Chapter 6. Erratical Cats

(In which I throw together a bunch of random stuff for a filler chapter.)

John Partridge lounged in the makeup chair, reading out loud an article in a skin magazine, trying unsuccessfully to make Charlotte blush as the older woman tied back his hair. The Sherman Tank behind him yanked on a lock and laughed. "You're going to have to do better than that to embarrass me, John. I think it's working for Maryanne though." The brunette in question was a shade of violet that John was previously unaware people could turn. He sighed and put the magazine down, and looked around boredly.

Ken Page and the real Old Deuteronomy, who rarely made it to the set, were glancing over in his direction, shaking their heads and chuckling in an annoyingly knowing way. Etcetera, who seemed to have found a talent with makeup, was wrestling a wig onto Jo Gibb's head, while Jake sat flopped upside down in the opposite chair. Michael and Skimbleshanks were arm wrestling as Tumblebrutus and Admetus watched. On the set, he could see Jellylorum, Jennyanydots, and Elaine watching over the passel of kittens that were roaming around backstage. Mr. Webber was leafing through something, looking quite pleased with himself. The real Grizabella was hanging off the old chair, flirting mercilessly with Tony, just to watch his reactions. John was bored.

"Where's Cici and Misto?" he yelled at Jake across the room. The younger man vaulted upright, shaking his head clear before he answered. "They'll be here soon. Cici just called me. Apparently her parents were being difficult."

"Ah. I never realized how boring it is around here without those two around. At least her folks left her alone, let her stay on. I was prepared to whore myself out to help her pay her rent." Michael snorted from his arm wrestling. "You'd do that anyway, you man-slut. You just want an excuse." John puckered his lips at him, making kissing noises. Skimble laughed and lost his concentration. And a long argument ensued as to whether John counted as Michael's handicap or not.

Alicia burst through the doors with a loud, "Hello!" tossing her bags into the pile and cartwheeling across the set. She even waved at Bryn, who gave her a confused sneer. John and Jake popped out of the makeup room to say hi. She sped over to them and leapt on them both, trapping them in a bear hug, yelling "I'm Home!" John untangled himself and pointed at her, "No, hon, you were there yesterday." he laughed.

"Wrong. This set is more like my home than that place."

"That bad, huh?" Jake said as Alicia took up her usual spot in the chairs, working deftly on Tommi's Coricopat face. "Uhg, worse. Worst family visit, ever. I think Misto was about ready to marry my brother out of thanks, just for showing up and taking my dad's glare off him for a while!"

"I wouldn't go that far." Mistoffelees laughed as he popped into the room. Half of the people jumped.

"So, what was the deal, they give you shit or something?" Tommi asked, his eyes closed as Alicia painted them. "Yeah. They're always so suspicious of anybody I bring home. I just don't date anymore…it's too much damn drama."

"Well, lass, maybe they're just concerned." Skimbleshanks said, knowing the concern he'd had for his own daughters. Alicia shook her head as she put Tommi's wig on him and sent him out of the chair, "No, Skimble. They just …I don't know. It's just a pain in the ass that I can't do what I want with my life because they don't approve." "She's right. They're twelve times worse than you and Jenny have ever been." Mistoffelees said.

"Oh, well, at least you got it over with," Jason (Alonzo) said as he put his own face on. "You get to stay on the cast, right?"

"Well, yeah."

"And, look on the bright side of things," Admetus cut in, propping his elbows on Misto's shoulders. "Mistoffelees finally got himself a girlfriend."

Alicia blushed and snorted with Phyllida at the face Mistoffelees made. The black cat dodged out from under the grey's arms, and with a quick word, a torrent of water crashed down on Admetus' head. The water went away with a flick of Misto's tail, but Admetus sat on the floor, sopping wet. "Mew!" he groused, forcing everyone to laughter. Charlotte threw him a towel before Misto took pity on him and dried him off. Phyllida leaned over, asking Skimbleshanks "Are they always like this?"

"Only since they could walk, lass, only since they could walk." he laughed, going back to arm-wrestle with Michael again.

"Well, anyway," Gruber called over the din, since he hadn't been able to get a word in edgewise "I think everybody here's glad you get to stay, Cici."

"Thanks," Alicia said as she finished Phyllida's face. She was immediately thrust into a chair by Charlotte. As she was being worked on, she saw the Rum Tum Tugger cart wheeling across the set, the silliest look on his face. "What's the matter with him?" she called back at Jake. "Not a clue. I think he got into John's Redbull again."

"Not a chance, love," the man in question said as he fiddled with the boots that gave the Tugger costume such big feet, "I locked it up after last time." Alicia suppressed a shudder at the thought of Tugger hopped up on Redbull and Misto laughed.

"It's Halloween," the Jellicle said. "It's the one day we get to run around like idiots and not care about getting caught. I'd almost forgot."

Tugger wasn't the only cat excited about the prospect of being able to run around in the daylight hours. The set buzzed with feline energy, and Alicia barely escaped getting run over by a pack of kittens running past the booths, Jellylorum hot on their tails. Alicia jumped as Mistoffelees materialized next to her. "They're all excited about the ball too, you know."

"I thought you did that in summer?" she said, fanning herself. Mistoffelees shook his head. "The Jellicle Moon shows up at different times of the year. We just sort of automatically know. It'll be here next month this year. We'll start thinning out for a while, routines and stuff, but the whole cast is invited to come."

Alicia let his words sink in, her eyes bright and wide. "You mean we all get to…and we…" Misto smiled, he'd wanted to tell her personally, just so he could see her reaction. "Yep, all of it, Heaviside Layer and everything."

Alicia had never thought she would actually get to see a Jellicle Ball, and a bubble of happiness sat down heavily in her chest and determinedly stayed there. She couldn't believe her luck. Every fight with her parents and every minute of pain during training suddenly seemed a hundred times more worth it. She grinned hugely and hugged Mistoffelees, who didn't react quite as fast as he thought he should. She beamed at him, before pulling away, gasping "I have to talk to Tugger! Sorry!"

The Rum Tum Tugger was in the middle of a handstand, trying with difficulty to see though his mane, when he saw feet. Gracefully flipping forward and coming up standing, he looked down at Alicia. "Oh, Hi." he said in a halfhearted sort of way. Alicia smiled and took his wrist. "Tugs, can I talk to you…please?"

"Sure" he shrugged offhandedly, following her, his hyper buzz gone. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Tugger, look, I know you're not used to being shot down, and I know I hurt your feelings. But for one thing, this was just for fake, I wasn't really going out with either of you…and for another, I didn't want you getting hurt."

Tugger laughed a little bitterly "You didn't do too good a job with that last one, Ally."

"Tugger, please, you're my friend. I did consider you, but, well, you can ask Misto. He was the perfect gentleman and my dad still almost punched him at least twice."

"I could have done that. Been good, I mean. I do know how to behave."

"I know, but you can't lie to yourself, and your real personality is just too big to hide. You're…well, you're a playboy, and my dad…he's really overprotective…oh, I don't know how to explain it…you don't have kids, do you?"

Tugger looked at the understudy in Electra's face, and smiled. "Actually, I do." he saw that this took her by surprise, and his smile widened "A little queen, with Bomba. She'll be two in a couple of months."

Alicia smiled back, knowing what to say, now. "Okay. And you love her to pieces, don't you?"

"I'd kill for her."

"Well, what happens in ten or twelve years when she brings home some tom she wants you to meet?"

"I'd beat the stuffing out of the little sot."

"Why?"

"'Cause I know what I'm like, even now, and I'm playin' it safe and assuming he's…the same…way…" Tugger stammered to an end, realizing the truth. "That's it, isn't it? You're dad's just like me, isn't he?"

"Well…just in that regard." Alicia grinned "Personality wise, I like you a lot more. So are we friends again?"

"Of course."

Tugger leaned forward and gave Alicia a gigantic hug, his mane making her sneeze. The big cat laughed and got up as he heard the choreographer yelling for her. "You'd better get going," he said. "Oh, and…I'm back!" Alicia squeaked as he copped a feel and ran off, his insane grin forcing her to smile, even as she lobbed a soda can at his head.

On the set

"Turn, turn, left kick, plié, back, back, right kick, plié, Connors, step back into time, turn, drop, claws out, circle round!" Gillian instructed over the singing of the actors and the music in the background. No one was in costume, just wigs and face paint, and they were trying for a flawless routine. Alicia kept tripping up on 'statistical cats' and had trouble keeping it up. She'd never noticed in the video how up front Electra really was, at least not until Jo kicked her in the chest on accident when Cici mis-stepped and Jo thought she was a row back. Gillian shook her head, clapping tersely. "Five minutes everyone. We'll pick up at 'practical cats.'"

Alicia flinched as Jo apologized and ran off to grab a soda. Bryn gave her a dirty look and sneered, and Gillian came up. The old choreographer put an arm around Alicia's shoulders. "Connors," she began, "you did so well the other day when you were upset. You seem even more distracted now, and if you don't pull it back into shape, we'll have to bring out one of the other girls."

Alicia blanched, and hung her head. "I know, Gillian. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I need to go get in a fight."

"Now, don't be that way. I didn't mean it like that. Just get the focus back like you had then. Get pissed at whatever it was, and use your anger. I don't want to have to lose you, you've too much potential."

"Thank you…I'll try." Alicia said as she went off to distract herself. She waved at Munkustrap, who was tossing one of the kittens, a tiny calico queen, up and down as she shrieked with laughter. Not paying attention, she ran head on into a cat with a pile of costumes going to the drycleaners. She couldn't tell which one it was until she went to help them up. It was one of the Asparagus's, she couldn't tell which.

"Ah, 'ello then, I was looking for you." the older tom grinned as he took her hand "Jellylorum wants to know if you'll help with the kittens tonight when we take them out for Halloween, and Wendy's (costume supervisor) looking for all of these to be washed."

"Ah," Alicia said, looking over the monstrous pile of Lycra and limb warmers. "Yes, to Jelly, And Damn, is this every costume we have?"

"Seems that way, don't it? Here, I can take half of them."

"Oh, thank you. God, you wouldn't think a bunch of dancers could raise that much of a stink or sweat so much!"

Asparagus laughed and wrinkled his nose as he walked with her. She yelled across the set at the actress who played Cassandra. "Rebecca, I love you to death, but if you don't quit the garlic diet I'll kill you!" Rebecca stuck out her tongue and went back to talking with Femi.

"So which one are you anyway?" Alicia asked Asparagus. "I never see either of you around set much, and you look the same age, now. Are you just Gus, or old Gus or what? I know you're brothers, but it's confusing."

"Ah, I'm the younger one. Call me Perry. Whoa, easy there!" He jumped out of the way of Pouncival and Admetus as they chased each other around the set. "Anyhoo…" the older tom laughed, opening the door to outside with his tail, "you can tell us apart by our chins, more white on Gus's. Oh, and our eyes, there's more white around mine, see?"

"Oh, I see now." Alicia said as she loaded her half of the costumes in her van. She'd drive them out at lunch. "So, how's it work out that you two got the same name? I thought that was a big Jellicle no-no."

"Ah, blame Gus f'r that one. Our mum was an initiate, used to be a true cat, but the tribe accepted her in, once a Jellicle, always a Jellicle and what not…anyhow…Gus went missin' for about ten years when he was fifteen, I come along five years later, and Mum's so happy havin' another son she just ignores the rule, really didn't know any better."

"Where was Gus the whole time?"

"Where else? " Perry grinned, thinking it funny "Traveling theatre group."

"Of course." Alicia grinned. They went back inside, laughing over the irony of it when Asparagus threw a violent coughing fit. Alicia thumped his back, and while the tom tried to hide it, she saw the blood in his palms and at his mouth before he could wipe it away. "What's wrong?" the girl asked, panic lacing her voice. Perry grinned resignedly. "Ah, my girl, there's nothing you can do for it. Don't worry yourself."

"You cough up blood and tell me not to worry? What's the matter?"

"Heh heh. Ah, bein' a cat has it's downfall sometimes. Jellicles aren't supposed to get normal cat diseases, but here I am with Feline Leukemia, can you believe it?"

"My god, have you…do you need…is there anything I can do?"

"Nah" Asparagus said, waving her off good naturedly, licking the last of the blood from his hands "My owners are getting me treated, and Mistoffelees and old Deuteronomy's magics are keeping it under control. I'll last a few more years before I need the Layer yet, or I hope so anyway. But if not, well, I've had a good life."

"You're so calm about it" Alicia marveled

"It's not a cat's nature to worry over what they can't change. We just contemplate every outcome and continue to do what makes sense."

"Well, you're all more sensible than people, then. Um…" Alicia ended lamely, not sure what to say next.

"Gillian probably wants you back now. It was nice talking with you, miss Connors. The other cats were right about you. Now go on, and don't worry your pretty little head over an old tom like me."

Her abrupt concern for Asparagus gave Alicia something to be upset about, and she focused on that during the routine, which she got perfect, only managing to overextend her leg, which no one noticed until she limped away when they were done and could finally feel the pain. She slipped into the shoes Misto had made for her and sighed as the pain ebbed away. Andrew blew a whistle somewhere on the set, and the actors all went running, still in Cat mode, to sit at his feet. The older gentleman grinned, before going over a list he had.

"Things are going fairly according to schedule, and myself and the others on the head crew have decided who gets what parts in the other five features we're doing."

"Yes!" Drew, Tommi and Frank shouted in unison. They'd been looking forward to the fan stories the most. Andrew cleared his throat. "All right, just to clear the air, Ken is staying as Old Deuteronomy, and Elaine gets to keep Griz, but most of these you'll be in the 'Jellicle Songs' outfit. Now, in the 'Artificial 9 lives' bit, John gets Tugger."

"Of course," groused Karl, hating how short he was. Andrew continued "We want Fergus to do Munkustrap for this one, need him to look more like a cop, and Veerle gets the Demeter role. Rose stays as Bombalurina, but Susie takes up Griddlebone's place, Drew stays as Mungojerrie, Phyllida gets Rumpleteazer, Michael gets to be Macavity in this one, and we want Karl for Mistoffelees."

Karl did a goofy backflip and stuck his tongue out at Jacob, who shoved him playfully and listened. "Now for the sequel that I need to rename, everyone gets to keep the parts they have now, though I want to see the two Jos and Cici for a role if Leah Sue isn't back by then." Andrew went on. "Now, in the Episodes of Jellicle Lives, everyone keeps their roles, initially. I want to run through it once, just to see, before I make any judgments. For the 'Tug My Heartstrings,' well, I'd like for everyone to keep their parts, but it'd be an issue with Shelby, so Tommi and Jake get to switch places."

"Wait, what?" Tommi croaked. That had been one of the ones he'd actually read. "You mean I have to make out with…?" he stammered, pointing at John, who winked

and blew a kiss at the actor. "I'm not gonna hurt you, Cori-boy-I'm taken, remember?"

Tommi sat down, his face red, but sort of glad he'd been picked for one of the harder roles. "But for the follow-up, with the female Mistoffelees, I'd like Miss Connors for that part."

"Huh?" Alicia's jaw dropped "Well, I was going to give the part to Phyllda, originally, but I figured with as close as you are to Jacob and Mistoffelees, and those two maned idiots, that you'd be the better fit for it." Andrew said, smiling good naturedly as John fluffed an imaginary mane, pretending to be hurt. "Are you serious, Andrew? I'm not that great a dancer."

"Read the script, dear, there's not much dancing in this one. Of course, if you'd rather not…"

"No, no, I'll do it, you just surprised me."

"Alright then, moving on… the last one, that horror story…yes, everyone keeps their parts in that one, but…is anybody here good with digital editing? If not, you're all going to have to go anorexic for a few weeks."

Mistoffelees popped up behind Andrew's shoulder, causing several startled yells. The black cat gazed at the script for a second, wrinkling his nose. "Well, it's well written enough…horrible event wise, but well written…I guess I could hex the computers for you."

"Mistoffelees, lad, you are a lifesaver." Andrew chuckled, fanning his face with the stack of papers "Now stop flickering about before you give this old man a heart attack. Now, any other orders of business?" He asked, turning to the actors. "Bryn's still an ass." John snickered, earning a glare.

"Yes, well, there's nothing I can do about that one. Anyone else…with something legitimate before I sic Gillian back on the lot of you?"

Alicia stood up, a bit embarrassed. "Okay…first off, thanks everyone, for my birthday. I love the netbook. Andrew, thank you, especially, for your gift." She stopped to wink slyly at Mistoffelees, tapping her foot inconspicuously. "Now, second off, I have two box tickets for 'Phantom' and need someone to go with me."

"What night?" Susie asked, checking her planner

"Saturday."

"I'm out, love" John said "Date that night, and Jon will hack off my feet if I cancel."

"I'm out too…Shelby's still mad at me because of Grabby John back there."

Michael shot Cici an apologetic look. "I'm free, and I'd love to go, but I have a restraining order on the guy who plays Erik"

"What, seriously? You have a restraining order? Mister Responsible?"

"It's against him, not me…ass broke my nose four months ago 'cause he didn't get my role."

"Ouch."

Before anyone else could say anything, "Ooh, 'Phantom' tickets!" came Tugger's voice as he snuck up to the patch of actors. "I'll go. I've been wanting to see it, but Pops won't let me out of the junkyard by myself anymore."

"That's because you got yourself plastered last time, you furry git!" Mistoffelees called, sending a ripple of giggles through the crowd. Tugger glared at him before turning to Alicia, doing his best pity-the-kitty face. "Oh, alright…but you can't go looking like that. You have to go looking human." Alicia conceded, throwing up her hands.

"Fine, but we'll have to sneak 'Mister-Fleas' in, the Glamour tends to wear off faster on me."

"Okay." Came Cici's and Misto's voices at once. "And don't call me Mister-Fleas, or I'll tell everyone just why there are so many dye boxes in the junkyard."

"Grrr."

The brothers fake glared at each other as the actors dispersed, snickering..

Halloween with Kittens

"But I don't wanna be a cockroach!" Viceverca whined as Etcetera adjusted her costume. "Now, VeeCee, you have to have on some sort of costume."

"But why can't I be a cat? Uncle Tugger's going as himself! It's not fair! And Cockroaches are icky!"

"Well, Uncle Tugger's a bit older than you, isn't he? When you're Ball age, you can be whatever you want, but this year…" Etcetera was cut off as Cici, Mistoffelees, and the uncle in question turned the corner. "So, are we all set, Midgets?" Tugger grinned, getting on a knee and getting mobbed by kittens. A little orange queen that looked suspiciously like Skimbleshanks nodded "Yes?" Tugger said. She shook her head "No? You've confused me, now, Falli."

"Viceverca's bein' a mouse about her costume." said an older tomkit splattered with grey patches.

"Now, is that true, VeeCee?" Tugger said, looking at the little queen in mock severity. "But roaches are icky, and I was a roach last year and…and…"

"Watch this," Misto whispered to Alicia, nudging her in the ribs.

"I'm kinda surprised with how good he is with kids."

"Just watch."

"Well now" Tugger began, standing and picking the little queen up by her arm pits, "Roaches are icky…let's see, what else is there…I know, what about a spider?"

"Ewww!"

"No…hmmm…a rat?"

"I'm not lunch, uncle Tugger."

"Mmm…no again…I got it! How about, um…butter?"

"Butter?" Viceverca and Etcetera repeated, sure Tugger had lost his mind. With a wink to Misto, he nodded. "Yeah, Butter. You know, shows up in summer, flaps around all wings and colors, likes flowers a lot."

Viceverca giggled, "You're silly. Those are butterflies."

"Oh, right, butterflies! Where is my brain? Well, do you wanna be a butterfly?"

"Ooh, all blue and red and shiny?" Viceverca's eyes got big, and her rear end wiggled with excitement. "Yes yesyesyes yes! Mom, pleeeease, can I Mom, can I can I can I?"

Etcetera sighed. "Oh, all right." she grinned at the three and winked. Mistoffelees rolled his arms and sent a shower of light over the kits, shouting "Presto!" as their costumes changed. Viceverca had gigantic multicolored butterfly wings, the other kittens were indistinguishable from human children in costume. A few seams appeared in Etcetera's fur, and she looked like a cosplayer of herself. Alicia was in her homemade Mr. Mistoffelees outfit, which had earned the real one some teasing until she showed Tugger the static electricity rigs she'd built in, which shut the teasing up rather quickly.

"So, Misto, where's your costume?" Alicia asked. "It's going to be weird to have two of you."

"I've got it right here." Misto smirked, pulling an oversized red and white hat from out of nowhere, plopping it on his head. Alicia just looked at him, deadpan. "You're joking? 'The Cat in the Hat?' Seriously?" Mistoffelees gave her a goofy smile and hopped away as she whipped her tail at him. Tugger just laughed.

They were joined soon after by Jellylorum and Bombalurina, who handed Tugger a small red, black, and gold kitten with an adorable white face, who was fast asleep. "Your year this year," she said before kissing his nose and sashaying away. Tugger followed her with his eyes, a lopsided grin plastered to his face. Etcetera bumped him with her rear. "Oh, would you quit mooning and ask her to do the mating dance with you already?"

"Well…I-er…well."

"Alright, enough of this nonsense," Jellylorum called good-naturedly "Let's get the kits out of here before Sir Andrew bans us all from the set because they tore it up from excitement. Ipisis, that means you."

The grey patched tomkit hid behind Tugger, and the troupe made it out the door with little trouble. Alicia tried to hang up front with Mistoffelees, but Jellyorum and Admetus snuck next to him, and she found herself in the middle, next to Etcetera.

"So…" Alicia said as she kept her eyes on several scampering kits. "They got the whole Etcetera-Tugger obsession thing wrong then, judging by that?"

"Oh, whiskers, no!" Etcetera laughed "I was flat crazy for him when I was younger. We hooked up once, though. I think he did it just to shut me up, but he was sweet enough. But I realized that he would never be a one-queen tom, so I broke it off."

"Really?" Came Alicia's surprised reply.

"Yeah. I still tease him, and we're still friends, but I found someone a bit more dependable." The yellow queen grinned before yelling at Ipisis for roaming in the road. The kit hopped back on the sidewalk, and Etcetera let Cici continue.

"Who? Maybe I missed it, but I've always only seen out hang out with the other queens."

"Pouncival. He's been a little shy about public affection ever since that fling he had with Bomba. Before we got together, of course."

"Oh. You know, I can see the two of you together. It's cute."

"Thanks…oh, and before you ask, it's Pouncival." Etcetera smiled

"Uhhh, What's Pouncival?" Cic asked, confused. Etcetera grinned. "Jo and Veerle asked me already out of curiosity, I just figured you would too. Viceverca's father, that's what's Pouncival."

"Oh, you mean they thought Tugger…"

"Yeah. I said dependable. Tugger's responsible enough with kits, but he'd never be around, so…yeah."

Alicia had fun that night. Watching the kittens was a lot more fun than watching human children. They were so grateful to be out and so well behaved that she didn't have to worry about them too much. Viceverca spent most of the night zooming around in her butterfly costume, graceful and awkward at the same time on too-big kitten feet. Tugger spent the majority of the night being fawned over by Halloween moms, both because of his 'costume' and because of how utterly adorable his little girl Eclectica was. He thrived on the attention, though Mistoffelees could only shake his head. The little kit in question got passed around a bit, as she was still wobbly on her feet and Tugger's arms were getting a bit tired. Alicia got to hold her for a while and fell absolutely in love with her. The tiny queen curled up in Cici's arms and fell promptly asleep, a thumb in her mouth. She couldn't help but blush when someone asked if Eclectica was hers.

The night wore on, and after a few hours and a thousand sincere costume complements later, Mistoffelees was worn out. He didn't know how his brother did it, running around like a mad cat and flirting with anything that moved. Jellylorum had by now taken the youngest kittens home, and the tux tom found himself somehow saddled with Ipisis. Etcetera watched Veecee, and Tugger still had Celly, and a few other older kittens were still around, but he'd have to send them home pretty soon.

The cats made their way back to the studio, Tugger yawning hugely as he nudged sleepy-headed kits to their parents and said his goodbyes, agreeing to meet Cici on Saturday for the play. Mistoffelees, after magically making sure everyone got home safely, played the gentleman and helped Alicia to her van, where she gave him a friendly hug before puttering off. Strangely flustered by it, he teleported himself to Jake's house, where he snuck through the door in cat form just as Jake came in with Shelby and Julia. The black cat rubbed his owner's legs before hopping on the couch to fall into a troubled sleep.