Happy New Year! Thank you for reading my story and the kind remarks.
Waking up alone, you cannot help but reminisce about yesterday. Getting to know Amy has been a real treat and it is nice to begin to have feelings for someone. Someone who may actually reciprocate, both with mind, body and heart. Oh heart. You smile at the thought of Amy and yet still hurt when you think of your best friend. Shaking your head, you realize that this ache for her may not ever go away and that is just a fact. Accept it, deal with it and move on. And for damn sure, enjoy the other people in your life.
Mark has been calling but your heart, actually more so your body, is more interested in Amy. There is still something about him that touches you. She touches you as well. How did you get two partners in such a quick timespan? Oh the hell with it, time to shower and get to work. Later you return Mark's text message and arrange for dinner in a few days. Either way, time alone is a good thing and should help to clear the feelings of encroachment that you still feel.
Entering the café, you see your best friend with her back to the door. You cannot help but stop and just admire the color and texture of her hair, and wonder how you can accidently fall into her so that her scent will be on you all day. Love sick, who would dare put that label out there. "Hey there, sorry that I am late". As you sit down, she glances up and smiles. "Well, you are worth the wait. Oh my, that's quite the love bite on your neck". Oh crap, you forgot in your haste of getting ready to cover it up. "Mark must have been quite tuned on", and you cannot help but blush.
As luck would have it, Amy chose that exact moment to walk in to the cafe. You look up as she leans against your shoulder to whisper into your ear. "I like seeing where my mouth was on you". OH, you felt that was a direct hit to your center. Amy sits down with one of her coworkers and smiles warmly in your direction. My face is hot from blushing and for the desire of this new woman, and I am amazed at how she can easily make me react.
I look up at my best friend and discover that I cannot read the expression on her face. You look into her eyes and believe that if she asks, time will stand still for her. You want to know what is going on behind those beautiful eyes, which now appear to be saddened. "Oh I see, that's not from Mark, is it?" Quietly as if ashamed to admit it, you respond "no it is not" while touching the tender spot on the neck. She slowly nods her head and reaches to her cell phone for her calendar. "Robert will be out of town from Sunday until Thursday. Can I please spend some time with my best friend, alone?" There is no mistaking the transformation that she is undergone within a few moments of seeing the interaction between you and Amy. She is quiet and withdrawn.
Needing a moment to self-compose, you grasp at the cell phone from your purse and open the calendar, and think about how you can push Mark again, and work around Amy's schedule as well. Since when are you so busy? What has become of your life that there are people who enjoy your company and want, no, seek out time to be together. "I would enjoy that as well. It's been a long time since we have really caught up". That almost sounded like a comment for a distant friend.
"Can I ask you something, do you know what you are doing? What are you running from?" This question from her does not come as a surprise, because you have asked yourself the same thing. Letting out a deep breath, you respond with "I am spending time with people and enjoying their company. What is wrong with that?" "Since when do you sleep around with anyone who catches your eye?!" Her voice is raised and the anger is apparent.
"Excuse me for trying to get on with my life!" There, you said it. This verbal pushback feels like a relief and yet she does not understand. She snaps her head back and asks you to explain. There is no explanation, you do not want to fight nor upset her any further. "I got to go, I'll see you later" and stand up to leave. "Please, just a moment. I am sorry if what I said hurt you. I just do not understand this transformation. Mark and Amy? Why Amy?" With that, you look into those orbs and for a moment, you are lost. Because I want you to find me, isn't it obvious? Today, you are the one who bends down to kiss her on the cheek while reminding to pull back and turn away. "I'll see you Sunday. Do you want to go out or cook in? Let me know."
That night, alone once more, her voice is replaying in your mind and it is hard to control the tears that are sliding down your face and wetting the pillow. What are you running from? She asked. I am running from the fact that I am in love with you and it is not returned. Do you know what that feels like? It is a mixture of joy and emptiness at the same time. Joy from when I am with you and emptiness when I remember you belong to someone else. This evening, you turned away offers from Mark and Amy so that you could curl up on the couch before crawling into an empty bed. The phone buzzes and it is a text from her. I hope you are having a good time, I miss you. Xoxoxox You weakly smile and text a response back. I am alone tonight, thinking of you. Well, it's the truth and you have to be honest. She responds with one word: Sunday.
Sunday does not come fast enough for you, as you feel are a nervous ball of energy like a mouse going after a dropped piece of cheese in front of a cat. She has asked you over for dinner and to watch a movie, just like old times. As you jog through the park, you try to remember which bottle of wine she asked you to pick up. "Hi there Beautiful!" Oh, it is Mark. "Hey, oh my gosh, it's nice to see you". You once told him how much you enjoy a spirited run on Sunday afternoons. Damn, why does today have to be the day to see him?
"Want me to come over for a quick not-so-quick shower when we are done?" There is no beating around the bush with this guy, and you should be flattered that he is still into you. But you are not. Today the mind is on someone else, and honestly, it always was. "Actually, I have some errands to run and then I am having dinner with my friend this evening". "Oh, the newly wed?" Ouch, yes you little prick, thank you for the salt in the wound. "Yes, that's the one" as you pick up the pace. He slows down, apparently getting the hint, and you continue to make your thighs burn. Run, get away.
You turn the key after running up the stairs and push the door shut. It is nice to be home, and you pop open a beer. It is almost 4:30 and your presence is required at 6. With beer in hand, you walk towards the closet and lay out the jeans and t-shirt for the evening. Oh yeah, she invited you to spend the night, so an extra t-shirt, shorts and toiletries also need to be packed. Shit, so much for having the rest of the afternoon to relax.
In the shower, you let the water flow over your hair and try to relax. There is no need to be nervous, this is your best friend after all. The heat feels good on your sore legs and you realize that your mind is starting to wander, along with your hand. First to the left breast and slowly squeezing before repeating the same journey to the right. Moving your hand downward, she is more vivid in your imagination as you feel the wetness she has no problems making you produce. Hmmmm, this is what you need after all. No more running.
"Thank you" she says after taking the bottle of wine and the flowers you just purchased. It is not a date, but you feel the need to bring her something to make her feel special. If she only knew what you did in the shower an hour ago, she would feel that indeed. "I will put the pasta in now, can you please slide the garlic bread into the oven?" She is wearing a dark blue sleeveless shirt with beige slacks and barefoot. Simple yet elegant and tasty, um tasteful. Tasteful, you remind yourself. She is your best friend and she is married. And not to you.
You watch her dressing the salad and sensing your stare, she begins to grin. "It has been a long time we had dinner here". You remember, "yes, since your wedding". "Yes" she says. You say that as a matter of fact, but the look on her face says she felt it as a jab to the belly. "Here, let me pour the wine".
After a lovely dinner, dishes put into the machine and started, it is time to relax. She has already made herself comfortable on the couch and has reserved a place for you at the end. You had not noticed that she opened up another bottle of wine and had filled up two glasses. As you sit down, she possessively puts her feet upon your legs and switches on the movie. "You wanted to watch this one, right?" "Yeah, sure" manages to escape your lips. All the feeling is centered on your legs as you feel her calves on your thighs. She pulls the blanket from the back of the couch and places it over you and her lower half. Somehow, this is also relaxing and you place your hands on the top of her ankles to hold her in place.
After the second glass of wine, you are feeling more relaxed. That run did you good, no, it was the shower that did you good. You look over at her and realize that she has drifted off to sleep. It is hard not to study her features, although you have ingrained them into memory. She looks so soft and at peace right now, it almost makes you want to take a picture. Alas, the bladder gets the better of you and it is time to move. You put your hands under her feet and slowly try to lift her legs. "Take me to bed". What did I just hear?
Startled, you shake her out of sleep which is annoying. She looks so lovely that it was a shame to wake her. And now, just awaking, she is taking your breath away. "Go on, I will lock up". As you ensure that the door is locked and make your way into the guest bathroom, she calls out for you. "Do you want to sleep in here tonight?" The idea of sleeping next to her touches you, but there is no way that you will enter the matrimony bed. That makes you ill at the thought. "No, I will be in the guest room" and go off to handle the nightly ritual of getting ready for sleep.
"Good night" you say and close the door. After taking another sip of water, you climb into bed. She always had good taste in choosing a mattress. The sheets are a nice shade of blue and it is very relaxing. It's been a long day, you think, as you close your eyes. The door opens and it is her. "Can I stay in here with you?" Oh yes, please God yes. For a life time, if only. You move over to the left side of the bed and throw the covers back to expose the right. She climbs in.
On your back, you can feel your heart beating and wonder if she can hear it too. It is almost deafening. Time passes and you begin to normalize your breathing. She reaches out and touches your hand. "Can I hold this?" she asks. Just the shyness of her asking makes a silly grin appear. "Yeah, sure". And this is how your evening ends, with fingers entwined and hearts together but separate.