recommend checking that out. Also, if you've been patiently or impatiently waiting for "Continuum," then your wait is just about over: the first chapter should be uploaded within the hour! All of these updates are my gifts to you lovely people, and I hope you enjoy them!
After the river, the small army did not stop again for hours. Already the Commander knew that those returning to Polis wouldn't get back until long after dark, and those returning to Tondc with Indra would reach their village much later than that. She pushed their horses as much as she dared, being sure not to push them so hard they would tire, but enough so that their pace remained steady as they traveled the many miles in the woods. They did not stop to eat, warriors simply digging into their saddlebags and pulling out jerky to tide them over as they traveled. The only time the Commander broke the silence between herself and the blonde was when she informed the younger girl that she too had food in the saddlebags if she were hungry, and a few minutes later Clarke had dug around in them, pulling out a small pouch of jerky. She grabbed a piece and bit into it, tearing off a chunk of the dried meat before she handed the pouch to the girl sitting in front o her. The two shared the simple meal, saying nothing as the pouch was passed back and forth between them until they had both finished and Clarke shoved the much lighter pouch back into the saddlebags behind her. Her hands fell back to the brunette's waist, and neither said another word, Lexa's eyes trained forward while Clarke tried to look anywhere but in front of her.
Suddenly, after hours of constant travel, Lexa stopped at the split in the trail, leading her horse over to the side of the path where she could watch her people go by her, out of their way. The Commander nodded to her warriors, telling them to continue on, which they did, marching and riding past and splitting in half as they reached the fork. Half would continue on to Tondc while the other half continued to Polis. Lexa watched her people pass her, nodding when one of them would make eye contact and bow their head slightly in respect to her. These were her people, and they had just finished a difficult task for her, so they all deserved her acknowledgment. As they passed, she noticed a number of them look past her and to the blonde behind her, their heads bowing in respect to both women. She did not let the emotions those looks stirred within her to show on her face as she returned their nods. The only two warriors to stop as they reached her were Indra and Walsh. They looked at her with blank expressions, but she knew they were both wondering why she had stopped. She nodded to them, and then tilted her head towards the split pathway.
"Indra, take your warriors back to Tondc," she ordered the other woman, who nodded, "Tell them they did good work these past couple of days. I will see you again soon."
"Sha Heda," Indra replied, nodding her head, and then she turned her horse back onto the path and followed the last of her people as they headed for home. Lexa then turned to Walsh.
"Take our warriors home," she commanded him, "Tell them also that they have done great work, and that I am pleased."
Walsh frowned, the confusion evident on his face.
"Ba Heda," he began, but Lexa cut him off, her voice firm, allowing for no questions.
"Do not question me, Walsh," she told him coldly, "I gave you an order. I shall return soon. Do not think to argue with me. Now go. Our people continue without you."
Walsh hesitated for a moment longer, his eyes flickering to Clarke who still sat behind the Commander, but Lexa shifted her position ever so slightly, giving him a cold look, and he finally nodded.
"Sha, Heda," he replied, and then turned his horse back to the pathway as well to catch up with his warriors, the last of whom had just disappeared out of sight.
"You should go with them," Clarke said suddenly, breaking the silence she had been in ever since they left Mount Weather.
Lexa turned around to her slightly, her facial expression not changing, hoping that Clarke would see it and not argue with her.
"I am taking you back to the cave," she informed the blonde, no nonsense in her voice, hoping to end any debate they might have. It was Clarke that she was talking to though, so she might as well not have hoped.
"You should go back to your people, Lexa. You haven't seen them in days, and they haven't seen you," Clarke told her, "I'm sure your people miss you."
Lexa simply snapped the reins at her horse, leading the beast into the woods in the direction she knew Clarke's cave was. As she did so, she called over her shoulder, "You have not seen your people for much longer, nor have they seen you. Do you intend to return to them now?"
"No," Clarke replied, shaking her head, her tone hard.
"Then I can wait to see my people a little longer as well," the Commander informed the blonde, "And I will see that you return to the cave safely."
Clarke could have kept arguing, but she could tell from the way Lexa's jaw was set and the tightness in her shoulders that she would not be swayed, so instead she simply fell back into her silence, emotions and thoughts both battling within her as the horse moved forward. Her emotions were everywhere, flying from the horror of what they had just done to the confusion she felt surrounding the girl sitting front of her. She tried not to think about any of it, tried not to feel anything at all, but she still hadn't mastered that skill the way the brunette had.
The two girls rode in silence the rest of the way, the only sounds coming from the trees around them and the leaves and sticks breaking beneath the horse's hooves. They rode for hours, but both had become so accustomed to traveling in the woods that the hours seemed to go by quickly, to the point where Clarke was almost surprised when she realized she recognized the area around her, and knew they were close to the cave. Considering the woods around them had started to grow dark, it was good that they were almost there, neither of them wanting to have to travel once night had finally taken over completely. Dangers only increased with the dark, and neither had any wish to tempt fate, especially as they had no light to lead them through the darkness. Traveling via horse made the trip shorter, and soon it was making its way up the slope that led to the opening of her cave. As soon as they were on level ground again, Lexa dismounted, Clarke following along right behind her.
They continued to move in silence, Lexa helping Clarke to unhook her small pack from the horse's saddlebags, and then finding some water for the horse and herself before she left. Clarke watched them move about after she set her pack inside, her face blank. As soon as her horse had had enough water, Lexa set her jaw and then nodded to Clarke in farewell, trying to control the feelings swirling inside her. Just before she could climb up, however, she felt a hand on her arm. She turned to the blonde in confusion.
"Wait. It's... It's too late to travel. Stay. Please," Clarke asked softly, and Lexa could see the many emotions flashing across the blonde's sad blue eyes. "Stay."
Lexa studied her for just a moment, her heart starting to beat a little faster. She had not expected this, but she would be lying if she said some part of her hadn't hoped it would happen. It was the first time Clarke had asked for her company since she had made her decision on Mount Weather, and just that small fact gave Lexa's heart hope, even if she pretended it didn't matter. Finally she nodded, but didn't let go of the reins.
"If I am staying, then I must find sufficient shelter for my horse," she informed Clarke, who simply nodded and let her hand drop from Lexa's arm. The loss of contact made Lexa's heart ache slightly, and even more so when Clarke immediately turned away from her and headed into the cave, but the Commander sighed silently, not allowing herself to be completely discouraged. It was still progress, and progress she knew she had no reason to hope for.
After setting the horse up under a large, well-sheltered tree where it would be able to graze and would be close enough nearby if Lexa needed it or to hear if it was in distress, Lexa made her way back to the cave, taking another deep breath before she went in, to try to steady her emotions. It was completely dark by then, so Clarke had already gotten a fire started, and the shadows created by the fire danced along the walls. As Lexa walked towards the heat source, she saw Clarke sitting next to it, chewing on the left-over dried jerky and berries from their trip to Mount Weather. The brunette walked up to the fire, taking a seat far enough away from Clarke so that she would not be invading the blonde's space, and Clarke handed her some of the jerky and berries.
"Thank you," she told the other girl, who just nodded in reply.
The rest of the evening was passed in silence. They ate in silence, and then they sat and stared into the fire in silence for a while longer. It was awkward, the two of them sitting together, and they both felt it. Neither knew what to say to the other, both trying hard to ignore the confusion they felt being so close to this other girl that they felt so many different emotions for. Finally Lexa turned and looked at the pitch darkness outside, and then stood up, taking her sword from its straps on her back and setting it down beside her out of the way but where she could still reach it.
"We should sleep," she informed Clarke, breaking the silence. "We have worked hard at a difficult task, and now our bodies must rest."
Clarke nodded, and then got up and moved further back into the cave and grabbed a few blankets for them both. Lexa banked the fire while she did that so that it would die down soon, and then she accepted the blankets Clarke handed to her with a nod. Both girls got two blankets, one to sleep on, and one for a cover. They set up their beds with enough distance between them that they each had their own space, falling back into a silence. The silence made Lexa clench her jaw, trying to keep her disappointment from washing over her. Closing her eyes tightly as she laid beneath her blanket, she just managed to keep a sigh from escaping her lips as she decided Clarke asking her to stay hadn't been a break through after all.
Lexa lay awake long enough for the fire to completely die out, as she simply stared above her at the ceiling. She believed Clarke had fallen asleep, and was just about to allow herself to fall into unconsciousness as well, when she heard a noise from where Clarke lay.
"I would have done it," she whispered in the dark, and Lexa nearly had to strain her ears to hear her.
"Would have done what?" the Commander asked her, also speaking quietly, as though Clarke were an animal she may scare off if she spoke too loudly.
"Saved them," the blonde told her, speaking just a hair louder, "My people. If Mount Weather had given me the deal instead of you, I would have done the same thing. I didn't want to admit it, but it's true. I would have taken the deal."
Lexa's heart began to speed up again, and she had to close her eyes and take a brief moment to compose herself before she could respond.
"I know," she finally replied, opening her eyes to once again stare up at the dark ceiling, "I know because you are a true leader Clarke. You must always put your people before everything else. Before anyone else. Your own happiness is unimportant, especially when it comes to the safety of your people. That is the responsibility that we share."
The silence that followed her words felt heavy to Lexa, weighing down on her as she waited for Clarke to reply. Finally all she heard from the darkness was, "I know."
The words hung in the air around them, pressing down on both girls. They knew things weren't fixed between them; it would be a long time before either of them would be able to think past what they each had been forced to do at Mount Weather. Nevertheless, they both were able to breathe slightly easier, feeling like perhaps, just perhaps, the path towards reconciliation had just become a bit clearer. With this thought on Lexa's mind, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to fall into sleep.
/
Lexa was a light sleeper; she always had been, even as a young child. Now that she was the Commander, she had to be a light sleeper, so that she could be fully alert at the slightest hint of danger. So when Clarke began to toss and turn, it didn't take long for the movement to bring Lexa out of her sleep. She opened her eyes and stayed where she was for a few moments, breathing silently and listening to the blonde girl. She hoped the other girl would calm down and go back to a peaceful sleep, but she knew better. She had seen Clarke having her nightmares before, that first night when she had found her asleep by her fire in the woods, had even been prone to them herself at one point, and knew that they would not just go away. So when Clarke began making noises, whimpering in her sleep, Lexa immediately threw off her blankets and moved to the other girl. It was dark in the cave, but Anya had taught her at a very young age how to move in the dark and she had spent much time in this cave, so she didn't need any light to make her way over to the blonde. As soon as she reached the sleeping girl, she knelt down next to her.
"Clarke," she whispered softly, hoping not to scare her but wanting to get her out of her own head. "Clarke, wake up. It is alright, you are merely dreaming."
The blonde girl simply curled herself into a tight ball in her sleep and continued dreaming, murmuring at the images in her head.
"Clarke," Lexa tried again, hesitating before she reached out and gently shook the other girl's shoulder. This movement did not have the desired effect: rather than waking up, Clarke's murmurings turned into cries.
"No... No... I'm sorry. So sorry," the other girl cried, her body really starting to shake, "I didn't mean, I just... didn't want... couldn't... so sorry..."
This time Lexa didn't hesitate; she didn't even think about it. She moved forward and pulled Clarke's upper half into her lap, holding her tight and stroking her hair as she began to rock back and forth slowly.
"Shhh," she whispered to the shaking girl, "Shh, it is okay Clarke; I've got you. I am here. Open your eyes. I am here."
It only took a few moments after that for Clarke to finally wake up, but when she did she didn't seem to know where she was. She began to push against Lexa, not knowing who was holding her. Lexa was about to let her go, thinking that Clarke didn't want the contact, but just then the blonde registered who it was and what had happened, and instead she clung to Lexa, pulling the arm across her tight against her body. The images of dead bodies covered in radiation burns were all so fresh in her mind that she couldn't stop shaking, and suddenly she completely broke down, tears falling from her eyes. She did her best to keep her sorrow silent, but she couldn't control how her body still shook, and she knew Lexa could tell that she was crying. She didn't want to be like this in front of the Commander, didn't want Lexa to see her weakness, but the brunette simply continued to hold her, rocking her and whispering to her softly.
"It is alright, Clarke," the Commander murmured, pressing her cheek to the top of the blonde's head, "It is alright. They are just dreams. They will pass."
"They aren't just dreams," the other girl growled, the tears clearly evident in her voice, "They were real people, and I killed them. I killed all of them."
"Yes," Lexa agreed not unkindly, nodding against the top of her head, not stopping her rocking motion. "You did. You killed them. But you did it to save your people, Clarke. It does not help right now, I know, but it will, someday. It will help when you see the lives you saved, the lives that looked to you to save them. Their lives make it worth it." She paused for a moment, thinking of her own demons and dreams, and then she added, "The faces of those you killed will never leave you, but neither will the faces of those you rescued. They are what will make it worth it, someday. They are what will help you to forgive yourself."
Clarke thought about those words for a few moments, and then she asked quietly, the smallest hint of a bite in her voice, "Have you forgiven yourself yet for any of it?"
Lexa's fingers paused as they ran through the golden locks around them, remaining still for a moment before continuing. She thought about her words before she said them, and when she did, she was sure to speak carefully.
"I have done many things as Commander that I did not wish to do," she told Clarke slowly. "All things I have done were for my people. I have had to kill, and sent others to what I knew would be their death. Whenever I make a choice like that, it does not please me, Clarke. Leaving the people to die in Tondc when the missile approached was not easy for me. It was an easy decision, yes, but not an easy action to take. Those were my people, all whom looked to me to make their lives better, and I watched as a missile sent from my enemy demolished two hundred and fifty people, most of whom were my responsibility. I could have saved some of them; perhaps even most of them, but then my people within Mount Weather would have been lost forever, and my enemy would have kept picking off my people for many years. Many more than just two hundred and fifty lives would have been lost, and that would have been my fault. So while I do not like what I had to do, yes, I have forgiven myself for the choice I made." She remained quiet for a moment, staring off into the darkness, and then added quietly, "That goes for the choice I made on Mount Weather as well. I could have stuck by your side, and helped you rescue both of our peoples. If I had refused our enemy's proposal, we would have won, and you would not have had to kill the innocent. But I would have lost many more of my people. I was given the opportunity to save all of those who look to me to lead them, Clarke. Not just some or many. All. It was not an offer I could refuse. No matter how much I wished otherwise. So yes, I have forgiven myself."
Clarke's tears had dried, but her jaw had also set firmly as Lexa spoke. The Commander could feel the anger in the way her muscles all tensed, and suddenly Clarke released her grip on the Grounder's arm, pushing herself away from the other girl and putting some distance between them. Lexa remained where she was, a pang striking her heart as Clarke pulled away, but she didn't move far and she didn't tell the brunette to leave her which at least was something.
"You left my people to die," the blonde accused quietly, the hurt evident in her voice, and Lexa could perfectly picture the accusatory look she would be getting if it wasn't dark. "You left me to die. I know why, but... You still did it. You still left me."
Lexa swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat, having to close her eyes briefly at the hurt directed at her, and then replied slowly, "I made a choice, Clarke. A choice that wasn't really a choice. As a leader, there was only one thing I could do: I had to choose my people. I have forgiven myself, Clarke, but that does not mean that I am happy with what happened, nor does it mean that I don't regret having to make that decision. It will forever be a sorrow to me, remembering the look that was in your eyes at that moment, and knowing that I was the one who caused it."
The two sat in silence for a short time, letting Lexa's words truly sink in. Lexa believed that the conversation may have ended, and was about to leave Clarke's side when the younger girl finally admitted softly, "I can't forgive myself." Her words were whispered in the dark, and yet Lexa heard everything that went into them. "I know you had to choose your people; you'll always choose your people first, just like I will. But blaming you for what I did is just easier than admitting... Admitting that I can't forgive myself for what I did. I know why I did it, and I know I would do it again if I had to... And that just makes it worse. I killed over three hundred and fifty people. Many of them were just kids. And I would do it again. How do I... How do I live with myself, knowing that? How do I even begin to forgive myself? Do I even deserve forgiveness?"
Lexa thought about her words, and then replied, "I do not know if any of us deserve forgiveness." She paused then, her eyes turning to Clarke. The darkness hid the blonde's details, but she could still make out her figure, could tell from the dark silhouette that the younger girl had turned away from her slightly. Lexa wanted to reach out, to touch her, turn her so that she would look at the brunette, but she didn't want to push the other girl. Instead she simply added quietly and honestly, "But if any of us do, it is you." Clarke just shook her head, not believing the other girl, and the Commander could see the movement of her silhouette. Lexa would not accept that refusal. "You do, Clarke," she insisted, "You do not see it, but it is true. Your people look to you to lead them, to make the difficult decisions that they cannot make, and you do. They look to you to protect them, and you do. It was you who saved them from my warriors, just as it was you who saved them from Mount Weather. You escaped that place of terror, and then did not rest until you brought them all home safely. You alone created the alliance that still stands between your people and mine. Everything you do, every action you take, is for those who look to you. You, Clarke Griffin of the Skaikru, deserve forgiveness, but the only one who can give it to you is yourself."
As Lexa spoke, Clarke closed her eyes, trying to let the Commander's words wash over her. In many ways, she knew that Lexa was right; everything she had done since the moment she landed on this planet was to save those who had landed with her. But it was hard for her to remember all of the good she had done; it was too overshadowed by all the bad. Nevertheless, she tried to believe Lexa's words, and even though she knew she was a long way from the forgiveness the brunette spoke of, she did feel as if a very small weight had lifted off of her shoulders.
"Thank you," she finally said quietly, and without really thinking about it she reached forward, her hand finding Lexa's in the dark. The touch was small and only lasted for a moment before she pulled away again, but it was contact that she felt she needed.
Lexa smiled slightly at Clarke's motion, feeling another bit of the wall between them crumble down. "I need no thanks," she informed the blonde, murmuring the words into the dark, "I spoke only the truth. Now try to sleep; I will be here to wake you if the nightmares return."
Clarke's lips turned up into a slight smile as she closed her eyes, moving to once again lay between the blankets. The other girl remained beside her, and she moved over just a bit so that she was closer to her. Whether it was because of the small size of the blanket or simply because she wanted to be closer, she wasn't entirely sure, but she let herself have the movement before she whispered once again, "Thank you, Lexa."
Lexa felt the blonde move beside her, heard the whispered words, and wished to reach out and once again run her fingers through her hair. She didn't though, aware that though things had possibly begun to change between them, there was still much to be done to repair what had been broken between them. She allowed her lips to curl up slightly once again though, the simple knowledge that Clarke felt safe enough to lie so close to her enough to give her hope, before she whispered back, "No Clarke: thank you."
/
Lexa shivered slightly and pushed herself closer to the body lying next to her, her eyes still closed. Even without opening her eyes she could tell that it was morning, and she knew that she should get up. She always tried to be one of the first people up, knowing that someone always needed her for something, and the quietest time of the day for her was early in the morning, before most people were awake. She was sure that if she didn't get up soon, there would be a line of people outside her door, impatiently waiting to speak with her. She groaned slightly at the thought, and buried her face into the shoulder next to her, some hair tickling her cheek. She scrunched her nose, a small smile on her lips as she breathed in the scent of the person next to her, but when the scent registered in her mind, the smile dropped and she froze. Even as she opened her eyes, her brain screamed the truth of the situation at her: she was not lying in her own hut in Polis, but instead in a cave, hours away from her people, pressed against Clarke kom Skaikru. Luckily, a still-sleeping Clarke kom Skaikru, so the blonde couldn't see just how comfortable the Commander had been curled up next to her.
Very carefully Lexa pulled herself away from the sleeping girl, not wanting to wake her, but not daring to stay this close to her any longer. Even though their talk the previous night had possibly changed something between them, Lexa didn't know if Clarke was ready to be this close to her yet, and honestly, she wasn't sure if she was ready for it either. She liked Clarke; she wanted Clarke, but after everything that had happened, she knew rushing into anything was a bad idea. So rather than stay so close and risk anything, she shifted away from the sleeping Skaikru leader, moving as silently as possible. As she moved, Clarke rolled into the spot Lexa had left, snuggling into the warmth left behind by the brunette's body. Lexa smiled at the soft look on Clarke's face as she slept, happy to see the blonde looking so peaceful.
Leaving the warmth of the blanket, Lexa shivered, rubbing her arms to try to warm them up. Winter was on its way, and she could feel it in the air. Right now it was only a chill, but it wouldn't be long before that chill would be replaced by the biting cold. She looked at the blankets Clarke had grabbed for the two of them; they wouldn't be enough for the lone girl. They held up fine against the summer cold, and even the fall chill, but once winter hit, Clarke was going to need better blankets or she would freeze to death. Lexa refused to let that happen, and made a mental note to bring better supplies the next time she visited. For now though a fire would do to fend off the cold, so she made her way over to the fire pit, tossed some logs on, and got a small fire going.
Once that was done, she moved to the back of the cave where she knew Clarke still kept her dried meat and stores of berries and roots. She frowned when she noticed that the blonde had used up most of the stores, and was running low on meat as well. Shaking her head, she grabbed the bow and quiver of arrows that she had left with Clarke and exited the cave, deciding to go hunting to replenish the blonde's meat supply. She was out for just under an hour, and in that time managed to bag two rabbits, a pheasant and a squirrel, enough meat to keep Clarke stocked for a little while at least. She tied the dead animals together with the bit of rope she always carried with her for just such times, a trick Anya had taught her as a child, and made her way back to the cave. When she got there, she found Clarke awake and sitting at the still-burning fire. Lexa nodded to her in greeting, carefully dumped the animals on the ground near her, and then placed the bow and quiver back in their spot at the back of the cave. Before sitting back down at the fire across from the blonde, she unhooked her hunting knife from her belt, and pulled the string of animals to her.
"You needed more food," she stated, trying to break the awkward silence that had fallen over them.
"I could have gotten it myself," Clarke responded, though Lexa was glad to hear her tone was more conversational than accusatory.
"I did not mind," the brunette told her as she untied one of the rabbits from the string and settled it in front of her, "You were sleeping; I was awake and needed something to do."
Clarke looked into the fire, and Lexa thought perhaps she was purposefully trying not to make eye contact with the taller girl.
"I thought you'd left," the blonde informed her quietly, and Lexa almost smiled when she continued, "I was... unhappy that you didn't say goodbye. But when I went outside, I saw your horse was still here, so I figured you'd be coming back. Thanks for the food."
Lexa quickly and carefully slid the knife into the fur of the rabbit, beginning to skin it before she replied, "You are welcome. And I would not leave you without saying goodbye, Clarke. I would not do that."
The blonde smiled ever-so-slightly, and Lexa's heart nearly skipped a beat.
"I didn't think you would," she told the Commander as she stood up and moved to the side of the cave where she had placed her pack, opening it and pulling out a small knife of her own. She carried it back over to the fire where she sat down next to Lexa and untied the second rabbit from the line. She thrust her knife into the beast to skin it as well, but Lexa stopped her before she could do much more.
"Clarke," she said, gently placing her hand on top of the blonde's wrist, halting her action, "What are you doing?"
Clarke frowned at her, and then held the rabbit up.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" she asked, looking at Lexa as though she had asked a ridiculous question. "I'm skinning a rabbit."
Lexa opened her mouth, about to say something, but then shut it again immediately, frowning. Clarke noticed the action, and raised her eyebrows at the Commander.
"What?" she asked, "You want to say something, I know you do. Spit it out."
At that Lexa gave her a very confused look, and informed her, "Clarke, I have nothing in my mouth to spit. And it would be rude to just do so right now. There is no reason to."
Clarke shook her head, a small grin on her face, which simply caused Lexa to look at her with even more confusion.
"No," the smaller girl told her, "I didn't mean to actually spit something out. 'Spit it out' is just a phrase we use if someone isn't saying something, but they obviously want to. Another person will tell them to 'spit it out,' or rather, 'just say what you want to say.' So Lexa, just say whatever it is you want to say."
Lexa let out a very small sigh, and then she drew her knife from the beast's body, using it to point to Clarke's knife inside of the second rabbit.
"You are not skinning your rabbit properly," she informed the blonde, "You are being too rough with it, and cutting too deep. You waste meat that way. You must make a quick, clean incision, without going too deep into the body."
Clarke looked from the rabbit in her lap to the rabbit in Lexa's, and then just shrugged.
"Show me," she said simply, so Lexa did.
For an hour, Lexa showed Clarke the best way to skin and clean a rabbit, and what the best ways to preserve the meat were. Lexa was glad that she had caught two that morning, so that as she showed Clarke, the blonde could repeat the actions on her own. If she was going to survive even just part of the winter on her own, she would need to know how to properly care for her food, and since she had yet to show any sign of wishing to return to the Skaikru's camp, it meant she had to learn fast. She even showed Clarke how to care for the hides, so that she could use them to help keep her warm when the harshest winds of winter blew. They then cooked up a decent portion of one of the rabbits, and had that for breakfast, along with what remained of Clarke's berries. Lexa tried to decline, telling her she should keep them for herself, but Clarke just rolled her eyes at the brunette.
"Lexa, I can pick more berries," she reminded the overly-careful Commander, "I've already found a few bushes where they grow. I'll restock them later today. Don't worry."
Finally Lexa gave in, and she did have to admit that the tangy flavor from the berries paired very well with the rich rabbit meat. Once they were finished eating however, Lexa knew she had to be leaving.
"I must go now," she stated as she stood, and again she was almost happy to see the smallest glimmer of disappointment fall across Clarke's face, even if the blonde did wipe it off almost immediately.
"Yeah, you should probably be getting back to Polis," she agreed, standing up as well and following Lexa to the mouth of the cave, "I'm sure your people are missing you."
"I imagine your people are missing you as well, Clarke," Lexa replied, and then she stuck her thumb and her middle finger to the corners of her mouth and let out a piercing whistle. A few moments later her horse came clomping from around one side of the cave, moving straight to Lexa. The Commander held out one hand for the horse to sniff as she gently ran her fingers through the horses mane. She then stepped to the side and guided the horse up another couple of steps and grabbed the horn of the saddle, pulling herself up and swinging one leg over the horse's side.
"Maybe they are," Clarke agreed with a shrug as she watched the Commander gracefully mount up, "But I'm not ready to go back yet. I still don't think I'll be ready to go back for a while."
Lexa nodded as she pulled gently on the reins and guided her horse around, but she swung her head around so that she could still look at Clarke as she told her, "Very well. Then I will return in a few days with more supplies. If you are to survive the winter in this cave, then you will need more than just those blankets and a fire to help you."
Clarke shook her head.
"You don't need to do that, Lexa. I'll be fine," she insisted, but Lexa wouldn't hear it.
"No Clarke, you will not," the girl informed her in her commander tone, which she didn't often use on the blonde so Clarke knew the taller girl wasn't going to back down, "You have not dealt with our winters before; they are harsh, and to survive this one, you will need more than what you have. I do not wish to see you die, so I will bring you what you need. I will return in a few days."
Clarke just sighed, shaking her head, but a smile was on her face.
"Whatever you say, Lexa," she simply replied, "I'll be here. Safe travels. I'll... I'll see you in a few days."
Lexa nodded down at the other girl, whose smile still held on her face, nearly making a smile break out on the Commander's in turn. Rather than let that happen, she quickly turned her horse, and urged it on, beginning the journey back to Polis.
Clarke watched her ride away until Lexa had gone out of sight, her emotions tampered down more than they had been the previous day, but still whirling within her. Watching the reason for those emotions disappear she sighed, turning back inside the cave. Now she had a squirrel and a pheasant to butcher. She just hoped the process was the same as rabbit butchering. It seemed there was a reason she had never been put on butchering detail at the dropship, and it wasn't just because she had been their only doctor. But she could learn, and she would, and she would survive, just as she had always done. And if she needed the Commander's help to do that... Well, maybe she was starting to see that wasn't such a bad thing after all. Not completely, at least.
There you are my friends! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. As always, please feel free to tell me your thoughts, I always love to know them. I hope you all have a fantastic holiday! Thanks for the read!
Trigedasleng Translation:
"Ba Heda" - "But Heda"