I have the next chapter for you. Enjoy. ;)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters that you could see in the manga. Their all Takanaga-sensei's.
Warnings: I could say Senpai is a little bit out of character... You will know what I'm talking about when you read.
Chapter 5
He was looking out of the window as the train went by a small town that looked almost like a village. Souichi had to admit that Morinaga was born in a very beautiful part of Japan. He was so impatient. There was not even an hour left before he would arrive in Fukuoka and he was so annoyed that it would take so much more time. 'Damn, I wish I could be there right now… will he want to speak with me? He must! After all I've been through since he left he can't just kick me out without hearing what I have to say! He must listen!' Souichi didn't want to even think about all that happened after Morinaga left and he had started searching for him. The slightest thought about it made him blush and feel uncomfortable, but he should start to get used to it. There was no turning back now after what he did and said to Naomi at the university. 'Morinaga… You better come back or I will really kill you this time!'
Souichi was tired. It wasn't late, and when he arrived at Fukuoka it wouldn't even be starting to get dark, but after the horrible nights he had had, it was no wonder that he felt so awful. The first night without Morinaga was bad; the following were even worse. They didn't sleep together on a daily basis, but Souichi always knew that Morinaga slept in the next room. He could always go and see him, see him smile, watch as he prepared something to eat for them or as he studied for his lessons.
After returning from Canada, he started to see the small things that he never acknowledged before. He never would have imagined that they all were so precious to him, not before Morinaga went missing again. 'That idiot! He promised me he wouldn't disappear without telling me!' He closed his eyes to calm down his emotions. Tears wouldn't help him get Morinaga back. Besides, he was the jerk here toying with other people's emotions. Morinaga had every right to get angry at him, but he should have listened to him before he went away. 'Would he have left even after hearing me out?' Souichi swallowed. He was afraid that the answer would be yes, but he had to try getting his little devil back!
Morinaga had fought for his love for several years! 'If he didn't give up on me that easily and endured whatever I did, I won't back off that easily, too! Wait and see Morinaga! I will definitely have you back!' Souichi tried to encourage himself although deep down he didn't feel confident at all. He couldn't say that he loved Morinaga. He didn't know what he felt. 'Love shouldn't be possible between guys, but if not… then what the hell am I feeling?!' He was so confused.
Souichi wanted so badly to feel Morinaga's warm embrace. It always felt so good. When Morinaga hugged him, Souichi felt so secure, so comfortable. The warmth that radiated from Morinaga's body was what he wanted right now. Whenever Morinaga wanted to hold him he tried to back away, to break free from those loving arms, but not because he didn't want to be held or because it felt bad. No, he didn't want to be near Morinaga like that because he was terrified of his own reactions. He was scared to admit how he really felt being in those arms that he yearned for right now. 'It's only been a few days and I feel so lost without him! How must he have been feeling when I was in Canada?'
"Shit!" That wasn't loud enough for the people with him on the train to hear, but he still looked around to see if anybody heard him. He needed to let the pressure out in some way. To curse was a good way of relieving himself. The truth was that Souichi wanted to scream his frustration and anger at himself out loud. 'I will never get drunk again! ... not without Morinaga around.' He couldn't trust himself drinking. That disaster with Naomi proved it. 'Maybe if I had told Morinaga the truth from the start everything would look different now? Agrr... Thinking 'what if' is no good. I should rather think of what to say to Morinaga when I see him.' Only thinking about it made him nervous, so Souichi wondered how nervous he would be when he stood right in front of Morinaga. 'There will be only this one chance for me to make things right, so I better not fuck it up.'
He sighed loud enough for other people to hear. A few of them looked at him oddly, but Souichi was too into his own thoughts to notice the stares. He was busy preparing a battle plan. He had lost the first battle when Morinaga walked out of their apartment, but he hadn't lost the war yet. 'You just wait, Morinaga! I'm coming!'
*** ***
Morinaga was taking a walk. He wanted to stay indoors, but Ayako said he needed to go out. He didn't want to argue, so here he was walking with no destination. To his surprise, he bumped into his old friend from school. He and Shibata were quite close years ago and it was a pleasant meeting. They hadn't had any contact with each other during the entirety of Morinaga's exile after the whole incident with Masaki, so they had much to catch up on. They went to a bar, had something to eat and talked. Morinaga did forget for a while about his misery and spent the day in a nice way. Shibata asked what Morinaga was doing here and they discussed some possibilities of what he could do now after returning to Fukuoka. Shibata didn't ask about Morinaga's motives for his return and Morinaga was grateful for it. There was only one question from Shibata regarding the matter, and after Morinaga's brief answer, neither of them touched the matter again.
Many hours later Morinaga was walking back home, to be more precise, to his Nii-san's home. 'I should start thinking about going to school again,' he thought. Morinaga had been talking about the future with Shibata and he saw that it was the best time to start a new life. Somewhere deep inside he didn't want to let go of the life he lived until only few days ago. Was it only four days ago that he experienced the truth? Morinaga felt that the gap between his previous life and his totally new life without Senpai in it was so wide that stepping over it would take months, if it would be even possible.
He knew he needed time to forget and to start a new life; this time really without a person who he could love and by which he could get hurt again. 'I'm not so sure if I could manage to live through one more heartbreak. I don't want to love again! Feelings cause nothing but trouble and pain, and I'm really too tired to deal with both.' The sky was starting to get really dark so he hurried back, not wanting to make his brother and Ayako worry about him. He made their life uncomfortable enough by staying there with them. 'I should start looking for a place to stay as well.' While he couldn't say that his brother's and Ayako's wedding was recent, he could tell the two of them wanted to be left alone for some more time. 'From tomorrow on, I will really need to do something about myself. I have had enough time to hurt. Nii-san and his wife are really patient with me. Instead of petting me on the head they should kick my ass out.'
Morinaga was coming to his destination. The lights in his Nii-san's house were on. Although he had permission to walk in without ringing the bell or knocking, he thought that it would be better if he did. Morinaga wasn't keen on interrupting something intimate by dashing into the living room without making them know that he was there. That was why he rang the bell and waited for someone to open the door. He waited a moment and then Ayako let him in. She smiled at him as she welcomed him, but Morinaga had a funny feeling that the smile was forced or faked. 'Did I really interrupt something? I should have my own place.'
He toed his shoes off and entered the living room, only to stop in his tracks as he saw who sat on the couch. Morinaga's eyes widened and his mouth opened as he stared directly at Senpai. Senpai! The man Morinaga wanted to forget that badly was sitting right here, together with his brother. Morinaga sent his brother a fast, angry glare. He was becoming mad. Not even in his dreams had he thought that Nii-san would let Senpai in, but there he was, standing up from the couch. 'How did he even find out that I'm here?'
"Morinaga…" Senpai's voice shook Morinaga out of his thoughts. He hadn't heard that voice for quite some time now, and he became even more angry that all of his efforts to forget were shattered right in this moment. He could forget about Senpai only if he didn't have anything to do with the man. Having him right there, hearing that voice, seeing him, only made Morinaga realize how much he loved Senpai and how much Senpai's actions had hurt him. There was no way he could forget, no way he could forgive. Not this time. He had overlooked many of Senpai's actions until now, but none of them were involving actually cheating before. The way the older man was treating him wasn't pleasant either.
Morinaga eyed Senpai with a cold, calculating stare. He saw that the man hesitated for a moment when he saw the way Morinaga looked at him, and he cursed himself for feeling a bit of guilt run through his body. HE was the victim here and not Senpai.
"What do you want here? I thought I made myself clear, I don't want to see you again." Morinaga knew they would argue and he didn't want to make a scene in front of his Nii-san and his sister in law, so he turned his attention from Senpai to the other two people present in the room.
"Can you two leave us alone for a while?" Morinaga didn't bother to make his voice sound pleasant. He was angry at his brother and Ayako. Neither of them had the right to butt into his life, and to Morinaga it really looked like the two did exactly what they shouldn't have done. Nii-san sent him a serious look, but Morinaga didn't say anything more, just waited for him and Senpai to be left alone. The two exited the room and then Morinaga turned his attention to Senpai. He had ignored the man completely when he asked Nii-san and Ayako to leave the room. Now he looked coldly at Senpai, who was standing and visibly hesitating between moving closer or staying in place. At last he decided to stay where he was.
"Why are you here?" Morinaga asked Senpai. He saw Senpai flinch upon hearing the tone of his voice, but there wasn't any reason for Morinaga to be nice, was there?
"I… We need to talk." Senpai swallowed. The two of them were looking in each other's eyes.
"I think there is nothing more to say…" Morinaga started to speak, but Senpai interrupted him.
"No! Hear me out first, okay? Please." The man looked desperate for a moment, but got himself together and started to speak again. "You need to hear me out before you kick me out of here!"
"Why should I? I'm not interested in your… whatever you wanted to say, so…" 'What the hell did he even come here for?! Just leave me alone!' Morinaga wanted to end this as quickly as possible before he broke down again. He wasn't interested in showing Senpai what he had done to Morinaga, how much he had affected him.
"Morinaga! Just… I know you're mad at me and you don't want to see me again," Senpai didn't want to back down. Morinaga saw that as he searched for the right words and wondered what the man wanted to say and how much of it was the truth. "But before you end this, I think I have the right to tell you the story from my point of view."
"What? You have a right to…?" Morinaga laughed loudly, but there weren't any signs of happiness in his laughter. Senpai really did surprise him. Saying something about rights after what he had done. "Don't make me laugh! You have absolutely no rights!"
"Yes, I have! Even the biggest criminals have the right to defend themselves, to be heard out… if they want to speak that is… but…" Senpai had spoken with more confidence in his voice, as if he really believed in what he talked about.
"I don't give a damn about it! Not that it would actually change something anyway." Morinaga cut in before the other had time to actually start his neatly prepared speech. 'I wonder how long did he work on it? Not with me, Senpai.'
"Then at least hear me out! If you say that it… w-won't change anything, you can at least listen for a while, right?" Senpai was really persistent. Morinaga had to admit that the man was trying to make him listen.
"I don't want to listen. Can't you understand that? I really don't think I need to waste more time on you than I have wasted up until now, don't you think?" There was no other way of dealing with Senpai. If he didn't tell the other right to his face what he thought, and that there wasn't going to be a second time for them, the man wouldn't stop nagging him to come back.
"Do you really think you wasted time… on me?" Senpai was utterly stunned and looked hurt. Morinaga saw that he was trying his best to remain calm and composed, but he knew Senpai too well to get fooled by him. Senpai was about to cry.
"You're not worth all the pain I felt the whole time I was with you." 'No one is.' Morinaga knew these words would cut deeply, hurt really badly, but there was no other way of dealing with Senpai now. He wanted the man to back off completely. He knew how stubborn Senpai could be at times, so he was forced to strike beneath the belt. It was a slimy way of doing things, but Morinaga didn't care. Even without looking at Senpai, only being with him in one place made Morinaga nearly sick when he thought about Senpai and Naomi.
"I… I…" Morinaga was looking the whole time into Senpai's eyes, his own remained cold and unaffected. Senpai trembled slightly as the meaning behind Morinaga's words sunk into him. He closed his eyes, then blinked a few times, but didn't manage to stop the tears from slipping out of them.
" Shit." That was a murmur, but loud enough for Morinaga to hear. It pained him to see Senpai like that, and still a part of him was looking at a crushed Senpai with no feeling, only curiosity about seeing this man so down. It was the first time Morinaga had seen Senpai the way he was now. He could tell Senpai imagined this whole conversation to be different, but Morinaga didn't intend to make it easier for him. If Senpai was allowed to speak it could be only the truth and not some pretty excuses he came up with during the time they were apart. 'I wonder what he wanted to say in the first place. Coming all the way here to Fukuoka…'
Morinaga was watching Senpai as he started to calm down slowly. He saw that the man was doing everything in order not to cry. Senpai's lips trembled, those lips he had kissed so many times, the same lips that kissed that girl. 'He should be with that girl. Why is he here?' Curiosity started to overpower him and Morinaga started to look Senpai over really closely. The man didn't look well. Morinaga smiled bitterly. He knew he himself didn't look great, but Senpai shouldn't be looking this bad.
"If… if I… even if I have to beg you... I will! Hear me out, Morinaga…please…" Senpai's words caught him off guard. He felt something inside him break. Never would he have believed that Senpai would actually beg for something, yet there he was, begging Morinaga to listen to him. He knew exactly how proud Senpai was. It must have taken a lot out of him to do what he just did.
"I'm listening… speak." He wanted to chase Senpai away without letting him say anything, and here he was allowing the man to tell him more lies. 'I'm nuts.'
Note: Now you know what I had in mind when I wrote "out of character". Please, don't kill me! He didn't beg!Not really, anyway. He only said he would! Morinaga wouldn't listen if Senpai wouldn't do something extreme. I hope you had fun reading this chapter. Tell me what you think, please.