It's hard to let go
To all that we know
As I walk away from you
Hurled from my home
Into the unknown
As I walk away from you.
- Crowded House "I Walk Away"
It was raining and for some reason she wanted to laugh. It seemed such a clichéd weather pattern to be leaving on, dramatic, really. She wondered if perhaps she shouldn't be flouncing, rather then just walking quietly to the car while Jonothon struggled with one of the heavier bags behind her.
She might have suspected Storm of a rather vicious sense of humour, if she'd been in the area. But as far as Jubilee knew, she was still in Westchester.
Jono was pointedly not asking her what had happened. She could feel his not-asking like a physical pressure. Well, he could continue not asking and she would continue not telling, it wasn't worth going over a second time anyway, or even a first for that matter. Frankly, she'd have been much happier if the first was just a weird dream that she'd wake up from any moment, or if all of it had been a bizarre dream.
Still, she was being Strong right now and the first thing Strong never did was dither about the past. At least that's what she told herself. Introspection was never her thing anyway.
Jonothon opened the door for her and she slid into the seat. He closed the door behind her and got into the other side, sitting for a moment, waiting for something. She smiled, the not-asking silence became thicker, and after a moment, he reached forward and started the car.
She released a breath she hadn't even noticed she'd held when they passed out of the gate. What had she expected? Jonothon glanced at her and she knew he must have been feeling the confusion coming off her in waves. Still, she didn't feel like talking right now. What she felt like ... was sleeping. So she did.
***
There are memories that will forge themselves into your soul. That will rip their way into your fore brain, where they will squat, fierce and fat with their triumph.
Of these, Jubilee had a few: Bastion's voice had been dominant awhile, it's soft cadence backed with the acrid tang of machine. Urging her to give in, to give up, to surrender to her tired limbs and haunted mind. Sabertooth had been a recent arrival. After a while though, all the memories turned to a jumbled mash of hollow noise. It was all just another day now, and just another thing to ignore.
***
It was cold outside when Jonothon dropped her off at the airport; he drew the collar up around her neck and she stopped herself from flinching away from him. He looked at her for a moment, she could almost see him gathering his thoughts together and she smiled. Jonothon had always been the most silent of them, especially considered next to her. He never could quite manage the goodbye speeches and it was nice that he might be trying to do so for her now. She decided to take pity on him.
"It's okay, you know."
(Are you sure? Maybe I should come with you?)
"NO!"
Jonothon started at her vehemence and stepped back slightly from the mild look of panic in her eyes.
(Jubie ...)
"Jono, just stop, okay? Just, listen."
Jono leant back against the car he'd driven her to the airport in and folded his arms. She looked agitated, her hands rubbing against her thighs as she gathered her thoughts.
(I'm listening.)
"It's nothing personal, okay? It's just ... I've got to do this myself. If I let you come with me, I'm leaning on you and it'd be like if I'd never left in the first place. Because that's what they thought of me, it's what let them make decisions for me that I had no say in, because I couldn't make them myself. If you came with me, sooner or later you'd be making those decisions too, and you'd tell yourself they were for my own good, and you'd think that you were doing it because it was best. But, you'd be just as wrong as they were."
(Jubilee. What happened in Emma's office?)
So, he'd asked. Jubilee was surprised at the sound of her full nickname. He hadn't called her anything but 'Jubie' in a long time.
"Why is it any of your business?"
(Because I care. Because I'm not letting you go off alone until I know you're not just running blind.)
"I'm not a coward."
(No, you're not.)
"They were talking about me. I must have walked in on a fight because they didn't even notice I was there at first. Scott was talking at Emma."
(At?)
"Yeah. It wasn't a normal argument, you know? Where everyone's screaming at each other and you're just waiting for someone to swan off in a huff. This was more intense. The kind that starts those century-long family feuds where it's all stony silences and sideways remarks, you know?"
(So, what happened?)
"Jean noticed I was there. Scott must have caught it from their link, because he stopped and looked at me. I'd already heard enough though. Jono, Emma's been playing with my memories. Erasing them, I think. At least, that's what I got from what was said before they all clammed up."
(The hell?)
"I don't know, okay? I only heard Jean yelling at Emma about the fact that I had a right to know Wolvie was dead and how she shouldn't have taken that memory away. After that they noticed I was there and I just ran. I didn't want to stick around for the rest. All I know is that I've gotta go find out why he died."
(And you think I'm gonna let you do that alone?)
"Why the hell not? I'm an adult, Jono."
(Because I wouldn't be much of a friend if I did.)
Jubilee sighed and looked him in the eye. "Jono, please. I need to do this alone, please? I need to know I can hack it out there and if you came with me, I'd never know. Look, I'll keep in touch, okay? I promise."
Jonothon shook his head and dug in his pocket, fishing out a cellphone.
(Was gonna give you this for your birthday. But, looks like you're not gonna be around for that. You call me at the end of each week, okay? If I don't hear from you I'll come looking, so don't forget.)
Jubilee smiled and took the phone from him. "I won't forget. Now will you get out of here? I have a plane to catch."
Jonothon pulled her into a hug and she paused there, holding on tight to a friend for just a moment longer. Then, she walked away and he didn't follow.
The End