Why doesn't anyone warn you how addictive fanfiction can be? Really, there should be a warning label somewhere!
DISCLAIMER: The addiction is mine, the characters, sadly are not.
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Choices – Part 6
Lisbon left a little later. She tried to get Van Pelt to leave. It had been a long and exhausting week on so many levels. She knew Grace wouldn't go. Being one of the last to leave had become a bizarre point of pride with her. Shaking her head she glowered at Jane, hoping he would be smart enough to leave the young woman alone. He probably would have if she had not gasped loudly suddenly.
Grace forgot she wasn't alone when she made the call. "Yes, this is Grace Van Pelt. You left me a voice mail? WHAT? No! That's not possible. But how? Oh, I see. Well, yes, several times. I have no idea. It was only that one occasion. Oh, I never knew that. Yes, I will come in next Wednesday at 5. Thank you"
She was so engrossed by her conversation that she visibly started when she realized Jane was standing in front of her desk. "OH! You scared me! Why are you still here? Wait, what did you hear?"
"Probably more than you would want anyone to know. I think we need to talk, Grace. You had made your decision to let Rigsby leave even before that call didn't you?"
"Yes, but no I don't want discuss this with you..."
"You need to talk to someone. Are you going to call home with this news? You can't talk to Lisbon or Cho. I know who you really need to talk to, but you won't just yet, will you?"
Damn Jane and his perceptions. She wanted nothing more than to sit quietly and process the day's events quietly. She should have left. Crap! Grace knew he was right. She needed to talk to someone.
"Yes, you can trust me. I will not repeat what you say to me."
Again, he had seemingly read her thoughts. He took her hand and led her over to the table in the conference room. Getting her a bottle of water from the fridge, he settled down across from her. Holding her wrists gently he looked deeply into her eyes.
"Think of your breathing. In and out. In and out. Tell me the whole story. You know you want to. It's been buried for way too long."
"OK, but you can never repeat this."
"I will never repeat this"
Focusing her eyes over his head at the wall behind him she began to speak. At first her voice was soft, but quickly gained strength.
"I was 14 when they finally figured out the excruciating pain I was having was cysts. They decided to do a surgery. I didn't understand all the details, but it didn't' go well. I bled too much or something. The doctor was not very tactful. I would never have children. Well, actually, he said it was a real long shot. Who the hell uses a betting term to tell a young girl devastating news like that? I hated him. My mother thought it meant I should be a teacher. I could have generations of children instead. I hated her at that moment too. No. I decided to find a job where you were not measured by whether you could give birth. Being a cop was a man's world. They didn't get pregnant. They didn't care if you had kids. I would make the world safer for other people's kids. I know it was stupid, but I was a kid"
I take it they didn't approve of your career choice?"
"Oh hell no! They thought maybe I could be a nurse and help other people like me. With my luck I would have wound up on a maternity ward. I hated doctors and hospitals. They for sure wanted me to stay home. Maybe I could be Auntie Grace and love my sister's and brother's kids. Can you imagine? The old maid aunt who would never marry. It would be whispered every holiday in sad tones. You better believe I got out of there."
"And then?"
"I moved out here when I finished school. I majored in Criminal Justice. I needed a fresh start. Who knew? I was actually good at this. The details, finding the pieces and putting them together. I was even good at getting people to tell me things. And working the computer to put together information was easy for me. I liked the technology. It was exciting and I would make a difference. Being part of the CBI was my chance to really make a mark in this field. This unit? After working in Serious Crimes, I could write my own ticket. Maybe even the Feds"
"You never explored a second opinion on this?"
"When I came out here, I saw a doctor. She was nicer about it, but said it would be highly unlikely. I know now as an adult that I could have a perfectly fine life without children. But where I grew up and my family, it pretty much was like a mark against me. It's how they look at life, I guess. Now, I am living in a much larger world."
"And then you met Rigsby"
"Yeah, Wayne. I didn't count on him. I had avoided romance at work up until then. I was driven. I was not going to be the woman who threw it all away for a guy. And frankly, since I saw myself as damaged, I figured no one would really want me for the long term. I dated a little, but usually pretty shallow guys who wouldn't care to know that much about me. Wayne. He was so different. Sweet, and kind. Good looking but bashful too. He is such a good man. I knew how he felt. I tried to fight my feelings. How ironic, huh? Here was this amazing man. He loved me and I had fallen for him so hard. I couldn't have him. It was against the rules. I really screwed that up. You're right. I had decided to take my name out of being transferred as soon as I realized he wanted it. If he wanted that unit, he should have it. He doesn't know it but I would give him the world if I could. The last couple of months have been hell. What am I going to do about him? You already know about that night?"
"Well, not details, but I am willing to say I understand the general outline. You two finally acted on all that sexual tension. Then the morning after came with a little reality check on your part. And you assumed that once he found out, he would not want you anymore"
"I was worried about worse than that. I was afraid he would still want me. He is that amazing. He is the kind who would never walk away from a woman…"
"Especially a woman he truly loved"
"Yes, exactly. He deserves so much more than that. He's wonderful. Can't you just see him with kids? He'd be a little league coach and drive van loads of kids to Girl Scout campouts. He should have that, all of that. So, I decided that if I got him to hate me, he could have that. He would find some normal girl, not a damaged cop like me. She would be waiting at home with dinners and the kids and a dog" The last part came out on half a sob. "I can't believe what I threw away. I told him some bull crap about it being because of our careers. If I could have the whole package with him, I would transfer to some safe quiet unit in a heartbeat."
"And now what are you going to do?"
"Yeah, isn't that the kicker. I ranted about making the right choice to him and the choice has been made for me. The reality is that I may never get another chance for this. I am healthy, young and have a good job with benefits. It won't be easy. But I can't turn my back on this gift. It might be selfish, but I am doing this. But I don't want him to know until after he comes back from Quantico"
"He has a right to know"
"Of course he does! But I don't want his mind clouded with all this. And I sure as hell don't want him feeling obligated"
She put her head in her hands and sighed deeply. "I'll tell him then. He can choose what he wants then. Thank you for listening. Tonight I will go see him and tell him that he can have the transfer. That's all I plan to say tonight."
"That's fine. You go speak with him right now" Touching her shoulder, he turned it into a pat.
Grace stood up and stretched her back out. She was exhausted but felt so much better. She just hoped Jane could be trusted with what she told him. She left with a lighter heart, headed to Wayne's apartment.
Across town in his living room, Wayne Rigsby stared at his cell phone in disbelief. He had gotten a call from Jane telling him to only listen and not say a word. He then heard Grace talking. What she said was world shaking. And she was on her way over.
Ok, this was the one I kept re-writing. I finally realized that Jane would pull something like this. I think I am getting more comfortable with him. Reviews??