'Pirates of the Caribbean' belongs to Disney

xxx

- Four Weeks From The Day -

"Jack? Did you have a minute?"

"Just about that, cousin."

"I had a favor to ask. Relevant to the upcoming holiday."

"Why James, how thoughtful of you to remember!"

"This is pertaining to a gift for somebody else."

"I suppose you do need to give some small attention ta that."

"I wondered if, with your particular talent for acquiring things of a 'shiny' nature, you knew of any legal channel through which I might purchase a cut emerald at less than the market price. I repeat: legal."

"You seem inordinately suspicious, James."

"Sorry, but... well, I've heard certain rumors."

"Have you?"

"To the effect that this Villa belongs to someone with connections to the Cosa Nostra."

"Oh, that. Pay it no mind, mate. I spread that yarn myself jus' ta reduce the likelihood of this place bein' burglarized in my absence."

"Hmmm."

"It's worked so far, eh?"

"I need you to be honest with me, Jack: do you, in fact, have any kind of current connection with...?"

"None, I swear on my soul. I admit ta having had some past dealings with 'em, but was never positioned ta access their inner circle. Not 'famiglia' enough. Close-minded sods."

"I see."

"Y'know, James, whatever else can be said about the pirates of our time, at least we were never much concerned about a prospective member's ethnicity."

"I concede that you were equal-opportunity brigands."

"So the only lawbreaking I get up to these days is during Missions. Theer's rare satisfaction ta be had from tweaking authoritative noses across the centuries!"

"I'd assumed that's why Murphy gives you assignments that involve jail-breaking and such. However, with regards to the procurement of this emerald..."

"I am perfectly capable of doing so by lawful means. Did you want it set or loose?"

"Set. My first choice would be a pendant."

"I think an earring'd suit you better, mate."

: silence :

"Verra well, a pendant it is. Green does become yer Fair Mare, as demonstrated by that tight-in-all-the-right places tank suit a' hers."

: Stony Silence :

"Mr. Norrington, if yer going to be buyin' her swimwear at Capri designer shops- parrot-green spandex with silver-thread backing, no less- you'd better be braced fer such observations."

"We don't intend to shop there regularly. Mare saw that suit in a display window and fell in love. And I... to be frank, I was most curious to see how it would look on her. But that was a one-time indulgence."

"Or twice, since yer now in the market fer a necklace to match it."

"This will be our tenth Christmas since we wed; I think that merits special commemoration. And Mare does like emeralds. She's said they're... ah..."

"Let me guess: she's said they're agreeably reminiscent of your own striking orbs?"

"Sparrow, please. One demi-mindreader in the household is quite enough."

"It hardly requires extrasensory ability ta notice yer eye-color, mate."

"Steering back to the subject: out of consideration for Mare, if not for myself, it would be most appreciated if you could..."

"Theer's no need ta beg, James. Of course I'll do me best ta find you a pretty green rock. 'Soon ez I locate something I'll let you know."

"Thank you. Just do keep my caveat in mind."

"Trust me, cousin."

"I'm trying. But it's an uphill process."

- Three Weeks From The Day -

"Welcome home, you rascal. From your expression, I deduce things went well in Geneva."

"Aye, the issue was resolved ta everybody's mutual satisfaction. An' I took care of another matter whilst in the neighborhood; solved yer affordable-gemstone difficulty."

"Did you?"

"I believe so! Look what I fetched from my vault."

"That was most considerate of you, Jack. It's a beautiful piece of malachite."

"I weren't referrin' to the box, lad! Take a gander at the contents."

:click:

"...!"

"Yer at yer most charmin' when yer speechless, cousin."

"What, are these?"

"Matched four-carat pear-cut emeralds, surrounded by sixteen one-karat white diamonds in 18-karat gold settings. Circa 1958. See how it pays ta watch 'Antiques Road Show'?"

"Jack, these are magnificent! There's only one problem..."

"Your good lady doesn't really care fer largish earrings- finds the weight on her lobes too distracting. Not ta worry! Jus' take 'em to yer local jeweler an' fer a nominal fee they'll exchange the clips fer bales so you'll have a pair of pendants! Eminently practical, seein' how you've got two fair lasses on yer gift list."

"True. Though I'm not sure Lysee is ready for fine jewelry."

"She will be. 'Twill make a most admirable Sweet Sixteen present. Jus' stow the duplicate somewhere until then... or better yet, have Mare stow it. No wench ever lost track of such a bauble!"

"That seems a meritorious suggestion. Very well; I'll take them. Thank you! How much do I owe?"

"Yer accumulated Corridor-use points shall do nicely. I fancy making an excursion to the Spanish Main next week. I'm overdue ta pay a visit to an old friend."

"What old...? Oh. I'll be more than happy to make that exchange, Jack. Give my best regards to the Black Pearl."

"I shall do so. Perhaps I'll complete my own holiday shopping while I'm there- Martinique's a fine locale ta acquire mahogany carvings. Would you an' the Missis like something of that genre?"

"Very probably so. Just no erotic sculptures."

"James! Do you really think I'd contemplate givin' you such a thing?"

"If you thought it would irritate me, yes you would."

"You know me well, ol' Commodore."

"All too well."

"But you love me anyway."

: eyeroll :

"I'll take that as an affirmative."

"Can we discuss this later? I really ought to get to the jeweler's..."

xxx

TBC...