A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I'm caught up as of last night so if you haven't gotten yours yet, let me know. My internet is acting weird so I had to do them from my phone and that's always suspect. You guys rock!

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Stephanie Meyer, I'm just playing with them.

For the first time since arriving in New Zealand, I wake up Saturday morning depressed. My excitement over spending the morning lounging around before going into the city to find a place to live vanished right along with the twinkle in Edward's eyes last night.

I'd held off glancing up at him until the last possible moment, barely catching a glimpse of his beautiful face as the car door closed between us. It was an unwelcome picture of misery, without even a hint of the crooked grin I adore so much. I'd turned away before tears could prickle in my eyes and wondered how a man I'd only known for two days was having such a powerful effect on me. When Alice asked me what was wrong, I blamed the alcohol and hurried to my room as soon as we got home, certain I would feel better in the morning.

Except I don't. If anything, I feel worse.

The ache in my chest makes it hard to breathe, though not in a good way like the first time I saw Edward. Logically, I know I shouldn't feel this awful after turning down a guy I've known less than forty-eight hours, but knowing that doesn't seem to make it any less excruciating.

The feeling of despair continues to grow as I realize I threw away my chance to be with a guy who not only leaves me breathless just looking at him, but can make me smile with a perfectly timed joke. What is wrong with me? How did I talk myself out of continuing the only kiss that's ever made my toes curl?

Seriously, I think at one point my leg lifted off the ground just like they do in the movies. It was that perfect.

I'm starting to realize Jake did more damage than I thought. I was so wrapped up in losing him, I never stopped to consider how our breakup affected how I view myself. Even though I've been over Jake for a while now, Edward is the first guy I've even thought about in a non-platonic way, so I haven't had a reason to analyze how I'd feel about dating someone else.

Thinking back over the past two days, I realize how much insecurity has crept into my thoughts. My mind is working against me and making me feel inadequate, and the feeling doesn't sit well with me. I hate knowing I let Jake not only shatter my heart into thousands of pieces but also take away parts of my self-esteem when he left.

I know that just because I wasn't good enough for him doesn't mean I'm not good enough for anyone, but that brings me to the obvious fact that if I wasn't good enough for Jacob Black, I'm nowhere near good enough for Edward Cullen.

My head is spinning and I'm not even sure what to feel anymore. I'm not used to feeling this mixed up, and I don't know what to do with myself. Before I can work myself into a tizzy, I hear a soft knock on my door.

"Come in," I call.

Alice peeks through the door, smiles, and produces two bowls of yogurt topped with fresh strawberries and granola.

"I brought you some brekkie," she says. I wave her over to my bed and she bounces in, handing me a bowl and a spoon.

"Thanks, Alice. This looks yummy. Where's Jasper?" I ask, not familiar with their weekend routine yet.

"He's running Mount Eden this morning so he'll be gone a while. I thought we could have some girl time!" The look she gives conveys exactly what she came in here to talk about.

Hoping to buy more time and organize my thoughts, I take a big bite of my breakfast and suffer the consequences when my cheeks puff out and strawberry juice dribbles down my chin.

All-knowing Alice swiftly produces a napkin, and I carefully finish my first bite. "Sounds like fun. Anything in particular you want to talk about?"

I'm such a coward.

"Spill it, B! I want to know why you could practically touch the sexual tension between you and Edward last night at the bar, but by the time he tucked you into our car, both of you looked like we'd just gotten knocked out of the Rugby World Cup."

Knowing Alice will get it out of me eventually; I just give in. "Ughhh, because I'm the biggest idiot EVER! What girl in her right mind would tell Edward perfect-in-every-way Cullen to stop kissing her?"

"He kissed you?" she shrieks, lowering the spoon back into her dish. "You better back up and start at the beginning, girl. I need all of the details now! I can't believe you didn't tell me he was interested in you before we went out!"

"To be fair, I didn't really know until right before he kissed me. I mean, we'd been flirting a lot but that doesn't always mean anything, you know? Especially with a guy like Edward. I've heard from multiple people now that he's a ladies' man, so I just figured he was herding me in with the rest of the sheep in this country."

"First of all, don't knock our sheep. Second of all, Edward is hardly a ladies' man anymore. A few years back he was worse than Riley, but lately I don't see him with a lot of women. In fact, I think it's been a couple of months since he's been out with anyone. Given the fact that he'll see you every day, I really doubt he was just looking to get in your pants."

Alice's logic is good but instead of reassuring me, it makes me waver more. It would almost be better if Edward only wanted me for one night. I would have less chance of getting hurt. Entering a relationship with him that lasted for longer than that would really kill me if I'm this upset after just one kiss.

My mind and my heart are all over the place and I'm unable to keep it all inside, so I spill to Alice. I tell her about our flirting, the kiss, my freak out, the lame excuse I gave Edward when I stopped it, the ache in my chest, the fear of always being alone, and even my insecurities of never being good enough to hold a man's attention for very long.

Tears slide down my cheeks as I talk, and Alice hugs me while I pour my heart out to her. "Oh, Bella, I hate that you're feeling this way. If you get nothing else out of what I say next, please get this; you are so much better than that douchebag made you believe. He sounds like a controlling arsehole who kept you on a short leash so he could make sure you were always at his beck and call. I'm not surprised you're feeling so overwhelmed right now. You're finally getting the chance you deserve to spread your wings and fly. You've completely turned your life upside down in just a couple of weeks. That's got to be a huge stress on you."

"Yes, but Alice, I wanted to move here. It's not like I did this under duress. This is the most exciting opportunity I'll ever have, and I couldn't be happier about it."

"It doesn't change the fact that you still left everything you ever knew behind to move to the other side of the world where you knew exactly one person. That's huge! Not to mention incredibly brave. I'll be honest; I love the idea of you and Edward together, but maybe you should take some time and get used to being here. Figure out who you are and what you feel, maybe even talk to Edward and let him know you just need a little time. I love you but I love Edward, too, and I don't want to see either of you get hurt because you rush into something you aren't ready for," she finishes.

"You're right. I know this. Let me think on it for a few days and then I'll talk with him. Ugh! It's going to be so awkward in class with him!"

"Maybe not. Edward really is a great guy. He's not going to do anything to make you uncomfortable."

I laugh sardonically. "Not helping, Ali. Please tell me how awful of a person he is so I don't feel so bad about this!"

"Sorry, babe! No can do!" She gives me a final hug and hops out of my bed. "Now, there's no way you're moping around this room all day, so what's the plan?"

"I want to go check out a couple of apartments to rent today, but that's it. I really did just want to take it easy since I've been running non-stop the past couple of weeks. Plus, I was looking forward to talking to our girls online. I haven't really had a chance to say more than hi or bye since I got here."

"OH! I'll get on, too! We can chat with everyone together! Then I'll go flat hunting with you to make sure you don't end up somewhere awful."

"Thanks, Alice. I don't know what I'd do without you." I check the time and realize it's still somewhat early. "Let me take a shower and I'll be ready to chat. It's still yesterday back home so maybe some people are on now."

Alice skips off to get ready for the day while I do the same, already feeling a little better about the mess I caused last night.

oOoOoOo

We spend the next two hours playing on Facebook, and it's such a relief to know that for the moment, my biggest concern is whether or not the pictures I'm posting online are too risqué for the girls checking the page from work. Alice and I sit at opposite ends of her couch with our feet on the middle cushion and our laptops in front of us, snacking on grapes and laughing until we cry. By the time we eat a quick lunch of smoked fish and grilled veggies with Jasper, I feel like a new person. I know I need to take some time and really think through my issues and probably even talk it out some more, but after goofing off with my friends for so long, everything from last night seems less ominous and I'm happy to leave it that way for a while.

Alice volunteers to go apartment hunting with me, and I'm grateful for her insistence before we even leave her driveway. The first two places I suggest looking into are more like weekly rentals, and I have no clue how to find what I actually need. Thankfully, Alice drives me to three apartment complexes. The last one is basically a formality though because after the second showing I'm sold.

The Pines is a cute, clean one-bedroom apartment, fairly close to Eden Park, and best of all, the owner is overseas and willing to sublet at a very reasonable price. Relieved to have this daunting task behind me, I pay the deposit and work out all of the arrangements for me to be able to move in two weeks from today.

oOoOoOo

Just after dinner that night, Rose calls and invites Alice and me to brunch the next morning mentioning that she didn't have enough time to chat with me since Edward hogged me most of the night. I cringe at having to recount last night to the fiancée of Edward's best friend, but I'm eager to make friends here, so I quickly agree. I spend the rest of the evening exactly how I'd wanted to spend my morning—curled up in bed with a good book.

When I wake the following morning, I find peace with a small part of myself even among the fallout of Friday night. I'm in a strange country, lying in a strange bed, and starting a brand new job… but I did it. I was scared shitless to grab this opportunity, and I'm so thankful they needed me so quickly or I probably would have chickened out. I'm proud of myself for taking the risk, and I'm glad I recognize what a huge step that is for me.

Thinking back on Alice's words from yesterday morning, I wonder if she's right. Jake was always suggesting I hang out with his friends when he wasn't around and would make me feel guilty if I tried to make plans with a classmate. It never clicked when we were together that he was keeping me from making my own friends and forcing his on me. Fat lot of good that did me since they all ditched me the second Jake did!

Let's not forget that Alice pegged his true nature even without knowing most of the details, and I missed what was right in front of my face for three years. I'm not sure if I'm bothered more about the fact that Jacob was so controlling, or that I never realized it until now. I spent months mourning the loss of someone who I thought was my knight in shining armor, saving me from a college career of miserable loneliness; turns out, he was anything but a noble gentleman.

It's starting to make sense why I was never able to make a single friend on my own in college, but after a week in a brand new country—at a job where I'm supposed to be hated no less—I've managed to form friendships with Jasper, Esme, Emmett, and maybe even Rose.

Not to mention Edward. If I hadn't created a huge clusterfuck of a situation when I stopped our kiss, maybe we would've actually talked about what was going on between us—but no, I ran away from a man who makes my heart speed up simply by walking into the same room as me and who actually seems really interested in me as well. If I weren't so messed up in the head, I could be meeting the guy I'm dating for brunch instead of Rose and Alice.

I end that train of thought quickly and remind myself this is a good thing. I need to learn from my mistakes with Jake and form solid, long-standing friendships before jumping into the arms of the first guy that shows me attention.

My thoughts are still so jumbled I realize Alice was right—acclimating myself to my new life and healing my emotions need to be my top priorities right now. I sigh and head to the bathroom to get ready for brunch. The sad fact remains that even if I can fix my insecurity issues and be good enough for someone like Edward, I'm likely to lose credibility with the team if I pursue him after that cow Tanya fangirled over all of them. Recalling the butterflies in my belly and the goose bumps Edward's touch ignited during our kiss, I realize that he just may be worth it.

oOoOoOo

Takapuna Beach Café & Store reminds me a bit of a Cracker Barrel in America, but only so far as there is a small store attached to the restaurant. I'm not knocking the Cracker Barrel; it was one of my favorite places to eat as a child—I loved getting the penny candies after dinner—but it pales in comparison to the Takapuna Beach Café. It's modern with floor to ceiling glass walls, showing off the view of the gorgeous beach. Beautiful glass domes filled with sweet treats sit in the middle of the café, tempting every diner who enters, and the open kitchen allows the guests to watch the chefs prepare their food. The piéce de resistance is when we carry a prepared gourmet picnic basket onto the restaurant's private beach. I understand why we drove forever just to eat brunch here now!

My stomach grumbles as Alice passes my eggs benedict with lemon-cured salmon and salad greens to me, but the house hot chocolate is too tempting to resist any longer. I may be a Pilates trainer, but that doesn't mean I don't have a sweet tooth. I'm a sucker for anything chocolate, and this drink is like a dream come true. I add hot foamed milk to my glass that already holds copious amounts of melted chocolate and then top it with chocolate shavings. My mouth waters as I bring the glass to my lips for my first taste, and I close my eyes in delight as the decadent, chocolaty goodness slides over my tongue and down my throat.

This may be better than kissing Edward.

What am I saying? The chocolate must've gone to my head. There's only one thing I can think of that would be better than kissing Edward; it still involves Edward, but I'd be wearing a lot fewer clothes than I am now—although adding chocolate to that scenario would make it even better.

We tuck into our breakfast and chew in silence for a few minutes before Rose turns to me and starts asking questions. It's not until she starts asking questions about Jake that I tense up slightly. Apparently, Emmett mentioned I had an ex back in the States. I keep it light, not hiding anything but not offering up any more than what she asks either.

Yes, we were together for quite a while and were serious.

Yes, I was shocked when he left me.

No, it was not amicable and we haven't spoken since.

That's when Alice decides to speak up. "Thank god for that. She's better off without that asshat. I wasn't a huge fan of his when they were together, and if she hadn't been so devastated when he ended their engagement, I would've been twirling around my living room when she told me."

I stare at Alice with shocked eyes and a gaping mouth as she ends her rant and picks up her drink. I glance quickly at Rose who is trying unsuccessfully to hide her smirk. I knew Alice harbored ill feelings toward Jake, but I didn't realize they were this strong. Unsure of how to respond I mumble, "Uh… okay."

Alice's eyes grow wide for a moment as she realizes what she's said, and then she shrugs her shoulders. "Sorry, Bella, I didn't mean for it to come out quite like that. I guess that'll teach me to have a Mimosa for breakfast! I told you yesterday he was too controlling though, so it shouldn't be a huge surprise. It became even more obvious to me over the past week as I watched you overcoming your supposed shyness and branch out to meet new people. He stifled that side of you, and even eight thousand miles away I could tell you weren't really happy with Jake. I believe if you think about it, you'll realize that, too."

Alice uses air quotes around 'supposed shyness' and rolls her eyes as she says it. Rose giggle-snorts, and similar to Edward's donkey-guffaw on Friday night, the sound doesn't detract from her natural beauty. "Nothing like a little truth serum to make a brunch awkward. Good job, Ali!"

Alice maturely sticks her tongue out at Rose. "Hush, you. Like you weren't sitting there digging for information on her to bring back to Emmett and Edward. I just sped up the process a little!"

"What?" I splutter. "No! You cannot go back and tell them this!"

Rose rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "I'm not, Bella. Don't listen to Drunky MsWasted over there. I'll admit to wanting to know more about you after hearing what happened Friday night, but I'd never go back and share something you told me in confidence."

Alice giggles and takes another sip of her Mimosa. Lush.

I eye Rose warily. She seems to be a very genuine person, and I have no reason not to trust her except…

"Are you sure, Rose? You've known Edward a hell of a lot longer than you've known me."

"True," she states, looking right at me as she speaks. "I know you've already figured out how close Emmett and Edward are, which means Edward and I spend a lot of time together. Honestly, I love him like a brother and I'm very protective of him, but I'm not into spilling someone else's secrets. You can't blame me too much for wanting to know a little more about you. From where I was sitting Friday night, that boy has it bad for you. Oh, and it helps that those two are worse than girls and spent an hour talking about you yesterday."

Smiling, she shakes her head and I really want to ask her what they talked about, but she's being respectful enough to not blab my secrets so I'm not going to ask for Edward's.

"Thanks, I appreciate that, and so you know… I'm not trying to play games with Edward. I just need to figure out some things before I find myself in something I'm not ready for and end up hurting him. Plus, I really did mean it when I told him I didn't want to ruin our professional relationship or my credibility with the rest of the team. After their experience with Tanya, hooking up with any of the players should be the very last thing on my mind."

Alice decides now is a good time to insert herself back into the conversation. "Whatevs, Bella. You're going to rock that shit and you know it. Jasper said your ideas are solid, and the buzz from the most of the team Friday night was that they weren't looking forward to doing girly shit but were impressed by the stats you presented. If you help the guys improve their record, they won't give a fuck who you… well, fuck." Alice signals overdramatic air quotes again when she says 'girly shit,' and I can't help but laugh at her.

"Okay, time to take the champagne away from the tiny person," I joke.

"Seriously, Alice," Rose agrees, "what's gotten into you today? I thought you could hold your alcohol better than this."

"Oh, please!" Alice exclaims. "I am not that bad. You two are just jealous because you ordered hot chocolate and a flat white instead of getting a little mid-morning treat!"

"Emmett gave me my morning treat before we came, thank you very much," Rose quips.

I can't help but laugh along with both girls, grateful the attention is off of me.

Now that the Kiwi Inquisition is over, we decide to pack up and head home. I want to spend a couple of hours going over my schedule for the next few days to make sure I haven't left anything out. Eventually, I'll be able to afford to make a mistake here and there, but I need to be in top form for the next several weeks. Before Rose leaves, the three of us agree to do something girly together Friday night, and Rose offers to bring me to some of the nearby volcanoes the day after.

Thinking over how much I enjoyed my day, I can't stop the smile on my face as I get ready for bed later that night. It's pretty apparent that everyone surrounding the team is a very close-knit group, and I worry again I'm getting myself into another situation similar to Jake's pack. I shake it off quickly; Edward is not bringing me into this group—they are my friends with or without him. It's a tiny step forward in my mindset, but I'll take what I can get.

My mind drifts to Edward as I snuggle under my covers, and I wonder how he's going to act around me tomorrow. He was a perfect gentleman even after I stopped our kiss the other night, but if he called Emmett to talk about it, he clearly had something to get off his chest, and if what Rose hinted at is any indication, he's definitely still interested in me. I know it's not the best idea for my heart, but I can't stop the images of our perfect kiss from playing over and over in my head as I drift off to sleep.

A/N: A couple people have asked... this fic will be fairly short—around ten chapters give or take, and I update every Thursday—except next Thursday. Sorry! I'm leaving town that day to watch a certain movie with some awesome ladies and I'm selfish and don't want to miss review replies! I'll post a teaser on Facebook if you're interested, though.

Thanks to my girls: born, chaya, whiti, and yummy. You can't even begin to imagine how much better they make this. All errors are mine—I couldn't stop playing with it.

Recs (2 this week since I'm not posting next week): Fiesty in Four Inch Heels by MarLea Pie. I can't even with how hot this girl's writing is. French speaking Edward… 'nuff said. Course, she's left us with an evil cliffie after the last update but I bet some love would help sway her into writing it the way I want it! (Just kidding, bb!)

This is silly because it's absolutely ridiculous to think that anyone in the fandom is not reading Cara No. All of her writing is absolutely fabulous… but her current drabblish WIP is high-larious. Hoarderish Bella meets geeky Edward and it's disaster at first sight. She's wrapping up White Picket What? today or tomorrow I think so give it a try if you haven't already... Along with everything else she writes!

That's it! Reviews are love and I'd love to know what you think.