I sent Catherine away to get stitched up, that cut looked really deep. I can't believe people left her without attending to it. Okay, I suppose I didn't just send her away because of that. I mean, we kissed. Even though it was forced, it felt like a gate had opened within me, and bucket loads of feelings I'd tried hard to suppress. As soon as I laid eyes on Catherine, I knew there would be some complicated feelings later on, but that kiss sped up the process. It was gentle, and when we pulled away I swear I saw love in her eyes, along with fear and confusion, but I was scared too, so maybe I was imagining it. Yeah, that seems right. Ha! Love? Right. I can't believe I tricked myself into believing that! I learnt my lesson last time with Steff.

'I love you so much Sara.'

'I love you too Steffi.' The two women entangled their hands together.

'You ready to talk about it, babe?' She asked the brunette.

'Yeah Steff, I think I am. Okay, no interruptions, I wanna get through this quickly. When I was younger I was the unwanted child, my mother hated me and she made sure I damn well knew it. Everyday I was beaten, and not just by her, by my father too, most of the time they were so out of it on either drugs or alcohol, sometimes both, that when they sobered up, they had no idea what had happened to me. One night my father came into my room and he sexually abused me, my mother could hear my screams for help, yet she never did anything about it, and the next day she beat me, like any other day, but it was different, she had a new hatred for me. And it carried on like that for a while until one night; she came into my room and dragged me out of it. She threw me down in the corner of the living room where my father was asleep, I closed my eyes, awaiting another beating, but when I heard a bloodcurdling scream, I opened them, big mistake. My mom had stabbed my father, repeatedly. I can't remember much apart from a lady taking my hand and telling me it'd be okay. But she lied, I was in the system for years until I ran away, and ended up here. I threw myself into school and work to make me forget, and it helped until my past caught up with me, and then I met you, you made me feel safe and loved. That's why I'm telling you this now, I love you.' A variety of emotions crossed the red heads face, sadness, anger, and then she settled on horror, she dropped Sara's hands as if she had been burned. 'Steff?' Sara asked, watching her girlfriend walk away.

'Don't try and get in contact with me Sara.' With that, she got in the car and drove away.

I never did get in contact with Steff. I never told anyone else apart from Gwen, but Gwen reacted differently, she held me and told me it wasn't my fault, and it didn't make her love me any less. She told me I was a strong person, too brave for my own good. Part of me can't accept she's gone and that I can never see her again, never talk to her. The other part knows she is looking down on me, but it still hurts, it's a pain that'll never go. No matter how much physical pain I inflict upon myself, it never goes away, I still miss her. I always will, and I know I have to deal with this differently; I have to stop hurting myself before I go too far. I'm pulled from my thoughts by a knock at the door; I look up to see Catherine.

"Hey," her voice is gentle, caring. "How're you doing?"

"I could be better, to be honest!" I joke; desperately wanting to lighten the mood, all I get in response is a sad smile. "You gonna just stand at the door, or are you gonna sit down and tell me about how you're gonna get to know me better?" She walks over and sits beside me, I reach out and take her hand in mine, rubbing small circles on the back of her hand with my thumb.

"I was thinking we could go out, get a few beers? And just, well, get to know each other better." There's that radiant smile I've come to love over a small amount of time.

"That sounds great Cath,-"

"There's a 'but', isn't there?" She cuts me off, looking disappointed and vulnerable.

"Yeah," she looks hurt. "I was gonna say, you have to buy the first round." Her eyes twinkle and she shoots me that 1000 watt grin,

"Of course!" She nods.

God, I can't wait to get out of here. I thought.