Chapter 6 - Christian
The smell. The sounds. The memories that seared into his brain of pain, confusion, and unadulterated self-loathing all rushed back to him in an instance as he stepped out of the elevator. Like he needed any further reminder of what he felt and what this place meant to him. He was a fool to think by coming back here would help his stagnant state. But, he wanted a change of scenery and so he got one. One that he was all too familiar with and did not particularly fall under the category of his favorite places to visit.
"Grey," his physical therapist rounded the corner. He was a stocky, muscular built man named Liam, who wore too tight of shirts and was the best in his field. From professional athletes to elite men and women, he was "the" guy that everyone, who could afford him, went to, so it was no surprise that he didn't give a shit as to who he was. He worked with all sorts of financially inclined assholes like himself. Christian was just another patient on his schedule.
"Due to your last minute change up, I got us a room booked, but we will be sharing it. I hope that's not a problem." Liam informed him.
Not a problem, but more like a nuisance. Once again, this was his doing. He should have known his abrupt relocation would come with some minor adjustments and a non-private session. The hospital was a public gathering of sorts, after all. It catered to thousand of people per day and while he could easily persuade someone in dollar amounts to finding him a solo room, he wasn't about to interrupt someone else's day for his sake.
Christian drew in a deep breath and replied, "No."
"Just go ahead and sign in with the main desk. We'll start in about five minutes. We're in the first room on the left."
"Great." He half-assed a smile and walked over to the desk as his body reminded him of why he was here.
The curly haired receptionist perked up and greeted him as she handed a clipboard over for him to sign. On it there was a list of names, room numbers assigned, and a time. As he stroked the pen against the paper, he paused. Just above where his name was written was a name that struck a chord in him. A thick chord that sent deep vibrations throughout his body. Anastasia Steele. Could it be her? He didn't think too many people in this city could share such a name. It had to be her. Something fluttered inside him.
Suspicion settled, though. He couldn't simply be this lucky. What did the universe have in store for him? And why was it being so generous when he did not deserve an ounce of it?
Shaking his head to dismiss his doubt, he winced as he walked toward his assigned room. There he found Liam ready and waiting, but he was not alone. Another woman sat in the corner on a tablet as she punched away on the screen. He assumed she was Ana's therapist.
"I'm going to have you sit for the first exercise, but don't think you're getting a break right away. Let's focus on your leg muscles." Liam instructed and produced a chair for him. "The sooner we strengthen and tighten the muscles from the waist down, the less pain you'll feel."
"Who said I was in any pain?" Christian sarcastically remarked.
"Your face when you walked in."
Damn. Usually, he had a poker face for most situations, even when he was in physical pain. Maybe he needed to work on that. At least, when Liam saw it he knew what to do, unlike others who only sympathized with him. He was sick of everyone's pity.
As he lifted his leg slowly so it was parallel with the ground, he glanced at the clock. In a few minutes, she would walk through the door. The one he currently had his back to. A part of him wanted to shift so he could see her when she walked in but kept his urge suppressed. Why was he so damn thrilled to see the one person who hated him? More than likely, she would not be happy to see him. That was for sure. God, he was so fucked up on so many levels. This was definitely a topic that needed to be addressed with his other non-physical therapist, Dr. Flynn who he would see in a few short hours. Maybe he could make some sense of it. But until then, he would wait.
Tick tock. Tick tock. The clock beckoned his anxiety upon her arrival, but as time passed and his muscles begged for some relief there was no sight of the woman he could not rid from his mind. Where the hell was she? Punctuality was a trait he respected. For those who could not follow it, he had no respect for.
As he continued his physical activity as Liam observed his motions, he grew less and less impatient. This was unacceptable. Fuck Grey, calm yourself. What are you here for: to get better or to eye fuck the girl who you nearly killed!
Just the thought that rationalized with him made him cringe. He really had to quit this before it became all too consuming. Too late for that. The last thing on his mind should be her. He had a business to worry about. A transition of power to anticipate and a fiancé who at this moment was not pleased with him. If he wanted things to go smoothly while he underwent recovery, he needed to stay focused on the life he had planned out ahead of him. Not his daily daydreams of a brunette who he wished he could mend things with in more ways than one.
"Grey," Liam brought his erratic thoughts to a halt. "Easy. You're going to hurt yourself at this pace."
He had not realized he had blocked out the pain and begun a full lift at twice the pace had been instructed before. Jesus Christ, what had got into him?
"What is he doing here?" A male voice from over his shoulder shouted in a near whisper. Who the hell are you? he internally growled and wonder who the son of a bitch was that had said it. Unless Liam had some enemies he didn't know about, it was clear the heated question was directed at him.
"Ana," the female physical therapist who had occupied the opposite side of the room called out. His wave of anger subsided upon the two-syllable name said. Not only was the muscles in his legs tight, but so were the ones in his chest. She was here. She was actually fucking here. Shit!
As the female physical therapist continued to speak, his mind rattled off the possibilities of how he should react. Option #1: turn around and steal a glance. Option #2: follow through with option number one and say hello. Option #3: abort mission and offer her space she rightfully wanted and deserved from him. But an option number four crossed his mind, too. Option #4: say nothing and do nothing until it was the right time to do so. No matter what option he chose, this was not going to go well. His unwanted presence was already blatantly obvious and the tension in the room was damn near suffocating.
"That's the asshole who hit her." The male voice announced loud enough to get a rise out of him. If he had the proper strength, he would stand up from his chair and grab the throat of the asshole who spoke so warmly of him. Who was this guy anyway? Her boyfriend?
"No, it's fine." Her soft voice was laced with exhaustion and frustration. "I don't need to be moved to another room."
He paused as he took a mental note of her statement. Did she honestly want to stay or was it her attempt to avoid an awkward situation escalating into a territorial outburst? At any rate, her response was not what he expected nor was it a surprise that she didn't seem like the confrontational type as he continued to listen to her argue with the man who was not shy about his extreme dislike for him.
"Why are you defending him? The guy almost killed you. Why the hell would you want to be in the same room as him if you don't have to be?"
The whites of his knuckles colored his skin as he gripped the chair tighter. The testosterone in him flared while the need to punch the douchebag she associated herself with swelled in his chest. But one thing kept him from acting upon his current quest. Looking past his newfound hatred for a complete and total stranger, he had to agree with his heated curiosity. Why did she want to stay when the option to separate herself from him was manageable? A sliver of hope crept into his mind that he instantly shook it away. No, she hated him. Her reason could not possibly be what had brought him here.
"I'm not defending him. It's just, it's not that big of a deal." Ana argued. A brief moment passed before she began to speak again. This time, she lowered the volume of her voice to a near whisper and said, "The city is big, but it's not that big. I'm going to have to deal with the possibility of running into him, especially right now."
She had a point to her argument, but something unnerved him about the way she had noted his existence. It was as if he was just another name and face to her, but he knew better than that. Her thoughts and feelings were not passive when it came him, even if she pretended to be in the moment. He was not just another person in the grand city that they both lived in. The image of his face, of his name, and what he had done to her was damn near unforgettable. How could one erase such a tragic event from their mind permanently? How could anyone go on living after such a threat to their life and not hold the other person who enacted such a tragedy accountable?
Another voice was added into the mix. " Ana, if being in the same room as Mr. Grey is going to be a problem, we can ask him to leave," her therapist insisted. A knot in his stomach formed and twisted hard. What the hell was he doing here? This wasn't right. She didn't deserve this. He was half ready to end this charade when she spoke again.
"He can stay," she quickly replied. "I just want to get started."
The knot unraveled and the tension in his body released itself all at once. He let out a long breath as he had not realized he had been holding it.
"Are you sure you want to stay?" Liam mentioned as he held out his hand to stop his exercise. He had not been the only one who had listened in on the minor explosion of words that had been exchanged from across the room. "Look, Grey, I just took the first room they had available..."
"She said it was fine, so it is." Christian gritted through his teeth as he lifted himself out of his chair. His body screamed at him as he masked his pain.
Christian positioned himself for his next routine exercise which involved the rotation of his shoulder and arm. This movement was a downright bitch to work through. He could already feel his muscles pleading with him to bail out. However, that simply was not the case as Liam held one hand on his shoulder while the other held his elbow and began a circular motion. Son of a bitch! But the pain was the least of his worries as he locked eyes with her and he felt his chest tighten once more.
A wave emotions washed over her face upon eye contact. Their connection was short lived though as she quickly turned her back to him and proceeded with her session. Just the brief glance of her face took his breath away to which he could not decipher was a good or bad thing. If anything, it was foreign and had completely ambushed his cold stone interior. What was it about her that sent a signal of recognition to his brain? Here she was a girl he had no relationship with, yet there was a connection stretched finely between them. It only hung by a thread, though. A thread so thin that at any moment it could disintegrate if not properly cared for. A thread he knew he should let go of, but was not quite ready to release. He had asked himself the question of why a million times. Why her? Why hold on when the other end was empty? He had no definite answer yet besides the ever looping idea that she was not just another pretty face. Ana was no stranger to him. He knew her, but how?
The worlds they lived were separated by a thick barrier. He immersed himself in business, transactions, and the upper class while she surrounded herself with her knowledge of medicine, family, and friends. It made no sense for their worlds to ever collide, yet the possibility struck him hard as if it had at some time and place that he had yet to discover.
"It's rude to stare you know," Liam mumbled.
"I'm concentrating," Christian spoke out of the corner of his mouth.
Liam chuckled and took a step back to leave him to continue his motions solo. "Oh, you're concentrating all right. Just not in the right direction," he remarked.
"What?" He broke his stare away from Ana and stuck out his jaw. What the hell was he on about?
"Don't give me that shit. You know fully well what I'm talking about." Liam crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Tread lightly my friend."
"Remember who is writing your checks." Christian threatened openly. All his pent up energy since his accident had left him in a constant rage. He craved for a session with Bastille, his trainer, but knew it was too early to be hitting the gym. At the risk of hurting himself, he was restricted from any excessive exercise beyond the point of physical therapy.
No further comments were made on Liam's behalf about his temporary gazing session at Ana. With him being on alert of where his eyes wandered off to, he knew he had to refrain from doing so. However, that didn't stop him completely. He couldn't help himself. Every time he looked at her, her eyes gravitated toward him. Each time he did look at her, he tried to memorize every inch of her face so he could imprint the image of her into his mind. And every time he tried to place where he had seen her before, he came up empty. Why was she so damn familiar?
He tortured himself with the thought as they worked in close quarters breathing the same air and locking eyes uncomfortably. He watched as she grew frustrated with certain tasks while he kept his poker face strong. No one, not Liam nor Ana, would be able to read his face. His thoughts spun out of control like wildfire inside his head as he traveled down the path that ended with her every time. It was not something he wished to convey out in the open.
As his two-hour session wrapped up, he knew his time with her was about to come to an end. A part of him, one that he could not make sense of, was not ready to depart. He still was unable to figure out where he had known her from before. The idea of seeing her again would jog his memory had failed. Maybe he needed something more. Maybe he needed interaction, or maybe he was desperate for an escape again and was clearly misplacing his needs in a woman who could not satisfy him. You're an idiot if you think she'll want to talk to you, he told himself.
"You're getting there," Liam patted his shoulder as he rested in the chair. "I know you want to get back into the swing of things, but give it some time and you will be."
"You're right about one thing today. Don't think once I'm healed up I won't be kicking your ass for that comment earlier."
"When you are, I'll be ready. See you tomorrow. Should I book a room here or do you want to go back to having sessions at your place after today?" He asked.
Christian took a sip of water and said, "Book a room."
A sly smirk slithered across Liam's face as he darted his eyes toward Ana, who was hunched over in her chair staring at her feet. Yes, Ana was a part of why he wanted to continue his sessions away from his apartment, but it was not the only reason. He felt trapped there. Once again, he searched for an escape and if meant changing the location of his physical therapy then so be it.
With other patients to attend to, Liam and Ana's physical therapist rushed off to their next appointment leaving the two of them alone. Words were on the tip of his tongue, but he didn't know how to speak. He honestly didn't know what to say either, but he wanted to say something, anything to grab her attention. His heart was about to jump out his chest at this rate. Now, as he stared at her, she deliberately avoided all eye contact as she distracted herself with her phone. Her eyes were fixed on the tiny screen hard. It was like she pretended that he wasn't even there. It pissed him off. It sent him over the edge. She could hate him all she wanted, but she could not ignore him.
"You could have asked me to leave," he stated. Her eyes looked up from her phone screen to him. There was fire behind them now.
"You could have just left on your own," Ana replied sharply. He felt her jab in spoken form.
"I could have, but you said I could stay." Christian reminded her. "Why?"
"I was being nice."
Christian nodded his head. Nice? So, she didn't want him here. Now, he understood. She had only said he could stay because there were other parties involved. Had it been just them, the outcome would have been different. Why had this realization pissed him off further?
"What are you doing here anyway? I've never seen you come here for physical therapy before." Ana noted as she used the back of her chair to stand. Where was she going? He rose, too.
"I didn't want to be held up in my apartment anymore," he explained dismissing any notion of frustration with her. "It was starting to feel like a prison."
Oh, the irony in his statement. Ana shook her head as she felt no sympathy for him. It was obvious to him she didn't. Maybe he deserved to feel locked up. It was where he belonged after all. Most people don't walk away from what he did with clean hands. His hands were anything but clean, however with his connections, it almost appeared that way. Fuck! That's how Ana must have viewed him. She must have thought he was an arrogant asshole who thought he could away with anything. He couldn't have her thinking of him in that way.
"I didn't know that you'd be here, let alone be in this room," Christian confessed. "I'll make sure it doesn't happen again."
"Okay," she dropped her eyes. Her spoken response said one thing while her expression said another. What was that? It wasn't hate. It wasn't even resentment. He had no idea what it was that she tried to hide from him, but it was something that had intrigued him. "I guess I won't see you around then."
Ana forced a sarcastic smile on her face and began to make her way out of the room. She was leaving. He didn't want her to. Something inside him panicked and he moved in her direction as fast as he possibly could.
"Would you care to grab a coffee or some food?" He blurted out.
"What do you not get that I don't want anything to do with you?" Ana shook her head before she looked at him with sad eyes. "No, I don't want to grab a coffee or some food with you, Christian. I don't want anything to do with you. Please, just stop. You shouldn't have even sent me flowers."
"You got them?"
"Yes," her brown eyes intoxicated him. He had never been this close to her until now, at least from what he could remember. The only other time they were in close proximity was when she was by his bedside in the hospital, but he had been unconscious for most of that. "I got them and they are beautiful, but..."
"I know I shouldn't have. I'm sorry," Christian cut her off.
A tiny ounce of him was thrilled that she had received the orchids he had sent her. He knew out of all the bouquets she would get that his would be most memorable in more ways than one. It wasn't particularly a flower that most people sent for wishes of one getting well. It held a silent message. One that proclaimed, if she were willing to open herself up to him, that he cared and signified beauty because she truly was a beautiful woman, she just didn't embrace it, though. He was unsure if she knew how beautiful she was or if he had shattered the idea when he collided with her on that awful day.
"I know you mean well, but please just refrain yourself from doing anything else like that. I don't need little reminders of you when I'm trying to forget you."
He took a step back. "Ana, you know how deeply sorry I am and you can go right ahead and forget all about me, but you and I both know that's not going to be possible." The flames were lit behind her eyes again. "What I did is unforgettable. And as much as I'm trying to move on with my life, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about what I did to you."
Tread lightly, Grey. He was headed into a territory he was not sure he was ready to embark. The glisten of tears calmed the fire in her eyes as she blinked them away and turned her head. Shit, the more he talked, the worse he was making things between them.
"I have to go," Ana announced and left the room abruptly.
Why the hell did he just say all of that? How could either of them move on when he said stupid shit like that? He was a grade A fuck up. As he exhaled a breath of frustration, he felt his phone in his pocket vibrate. An incoming email had arrived in his inbox from his therapist, Dr. Flynn. He quickly read over to find out the information of what floor he needed to meet him on for his next therapy session. This one would be much different seeing as it would not be at his apartment or Flynn's office. It would be located in a random room sectioned off for him for an hour. This one would be an intense session after the day he had just had.
As he made his way to the elevator, he hesitated as he saw Ana waiting for one to arrive. Stairs were definitely out of the question as he was in no shape to be using them, so an awkward elevator ride it was. He walked toward her cautiously. She glanced at him for a second before he knew without seeing her face that she had rolled her eyes.
"Can I, at least, ride in the same elevator with you?" He asked like a wounded teenage boy.
"Do I have a choice?" She shrugged as the elevator dinged and the doors opened. He waited for her to step in first before he followed as his eyes drifted downward. He blamed it on his male instinct to check out her ass. He most definitely should not be checking our her ass, he thought immediately, or any other female's ass considering he was supposed to be committed to Elena. Just the thought of her made his blood boil. She was a topic that needed to be addressed with Flynn, too. There was so much to talk about today.
After selecting their respective floors, they stood there in silence as it dropped one floor at a time. He wanted to say something, but he knew opening his mouth would only get him in trouble. Ana didn't care what he had to say anyway. She was trying to move on, to forget him, remember? He hated it, though. He deserved her silence and her resentment. He deserved every emotion she threw at him.
To ease the growing tension, the elevator slowed to a stop at one of the floors. Someone was getting on. He was almost grateful until he saw who it was. "Oh, Christian?!" His mother looked surprised to see him as she entered and pressed the button for the floor she needed. "What on earth are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at home resting?"
"Hello, mother." He kissed her cheek. "I had my physical therapy session moved here and I'm on my way to meet Flynn."
"I wish to say that I'm happy to see you moving around more, but the doctors said," she began, but he was quick to stop her before she could lecture him.
"Bed rest, I know. But, I don't need to have every damn appointment at my place." Christian noted. "I'm fine. Trust me."
It was not only her maternal instinct to be wary of him, especially now as she viewed him so fragile after his accident, but as a doctor, too. His mother was the head pediatrician at Northwestern Hospital. It was her duty to care for the children who came in and out of the hospital on a daily basis. It wasn't her duty to still treat him like one. He knew her excuse would be, but he'll always be her baby, and while she could see him that way he was a grown ass adult now who could take care of himself.
"If you don't mind, I'd like to stop over later and take a look at you, though." She insisted. His eyes flickered to Ana, who was trying to hide her smirk. What did she find so damn amusing? Was it the mother and son bickering that they were currently condoning in front of her like she was a painting on the wall? She looked good with a smile on her face, even if it was barely there. To see her like this did something to him.
"Oh my, Ana, right?" His mother acknowledged her. Her facial features went immediately soft. "Darling, I didn't even recognize you at first. How are you feeling?"
"I've been better, but I'm doing okay, Dr. Grey." Her voice was so tiny and filled with unease.
Why was his mother talking to her so casually? Sure, his mother was friendly. It was her job to be especially in her line of work dealing with sick and injured kids and their parents, but this was Ana. She got a warm welcome while he got knocked down a peg for disobeying doctor's orders. How was that fair?
"I'm actually going to meet with your doctor for a quick lunch. He says you're doing quite well with the healing process, according to your last check-up." She smiled widely. "I hope you don't mind that I asked him. I want to make sure that you're getting all the treatment you need."
"It's fine," Ana responded. "And I am."
Okay, enough small talk in the elevator between his mother and the girl he had caused such emotional and physical distress to. This was getting too weird for him.
"Good. I want to see you make a full recovery. You're very lucky considering what happened." Her tone shifted toward the end of her sentence. While she cared for his recovery as well, his mother had not quite forgiven him for what he had done. He was sure he would hear about it later when she would come to visit.
"Oh look, we've arrived at your floor," Christian announced clearing his throat. "I'll see you this evening."
"Yes, I'll stop by your place around seven and don't try to dodge me, Christian." She pointed at him.
"Where would I go? After all, I'm supposed to be on bed rest." His sarcastic remark was ignored as his mother turned back to Ana.
"Dear, I hope to see you at the gala this weekend, if you're feeling up to it, of course." Gala? Oh, shit was that this weekend? It had completely slipped his mind.
Ana shifted uncomfortably with her phone in her hand. "Gala? What is that?" She asked.
"It's a party of sorts. It's held at the Drake hotel this year. All the staff is invited. Very formal. It's a lovely event with food, drinks, dancing, and a silent auction. I hate for you to miss it as this is your first year as a nurse here, but I totally understand if you're not feeling well enough." The doors to the elevator that had been open began to close. She placed her arm out to stop it as the doors slid back open. "I have to go, but take care of yourself, the both of you."
The heels of her shoes clicked away as she disappeared behind the silver doors. Out of all the people to share an elevator with it had to be Ana and his mother. A third person was what he had hoped for, not someone to talk his ear off, though. He released a shaky breath as the floors chimed in descending order one by one. He would have to have a stern conversation with his mother about her over extension of concern for Ana. It was nice of her to care, but as previously stated, she was trying to move on and having his mother confront her about her recovery most likely wasn't helping either.
As the silence continued, his mind wandered off to the event this mother had mentioned. The annual gala for the medical staff was always one to remember and one he looked forward to each year. However, this year would be different. This year he would be miserable due to his current state, but there was a possibility for it to be better than expected and it all depended on the attendance of a certain brunette. Would she go? He secretly hoped she would.