Awake

Charlie stood in the middle of the town square, silence surrounding her, in a sea of other people. Aaron was standing right beside her. He did not have to be there, but he had not left her side. She was not able to move, taking in the silence. And then, the deep sound of the town bell was finding its way through the night. The deep sound telling her the news of a final goodbye.

And every time a new wave of sound from the bell reached her, she could feel emotions wash over her, more and more.

It's finally over.

He's gone.

Sebastian Monroe was gone.

At the same time she remembered him, she remembered how he had saved her life, his reassuring and strong hand on her shoulder when she was not able to pull away from that nightmare. She remembered how many years ago he had been a part of her family when she was so much younger. But what she remembered most of all, were his eyes.

It's over.

He's gone.

Bass is gone.

She would never get the opportunity to thank him. Thank him for that one night in Pottsboro. She would never learn how much more was in him, only hints of a promise was what stayed behind. They had spent weeks and weeks on the road together.

And only now he was gone, Charlie allowed herself feel that something had changed in the weeks she spent on the road with Monroe. Her feelings had changed, and had become so much more complex and tangled. And then tears filled her eyes. She looked at the ground, every muscle in her body had tensed up, desperately trying not let the wave of emotions crush her.

Take care of your Uncle, kid. There they were again, his last words. She did not know if his words or the raw and low softness in his voice was what touched something within her.

Take care of your uncle Kid.

Miles. She had to find Miles.

Miles found his way to the little town bar. The bar was empty and silent, and he welcomed them both. A glass of whiskey in his hands, the bottle not far away. He drank it, but did not taste it. He only wanted the numbness, but this night it did not work. He just had to say goodbye to his brother. How much he tried to put distance between them since the night that he tried to end Bass' life, the night he had left his whole life and had stopped being a general in the Republic he build with him, how much he tried, he couldn't.

He had shaken hands with Bass one more time, looked him in the eyes one more time. He had not been able to understand that this would be the last time, the very last time. He knew, but he was not able to understand.

Then he had walked away and Bass told him about Emma. About his son. And he had felt anger, anger for everything that stood between them. He had felt powerless that he still cared so much about Bass. And he had not been able to help himself. His last words to Bass were ones that brought Bass to his knees. It should have made him feel better, revealing to Bass he knew all along about Emma and his son, but it didn't.

He tried to hide in this bar, but when he heard the sound of the bell, the sound reaching the whole town and sending it's deadly message, there was no more to hide. He felt how tears blurred his vision and he tried to desperately hold on to the glass before him. Memory's of their childhood, of their time together, the good finally finding its way through all the hurt and bad were what took over. It could have been so very different. He pushed that thought out, the only thing left was the grieve for his little brother. Because that's what they had been, and it had never changed through time, through all of it. They were family, brothers.

Charlie knew where to look for Miles. She had to find him. When she entered the bar she immediately saw him at a table. Whiskey in his hands, his eyes distant and filled with tears and hurt. It broke her heart to see him like this. She walked over and stood by his side, giving him time.

He did not look at her, but only raised his left hand from the table towards her.

She took his hand with both of hers and held his for a while. Her eyes filling with tears as well, tears she was still stubbornly trying to push away. She was trying to give him some comfort, and his hand, their unspoken connection gave her the smallest of comfort right now, comfort she needed so much.

'I'm around if you need me,' His hand still in hers. She waited for Miles to nod ever so slightly before she let go and walked out the bar.

She walked without thinking about her direction. She reached the garden of an empty house and let her body slide against the wall. She could feel the heat of the long gone summer day still in the wall, but inside she felt coldness creeping in. One tear broke throug. The another Her body started shaking. And then she cried with so much force she was almost not able to breathe anymore. He was gone. Bass was gone.

It was the first morning light that woke her up. Her back still against the wall, her head resting on her knees, her body filled with a hollowness. She knew she had to get up. Go home, go home was what sounded in her head.

When she found her way home her mother was waiting on the porch steps before the house. Charlie saw her and had no energy left for another battle with her.

Rachel got up and walked towards her. Charlie avoided her eyes.

'Come with me, Charlie.'

'Why the hell would I want to do that?' Her voice was hoarse with exhaustion.

'Because we are going to Miles,' Rachel's paused, ' and he is with Monroe.'

Charlie stopped. Looked at her mother, not being able to find any words. For a moment she was back in the room of her grandfather's house the night before, where she had tried one last time to explain to her mother what Monroe did for her, that they needed him, what it would do to Miles. She knew her mother had listened, but the distance in her eyes had taken away her last hope, if she had any at all. She had asked her to spare his life, drug him instead of filling him up with deadly poison. But she knew it was pointless, hopeless. Angry, but even more defeated, she had left the room, leaving her mother behind, realising it was going to happen and there was nothing she could do.

Coming back to the early morning they reached the town walls and kept walking, her mother choosing a small path next to a field heading north.

She watched how her mother had started walking towards an abandoned house not far from the town. Charlie followed her in a shared silence.

When she walked up the stairs, she realised she would see him again. She was bracing herself for what she would feel, not sure how to act all of a sudden. When she opened the door, she saw Miles standing close to the bed where Monroe was laying. The room had high windows, and dus was floathing in the sunlight that streamed in. There was an old tv that was used as a table. There was a small bed. Monroe's face was turned to Miles. Miles was trying to talk to Bass, who was still groggy and spaced out from the insane amount of drugs in his system, making him look dead for a while to everyone else who needed to believe that.

'Look at you, you missed me. You are my best friend,' Monroe said with a genuine smile on his face. His voice soft, grinning from ear to ear and his eyes towards Miles were softer than she ever seen them.

'Alright, that's enough Bass,' Miles answered him. Charlie could see a smile on her uncle's face. Cearly making him uncomfortable.

And just for a moment, she was able to see some of their friendship from many years ago. A smile from her lips to her eyes appeared on her face. She had not been smiling so genuinely for so lang. But seeing her uncle with Monroe, a Monroe she had never experienced before, made her warm up to the guys.

She then turned to her mother.

'Why did you do it?'

'Because we need him. And you asked me to,' Rachel spoke those words slowly.

She had listened. Her mother finally listened to her. Miles watched their way, surprise on his face when he realised it had been Charlie who asked Rachel to do this. Charlie knew one day he would talk to her about it, but not today. It was still too fresh. Mathesons needed their time to stew on this.

There was no way they could leave Monroe alone in his state, but they could not all stay. Things had to appear normal for the people in town, for her grandfather. And although Rachel made a decision to spare his life, taking care of him was one step too far, Miles and Charlie only had to look in her eyes to know that. Charlie nodded to Miles.

'I will stay here,' Charlie offered.

'You sure, kid?' Miles was looking at his niece, not being completely sure how he felt about this, at all.

'I'm sure Miles. Look at him,' nodding at Monroe's direction with a smirk, 'nothing I can't handle.'

Her voice was tougher then she felt. She was not afraid to handle Monroe, but her own feelings were something entirely else. Her voice giving the message towards her mother that there would be no debate. Miles looked at his stubborn niece, there was no way in hell he would win this argument. And with Bass high from the drugs and not even able to lift up his own hand, he decided it would be okay.

And then, after what felt like forever, she was finally alone with him. She had spent so many weeks alone with him on the road, but this time she was not sure what to do. She was too aware of his bare shoulders, above the blanket that covered the rest of his body. She was too aware of his chest, slowly going up and down with his breathing. She followed the lines of his chest to the lines of his neck. But what struck her more was the complete change in energy, the normally so harsh lines in his face had relaxed. It was like a completely different man was laying in the bed in front of her.

'Miles.. Miles?' He had fallen asleep and had woken up, confused and unfocused.

She took a couple of steps forward, reaching out for a chair that was on her right and pulled it closer to his bed.

'Miles is gone for a while.' She took a deep breath, 'It's me, Charlie'.

Charlie saw how his face was slowly turning to the sound of her voice. His movements so uncoordinated, missing its usual aim, she saw him struggling to focus. But than his eyes found her.

'Charlie,' his voice low, speaking slowly. Charlie watched how he took her in, taking his time. It made her completely too aware of herself. He never looked at her this way. She saw his face change again, a grin forming around his lips.

'Charlie,' he said her name one more time before drifting off again. Hearing him say her name like this almost brought a shiver to her spine.

She stayed close to him, leaving the room only to go find some food and water her mother and Miles had left behind for her. She was in the kitchen eating some old bread and dried meat when she heard his voice upstairs. There was a hint of panic in it. She dropped the food and rushed upstairs. When she entered the room, he was still out, asleep but fighting a dream. His body was restless, his expression one of fear and pain and he was mumbling words she could not understand.

Once it would have given her satisfaction to see him hurt, to see him struggle but that was before. She realised that he was very much still alive, but he had died in a way. She realised that he had woken up, but paralysed by the drugs in a coffin deep in the ground. Confused, cold and darkness around him.

She closed the distance between them and put one hand on his bare shoulder.

'Monroe, wake up,' Her voice firm but with gentleness,. that took even herself by surprise.

He did not respond, only fighting more, panicking more. At that moment, she realised she wanted to reach out for him. Help him through this. She moved his hand from his shoulder to the side of his face, she felt his beard, his skin.

'Bass, it's okay. It's me, Charlie, wake up.,'

She realised she used his name for the first time, and it felt surreal and normal at the same time.

And then finally she felt him relax, the mumbling stopped, his face relaxed again. It was like hearing his name made him pull out of the darkness. She took a step back, her hand leaving the warmth of his face behind. Just when Charlie wanted to sit down again, his hand appeared from under the cover of his blanket. It reached out for hers. It was like the world moved in a slow motion. She did not know where this came from, that she had this in her when it came to this man. But the only thing Charlie could do was reach out for his and hold it when they were being close together in silence. His strong and rough hand between hers.

'It's okay Bass... you are okay,' This time it was only a whisper when she watched him fall asleep again. He was asleep, but her feelings for him finally were starting to be very much awake.