"I'm sorry for waking you guys early, but if you want to hear about Kendall and I, you're going to have to get up." James turns away from the light flooding into his now uncovered bunk while Carlos only groans, covering his face with his hands. "Come on, lazy bones," I urge him. I try tugging on his arm but he tenses, his muscles hardening and making it near impossible to move them. "You were the one who was bugging me about this whole thing in the first place." He turns away like James had. "You guuuys."

"Five more minutes," James yawns.

"You're too much of a morning person, Teige," Carlos complains, his voice deep with sleep.

I wasn't really, but the whole Kendall thing still had me rattled. Sleep hadn't done any good; it only made me question everything more. All I wanted was for someone to tell me what to do. My positive mood was just a façade, a way to hide my anxiety so that it didn't drive me crazy like it had last night.

Much to both of the guys' favor, the feeling of large paws scratching at my waist distracts me. I smile down at the dog almost half my size, holding her head between my hands and scratching behind her ears. "Hey, Sydney."

Fox pads over to join her, sitting at my feet. "You can help me wake your daddy up." I pick up the smaller dog, soft laughs bubbling from my lips as he licks my neck. "Okay, now just do that to James," I say and place him into James' bunk.

No matter how tired or grumpy James was, he could never deny his dog. As I hoped, he starts chuckling as Fox licks his face. It's easier to wake Carlos once James is fully awake and out of his bunk. James simply landing what sounded like a painful punch on Carlos' arm.

I start to explain everything to them in the back lounge, both of them nodding when appropriate and looking genuinely interested. When I tell them how much it hurt to think I had lost Kendall twice, once during that summer and again when we were reunited, Carlos places a reassuring hand on my knee.

I take a deep breath in, collecting myself and pushing back the emotions that threatened to break through. "Then yesterday, while I was looking for Logan's hat I found this picture that he has of me."

Confusion washes over both their faces and Carlos says, "A picture… so he never forgot?"

I shake my head. "No. As I was looking at it he came in and we started arguing, well actually I yelled at him more than anything." Carlos chuckles while a smirk tugs at James' lips. "Basically I just asked him why he had stopped talking to me and why he pretended not to know me. I think I called him an asshole a few times too," I add and this time they both laugh.

"Anyway, I uh- I told him that he broke my heart then he said something about falling for me and that the only reason why he stopped was because he wanted something more with me but we were both too busy to make that happen and he hoped that I had moved on or something so that's why he treated me like a stranger and-"

"Woah, slow down," Carlos instructs. I'm sure he can sense the embarrassment in my rushed explanation.

I snap the hairband around my wrist against my skin twice before starting again, "And then he kissed me…"

"Did you kiss him back?" James asks suddenly.

"What? I uh… I-… Well I mean I- yeah," I stammer. James nods as if calculating something.

"What happened after that?" Carlos presses.

"Uhm," I begin warily, still confused about James' actions. "He asked for a second chance, said that he would change, and I gave it to him... Uh, that's it."

James speaks up again, "You gave him a second chance, just like that?"

"Y-yeah, I guess." James' eyes scan my face. I grow almost uncomfortable under his hard gaze. "Why are you acting so weird?"

"You were in love with him all those years ago, weren't you?" he asks suspiciously.

"What?" I cough, my eyes wide. "No! Why would you think- How- We weren't even- No, no. I wasn't."

"Tegan, the whole time we've been on tour all you've said is how much you hate Kendall, how much you can't stand him. And now, you've forgiven him, after only talking to him once."

"I haven't forgiven him," I stubbornly argue.

"But you're going to," he states as if it was fact. "Think about it, Tegan. You even said it yourself, he broke your heart."

"That doesn't mean-"

"If it was anyone else, you wouldn't have cared as much. You wouldn't have put up with it, no matter how much they apologized and made excuses. I know enough about you to know that you would've told them to fuck off and moved on. You were in love with him and that's why it hurt so much to lose him. That's why you were so quick to place all this hate on him, because you loved him and he hurt you and you thought that putting up a wall would prevent that from happening again. You fell for him, Tegan, just like he said he was falling for you."

"I didn't… We weren't even dating, James."

"Only because you guys never put a label on your relationship. You and Kendall were more than just friends; you guys had sex every time you met up! You wouldn't do that with just anyone."

"He has a point, Tegan," Carlos comments, his voice startling me a bit.

"No, stop," I object as sternly as I can with all the whirling thoughts consuming my mind. "I don't- I didn't love him. I didn't."

"Do you want to forgive him?"

I want to say no, because he's acting like he knows me so well and the fact that he actually does is fucking annoying.

"And don't say no because you don't like what I'm saying," he adds quickly. "Just answer the question."

"…I do," I admit reluctantly after a minute, resisting the urge to glare at him for calling me out. "I want to."

"And what's holding you back?" He knows the answer, yet he waits for me to respond anyway.

"I don't want to get hurt again," I admit softly.

"But even though you're afraid of getting hurt you still gave him a second chance. And that's because you want him back in your life. You'd rather have him in your life and risk the chance of getting hurt than live without him. You love him, Tegan."

I stand up quickly. "I need to go," I announce. James' psychoanalyzing was starting to go a little too far. All I wanted from them was simple advice, should I give Kendall a second chance or no, and instead I get a lecture.

"I know it's not what you want to hear now, Tegan, but once you stop being so stubborn about denying it you'll understand."

"Sure, whatever," I mutter. "I'll see ya'll later. Be ready by 11:30." Eager to get away from their scrutiny, I rush out of the bus, tossing their key for the hotel room onto the table and yelling the room number back at them.

I didn't want to believe any of it. They were wrong. I don't love Kendall, I never did. He was just someone that I talked to, someone that I enjoyed spending time with. We didn't go on romantic dates with candles where we gazed in each other's eyes throughout the whole night. We went grocery shopping at Whole Foods and ended up having sex instead of baking homemade organic oatmeal cookies. We went to concerts and smoked weed rather than cuddling together and watching sappy movies like 'The Notebook'. And we definitely didn't say we loved each other. We were best friends who occasionally had sex, nothing more, nothing less.

Frankly, love is bullshit. The class A example being that when Kendall felt he was "falling" for me, he backed out. It doesn't last, it's never enough, so many things could go wrong. Love is just a waste of time, and definitely not worth it. Sure, I cared about Kendall. I cared a lot, but that doesn't mean I loved him.

I should've woken Logan and Kendall up first. Thanks to James, the last thing I wanted was to have to talk to him.

I'm about to open the door to their bus when it comes flying open, practically hitting me in the face. "Thanks for that," I call to them, words laced with sarcasm.

A tall brunette woman steps out, almost dropping her armful of belongings as she fumbles to pull one of her boots up. "Oh gosh, I'm so sorry!" She rushes off to the cab I hadn't noticed was parked across the street.

A small part of me hopes that she was with Kendall last night as opposed to Logan. That way I could keep my 'wall' up, or whatever the fuck James said. I wouldn't have to deal with possible disappointment from Kendall in the future.

Exhaling heavily, I rake my fingers through my hair before stepping into the vehicle. Underestimating the space between steps, my foot slips, sending my body plunging forward. I catch myself, having learned from years of clumsiness to straighten my arms out in front of me to break the fall.

I groan and pull myself up. Thankfully the only damage being light scratches on the palms of my hands.

"Tegan, I know you're falling for me, but you don't literally have to fall for me."

"Shut it, Henderson," I say through gritted teeth, angry that someone had witnessed my fall. He laughs, his bare shoulders shaking. I'm used to it now, seeing as more than half of the time Logan sleeps without a shirt, and with a member of the opposite sex.

"But seriously, you alright?"

"Y-yeah, I'm fine…" I answer slowly, surprised that he cared enough to ask.

Kendall calls my name from somewhere deeper in the bus. Grateful for the escape, I follow his voice back to the bathroom where he's drying his mouth with a dark red hand towel.

"Ya'll are actually up," I tease lightly.

I had to push past the awkwardness and nervousness that overrode my body, the only way this situation between us was going to progress is if act like he's my Kendall. Even though he isn't anymore, and there is a 50% chance that that girl was with him last night. The Kendall that I knew, and didn't love if I may add, had to be in there somewhere. Right?

He laughs. "Yeah, Logan's… guest started freaking out, late to a meeting or something," he says in such a casual manner that my stomach churns a little.

"You act like that happens a lot," I remark without thinking, my professional censor definitely off the rocks this morning. Kendall's face drops, noting the sting behind my words. "Don't say anything," I say quickly, causing his open mouth to close. "Sorry."

"Tegan, I-"

"Really, it's okay. I get it," I assure him.

"Are you ever going to stop interrupting me?" he asks after a minute of analyzing my face. He exits the small room, moving to the opposite side of the hall to lean against the counter in front of me. If it wasn't for the faint smile on his lips I would've taken his question harshly.

"Maybe when you start saying things I actually want to hear."

He crosses his arms in front of his chest, his smile fading. "How do you know if you want to hear it or not if you're just going to cut me off?"

"Because you're always apologizing," I explain, my tone slightly harsher than I wanted it to be, "and I'm tired of hearing your apologies and excuses."

He raises a hand to run through his hair, closes his eyes for a brief moment then replies, "I thought you were giving me a second chance, letting me make up for it?"

I sigh heavily. "I am, I am," I say as a reassurance to him as well as a reminder to myself. "It's just…" I gaze down at my shoes, unable to look at his crestfallen expression. "Never mind."

"No," he insists, "tell me." He takes a step forward and the pull to look up is strong, but I push it away, knowing that as soon as I did I wouldn't be able to stop myself from spilling everything.

"It's nothing, Kendall."

"You used to be able to talk to me."

I break, hearing the sadness hidden behind his words so expertly that I'm sure only a few people could detect.

"It's just hard," I start, finally meeting his eyes. "As much as I would love to give you a clean slate, I can't and that makes it hard because I keep thinking about my Kendall and how you're not him. And how everything you did and everything you do makes me so angry."

He takes another step closer, the corner of his mouth turning up in that infamous smirk while he raises one of his eyebrows. "Did you just call me your Kendall?"

My cheeks warm up as I blink. How could I let that slip? "…N-no."

His dimples come into view as he breaks into a smile. "Yes you did."

"Whatever, Kendall," I dismiss. "I wasn't even talking about you anyway, I meant the old you."

He returns to his previous position against the counter, all traces of amusement gone now, his eyes more narrow than before. "I'm sure you're not the same person you were back then either, Tegan. People grow up, they change, but that doesn't mean that they're so different from who they were that they're a completely new person."

"Prove it then. Prove to me that you're not the person I think you are."

Closing the space between us again, Kendall places his hands on my shoulders. "That's what I'm trying to do, Tegan! But if you're so hell bent on believing that I'm this horrible person, then this isn't going to work. You seem to forget that the 'old' me is the one who hurt you in the first place. I was never perfect, and I'm still not. But you have to open up to me again for this to work. You have to give me a chance."

I stay silent, letting his words sink in. He deserved it. I can sense how much he wants it, how badly he wants me to forgive him. James was right when he said that I would risk getting hurt to have Kendall in my life, because right now, at times like this I know that he does care about me. And having Kendall Schmidt care about you is one of the best feelings in the world.

"I know," I say finally, "I'm sorry. It's just-"

"It's hard, I know. No one said it would be easy. Just take this chance, Tegan. You still do that right, take chances? Or was that just the old Tegan?" He jokes, the smirk reappearing.

"You're dumb," I say quietly, pulling my lip between my teeth to keep from smiling.

His eyes light up in the same way that I'm sure mine have with the return of our banter.

"Funny, I vaguely remember you saying that to the old Kendall from time to time."

"Okay! I get it," I smile.

"Can I get a hug? Or is that only something the old Kendall got to-"

"Kendall, shut up!" I say with a laugh before rising to the tips of my toes and throwing my arms around his neck. He loops his around my waist then pulls me into him, hugging me tightly. I rest my chin on his shoulder, inhaling the same scent that he carried when we were teenagers.

Maybe this Kendall wasn't that bad after all.

"I'm still me, Tegan," he whispers next to my ear.

I lower myself down onto my heels and pull away from him just enough so that I can trail my eyes over his face. His green eyes stare down into mine with the same level of intensity that they held whenever we talked about something serious, his lips hold the same faint smile they did when he was genuine about what was being said, and his eyebrows slightly arched in the way they always were when he was waiting for me to speak. I twist my fingers in the hairs nape of his neck absentmindedly.

Nodding, I respond just as quietly, "I know."

"Woah, Kendall! I called dibs on Tegan, remember?" Logan says, making his presence known.

I pull out of the embrace, but Kendall keeps an arm tightly secure around my waist. A blush rises to my cheeks as I wonder if Logan had witnessed our whole conversation.

Kendall laughs, "Sorry, man, beat you to it."

"Damn," Logan mutters under his breath.

"Kendall!" I hit his chest and he rubs his hand over it even though I know it didn't hurt.

"I'm kidding!" He grins down at me then looks over to Logan again. "I had dibs back in '08 though, dude. You're outta luck."

Logan's jaw goes slack. "What?"

Rolling my eyes lightheartedly, I step out of Kendall's hold and place the hotel room key in his palm. "I'll let ya'll discuss this. You're in room 304 with the other guys, be ready by 11:30. And no one has "dibs" on me, alright?" I clarify.

Kendall grabs hold of my wrist before I can walk away. "Wait."

"Yeah?"

"Will you watch the show tonight?" he asks hopefully.

"Kendall… I don't know." I start walking towards the front of the bus, Kendall moving in step beside me. "I see ya'll every day, I wouldn't feel right taking a seat that could go to someone else."

He smiles and shakes his head.

I stop. "What?"

"Nothing," he says but continues to shake his head, his smile widening.

"Tell me," I whine, unable to stop myself from smiling.

"Nothing! You're just sweet, that's all." The blush returns to my cheeks. "Please come though, Tegan. I would really appreciate it if you did. It's only one show."

I can't deny the look on his face, and plus it'd be fun to finally see the boys doing what they do best. "Fine, but if Bret gets mad at me for giving him such a short notice, I'm blaming you."

Kendall only shrugs, glad that I agreed to go. "Go ahead."

I smile and reach for the door. "See you later, Kendall."

"See ya."

I'm glad to see that you guys are enjoying this story. Comments and reviews are greatly appreciated. :)