It's been a long time! I know. I've been working on a lot of stuff and have had a lot of uni work! So I've decided to post two chapters to beg for forgiveness! Thanks for all of the reviews so far! It really makes my day!
Fear was an illogical state of mind. She had been taught that when she had been training as a young warrior. Fear was just a feeling, and emotion that was going to hold you back at the most intrusive of times. Vastra had learned long ago that fear was just a principle. Fear gave you the fight or flight instinct, fear made it possible to achieve things through copious amounts of adrenaline, which she never would normally be able to achieve. However since she had willingly stumbled on the relationship with her little warm human girl the fear had become much more vivid.
It was a kaleidoscope of tangled emotions, which ranged from the burning fear of rejection to the horrific fear of her brittle mortality. Strangely, Vastra felt that (at the present stage in their relationship) that it was the crippling fear of rejection she could face. Her warm human girl knew of her past, knew of the slaughtering of her own kind that she used to take so much pleasure in. But what if, one day, the girl decided she'd had enough of her cool, cold hearted lizard and moved on to another warm human? The fear would be paralysing to Vastra, causing her to become almost paralysed as she sat in her cooling study, watching the London skyline slip from dusk into night.
Perhaps she could call everything off, give her Jenny a marvellous reference and send her to find better employment. She was able, (and Vastra guessed) sometimes willing; the amount that Vastra put her through, especially in the days of their earlier none-existent partnership. Then there was the pressing feeling that it was the wrong mind-set and she would push those thoughts deep back into her brain and lock them away inside forever. Instead she forced herself to think of happier things, of happier times.
Vastra may have been a strong and powerful warrior, but she was harshly grounded back to earth with one powerful emotion, and that was the fear of her loosing her beloved and letting go of everything that made her happy. But Vastra was a warrior, she was strong and determined, there was the blood of hundreds of generations of fighters throbbing through her veins, and she wasn't going to back down because of one little emotion that made her scared to her very core.
She was going to fight this irrational fear, and not be reduced to flight.
Hope you enjoy, just a Vastra internal monologue. As I know (now) even the strongest characters have doubts (for no reason)n about their relationships from time to time, and it takes the strongest of them to ignore them!
Caio.
LostLyra