Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the books this is based on, they belong to Louise Rennison. The plot is mine, however.

Chapter 6: Borrowed Dave's oven gloves?

5:15pm
At Dave's dinner table

Dave's family is vair hilarious. It's only been 15 minutes and I'm already trying not to laugh my bottom off. You know when you're trying to be serious and set a good impression and so on infront of someone's family, but they make a joke that you find hilarious, but you don't want to burst out laughing uncontrollably and look like le complete fool and a half?
Well, I had that. And Dave's family makes jokes ALOT.

Uncle Franky keeps trying to balance spoons and forks and stuff on Charlotte's nose, and they keep falling off. And his Uncle's laugh is the most hysterical thing I've ever heard in my life. It sort of goes, 'Aheyugh, ahheeeeeeeyugh!' I can't describe it, but it's great.
Uncle Franky failed once again to balance a fork on Charlotte's nose so he turned to me and Dave. Dave was holding my hand under the table. His Uncle looked at me, and then at Dave, raised an eyebrow and went, 'I hope this one knows how to juggle.' And winked.
Er, what?
Dave went, 'Uncle... Even for you, that makes no sense.'
His Uncle looked pointedly at him and went, 'I mean, if she can, she could teach you a thing or two. You'll never be able to keep her AND have your brown-haired fella you have round.'
I looked right round at Dave and opened my eyes wide in fake surprise. 'Dave?'
Dave rolled his eyes and I think he kicked Uncle Franky under the table. 'Shut up, Uncle, that's Rollo. He's my mate.'
'Yeah, you can't fool me. I hear those.. Grunting noises...'
'WE'RE PLAYING ON XBOX!'
'Don't raise your voice at me, campo. I may have to force your old Tinkerbell outfit back on you, and I'm sure your little lass here won't want to see that.'

I had to hold in my laughter so that my nose didn't spread all ad-hoc over my face.
Pray God I didn't look like I needed a poo or something.

Dave's ears went red but he just muttered, 'So immature.' I heard a chuckle from the end of the table, and looked up to see Dave's brother smiling. His face was still hidden because he had his head down, but it was a fit head...
Oh SHUT UP BRAIN!

2 minutes later

Okay, I think it's time for some mental therapy. And I don't mean therapy because I'm mental, I mean therapy in my head. If I did it out loud I would probably look a tad strange.
So, be truthful and say the situation over.

Dave is my boyfriend (Well, girlfriend). Yes, I think Dave's brother is good-looking. Who wouldn't? He has dark, rich chocolate brown hair that's swept to the side, and sort of ruffled at the back with gel. His eyes are a chocolate brown colour and his skin looks vair soft and smooth. He's wearing a black shirt and black jeans and a black leather jacket is over his chair.
Now, what do I want myself to do?

FORGET HOW GROOVY LOOKING HIS BROTHER IS. It's Dave's brother! He is just going to be a mate, if anything.
I love Dave, and he is my one and only.

Doesn't mean I can't look at his brother though.

YES IT DOES! I cannot even THINK about his brother that way. Stupid, stupid Georgia. Just shut up now. Shush.

5 minutes later

'Gee... Are you okay?'
Oops. I nodded.

I think Dave realised I was sort of absorbed in my head. I must've looked like I was daydreaming or something. I think I was staring at the table.

'Ah, food's here. Finally.' Dave smiled at me. I smiled back. Obviously Dave's my one and only one. Look at him. He's gorgeous. And he's all mine.

Dave's Mutti set a bowl each of the spag bowl infront of me and Dave. Mmmm, it smelled luuurvely.
Carrie was wearing these pink oven gloves with cupcakes on. Aww, sweet.
Then Dave's Uncle goes, 'Borrowed Dave's oven gloves, Carrie?'

Teehehehe. Dave didn't find it funny though. He just sort of shook his head like his Uncle was vair stupid.
I reached for my cutlery and dug in. I've decided to do the cutting-it-up really small technique so I don't have to slurp it up and get sauce all over my face. And it's working quite well so far.
Mmmm yummy scrumboes. This spag bowl is DELISH.

The family was quite quiet whilst we ate, but there was light conversation going between different people. Dave's Mutti and Vati and Uncle Franky and Aunty Bubba... George and Harry... I wonder what they're talking about?
Who knows. Who cares. I'm in luuurve heaven.
And I'm actually a bit nervous infront of Dave's family. But I'm sure I'll get used to it.

5:35pm

Finished my dinner before everyone else. Umm...
I just sort of sat there staring at my bowl. Dave finished too and looked at me. Cor, he really does have vair gorgeous eyes. They remind me of a forest with the sun shining through the leaves and so on. But not in a weird voley kind of way.
He smiled at me and, ohh I don't know, I got butterflies. He's just so gorgey and marv and... He is my one and only one forever and only. And one.
But his brother keeps looking at me. Well, every time I've just sort of innocently glanced up at him, he looked at me at exactly the same time.
What does this mean?
Does it mean Baby Jesus wants something?
What do you want, oh Holey One?
An egg?

2 minutes later

Dave asked politely if we could be excused. As I went out the door, I threw a glance back at George, and I SWEAR he glanced at my bottom! What a cheeky so-and-so...

6:00pm

After politely refusing some cheesecake, Dave and I went up to his room. We lay on his sofa all cuddled together. He was playing with my hair.
I hadn't seen George since dinner, but I wonder what his problem is? Is it true that he'll try and steal me from Dave?
I mean, if they had fisticuffs over me, I wouldn't bet on Dave to beat him to the floor. George was quite tall.
But it would be extremely gorgey and a half if they had fisticuffs over me. I can imagine it now, Dave being all surly and big and macho, squaring up to his brother...
Dave put his hand under my chin and pulled my face up to his. Ohh, he wasn't smiling. He looked a litte upset-like.

'Kittykat, are you okay?'
'I'm fine.'
He looked away. 'It's just 'cos, well at dinner you were a bit quiet. Were you uncomfortable or something?'

I was very uncomfortable, yes. 'No, I was fine. Just a little tired, you know? And wondering what my family meeting is about tonight. It could be anything, hopefully my Vati moving out, or blowing up the clown car or maybe they're going on a 'romantic' holiday together but really it'll just be hanging out with some old blokes in beards singing national anthems and...'
'Gee.' Oh no, I'd said too much. Great, Georgia, just blow your cover. You were doing well. Oh shut up.
I looked up at Dave. He did look quite worried.

I decided to take the bull by it's whatsits. I took Dave's face in my hands and brought his lips down to mine, and kissed him really softly.
I looked into his gorgey eyes and said, 'Dave, I want you to understand that I'm not going anywhere. And if you're worried about George, you should put that idea out of your head right now, because nothing is ever going to take me away from you. You're my Dave the Tart,' And I smiled at him.
He looked at me really meaningfully, and eventually smiled really wide. 'Thanks, Gee.' He said.

And then he sort of biffed my nose with the tip of his. It made me giggle.
I said, 'Dave, what was that?'
He shrugged. 'I don't know, but let's go down to the living room. I want you to talk to Auntie Bubb- Er, Auntie Robin. She'll luuurve you.' And he grabbed my hand and dragged me away.

In Dave's living room

It's all nice and cosy in here. Everyone's sitting on a sofa apart from Harry and Charlotte who are on the floor playing with cars and dolls and so on. Like a really nice, normal family. Why can't my family be like this?
I imagined what it would be like if my family were here too. Mutti would probably be trying to have a girly chat with Dave's Mutti, Dad would probably be describing his clown car with Dave's dad, Uncle Eddie would probably have raided their wine stock... Libby would have already murdered the two children on the floor and made it look like an accident. Or atleast tied one up and fed them bars of soap.

Dave's Mutti and Vati are on one sofa, cuddled up together with a glass of wine each. Auntie Bubba and Uncle Franky are on another sofa, holding hands, and in an armchair a little separated from the others, was George. I didn't look at him as I walked in, hand in hand with Dave. I will retain my dignity and live to bloom another day or whatever.

1 minute later

Dave sat on a big armchair opposite Auntie Bubba and Uncle Franky and gestured for me to sit next to him. I looked at him, and then had to try and squish myself in next to him. Actually we fit quite comfortably.
'So, Auntie Robin, this is Gee.'
The plump, smiling lady held out a hand to me and said, 'Well, hello, Georgia. You can call me Aunti Bubba, and so can you,' she said, nodding at Dave. 'Just because you're almost seventeen now, doesn't mean you're too old to call me by my family name. Georgie still does, don't you, pumpkin?' And she looked over at George, who looked up and smiled. Oh, wow...
He didn't smile like Dave did. When Dave smiles, it's a nice, warm smile, where you can tell he's joking and he's a really nice person. With George... It's like there was a million secrets behind it.
Hmm.
He nodded and then went back to looking at his phone. I wonder who he's texting. Probably his girlfriend.

2 minutes later

'So, how'd you meet our Davey-pops then?' Auntie Bubba smiled. Dave's face went a little red and he said, 'Bubba, don't call me that, please.' I heard Uncle Franky chuckle. 'And we met through, er, school.' I remembered that we'd actually met through Robbie setting us up. Er, that's a little awkward to explain to his family... Now I think about it, it's strange how Robbie set us up and I used Dave just to get Robbie back, and now I'm here going out with Dave and I'm in love with him. Weird.

6:44pm

We talked with Auntie Bubba for a bit, and she's really nice. And funny, too. It's like Dave's whole family has a sense of humour. Not like my family's sense of humour. I think this is my new family now.
But George kept looking at me and smiling a little. Like, a mischeiveous smile. It was kinda putting me on the edge. Of what, I don't know.
Dave sensed it with his sensing senses, however, and took me back upstairs. He seemed more angry than worried, now.

When he shut the trap door he walked over to his hammock and threw himself in it, and I could tell he was grumpy. I went and sat on his bed, next to him. 'Dave...'
'Bastard! That little bugger, how DARE he...'
'Dave, he didn't really... Like, he didn't do anything...'
Dave sat up. 'Hasn't done anything? Yeah, he hasn't yet. But he will. He's got that look...' He sighed. I sort of looked down. 'The way he looks at you... I don't like it, Gee. You have to promise me you won't say anything to him, talk to him or anything. Please.' He came and sat next to me and looked straight into my eyes. He said softly, 'I don't want to lose you.'
He made my heart melt. Awww, he's so sweet. And yes, he's all mine.
I kissed him suddenly really hard on the lips.

And then we snogged for England.
And possibly America too.

8:30pm
Walking to my house

Phwooaarrr. Lord Neptune and a half, Dave is GROOVY BANANAS at snogging. And just everything in general. Apart from being a girl and stuff. Although that's good. So he's.. Yeah.
I can't believe Dave's brother is so good-looking. It was quite unexpected, seeing as I didn't even know he had an older brother in the first place. I wonder why Dave didn't tell me before?
He probably just didn't see it was important. Or didn't want to talk about it.

2 minutes later

Thinking about it, Dave said George likes to flirt with his girlfriends, and seemed really sure about it. Like something had happened before.
Surely George can't have stolen one of Dave's girlfriends before?
Oh my giddy God, what if it was Rachel or someone? Oh wait, Dave dumped Rachel. Or maybe that was just a cover...
Oh shush it, brain. If it's true, then that girl was stupid to go to George, therefore too stupid for Dave in the first place. I belong with him, so that's that.
I'm happy happy happy. Times ten million.

11 minutes later
Nearing my house

I can see Angus strutting down the road towards me. What is that hanging out of his mouth? Ewww it looks disgusting from here.

10 seconds later

He's quite near me now. He's just jumped on a wall... He's coming closer...

1 minute later

OH MY GOODNESS, IT'S A RAT!
And he's waving it in my face! EWW!

2 minutes later

I need to burn my hair. And soak my face in disinfectant. And possibly bleach.

3 minutes later

Angus dropped the rat ON. MY .HEAD. I couldn't believe it. It was SO disgusting.

1 minute later

I tore down the road to the door and burst in, running straight for the kitchen. Mutti was in there making some tea, so I started taking my rage out on her.
'Oh beloved Mutti, how kind of you to be here in this kitchen where you are hardly ever found. Our beloved feline friend and pet Angus has just strutted down the street towards me with a mystery item hanging from his gob, and from close inspection I see that it is a RAT, and then I suddenly have it DUMPED ON MY HEAD! What are you going to do about it?'
She stood there staring at me for a minute, and then sighed as though she was giving up and just walked past me. What?
I growled and stomped out.

4 minutes later
In the bathroom

Scrubbing the living daylights out of my face and hair. I can't believe this has happened.
On the bright side, this has been a rather good day. Dave's family is much better than I expected. At least they're not all really posh and stuck up.

10 minutes later

'Georgia! Family meeting time!'

Oh bloody hell. I'd forgotten.. I must remember to ring Dave afterwards. I wonder what this is about...

I walked into the front room. Mutti was sitting on a sofa, and Vati was standing up. Libby was curled up in an armchair with Pantaliser Doll and that sodding plastic fish that moves and sings 'It's beCOD I'm a Londoner'. I don't want to know what she was making them talk about in her little voice.

'Georgia, sit down, please.' Oh great, Vati's got his 'reasonable' and 'sensible' and 'parent' voice on.
I sat down slowly. He cleared his throat and went, 'Now, I know you're, well, with that Dave chap now, and he's a very nice fellow...' Chap? Fellow? 'And you're doing well with your school and stuff, and you're happy and, well, yes.'
Yes, yes, get on with it. He went on, 'So, we've decided to tell you in the calmest way, because you tend to overreact...'
Mutti said, 'We just want you to understand the situation and, well you're mature enough to handle it without fuss, I hope...'
'We just want to say...'
Oh for Pete's sake get on with it! I said, 'Well? Are you going to tell me any time soon?'
They looked at each other and Libby looked up and then Vati said, 'Cousin James is coming to live with us.'

A/N: I'm not exactly sure how to depict this thing with Cousin James yet but it's coming along smoothly. What do you guys think? Should it be serious big things that he tries to do with Gee or should it just be silly little things like in the books? Tell me please. :D
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May the Horn be with you. :D