After that day, Bella slowly, but surely, improved. She was betting better, even when almost everyone around her though she was a goner.
Her face was no longer an immobile mask, and her eyes were no longer dead. She would start to experience emotions, but she wouldn't speak.
She still stared out the window a lot, but not as much as before. And at night she would still cry, and that was what troubled me. Even though she was slowly getting better, she didn't remember anything, and she still wasn't aware of her surroundings; she still wasn't aware that I had come back, and that I was at her side.
But she was progressing much, much faster, than everyone had expected. When Dr. Gerandy came in to check on her, he almost collapsed with shock. He thought she was a hopeless cause, just like everyone else, but she was proving them wrong.
Each day she surprised me with more improvement, and each day the smile on my face grew wider. I think she's even starting to recognize me, not as Edward, but maybe as… a person who cares? When I walk into the room, it seems like she memorized the silence in which my feet move. She would look up, and a tiny smile would appear on her face. The smile was nothing compared to the former smile of hers, but nevertheless, it was a smile.
I still talked to her, and I read to her too. I read her Romeo and Juliet at least five times, and of course she always seemed to want me to read Wuthering Heights. She seemed to get something out of the book, somehow. I never did know why, even when she was sane.
Time started to pass quickly and evenly. It was almost another year, and Bella was turning twenty-three. Of course Alice wanted to have some fun, and I let her. After all, it is Bella's birthday.
We planned a surprise party; Alice begged so much that we finally gave in. It was going to be a private party, since we didn't think it was a good idea to let the other seniors see that we haven't aged at all. Alice worked very hard on the party, and after a week, the Cullen house looked grand. Alice had truly out done herself this time. Everything looked perfect and excitement was in the air, but I was feeling a bit apprehensive about this for some reason. I wasn't sure why, but I felt that something was going to happen that wasn't good.
I decided that it was because Bella might be frightened by the actually surprise. She's still very sensitive to loud noises, and I didn't want her to lose any of the improvement she already made. So even though I knew that Alice would be furious, I had to warn Bella about the surprise party. After all, even when she was sane she didn't like parties.
That night I quietly slipped into her room after visiting hours like I always did. Bella's eyes were on the window again, but they didn't look as dead and flat as they did a few months ago. I walked silently to her side, careful to not startle her from her reverie. Then I carefully sat on the bed; the bed creaked, but Bella didn't turn around.
"Bella?" I was hesitant, I could almost imagine Alice's fury.
She turned her head to the sound of my voice and smiled that same small smile.
I quickly looked around, checking that Alice wasn't there. Then I took a deep breath.
"Look, Bella, there's going to be a surprise birthday party for you tomorrow." I quickly blurted out. Then I quickly looked around again. Relief filled me; Alice wasn't there, so Alice wouldn't kill me.
Bella simply looked at me with a confused expression and nodded. I wasn't even sure if she understood what I said, but I did notice that her expression looked a little troubled.
I sighed, and stroked her cheek. I still refrained from kissing her; I didn't want to scare her. Staying with Bella is enough. I felt almost whole again, but there was a tiny hole that was still in my heart. I knew that as soon Bella healed the hole will disappear.
I gently turned Bella to face me. Her eyes were on the window, and I saw the tiny jewels that leaked from her eyes. Again, the pain pulsed through my body. I didn't want to see Bella so hurt, I wanted to Bella to be happy.
"Bella." Her tear stained eyes rested upon my face.
"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry for leaving you, I'm sorry for putting you through all of this hell. I'm sorry that you're hurting. I'm so sorry Bella." My voice cracked at the end, but I knew that Bella heard, even though she may not understand.
Bella's eyes widened, and she nodded. She reached for me, her hand trembling, and caressed my cheek. She was comforting me, forgiving me. She was forgiving the unforgivable. She was letting me have forgiveness even though I didn't deserve it, and most of all, she was forgiving me when it was I who was causing her so much pain.
It really hurt; Bella didn't even know what she was doing. She wasn't sane enough to really grasp that it was I who left her, I who made her this way. I would've liked it better if she yelled at me. It would've made me feel much better if she called me names, because I knew that I deserved them. I didn't deserve this.
I pulled her into a hug; the tears that stained her face were coming down faster. Her head rested on my shoulder, and the tears soaked into my shirt.
We stayed like that the whole night, but nothing had changed. Nothing. Bella was still hurting, she was not back yet, and now I was slipping into the abyss of darkness.