Disclaimer (Chopper): "RubberLotusShipper does not own One Piece, now leave me alone, you stupid humans!"
Me: Always a people person…
I took a long time to write this chapter, since I wanted the fights to seem good, and after a month of revising, they still seem like crap! I still urge my reviewers to vote in the awards ceremony (see chapter 3 for details), though! Start chapter!
Luffy and Joker stared at the figure: a mirror of Luffy himself, indentical yet so different.
"Mr. Kahn has ordered me to get rid of you doo-doo heads!" screeched dub Luffy in an earbleeding noise. Both Luffy and Joker covered their ears.
"God, at least get a throat lozenge!" retorted Joker.
"Gum Gum Blast!"
Joker easily grabbed the arm and flung dub Luffy into a wall. Dub Luffy emerged from the rubble with a few scratches, but nothing really serious.
"This is boring" Joker stated. "I'm going off exploring. Catch up when you're done, if you're alive!"
With that, Joker walked into a random door, throwing his head back and letting out a stream of hysterical, insane laughter.
"It's just you and me!" shouted dub Luffy to Luffy. "Gum Gum Rapid Fire!"
During the attack, dub Luffy was screaming for no reason, covering up the sounds of feet that were sneaking up behind Luffy...
Holding onto his hat, Luffy jumped out of the way of the outstretched punches and took his hat off.
"Here, hold onto this" he said, handing his treasure to someone standing by him without even looking.
"Gee, thanks, mister!"
"No problem!"
5 seconds later...
"Hey, wait a minute! Who the hell are you?!" Luffy looked at the person that he handed his hat to, who revealed herself to be a teenager holding a box of tissues. The girl was about to wipe her nose with the hat, until...
"Get your friggin' hands off of my treasure!" Luffy punched the girl (who was diagnosed with a cold and therefore, has a sore throat and a runny nose) in the face and got his hat back.
"You shouldn't say "friggin", and you shouldn't hit girls!" lectured dub Luffy.
"You're not the boss of me!" Luffy taunted childishly. "Gomu Gomu no..."
"Gum Gum..."
"Muchi/Whip!"
By chance, the rubber pirates each selected the same attack, causing their oustretched legs to entangle with each other. It took half a minute just to undo all of the knots.
"Gum Gum Spear!" dub Luffy announced as he placed his sandled feet heel to heel, shooting them out with outstretched legs.
Luffy tilted his head to the side and responded by rushing forward, an outstretched arm trailing behind him.
"Gomu Gomu no Bullet!"
Luffy punched dub Luffy in the gut as hard as he could, sending his counterpart flying into a wall. Not giving him a chance to recover, Luffy rushed forward and repeatedly punched dub Luffy in the face.
Dub Luffy, however, managed to catch Luffy in the stomach with an outstretched punch, sending Luffy flying into the air, dub Luffy's fist still embedded into his gut.
"Gum Gum Wave!"
Dub Luffy started twanging the end of his arm like a rubber band, causing his fist to ripple and connect multiple times with Luffy's body. When he was done, he retracted his arm, causing Luffy to fall to the ground.
"Now I'm really pissed off!" declared Luffy. "Gomu Gomu no Tsuchi!"
Luffy's oustretched arms coiled around each other, and his hands grabbed dub Luffy's sides. Then, Luffy uncoiled his arms and slammed dub Luffy into the ground hard.
Suddenly, dub Luffy reached up and grabbed Luffy's straw hat, threatening to tear it.
"Hey let go of my hat!" demanded Luffy.
"No way! I'm gonna tear it to show that lame puns, lollipops, and super soakers win over blood, dinosaurs, and whales any day!"
Now, if there's one thing that the original One Piece taught us, it's to not piss off Luffy, especially not by damaging his precious straw hat. As expected, Luffy's eye sockets became heavily shaded as a tiny tear formed on his straw hat as his treasure dropped to the ground.
"Aww, what's the matter?" taunted dub Luffy.
"You... you... you... BASTARD!" A fist flew into dub Luffy's face, knocking him backwards.
"Gomu Gomu no Stamp!" dub Luffy was knocked into the ground, the imprint of Luffy's sandal on his face.
"Gomu Gomu no... Bazooka!" Two palms suddenly smashed into dub Luffy's stomach, smashing him further into the concrete floor.
Actually fearing for his life now, dub Luffy barely managed to roll away from an outstretched hammer blow from Luffy that made a fairly deep hole in the concrete, but failed to dodge an outstretched arm heading for his face, firmly grabbing his head.
"Hey, let go of me!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!" roared Luffy. He swung his outstretched arm around like a string, heading straight for a wall with dub Luffy in tow.
BAM!
"This is for the jokes!"
SMASH!
"This is for the hat!"
CRASH!
"This is for the meat!"
WHAM!
Luffy kept swinging dub Luffy into the wall until the wall completely crumbled, then, he retracted his arm and kicked dub Luffy into the air with an outstretched leg, sending him crashing into the ceiling.
"Gomu Gomu no..." Luffy inflated his rubber body by taking in huge gulps of air, then twisted it into several coils, and proceeded to exhale all of the swallowed air straight at the ground, propelling him upwards to where dub Luffy was.
"STORM!!!!!!!"
Out came an attack from the rubberman that could not be described in words. Thousands, if not tens of thousands, of outstretched punches were sinking into dub Luffy's body, repeatedly punching every part that could be punched. The furious attack was pushing dub Luffy through the thick ceiling, but the punches just kept coming like the rounds of a machine gun firing, until.
"UUUUUAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
Luffy's one last punch, stronger than all the rest, pushed dub Luffy through the ceiling, sending him flying upwards at least a dozen floors. By the time he had reached floor 12A (1), he had simply run out of speed and crashed into the ceiling, making a fair-sized imprint, and fell down, through the dozen holes that he had made when he was punched through all the other floors, and fell to the concrete ground where he and Luffy did battle with a loud THUD, creating a fairly large cloud of dust.
Luffy, having already landed and caught his breath, simply picked up his straw hat from the floor and walked away without saying a word, not even bothering to cast a glance at the beaten body of dub Luffy, resting in a large crater.
With Zoro and Chopper...
"I'm Roronoa Zolo, and I'm gonna be the world's greatest swordsman!" declared Zolo.
"Nani?! I'm going to be the world's greatest swordsman, and what kind of name is Zolo?" spat Zoro.
"Take this guy down, Zolo!" screeched dub Chopper with his care bear voice.
"It's your funeral!" sneered Zoro. He tied his bandana around his head and unsheathed all three swords: Wado Ichmonji (2), Sandai Kitetsu (3), and Shuusui (4). Zolo did the same, only with Yubashiri (5) in the place of Shuusui.
Zolo made the first move, rushing at Zoro with all three swords and screaming.
"I'm gonna take you down lower than Australia!" (6)
Zoro casually blocked all three blades with Shuusui, then swung the black blade at Zolo's stomach, even though the blade's reach was still not far enough.
"Itouryu - San-Jyuu-Roku... Pondo Hou!" (7)
A blue chi wave suddenly appeared, cutting into Zolo's stomach. Zolo screamed in pain as he was thrown backwards, a red wound appearing on his chest.
"Gaah! Blood?!"
"Of course! What the hell did you expect?! A rainbow and butterflies flying out?!"
"Well, yeah!"
Zoro scoffed. "If you can't stomach blood, you don't deserve to be called a swordsman! Santouryu... Oni Giri!"
The beer-drinking swordsman dashed forward, two swords intended to slash through Zolo's stomach. Zolo managed to fend off the two blades with his own, but failed to notice Wado Ichimonji biting into his shoulder.
Meanwhile, Chopper was watching the fight, mesmerized and not paying any attention to dub Chopper. That proved to be great mistake as dub Chopper morphed into Heavy Boost and punched Chopper in the face.
"Pay attention, freak!" demanded dub Chopper.
"You asshole!" Chopper morphed into Walk Point and charged dub Chopper. Dub Chopper gritted his teeth as Chopper's antlers grinded into his stomach.
"Heavy Gong!" declared Chopper, morphing into Heavy Point and throwing a punch at dub Chopper's face.
"Brain boost!" Dub Chopper became three feet tall again, evading the punch.
"What kind of cliche' name is Brain boost?!"
"Shut up, stink-head! Sprint Boost!" Dub Chopper's hind hooves sank into Chopper's face, kicking him in the eyes.
"Gaahhhh! You bastard!" Chopper, still in Heavy Point, began waving his huge arms around blindly. Though dub Chopper, having morphed back into Brain boost again, was quite agile, he eventually got hit and was sent flying.
Meanwhile...
Zolo swung Yubashiri at Zoro's back, but the strike was easily blocked by Sandai Kitetsu.
"Do you have no respect?!" roared Zoro. "A strike to the back is a swordsman's greatest dishonor!"
Not waiting for a response, Zoro rushed forward and brought both Sandai Kitetsu and Shuusui forward.
CLANG!
"You'll have to do better than that" sneered Zolo, blocking the strike with his own swords.
Zoro promptly grated Sandai Kitetsu against Zolo's Yubashiri, creating a trail of sparks, and swung the blade at Zolo's head. Zolo bent over backwards and barely dodged the attack, then flipped back on his feet and rushed toward Zoro, who did the same.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" the two swordsmen yelled at each other. Their six blades clashed with an ear-splitting sound that sounded like a bell, only 10 times louder. Such was the strength of the two swordsman that it sent a rippling wave of pressure from their blades.
Back to Chopper's fight...
"Rumble!" declared both reindeer doctors at the same time, holding a small yellow pill between their hooves. They both had a couple of bruises on their body, and spots of blood marked their brown fur. The two Choppers tossed the powerful drug into their mouths at the same time, their actions mirroring each other perfectly.
Chopper morphed into Arm Point and drew his muscled arm back, then thrust it out with a cry of "Kokutei Roseo!" (8) The attack scored a direct hit on dub Chopper, who recoiled and morphed into Horn Point, then charged Chopper into a wall with his massive antlers. Chopper countered by hitting dub Chopper in the snout with his Hoof Cross attack, sending dub Chopper flying the other way.
Zoro's fight...
Zolo pushed hard, but sadly (yeah, right), his strength was only up to the Alabasta arc. Sure enough, current manga Zoro easily pushed Zolo over and into a wall.
"Bull Charge!' declared Zolo, rising from the ruins and rushing at Zoro. He dashed through Zoro, seemingly performing only one strike but actually having performed dozens of lightning-quick stabs.
Unfortunately, a couple spots of blood weren't near enough to deter Zoro, but it was enough to piss him off.
"Enough games" the swordsman declared. He sheathed Sandai Kitetsu and Shuusui, and took Wado Ichimonji out of his mouth, holding his remaining sword in his left hand.
Zolo leaped high into the air and pointed Sandai Kitetsu and Yubashiri forward, heading toward Zoro.
"Itouryu..." Zoro drew the sword back.
"Have fun in the Shadow Realm!" taunted Zolo.
"Hiryuu Kaen!" (9) The image of a massive dragon appeared in the background as Zoro leapt right at Zolo.
Zolo didn't feel a thing immediately after Zoro had leapt at him, dodged the attack, and simultaneously slashed through his stomach, but as both men landed, Zolo's body suddenly burst into flames, and he lost conciousness.
"Baka" insulted Zoro. He sheathed the Wado and untied his bandana from his head, exposing his green hair once more.
Meanwhile, the two Choppers were trading blows evenly, even more spots of blood soaking their fur. Dub Chopper had somehow lured Chopper into another room, but it didn't seem to give either side an advantage. Chopper morphed into Jump Point to evade dub Chopper's "Reindeer Roundhouse", and responded with a swift flurry of kicks and punches to the face from his lengthened limbs.
Chopper prepared another attack, but several furry paws on his back surprised them, and he instinctively turned around, only to be confronted by several care bears brandishing .50 Caliber Desert Eagles painted bright colors to look less threatening.
"Care bears care!" the care bears chanted. They began to fire off a few warning shots.
"Care bears will shoot all those who don't care!"
"Gyyyyaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!" Chopper screamed as he ran away as fast as he could from the shower of bullets. Still in Jump Point, a plan formulated in his brain as he jumped high to avoid the shots. Chopper turned himself around in midair and landed in a handstand behind the group of care bears, and performed a sweep kick with his lengthened leg, knocking the guns out of the care bears' paws.
Chopper took this oppurtunity to beat up the care bears in less than 5 seconds, dub Chopper attempting to charge him in Horn Boost. Chopper leaped to the side in Brain Point and changed into Arm Point to hit Chopper in the foreleg.
Dub Chopper was knocked backwards, and Chopper took this chance prepare his final attack.
"Roseo Metel!" (10) Chopper placed his arms together wrist-to-wrist, hooves spread apart into a cross formation, then landed a flurry of blows toward dub Chopper, knocking his counterpart over and into unconciousness, multiple red hoofprints on his limp form.
"Whew!" sighed Chopper, morphing back into Brain Point. My Rumble Ball almost ran out!"
He returned to the room where Zoro was fighting, only to find Zoro drinking a bottle of beer that 4Kids edited out.
"Zoro! You shouldn't be drinking with those wounds!"
Zoro ignored the tiny doctor and drank the remaining contents of the bottle with a single gulp.
With Nami and Robin...
After the insults and the flaws of their dubs had been exchanged, the four girls were engaged in a fierce battle... well, in Robin's case, anyways. Nami's newly-modified Clima-Tact was easily overpowering dub Nami, but since Robin's powers were practically mirrored by dub Robin, the fight went on for a while.
"Cyclone Tempo/Tempest!" both Namis declared. Nami's, of course, was stronger, and sent dub Nami's flying back at her. Dub Nami was blown to the floor by the powerful bursts of wind.
Nami detached her Perfect Clima-Tact, holding the Thunder Pole and rapidly spinning it. A small ball of lightning came out of one end, which Nami swung at dub Nami. The lightning surged into dub Nami's chest, electrocuting her and nearly knocking her out. Dub Nami struggled to her feet and arranged her Clima-Tact into a "T" formation, for her one last desperate attack.
"Tornado Tempest!"
Two clockwork doves shot out of the parallel ends of the "T", wrapping around Nami's body. However, before dub Nami could execute the attack, Nami touched the metal rod with her Thunder Pole, electrocuting dub Nami once more and knocking her out.
"Ha! Log Pose beats Grand Compass any day!" Nami laughed.
Robin, meanwhile, had suffered a couple of twisted joints and bones, and lost a bit of blood, but nothing really serious.
"Ha! That all you got, hon?" dub Robin taunted.
"Seseta Fleur!"
Sixty arms rose up out of the ground and grabbed dub Robin's ankles, dragging her down on her back. The arms then enclosed around her body like a coffin, growing from all possible areas of her body.
"Sarcouphagus!"
All of the arms began to press inward on dub Robin's torso and back while painfully twisting her limbs, as the arms that sprouted near her head began to pound in her face. After a few minutes, all of the arms receded in a circle of flower petals, and dub Robin dropped to the ground, coughed up a gallon of blood, and fell unconcious.
Robin managed a weary grin, and the two girls continued on their way, debating on who Luffy liked more.
With Usopp...
Neither sniper could see his opponent due to their brilliant ideas of using smokescreens being executed at the same time. Currently, the two Usopps were blindly shooting into the smoke, demolishing the unlucky equipment in the area.
"Lead Star!" announced dub Usopp in that god-awful voice of his, launching a small black pellet from his slingshot into the smoke. The attack missed its target, but instead hit the control panel for the ceiling fans, blowing away all of the smoke. The rounds of projectiles came thick and fast from both sides, since both snipers was able to see his target clearly.
"Hissatsu Kayaku Boshi!" The gunpowder pellet barely missed dub Usopp and hit the wall behind him, creating a large explosion.
"Egg Star!"
"Hissatsu Kaen Boshi!" (11)
"Lead Star!"
"Hissatsu Tonkachi Boshi!" (12)
That last attack found its target, smashing dub Usopp's long nose in as well as knocking out a few of his teeth. Dub Usopp screamed, which sounded even worse than when he talked normally, and pulled out his five-ton hammer, charging at Usopp.
Usopp barely dodged the first swing, but dub Usopp brought the hammer back up and smashed it into Usopp's head, scoring a direct hit.
Usopp, who thought that he was dead already and that the pain was so unbearable that he went numb, almost fainted from the illusion of pain created by himself, until he remembered that since dub Usopp was a mirror of himself, the five-ton hammer wasn't real!. The long-nosed handyman stopped himself from going unconcious just in time.
"Ha! You think that that would deter the great captain Usopp?!" boasted Usopp, even though he was almost fooled by it. While in that state of shock, he had already begun to make out his mental will, which only further proved that he was not in the right state of mind. After all, why would he leave his goggles to Luffy, of all people?
"You obviously don't know the strength of my 10,000 man army!" lied Usopp through his teeth without any remorse.
"Like heck!" screeched dub Usopp. "Exploding Star! Exploding Star! Exploding Star! Exploding Star!"
Because he was so busy lying, Usopp couldn't react to the shots in time, and his body was enveloped in four explosions. When Usopp's form emerged from the smoke, he had a few burn marks on his body, but he'd been through far worse. After all, how many kids his age could say truthfully that they lived through a four-ton bat slamming into their head?
Just then, a door opened, and out stepped... a couple of leprechauns smoking crack and a clown who was also smoking crack, riding on a donkey that just breathed in helium, had a stick jammed up its ass, and was kicking him in the balls? Wait, is Kahn writing this story?
Usopp was not so much deterred by this new group as he was amused. After all, a ten-year old could beat them!
"I-I-I-m gonna kn-kn-knock out yer teeth boyo!" stuttered one leprechaun, holding a tube of crack between his fingers.
"Yeah, sure you are!" Usopp rolled his eyes.
"Charge!" screamed the leprechaun. Four others ran at Usopp, who knocked aside the first three with his trusty hammer. However, the fourth jumped at him headfirst and gave the handyman a heatbutt to the stomach, knocking the wind out of him.
Staggering backwards, Usopp pulled out a flash dial from his bag and pressed the button on the apex, projecting a bright flash of light that blinded the leprechaun. Usopp then pulled out one of the sleeping drug pills that he & Chopper had been working on (from Special #2) and shot it into the leprechaun's mouth, putting the wee Scot to sleep.
Usopp removed Kabuto from his back, intending to strike the finishing blow to his dub counterpart and the clown & donkey.
"Hissatsu... firebirdo boshi!" A massive beam of fire taking the form of a phoenix came forth, knocking out dub Usopp and all of his supposed 'reinforcements'.
Usopp looked at a leprechaun's crack pipe for a few seconds, then decided 'nah' and went on his merry, drug-free way.
With Sanji...
"Bastard! Show yourself!" demanded Sanji. The corridor that he was fighting in was so dark that he couln't see anything, but dub Sanji had no such problems. What's more, dub Sanji apparently had reinforcements, because there was no way in hell that he could have inflicted by himself all of the bruises that were on Sanji's person currently.
"Leg o' Wham Drumstick Supreme!"
Sanji leapt to the side, feeling that he barely dodged the attack since he could feel its air current. Sanji leapt forward, landing on the outstretched leg, and jumped toward dub Sanji, landing a kick to dub Sanji's forehead and knocking him back.
"You jerk!" said dub Sanji in his nasal Brooklyn voice. Sanji landed in front of him, reading his next attack.
"Treachea Turnover/Collier!" The kicks, both aimed at the neck, crashed into each other.
"Clavicle Schnitzel Kick-Off/Epaule!" Both kicks came down on the two cooks' shoulders, pressing both of the down.
"BBQ Rib Buster/Cotelette!" Both Sanjis got into a handstand position and swung his left foot at his opponent's ribs. Once again, it ended in stalemate.
"Shish-Kabob Back Smasher/Selle!"
"Pulled Pork Pound/Poitrine!"
"Shish-Kabob Smash!/Gigot!"
That last attack nailed both chefs in the leg, knocking them off balance. Suddenly, something heavy came down on Sanji's back, knocking him flat onto the ground.
"Yah, we got him, don!" said a nasally gangster voice.
Sanji pushed himself back up with both arms, barely avoiding another blow. He could not see who was attacking him, but he aimed a kick at its estimated location anyway. It was a lost hope, and Sanji's foot came into contact with thin air.
"Enough of this!" declared Sanji. He ran in the opposite direction from dub Sanji a couple of meters, then started spinning rapidly in place like a top.
"DIABLE JAMBE!" (13)
One of Sanji's feet glowed red-hot as he lifted it from the ground. With the heated leg giving off light, he could see clearly who his opponent was, or rather, who his opponents were.
There were six men, dressed in pinstripe suits like 1920s Chicago gangsters, half of them wielding tonfa (those weapons that Gin used) that looked like huge lollipops, and half wielding tommy guns. There was also a gigantic troll, a little over six feet tall, with rough gray skin, hair all over his body, a hunched back, and a big head filled with rotten teeth with an even bigger nose. The troll had dozens of chopsticks jammed into his nose and ears and wielded a huge dagger, and a disgusting odor could be smelled from all over his body.
Sanji jumped into the air and landed behind the troll, kicking him in the back. The troll screamed in pain, rolling on the ground as what felt like the fury of the devil burned, in the shape of a red-hot footprint, down to his bones while fire lit his body.
"Who else wants some?" asked Sanji, his single visible eye glowing with steady, controlled anger.
The gangsters stuttered, backing away from the seriously pissed-off chef.
BAM
"Come on, the only thing that I hate more than those who hurt women..." A gangster flew through the air, blood and teeth flying from his mouth.
WHAM
"Are picky eaters!" A red-hot foot sunk into the stomach of another gangster.
The screams and sound of blows landing coming from the corridor that afternoon sounded like the screams of prisoners of Hell...
With Franky and Brook...
The two Straw Hats had somehow met up, and, since the hallway that they were currently in lacked any other passages, were forced to travel together.
The two Straw Hats came to a door, which Franky punched down without a second thought. What lied behind the door, however, was not pretty...
"HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!" screamed Franky.
"Inside voices! And watch your language!" scolded Brook, not paying attention to the monstrosity that stood before him. When he did see the creature, the ero-skeleton yelped in fear and ran for the doorway that Franky had just punched down.
Franky's huge hand grabbed Brook's collar, preventing him from running away.
Before Franky had uttered a word, Brook spoke. "Um, did I forget to mention that my spine had crumbled before my spirit found my body? So, if you want to see some backbone..."
ROAR!!!
"... eep"
End of Chapter 6
(1) Many buildings in the Western world lack 13th floors, and some substitute the unlucky numbers with figures such as 12A. Since 4Kids is so hell-bent on Americanizing everything...
(2) The sword that Zoro holds in his mouth. Means "straight road to harmony"
(3) The cursed sword that Zoro "bought" in Loguetown. Means "3rd Generation Demon Splitter"
(4) The sword that was given to Zoro by Ryuuma on Thriller Bark. Means "Clear Autumn Water"
(5) The sword that Zoro used before he aquired Shuusui. Means "Snow Run"
(6) A corny joke, as expected of 4Kids Zolo. "Down under" is a nickname for the land of kangaroos.
(7) Means "One Sword Style - Thirty-Six Pound Cannon"
(8) Means "Carving Hoof Sakura/Cherry Blossom"
(9) Means "Flying Dragon Blaze"
(10) Means "Cherry Blossom Snowstorm"
(11) Means "Sure-Kill Blaze Star"
(12) I made this attack up. Means "Sure-Kill Hammer Star". Kinda like a smaller version of that attack used to defeat Mr.4
(13) Means "Devil Leg"
1000 cyber-bucks to whoever guesses what was behind the door! Hint: It is not from One Piece, but originates from a source that I have previously used before in this story.