Crumbling Armor
Chapter 6: An Unlikely Friend
She couldn't fall back asleep. As tired as she was and as relaxed as she felt in Elliot's arms, she didn't dare drift off. She wasn't sure what sort of heartbreaking, terrifying scenario her mind would cook up if she allowed herself to fall asleep. But she was so tired, her body was depleted of all but the tiniest bit of energy and she hadn't gotten enough sleep thus far to replenish it.
Elliot too did not wish to fall asleep. He kept thinking about Harris. Had he really killed the son of a bitch? He must have. He remembered throwing the man's body to the side like a limp rag doll. Harris had been motionless and bleeding. Only one ambulance had come, as far as he knew. Of course, he hadn't waited around to see if any other paramedics showed up for Harris, but he was sure that someone would have told him if Harris wasn't dead.
He would go to the morgue that day, just to make sure. But what if Harris was still alive? What if he was leaving Olivia alone and putting her in danger? So many possibilities swarmed around his brain. He just held on to Olivia and prayed that he wouldn't make the wrong choice.
The sun began to lighten what little sky could be seen through the windows of the room. Olivia moaned in displeasure. She didn't want to deal with a new day, not just yet. But in a hospital, there is very little time for even the patients to rest, especially someone who had sustained such severe injuries as Olivia had. It wasn't long before the door of the room opened and a young, female doctor entered.
"Good morning," the young woman said, far too chipper for such an early hour "My name is Doctor Carlson." She walked over to the bedside "How are you feeling this morning?" she asked Olivia.
Olivia looked up at her and groaned "Okay, I guess," she mumbled.
"You're not experiencing any pain are you?" Dr. Carlson asked.
Olivia turned to Elliot, looking a little embarrassed "Could you go outside for a little?" she nearly pleaded.
Elliot smiled gently at her, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear "Sure," he said understandingly "I'll be right outside if you need me," he rose from the bed and walked out of the room.
Olivia turned back to Dr. Carlson. She pointed first to the stab wound on her stomach "It's very painful," she whispered.
"I'll see if I can get them to give you more IV pain meds," Dr. Carlson made a note on the pad she was holding. She leaned in a little closer, knowing that there were a few even more sensitive areas where Olivia had been injured. She waited patiently for Olivia to speak.
Olivia's hand came to rest on her right breast "Will it leave a scar?" she asked in a terrified whisper.
Dr Carlson nodded somberly "It was a pretty deep cut. Hopefully the scar that's left when you've healed up won't be that noticeable but…" the young woman looked down at the floor for just a second, seemingly having lost her composure "I'm sorry, it will leave a scar." Dr. Carlson's hand went subconsciously to her own breast for a moment before she pulled it away as if the contact had burned her.
Dr. Carlson cleared her throat softly before continuing "Have you been offered the morning after pill?" she asked quietly, reaching for Olivia's hand.
Olivia looked away for a second "I was in surgery a long time," she murmured "No one said anything to me about it and… I guess I forgot," that was a lie. She hadn't forgotten, she just felt uncomfortable talking about it in front of Elliot.
"I could bring it for you now if you'd like," Dr. Carlson spoke with such understanding and compassion that Olivia allowed herself to feel safe around the woman.
"Okay," Olivia finally said, looking towards the door with a slightly shy gaze.
"Shall I tell your husband to stay outside for a little while longer?" Dr. Carlson asked.
"Um…" Olivia trailed off. That was the second time someone had mistaken them as husband and wife "He's not my… but yeah, I don't think I want to have this discussion with him right now."
Dr. Carlson nodded "I'll be right back," she assured Olivia.
While Dr. Carlson was out of the room Elliot poked his head in for a second just to check on her "Hey," he grinned "Am I gonna have to stand out here forever?"
Olivia took in a deep breath and let it out shakily "If you keep whining about it…" she trailed off, her comeback sounding weak and timid.
Elliot took a cautious step into the room "Liv…?" he trailed off, looking into her eyes "What's going on?"
Dr. Carlson returned to the room at that moment and shoed Elliot away. In the hall, Elliot peered around the doorframe, watching as the doctor handed Olivia a pill and a glass of water. He realized what it was and decided he wouldn't force her to tell him about it. He was glad though that she had made the decision. He didn't think he could have been able to offer her any helpful advice on the subject.
Dr. Carlson exited the room shortly thereafter. She turned to Elliot with a look of disapproval "Don't spy on her. Even if you were her husband, nothing gives you the right," she turned and walked away.
Elliot entered the room and sat on the edge of Olivia's bed "Everything okay?" he asked.
"What did she say to you?" Olivia looked up at him with a questioning gaze. She had heard Dr. Carlson speak but hadn't heard the exact words.
"Nothing much," he told her "Just that I should give you your privacy."
"Oh," Olivia murmured. A little privacy was good but she hoped that Elliot wouldn't pull away completely. She'd never believed that she needed anyone but little by little, that notion was being chipped away. She needed somebody, especially now and that somebody she needed was Elliot.
"Listen," Elliot took her hand in his "I've got some paperwork at the precinct that I should really finish up," he didn't want her to know about his nightmare or how he had begun to doubt that Harris was in fact dead "Do you want me to call someone to come sit with you?"
She gave him the answer he was expecting to here "No, I'll be fine."
"Oh well," he shrugged. Part of the time he had been waiting in the hallway, he had called Kathy and asked her if she could bring Eli for a visit. Kathy had said yes.
Olivia recognized the look on her partner's face "What did you do?" she asked, feigning anger. Truthfully, she wouldn't mind if she had some company during the day.
"Oh… nothing," Elliot blatantly lied.
"Don't give me that," Olivia objected with a grin as a woman brought in a tray of food for Olivia.
Olivia wasn't very hungry as all and the cold hospital scrambled eggs and the undercooked toast along with watered down juice did very little to stimulate her appetite. Still, Elliot insisted that she try to eat something so she tried.
After pushing the eggs around the plate uninterestedly and having only eaten two bites of soggy bread that was meant to resemble toast, she pushed the table that the tray sat on aside "What did you do?" she asked again, getting back to the subject at hand.
A chorus of 'Aw' came from the hallway and above that sound came the pure laughter of a baby. Elliot smiled softly "You're about to find out," he told her.
When Kathy walked through the door of the room, carrying Eli in his car seat, Olivia very nearly gasped. She wasn't sure that it was appropriate for Elliot to have called Kathy. Olivia wondered if Kathy really did understand as Elliot had told her or not.
Kathy simply smiled brightly at Olivia and took a seat in the chair beside her bed. She lifted Eli out of his car seat and turned him to face in Olivia's direction "Can you say hi?" she asked as she bounced the baby gently on her knee. Eli simply giggled and waved in Olivia's direction.
Olivia raised her hand and waved it gently "Hi there," she smiled.
Elliot stood up and cleared his throat a bit nervously; he was beginning to doubt his decision "Okay," he began "I should be back in an hour or two." He bent down and places a kiss to Eli's forehead "See you later," he spoke directly to the baby because it suddenly felt to awkward to look anywhere else.
He managed to catch a glimpse of Olivia out of the corner of his eye on his way out. For once, he couldn't read her expression. Not knowing whether she was pissed off and not knowing exactly how pissed off she was scared the crap out of him. He walked out of the hospital and to the nearest bus stop, wondering just what in the world he had done.
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"So…" Kathy began. She didn't want her relationship with Olivia to be strained or awkward. She had meant it when she told Elliot she wanted him to be happy. For the sake of her soon to be ex and of her children, she had to manage to somehow not feel awkward around this woman.
Then Kathy realized she was getting ahead of herself when she saw the look on Olivia's face. Olivia felt just as awkward and shy as Kathy herself did. That plus Olivia was in the hospital after being attacked by a madman; Kathy didn't know the specifics but she had a general idea. "How are you feeling?" she asked.
Olivia looked away. It wasn't Kathy in particular that made her look away, it was the question. There was no right way to answer it. Saying 'I'm fine' was a lie and such an obvious one at that. And telling the truth was just too painful for Olivia to deal with right now.
Kathy sensed Olivia's hesitation and tried to steer the conversation onto another topic "Dickie and Lizzie are both trying out for track this spring," she offered meekly with a shrug.
"That's good," Olivia turned back to Kathy "What events specifically?"
"Lizzie's doing the hurtles and the javelin," Kathy smiled proudly "I'm positive she'll make the team."
"And Dickie?" Olivia pressed eagerly.
"Long jump and he's gonna try to see if he can set a new school record for the mile," Kathy answered with a smile.
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"There he is," Melinda Warner placed her hand on Elliot's shoulder as he looked down at the clearly dead body of Lowell Harris.
"Thank God," Elliot murmured. He hadn't been sure, not even after Melinda told him that she still had Harris's body stored there, that he really was dead.
"Why did you need to see the body?" Melinda asked.
Elliot took a deep breath and turned to her "I just wanted to be sure," he said honestly.
"Well," Melinda lifted her hand from Elliot's shoulder and gestured at the body "You can't be more sure than this."
Elliot chuckled humorlessly "I guess not," he replied. Harris would never hurt another woman, specifically he would never hurt Olivia again that was the important thing.
Elliot turned to walk out of the morgue when Melinda stopped him "How's Olivia doing?" she asked softly.
"She's alive," he answered. That was what mattered, she was alive. The long and painful recovery ahead, both physical and emotional one were a whole other challenge, one he prayed he would be strong enough to help her through. But at least he would get the opportunity to help her through it instead of having the only thing he could do for her be to lay flowers at her grave.
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"He didn't, did he?" Olivia asked in shock, trying hard not to laugh. The wound in her stomach throbbed painfully every time she did.
"I kid you not," Kathy replied with a wide grin "He tripped right over the sprinkler and fell flat on his face in front of my parents."
"Poor thing," Olivia smirked.
"That's just the beginning," Kathy continued regaling Olivia with the story of Elliot's first introduction to her parents after she'd found out she was pregnant with Maureen. "When he tripped, he accidentally turned the sprinkler on.
"Oh no," Olivia clasped a hand to her mouth. Earlier in the story, Kathy had stated how Elliot was desperate to make a good first impression "What happened?" she desperately wanted to know.
"My father turned to me while Elliot was trying to ring out his suit coat and said "Kathleen Elizabeth Stewart, you have just made the biggest mistake of your life"," Kathy grew silent and Olivia looked up at her. After a moment Kathy continued with another small shrug "He said that practically everyday until Elliot and I got married and moved out from under our parents roofs."
"I'm sorry Kathy," Olivia whispered.
"I never let him see Maureen or any of the other kids when they were born," Kathy told her "I let my mom come and stay with us after the twins were born but that was about it." Kathy adjusted Eli in her arms as painful memories came back to her "When I first told my mom I was pregnant, she couldn't stop crying for days."
Olivia felt her eyes beginning to glaze over "I'm so sorry," she whispered as she used the corner of the sheet to wipe at her eyes.
A nurse came into the room to change the dressings on Olivia's wounds. It wasn't a female nurse as Amelia had promised and Olivia stared up at the man with wide eyes.
The man was a single minded person. He had volunteered to change Olivia's bandages because he had seen that one of her injuries was on her breast. He wasn't overtly perverted, or at least that's what he believed. He just wanted to see them and get a chance to touch the injured one.
Kathy noticed Olivia's reaction even before the man started to open the hospital gown. Kathy had seen more than a few rape victims in her time as a nurse and knew the looks that they usually gave to the doctors or the male nurses. Most of them jumped from the bed and huddled in the corner, telling everyone around them to go away, but Olivia, being hooked up to so many machines, including the IV, did not have that option.
"Excuse me," Kathy said loudly to the nurse, clearing her throat.
The man merely nodded in her direction before opening the gown, exposing Olivia's breasts. Olivia whimpered and tried to push him away but he was persistent. "This will only take a minute," he assured her as her breathing became faster and she opened her mouth to scream.
"Back off," Kathy said sharply, slapping the man's hands away and throwing the sheet over Olivia's chest.
"What?" he looked at her in confusion and anger "She needs to have her bandages changed."
"Then get a female nurse to do it," Kathy hissed.
"They're all busy," he protested pitifully.
"Then leave the materials," Kathy told him "I'll do it myself."
The man stared her down for a long time but finally conceded, throwing the gauze and surgical tape at her and storming out of the room.
Kathy looked down at Olivia whose breathing hadn't returned to normal yet "It's alright," Kathy assured her gently, placing her hand on Olivia's shoulder and rubbing slowly "It's alright."
Olivia began to calm down "Thanks," she said quietly.
"I'm gonna make sure that someone straightens him out," Kathy said with an evil smile.
"Elliot?" Olivia said questioningly.
"Elliot," Kathy confirmed, her evil smile growing wider. "How do people like that even get jobs in the first place?" she mused as she picked up the gauze and surgical tape "Are you going to be comfortable if I do this?" she asked a bit nervously.
Olivia took a deep breath "Yeah," she finally whispered, better that Kathy see her injuries than have that guy feel her up.
Kathy pulled the sheet down as behind her Eli giggled away, shaking his rattle "Just let me know if you want me to stop," she said encouragingly. She saw the bandage on Olivia's right breast and began to peel it back as gently and as quickly as possible. Unfortunately there was no such thing as gentle when it came to pulling off bandages, especially bandages that were attached to such sensitive areas. When she had finished peeling the bandage away and had dropped it into a nearby trash can, she looked down at the slash in absolute shock and horror. Never could she have imagined someone doing something like that.
Olivia saw the look on Kathy's face "It's bad, isn't it?" she asked timidly.
Kathy realized her mistake and tried to make it go away "It's a cut, that's all, probably won't even leave a scar," she lied.
"Nice try," Olivia said flatly.
"Well…" Kathy felt even more awkward than she had ever felt talking to Olivia "If it does leave a scar, I'm sure you probably won't even notice it."
"Please stop trying to make it sound like it isn't a big deal?" Olivia pleaded.
"Okay," Kathy agreed, just deciding to drop the subject. She cleaned the wound and put fresh gauze on it. She changed the bandage on Olivia's abdomen without any incident and returned to her seat, picking Eli up from his car seat.
Silence reigned between the two women for a while, silence punctuated by Eli's attempts at attention. Finally, Olivia spoke in a quiet, almost terrified voice "You won't tell Elliot…?" she trailed off.
Kathy leaned forward in her seat, knowing exactly what Olivia meant "Of course not," she promised "But trust me. He won't love you any less because of it."
Olivia looked away again. Deep down she knew that was the truth, still she was afraid that if anything ever happened between them, he would see the scar and be reminded. She knew she would be reminded of course and she was sure that she wouldn't be ready for anything to happen for a while, but she was afraid that he wouldn't want to touch her if he saw that scar. She hid her face from view as her eyes began to water.
Kathy was about to say something else reassuring when Elliot sauntered into the hospital room. He looked from one woman to the other and became worried "Is something wrong?" he asked the room in general.