The walk was quiet but not awkward, the silence was comfortable. Phil walked beside me, hands in pockets while mine toyed with the bottom of my faded t-shirt. We talked a little about what it was exactly that Dan and Adam were away at. It was a camera and filming information lesson… thing. Phil told me that he didn't need to go because he has gone to quite a few already over the years, because of how long he has been on youtube.

"So, you're like… a youtube elder or something?" I ask, triggering a chuckle from Phil.

"Dan has nicknamed me the 'youtube dinosaur' and that has caught on pretty fast. Loads of people call me it now, but I think 'youtube elder' sounds more special!" He smiles, a small laugh escaping his lips.

"How long have you been doing youtube now?"

"Umm… around 7 years."

"Wow, that's a long time…." I drift off, looking over at the children who are running around in the park that we are walking past. 7 years ago, right in the middle of my troubles..

"I suppose it is, but it doesn't really feel that way. I enjoy every moment of it, I couldn't think of a better job! … Apart from a weather man." He joked, nodding his head in agreement with himself.

I look up at him, raising my eyebrows in confusion. His eyes meet mine and he laughs at my reaction. I shake my head looking away; smiling like a dumb idiot.

Phil opens the door of Starbucks for me with a "Ladies first."

"Thank you, kind sir." I say with a fake, stereotypical, posh English accent making him laugh.

This is going easier than I expected it to go.

There is a buzz of energy inside the small coffee shop. Most of its tables are already occupied and the coffee machines whir away making the ordered beverage. After queuing for a couple of minutes, talking about what we were going to order (both a caramel macchiato) it was our turn. I stepped forward purse in hand,

"Can I-" I begin; but Phil swoops in infront of me with a quick,

"Two caramel macchiatos and two slices of fruit toast please." Before turning to me with a smug grin.

He knew that I wasn't going to let him pay for mine and that's why I was ordering mine separately, but obviously he wasn't going with that plan. I try to hand the cashier, a young guy with the name 'Ben' , the money for my drink but yet again, Phil had got there before me and pushed my hand away as he handed Ben his own money.

"Phiiiiil, you shouldn't have done that! You don't need to spend any money on me." I whined, lightly slapping him on the arm.

"Ow!" He pretended that it hurt, making an adorable pouty face before flashing me his wonderful smile, "It was my idea to go to go to starbucks, therefore it's my treat. I knew you weren't going to let me pay for yours so I had to do it fast..." He shrugged.

"Fine, but I'm buying next time. I haven't even tried 'fruit toast'..." We walk over to the corner of the counter where the finished drinks are placed.

"Oh my god, you haven't lived! It's so good." He exclaimed.

"I suppose I'll have to give it a try." I joke a sigh.

Phil gives me a playful nudge with his elbow making me giggle. He looks into my eyes for a moment, seeming to be in deep thought before averting his bright blue eyes. I think his cheeks flash pink for a quick moment but I'm not sure. What's he thinking about?

We collect our drinks and scoot over to the cushioned armchairs, separated by a low dark wooden coffee table, beside the large windows of the coffee shop and sit opposite from each other.

"Ok, now get your taste buds ready for this heavenly toasted dream." Phil says as he spreads an even layer of butter onto the hot toast in front of him. "Close your eyes,"

"Why?" I ask, not being able to get rid of the grin on my face.

"Because, I don't want you concentrating on anything else but the flavour." He rerurns, with a cheeky grin.

I do as instructed and close my eyes and suddenly my calmness begins to deteriorate. I start thinking of the worst case scenarios. Maybe he's going to ditch me and when I open my eyes he'll be go-

My mind is interrupted as I suddenly feel a piece of toast intrude into my mouth. Its sweet flavour warms my mouth and I chew it without hesitation. It's delicious.

"Well? What do you think?"

I slowly open my eyes as I swallow the sweetness and look at Phil who is studying my expression. I break into a huge smile.

"That is sensational!" I laugh.

A smile spreads across his face "I told you!"

Silence falls over us. I watch as Phil takes a small bite out of his fruit toast, looking away before his eyes catch mine. I can feel tension build up in layers surrounding us. I quickly take a sip of coffee, feeling the sweet, hot liquid, smother my tongue before the heat runs down my throat. My muscles relax and my eyes close momentarily as I take a few more gulps.

Removing the mug from my lips, I suddenly can see Phil. He is holding a small smile on his lips. We hold each other's gaze for a few seconds before he breaks what is becoming an uncomfortable silence.

"So, Saz. Why London?" He asks, breaking to sip his coffee. "I know you are here for uni and stuff, but why only come over for your final year?"

My muscles tense and my eyes dart to looking out the window. Shit. I couldn't tell him the truth. I couldn't explain the reasons that keep me awake at night.

"Uh…" I start, swallowing heavily.

"I wanted some time away," I ran away. "I always loved the big city with all the people and things to do," Partially true, I did love the city. But it scared me senseless. "My Lecturer back in Belfast suggested here, because he thought it would be better for my skills and résumé..." Another lie. He saw I was struggling and wanted to make sure I didn't get any worse. He suggested that if I changed scenery it would help me forget. "Then Adam thought it was a brilliant idea and helped me get everything sorted and, well, here I am." I flash Phil a fake smile before quickly hiding my face by taking another drink of coffee.

I hated lying, but I had grown accustomed to it in moments like this. But it was harder this time. Phil was so genuine and nice that it felt very wrong to look into his big blue eyes and let lies spill from your tongue. But I couldn't tell him the truth. Nobody should know the truth. I remember the sad look on my old Lecturer's eyes when he found out. The expression on Adams face when, all those years ago, he found the marks. The pain in his eyes and the guilt he felt because he hadn't noticed. It killed me to see other people sad, when they didn't need to be. I also hated the attention. I never wanted pity, or guilt, or grief or what people thought was 'support' or 'help'. It was a weight that only I should bare. I was the only one who deserved it.

Phil's eyes seemed to flash an emotion I couldn't read for a split second, before he returned my smile. Could he tell I was lying?

"Well, I'm glad that you moved here and I know you're going to love London" He popped another piece of toast into his mouth.

"I'm just glad I made friends with you and Dan so quickly!" I smile, eating a piece of delicious fruit toast. I am getting this more often.

We talked about anything we could in the next 15 minutes in startbucks, laughing and joking with eachother. He told me all about his hilarious childhood and all the adventures he had been on. I had a really great time. We finished up and headed out of the warm coffee shop.

"So, my place for a Mario kart tournament?" Phil looked down at me, with hope in his eyes.

Damn he is tall.

"You're on hamster boy!" I smile.

A huge smile spreads across his face. We walk down the busy street on the way to Phil's apartment, hands brushing against eachother. Phil's cheeks burn pink and I move my hands to my pockets, my cheeks the same shade of pink as his.

A/N: I AM SO FUCKING SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN SO LONG. PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I was going through a bit of a hard time and the chapter was already written but every time I went to proof read it I didn't like it so I'm sorry if it sucks. I PROMISE IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN BBYS 3