~Deacon~

Deacon walked up the steps to the front door of the Wyatt house. When Rayna opened the door, he stepped back, expecting her to walk out, but instead she asked, "Would you like to come in for a minute?"

He hesitated for a moment, then said, "Sure." He walked in cautiously, not sure what to expect. She stepped back as he walked into the foyer. He took a deep breath as he looked around. He'd never been in a house quite like this one. He looked down at the wood floor, at the huge rug in shades of red and blue and green and yellow. There was a grand, winding staircase in front of him that led to the second floor. There were doors that led to rooms, off either side of the foyer. He looked up at the ceiling, at the large, glass chandelier that hung above them. He looked back at Rayna. "Damn, Ray," he said.

She smiled. "You did it again," she said.

He frowned. "Did what?" he asked.

"You called me Ray. Like I was a boy." She didn't look mad, the smile still on her face.

He shrugged. "I'm sorry. I guess it's just like, I don't know, a nickname. Just sorta felt right." He put his hands up. "But I can stop."

She walked over to him and put her arms around his waist, smiling up at him. He slowly dropped his hands to her shoulders. She tilted her head slightly to the side. "It's okay," she said. "I actually kinda like it." She tilted her head back slightly. "But you're the only one who can call me that."

He moved his hands around her back and then pulled her in. He leaned down and kissed her, taking his time with it. She made that little satisfied sound as she kissed him back. When he reluctantly pulled his lips from hers, he looked over her head and around the foyer again. It made him feel small and insignificant. It made his chest hurt, knowing he could never give Rayna this, what she deserved. "I ain't never seen nothing like this," he said. "It's kinda fancy for me."

She laughed. "To tell you the truth, it's kinda fancy for me too," she said. She smiled at him, with that sparkle in her eyes and that warm glow she'd had the night before when she told him she loved him. He just hoped he wouldn't disappoint her someday. She reached up and put her hand on his cheek. "The house my sister and I lived in with Mom was a lot simpler than this. It's kind of hard to believe my father lived in this house by himself for all those years."

He held her close for a moment, then kissed her on the forehead. "We better go," he said. "Movie starts in an hour." She stepped back and then he took her hand, leading her out of the house.

Rayna was still laughing as they walked out of the movie theater, which reminded him how much he loved hearing her laugh. It made her face light up and her eyes shine and it made him love her more every time she did. She looked up at him. "That was a fun movie," she said.

He smiled at her. "Yeah, it was, wasn't it?" He put his arm around her and pulled her close and she put her arm around his waist. As they headed for the parking lot, he saw Cassie Sommers and another girl, with their dates. They were watching him and Rayna and he hoped she didn't see them. They'd been mean to her ever since she had officially started dating him. She said she didn't care, but he could see the hurt in her eyes and it made him angry. He tensed up and she looked up at him. "What is it, babe?" she asked.

"Nothin'," he muttered, trying to hurry her along. But she saw them. The two girls seemed to be talking and laughing as they looked over at the two of them.

"It's okay, Deacon," she said. "Really, it is. I'd rather be with you than with them." Her voice was genuine and sincere and he couldn't help himself as he leaned down and kissed her. He didn't care for himself, but he didn't want anyone hurting Rayna. But if she was okay with it, he was too. He smiled at her. "I love you, Deacon," she said. "I meant that."

He threw his head back then and laughed. "I know, baby," he said, and then he looked back at her. "I love you too, Ray."

They drove again to the secluded drive that overlooked the river. Rayna was holding his hand, but she was quiet on the drive. When he had parked, he turned towards her. "You okay, baby?" he asked, his brow furrowed.

She looked at him. "Yeah," she said.

"Don't let those girls bother you," he said.

She shrugged. "Oh, they don't. I mean, I guess at first it bothered me that they were so, I don't know, snobby, but I got over it." She smiled. "I really would rather be with you."

"Seems like you been thinking something over though."

She nodded. "I have. I was thinking about last night."

He knew what she meant. He'd felt bad that he'd gone too far too fast. He didn't want to make mistakes with her. "Baby, I told you, you don't have to do nothing you don't want to. I won't do nothing unless you say it's okay," he interrupted.

She squeezed his hand and leaned towards him, giving him a tiny smile. "It's okay," she said. Then she bit her lip. "Maybe we could try that again."

~Rayna~

Even though he'd said he loved her, Rayna hoped Deacon didn't get turned off because she hadn't let him feel her up. Even though he'd kissed her goodnight with as much intensity as he'd ever had, when she had let herself in the house and gone to her bedroom, she had felt strangely sad. She undressed and slipped on her nightgown. She tied back her hair and washed her face, standing at the mirror, slowly drying her face with a towel, as she looked back at herself.

She knew she was pretty, although it wasn't something she dwelled on. She'd been lucky and had inherited Virginia Wyatt's creamy skin and fair features. Her eyes were a dark blue and her hair was the perfect strawberry blonde. She had long, well-shaped legs and a small waist. The only thing she wasn't happy with were her breasts. Tandy had always told her how lucky she was to have full breasts, but Rayna had always wished she'd had Tandy's small, perky breasts. She always felt like boys looked straight at her chest and never considered the rest of her. It had only contributed to her self-consciousness and her lack of social skill with boys.

She'd grown up wishing she were more like Tandy, more self-confident and comfortable in crowds. But she'd always been the quieter one, spending her time reading or writing poetry. She loved singing with her mother and had been excited when Virginia had given her an old guitar she'd had for years. Rayna knew she wasn't very good with it, but she had enjoyed trying. When she walked back into her bedroom, she glanced over at the old guitar, leaning against the wall in her room. She hadn't touched it since Virginia had died. She wondered now if Deacon might help her with it. He was an amazing guitar player.

That brought her thoughts back around to him. Every time she was with him her lips and skin seemed to tingle. She thought again about how she'd pushed him away. It had scared her, the way it made her feel. She'd been afraid to tell Deacon that she'd actually kind of liked it. She knew it had a lot to do with her insecurities around how boys seemed to focus so much on breasts, and hers in particular, and she didn't want him to be like those boys. It seemed like most girls her age had gone to second base or even third. Sometimes you'd hear about a girl who'd gone all the way, but that scared her. Actually it all scared her.

She got into bed and wondered if she should be braver. Kissing Deacon and feeling his hands around her waist or her back felt so good. She loved kissing him, if she were truthful. She felt like she could just kiss him all day. She knew boys wanted more though. Even though Deacon had told her she didn't have to do anything she didn't want to, she wondered if he would change his mind about her if she didn't do something.

She rolled onto her side. She wondered if all these things would be like they were in the romance books she liked to read. She thought probably not, but Deacon seemed sweet and gentle. The look in his eyes when she'd pushed back had been filled with concern and caring, not disdain. And he loved her. That made her feel a little more comfortable. She considered that and then she considered that maybe, if she did this, he might want more and he might not take no for an answer. She bit her lip. She really hadn't known him that long and yet she felt like she'd known him forever. She believed him when he said he'd never ask her to do anything she didn't want to do. Somehow she just knew, deep down inside, that she could trust him.

They were going to a movie the next night. Maybe – just maybe – she'd think about letting him touch her again.

Deacon's eyes had widened with surprise when she'd suggested she was open to letting him touch her again. She felt an odd mix of apprehension and anticipation. She looked into his eyes and saw confusion, hopefulness, and maybe even a bit of wariness there. "You sure, baby?" he asked.

She bit her lip and nodded. "I think so."

He slid over in the seat and took her in his arms. She put her arms around his neck. "We can go slow," he said. "And you can say stop."

The look of love in his eyes was so intense it brought tears to her own. "I want to make you happy, Deacon," she said softly.

He kissed her gently. "You do, Ray. Just being with you makes me happy. I don't need nothing you ain't comfortable doing to be happy." He pulled her just a little closer. "I wanna make you happy, baby."

She leaned in and pressed her lips to his. He responded and she opened her mouth to his, sighing deeply as his tongue invaded her mouth. She shut out everything except how it felt to kiss him and how it felt to be this close to him. She felt that warm curl of pleasure stretch out through her whole body and her skin felt like it was on fire. She gave herself over to the feelings and, in the back of her head, wondered when he would touch her again.

And just like that, as though he could read her mind, she felt his hand move from her back around to her side, then slide up close to her breast. There was a moment's hesitation and she pressed herself just a little closer, as if to say it was okay, and then she could feel his thumb move up the curve of her breast, the rest of his hand along the side. A quiver of something, she wasn't sure what, exploded like fireworks inside her. She felt herself hold her breath, everything seeming to freeze, and then Deacon pulled away, moving his hand down to her waist and pulling his lips from hers.

He leaned his forehead against hers, both of them breathing hard. "You ain't ready, baby," he whispered.

She was horrified when she started to cry. He put his hand on her cheek and wiped at the tears with his thumb. "I wanted to be," she cried.

He kissed her forehead. "I know. It's okay, though." He sat up and then shifted back against the driver side door, pulling her with him. She leaned back against him and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind, nestling his head against hers. "I ain't going nowhere, Rayna," he said.

That made her cry again. "But boys want that," she protested. "And they leave if you don't." She breathed in. "And they leave if you do."

She could hear his voice in her ear. "Somebody do that to you?" he asked, his voice soft and tender.

She shook her head. "No one ever wanted me that much," she said. "But they left my mom. All the time."

He took a deep breath, but was silent for a moment, just holding her close. Finally he said, "You wanna talk about it?"

She considered that for a moment, then said, "Mom took Tandy and me to Austin when I was three. You know, I was born here and lived here first, but I didn't remember any of it. Mom would let Daddy come see us in Austin, but she'd never let us come back here. I guess she thought he wouldn't let us leave. He hardly ever came to see us though, so I don't think she really had anything to worry about.

"Anyway, she left Daddy for a man. Something else I don't remember, because that didn't last. She was always bringing men home, though. I didn't really understand everything that went on until I was older, plus Tandy tried to protect me. She was really into music and she'd go out at night to bars to listen to music. She'd drink and smoke and drink some more. I'd hear her sometimes, coming home at night, and she would always be laughing, kind of silly laughing, and I could hear a man with her. So I stayed in my room, like Tandy told me. But it was really confusing. No one stayed around long and then Mom would get depressed and stay in her room all day, with the lights out and the curtains drawn.

"After Tandy went off to college, it seemed like it got worse. The good times were shorter and the bad times were longer. I wanted to cheer her up, but I couldn't seem to do it. The only time she was happy was when there was a man. And they always left her." She stopped, wiping away the tears that were rolling down her cheeks.

"I ain't gonna leave you, baby," he whispered.

She tensed. "But you will. One day. Right? When you go with Beverly to start your career."

She felt him sigh. "That's a long time from now. Lot could change. Don't nobody know the future, for sure." He hugged her close. "Baby, if I leave, it won't be because you let me touch you. I love you. If you decide you want me to touch you, or something else, I promise I won't leave because of that."

"You don't know that," she whispered.

"I do know that. I ain't like those men you told me left your mama. I ain't that kinda guy. And you're different. Special. I ain't never felt like this about nobody else. When I first saw you, I knew you was different. Better."

She was quiet, listening to him. She could hear, in his voice, that he meant what he said. She couldn't have said why she was so sure. She knew she had so little experience in the world, despite the life she'd lived with her mother. But she believed Deacon, could tell he was sincere, that he really meant it. She was conscious of his arms wrapped around her, so close to that place she wanted them to be. She had a moment of clarity where she knew she wanted more than just kisses. She was ready for more than that. "I'm ready," she whispered.

She could feel him catch his breath, but he didn't say anything. She put her hands on his thighs and started to move them up and down slowly. He kissed the back of her head and then slowly moved his hands to cover her breasts. She held her breath, but let herself feel their warmth, through the fabric of her blouse and bra. He hesitated, then gently began to move his hands in circles. She shivered as what felt like a bolt of lightning raced through her. She let herself breath through it and then a comforting warmth spread through her.

They sat like that for a long time. She didn't understand everything she was feeling, but she knew she liked it. Deacon made her feel loved and cared for. He was gentle and loving and took his time with her and it only made her love him more. She sighed happily and turned her face towards his as he nuzzled her neck. She really did want to stay like this forever.

~Deacon~

He couldn't have said exactly why he knew Rayna was different, only that she was. As Deacon lay in his bed that night, his hands behind his head, he just knew everything was different about her. Maybe it was, as Vince always said, because she was a princess. Not a real one, of course, but, as the daughter of probably the richest man in Natchez, she lived in rarified air. She was certainly pretty and refined and well-mannered. She had a gentleness and a bit of shyness to her, although when she kissed him, she wasn't at all gentle or shy.

He thought maybe it was because she was someone you wanted to settle down with, make a life with, although, at seventeen, he would never have considered himself ready for that. But Rayna was real. He wanted to take care of her, the way he knew she would take care of him.

He thought back to that night along the river. She'd opened up to him about her fears and that had seemed to break down the barrier for her. The memory of holding her breasts in his hands, even if they were covered by her bra and blouse, had been intoxicating. His whole body ached for her, but he had made himself be content with discovering her shape and what made her breathe in sharply and moan. He had felt her nipples harden beneath the fabric and he'd found himself struggling to catch his own breath. He did wonder what she would look like naked, what she would feel like, but he was going to be true to his word that he would let her decide.

It wasn't really true though, what he'd said to her, about not being that guy who left a girl, who took what he wanted and then walked away. He'd done it before and hadn't felt bad about it. But he knew he'd feel bad if he did it to her, and he didn't really want to do that to her. He would wait, as long as he needed to, for her to be ready. And if she was never ready? He'd still be there, he knew that. Because she was worth it.

He rolled over in his bed and rooted around for his notebook. He found it, under the bed, and pulled it out. He raised up and balanced himself on his elbow, reaching for the flashlight on the table next to the bed. He shined the light on the notebook and flipped through the pages to find the song he'd started the first day he'd laid eyes on Rayna. Two arms around me, heaven to ground me / And a family that always calls me home / Four wheels to get there, enough love to share / And a sweet, sweet, sweet song / At the end of the day / Lord I pray / I have a life that's good. He'd decided that would be the chorus and had added to it since then. Sittin' here tonight, by the fire light / It reminds me I already have more than I should / I don't need fame, no one to know my name / At the end of the day / Lord I pray / I have a life that's good. That was his first verse. He was still working on the next one. It was his song for Rayna, for the life he wanted to have with her one day.

He rolled back over onto his back and sighed. He was leaving Natchez though. He'd promised Beverly and he owed her. But Rayna was right. Eventually he'd be gone and, even though he wouldn't be leaving because of her, he'd be leaving her behind. He wanted her, all of her, but he would still leave in the end. She deserves better. She don't need someone like me, who would just hold her back. He resolved then that as hard as it would be and as much as it would hurt, the right thing to do, when the time came, was to let her go. It didn't mean, though, that it didn't rip his heart apart, thinking about it now.

~Rayna~

When Rayna walked into the dining room for breakfast, she was surprised to see her father there. He didn't usually eat breakfast with her, having already left for his office. She knew he'd gotten home late the night before. "Hey, Daddy," she said and kissed him on the cheek. He smiled at her, but said nothing.

The housekeeper was standing by the table. "What would you like, Miss Rayna?" she asked.

"Just some toast and juice." The housekeeper nodded and hurried out. Rayna sat down to wait. She noticed her father reading through some papers in a file folder, so she kept quiet. The housekeeper was back quickly with her breakfast, setting it down in front of her. Rayna smiled up at her. "Thank you," she said. It felt funny having someone wait on her, but her father had insisted that was what they did. She had just put the toast in her mouth when her father closed the file folder and looked at her.

"So, Rayna, I understand you've gone against my wishes and been going out with that boy you brought here earlier." He looked angry and it did not go unnoticed that he had said the word 'boy' with great disdain.

She swallowed the toast, although it didn't go down easily. Her stomach was instantly in a knot. "Who told you that?" she asked.

He leaned forward, his eyes flashing angrily. "It doesn't matter who, young lady," he said. "But I told you he was beneath you."

She breathed in. She felt sure it was probably from Cassie's father. "You don't even know him, Daddy," she said. "Just because his family's not well off doesn't mean he's a bad person." She frowned at him. "Rich people can be bad people, you know."

"I don't care if he's a good or bad person, Rayna. I just know that he's not good for you." He frowned. "As I told you before, you need to be careful about the choices you make. He's not a choice that will be good for you in the end."

She was no longer hungry. She stood up and started for the door. "You haven't been around, Daddy, so you don't know whether I can take care of myself. But I had to do that for a lot of years. I think I can decide for myself who's good for me and who's not." She got to the door and turned back to look at him. "I'll make my own decisions about my life. You've never been there for me before. It's a little late to be doing it now." She headed for the door.

"Don't make an enemy out of me, young lady! You get yourself in trouble, don't come to me for help!" he called out after her as she stormed across the foyer, tears filling her eyes. "Don't you let him take you down with him!"

She picked up her purse and books at the door and walked out, slamming the door behind her. She was afraid he'd come out after her, but she waited alone on the steps until Samuel pulled the car around. She got in the backseat and turned to look out the side window, trying to regain control of herself.

"Here, miss," Samuel said. She looked over and saw that he was holding out a box of tissues. Embarrassed, she took one and turned back to the window, wiping her eyes, hoping she could calm down before she got to school and anyone could see her. As they got closer to the school, her resolution grew stronger that she would not let her father stand in the way of her relationship with Deacon. She was as sure about that – and him – as she'd ever been about anything else in her life.