It had been suggested, strongly, to Gold that he go take a walk. As if that walk would somehow cool down the anger inside him, restore to him a semblance of patience and clear thinking rational. But things weren't that simple, Gold feeling beyond calm, beyond reasoning, even beyond control. In a man that was used to an abundance of control over his surroundings, of the situation and people he dealt with daily, to now experience the lack of it, was simply intolerable.
Control was everything to Gold. A necessity. He had spent too many years with it, making deals, manipulating events, guiding-sometimes pushing people down paths that were essential for his schemes. Always working towards his end game, striving to be reunited with his son.
There had been few if any bumps along the way. Everything had always been planned, every eventuality foreseen and adjusted for. He had spun destinies as easy as silk, designating dreams, making heroes out of farmers, and villains out of queens. The people gathered essential ingredients to the curse he had been making.
Everyone had been accounted for, every decision planned for. Everyone it seemed, save for Hook and Belle. Gold didn't like so much as thinking of them in the same thought, but the fact remained they had both been unexpected where his ultimate goal was concerned. Hook receiving a clear cut dismissal, Gold never intending to see the pirate again.
His life with Belle had also been unintended. Even from the first day, the first encounter, Gold acting almost on impulse when he had demanded the beauty as his payment. Certainly he had never expected to come to care for her, to love her and be loved in return. That love had scared him, Gold fearing Belle for the weakness she could be. A weakness she had already become, Gold proving too easy to prey on where Belle and Regina's lies about her were concerned.
Believing Belle dead and forever out of his reach, Gold had maintained his course. Fighting in the only way he could, manipulating the enchanted realm and it's inhabitants, in order to get back to his son. He mourned Belle all the while, and never once made adjustments. Why would he? She had been dead, taken out of the game, no longer able to affect things.
He had been a fool to believe Regina. To trust so easily in the Evil Queen's lies. One of the single greatest joys in his life, had been the day a frightened, almost cowering Belle had entered into his shop. To see her again, to hold and speak with her, to know she was alive? It was a gift he claimed eagerly. As well as a gift he took for granted, Gold lying to Belle, but worse yet, not making adjustments to his plans.
He had been stupid. Not recognizing how vulnerable Belle was. Thinking no one would dare harm her, Gold banking on much due to the sheer fear and respect his powers and reputation had grudgingly earned him. He should have known better, should have taken more care to protect his heart. Even after Hook and Cora had seemingly failed to travel to Storybrooke. But Gold had been overconfident, believing the only way home lost to them. How could he have known the very beans that had taken his son away, would have enough power left to open a portal one last time.
Gold's grip tightened on his walking stick, his expression infuriated. As much as he wanted to lash out at Hook, it was himself that Gold really wanted to beat. For having grown compliant, for becoming too confidant, for simply not protecting Belle better.
And now Belle had suffered for his arrogance. Her true self lost, perhaps destroyed for good, only her body and a stranger remaining behind. Her memories, her personality, whatever you wanted to call the spark that made a person who they were, gone. It wasn't Belle who looked at Gold with those confused blue eyes. Wasn't Belle who looked to him for protection, and it most definitely wasn't the woman that had loved him, that now grappled for answers.
Instead she was the woman the curse would have her be. Some frightened, tormented girl who had been at Regina's mercies for far too many years. Her only connection to Gold, was the words, a promise that he would protect her. Gold wondered if she even believed that now, after she had been shot while in his care.
The true Belle would have, refusing to give up on him, even upon hearing of his worst deeds. Truly, she had loved him, the only woman to ever give her heart completely to Gold. Not even his bitch of a wife, Mila, had been willing to do that. She had hated him, but Gold had never suspected just how much, even after the years of ridicule and scorn. Not until that fateful day on the pirate's ship, Mila screaming defiantly how she had never loved him.
Gold hadn't needed much thought when it came to retaliation. He had ripped out Mila's heart, and he hadn't even hesitated to crush it. Had there been any other way to react, any other way to retaliate and not earn the pirate's hate? Or had Gold made the biggest mistake of his entire life, in allowing Hook to live?
He should have killed him. If not then, then earlier today, on Hook's ship. It would have been all too easy to beat the pirate to death, costing him nothing but the love of a good woman. And yet he had still lost that woman, even after agreeing to her pleaded for mercy! What was the point of it all, if he couldn't keep Belle no matter the outcome? Why was he trying so hard to be good for just the memory of her?
The memories simply weren't enough. Gold needed Belle with him. Needed to feel her warmth, see the love in her eyes, hear her reaffirm the beliefs she had in him. He needed, actually craved it and her. And Gold wasn't about to be content with just her body still being alive.
Not even sure he was still sane, Gold had made a decision. He would do anything and everything to bring Belle back. No matter who in this town he had to sacrifice, what dark magics he had to work. He'd find a way, not caring that the curse was the most carefully crafted magic he or anyone else for that matter, had ever wrought in this realm or the one they had all come from.
The walk Swan had insisted Gold take, hadn't exactly calmed him but it had help fill him with renewed purpose. He was no longer quite so erratic, stalking forward with a determined gait. His expression was still one that disturbed many, the people in the hospital wise to hurry out of Gold's way. They recognized trouble when they saw it, though they couldn't begin to guess just what he would attempt to do in his quest to get Belle back.
His first true attempt, was the most obvious and simple to try, Gold entering into Belle's hospital room without so much as knocking. His expression towards her while not unpleasant, was of such single minded focus and intensity, that it made the woman nervous. She'd actually stammer out some words, some half formed question that was silenced by Gold's mouth catching at hers.
His expensive walking stick fell to the floor, the cane making such a clatter. Gold had taken Belle into his arms, fingers of one hand sinking into her hair. Kissing her with that same focus and intensity, his mouth hard and uncompromising as he tried to get Belle to soften and yield to him. Willing the power of true love's kiss to come break even his curse and set Belle free.
Her hands touched on his shoulders, the woman struggling, trying to shove him away. Disappointment filled him, Gold moving with Belle's push. Knowing true love's kiss was an instantaneous magic, and that it had failed.
Blue eyes startled and more than a little wary, Belle stared at him. Her mouth opened and closed several times before she found her voice, and then she was snapping at him.
"Just what are you doing?!"
Gold stared at her a moment longer, before shifting away completely. He'd move to retrieve his expensive walking stick, using that time to clear his throat and compose himself.
"Why did you kiss me?!" She demanded, now clutching at her bed sheets.
"Forgive me." He said, his voice clear of the emotions he was feeling. "It was a moment of impulse..."
"Impulse?!" She echoed, almost scoffing then. "And do you get these kind of impulses often?"
There was so many ways he could have answered, and most if not all would only confuse her. He settled on the words almost never, once again offering an unfeeling apology. She was hardly ready to accept it, staring at him as though Gold was some kind of monster. It was close to the truth, Gold so much more uncaring and beast like without Belle to ground him in goodness.
"You should rest." It was more order than observation, Gold moving to leave her room. Belle didn't quite grab for him, though she did manage to stop him with her voice.
"That wasn't the first time you wanted to kiss me." Her pale face got just the slightest of color, Gold looking at her with polite interest. "Before at my bedside...when you were talking about fairytales..."
He wanted to snap then, to shout at her that it wasn't some made up story, but his life he had been telling her about. Talking about the only really good memories he had, the time he had spent with Belle as his prisoner.
The struggle to remain calm must have shown on his face, Belle seeming to shiver in response. "Just what is our relationship?"
The matching half to each other's heart was hardly an answer he could voice, Gold pretending indifference now. "There is NO relationship."
Belle frowned in response, giving a slight shake of her head no. "That's not true. It can't possibly be..."
Gold wanted to snap at her, to demand answers as to what the woman could possibly know as right or wrong in this. But he held his tongue,reminding himself that she, that Belle deserved better than a response fueled by his angers and disappointments.
"I...I remember..."
"What do you remember?" Gold asked, trying not to give in to the hope beginning to swell in his chest. A hope that was dashed almost immediately, Belle not speaking anything he truly wanted to hear!
"That man from before...the one who came and got me from my cell. He specifically told me to find YOU. He assured me that you would protect me. Why?" She asked, holding Gold's gaze with her own troubled one. "Why would he think that? And why would you even bother?"
"We have a common enemy."
"Enemy..." She repeated with a whisper. "But it's more than that, isn't it? Because I remember...I remember how you acted when you first saw me. Like you had just seen a ghost. Or that you had been granted a miracle..." She shook her head again. "You don't just embrace a person, make vows of protection to a stranger. So...?"
"So you want to know everything." Gold stated, and she nodded.
"Please..." Belle all but begged. "There's so much I don't know...so much I must have forgotten. I don't even know myself, let alone you and the people around us."
"Fine then..." Gold inched towards her. "I'll tell you what you need to know."
"Thank you." She was full of gratitude, not realizing the catch in his words. That he would tell her only what he thought she needed, and not everything that she truly wanted. Nor could he guarantee she would like and accept what he would tell her, Gold sitting down in the chair situated next to her bed.
Once again Belle would find herself the focus of his intense stare, his eyes dark, the emotions inside him unfathomable to looks alone. He'd grip the gold head of his cane with both his hands, his body going stiff with tension. The need to touch her was one he almost couldn't deny, Gold's grip such on the cane, that his strength nearly caused it to shatter. He didn't dare touch Belle, not trusting her reaction, not trusting HIS own.
Belle shifted against the pillows, her fingers playing nervously with each other. She could barely meet his gaze, clearly bothered by how he looked at her. She would practically wilt in relief when Gold did begin speaking, but such an expression wouldn't last for very long.
"You wanted to know just what our relationship is towards each other." Gold began, his voice clipped and precise, the man almost ruthless in the moment. "But before you can even begin to understand it, you have to know just WHO you are."
A frown then, Belle making a questioning sound that was lost to Gold talking over her. "Whoever you think you are, whoever told you that name...it's all lies."
"But..."
Gold had little patience for protests, feeling truly beastly as he addressed her. "Your name is Belle. And you are the woman that I LOVE."
Her mouth had dropped open in shock, her eyes lifting to his, searching for confirmation. Whatever she took from his gaze, it unsettled her, Belle shaking her head in denial.
"No..."
"Yes." Gold said plainly. "You were right to sense that we had a connection, a relationship between us. But I doubt you could have guessed just how close and intimate a one it truly is."
"No...no...I don't believe it. I can't!"
"And why not? Is it that unthinkable, do you find me that unlovable?" A frowning Gold asked.
"I don't even KNOW you!" She snapped back.
"But you did..." Gold said, his voice almost ominous. "And someday, you will again."
He truly hadn't meant it to come out sounding like a threat, but the fact was it had, and Belle reacted to it as one all the same. Shaking, skin growing pale, the girl shifting to the far side of the bed. Gold forced himself to remain seated, to not do anything that could further agitate the woman.
"Belle..."
"MY name is NOT Belle!" She snapped almost viciously. "I am not the woman that you clearly have mistaken me to be!"
"It is you who are mistaken." Gold insisted. "You are her, and your name is Belle."
"I may be confused about a lot of things." She said, her pretty eyes so angry in the moment. "But I think I'd know my own name!"
"And just what do you remember?" Gold demanded in turn. "What possible memories do you have, that are worth clinging to, believing in rather than accepting the truth as I have told you?"
"I..." Her teeth worried at her bottom lip, Belle trying to think. Gold didn't wait for her to make a decision, speaking once more.
"None."
"It's just that I've been imprisoned for so long. Kept in that dark room for as far back as I can remember...but..." Her voice wavered, Belle not as certain as she was trying to pretend to be. "I'm sure that within time, more memories will come...that I will be able to recall a time before that room..."
"I hope you do regain those memories." Gold was sincere enough that it surprised her. "Because then you will remember me, US."
"There is no us!" She protested. "A lot of things may have been done to me, but I wouldn't forget something so important as the man that I loved!"
He couldn't stop that inward flinch her denial caused within him, couldn't stop the grief from filling his gaze, nor control the surge of impatience and anger spiking through him. Gold's grip on the walking stick became like steel, the color bleeding out of his knuckles as he fought to control himself. To keep from screaming at Belle, and to keep from stalking out of the room on the impulse to hunt Hook down and kill him, Emma Swan be damned.
"Memories are a funny thing." Gold said at last, his face showing the strain he was under as he fought against his darker impulses. "So fragile and easily misled. And all it takes is a tap on the head, or one volt too high."
She seemed to freeze in place at that, Gold wondering to just what extent Regina had tortured the girl. Just imagining Belle perhaps undergoing shock treatment, was enough to get Gold hungering for revenge all over again, the man thinking perhaps it was time to renew his attempts at retaliation.
"If..." Her voice sounded so quiet, so uncertain, Belle seeming to withdraw into herself. "If we really were...had that kind of relationship...what can you tell me." Another bite of her lip, Belle not quite looking at him. "How did we meet? When did we fall in love? What were our plans for the future?"
Gold hesitation made Belle frown, but what was he to tell her!? How could he explain the truth of their circumstances, of how they had met, how she had been his prisoner and slave? That despite all possible odds, they had fallen in love, only for him to ruin things with his cowardice? Could she even suspend her disbelief to believe that not only he, but her and the entire town, came from another world? A world that was made on magic and the fantastic, and that somehow, their very lives had become nothing but stories for the inhabitants that dwelt in this world?
He couldn't. Not yet. Not without preparing her. Not without running the risk of delivering a shock so great she might not be able to recover. Gold felt he had no choice but to lie to her, and placate her with deflections.
"It's...complicated." Even his tone was uncomfortable, Gold shifting in his seat.
"Complicated? How can love be complicated?"
He almost snorted then, thinking the woman Belle had become, was woefully naive. Perhaps more so than the original!
"Belle...I have found in my many years, and dealings with people, that love is anything but easy. That problems and complications can and do exist, making the road to happiness anything but smooth."
She continued to frown. "I can accept that...but I still don't understand why you can't tell me anything!"
"It's late." He said instead, which only caused her to make a frustrated sound. "You really need to get your rest." He was already rising, noting how Belle made sure to stay on the other side of the bed, far away from him. "And so do I for that matter."
What was one more lie, no matter how small and harmless? For Gold, even if he had been tired, wouldn't have gone to sleep. Not when he was intent on searching for a way to restore Belle to her true self as quickly and as safely as possible. He was willing to turn his shop, and his home upside down, search out every stray bit of magic, read every single book he had ever collected on the topic. Even as Gold knew his resources were limited when it came to the breaking of such a powerful curse.
To Be Continued...
Oh God...I had SUCH a hard time with this writing of this chapter. This is actually my third attempt. The first attempt was almost five pages long, and had an angry, violent confrontation between Gold and Charming, then Gold running off to try to kill Hook again. Thankfully I realized it wasn't right for the story...and trashed it.
Second attempt was just over a page, before I decided it wasn't making much sense. Third attempt which is what you just read, was born out of the opening sentences for the second attempt, but I was able to work from there to my satisfaction the rest of it.
See my main goal with this chapter, was to have Belle/Marjorie frustrated with the lack of real answers. I've been trying to get her into position for something...It was very hard to work out...especially since I had to change some things. See I come up with ideas, and plot things out, but it's always these damn conversations and reactions to what other characters said and do, that upset my long term plans...So I always feel like I end up scrambling, desperate to get the main idea I had to remain, without the characters knocking it of course!
But I am happy with how this chapter came out. For the most part anyway! XD
-Michelle
Maresia Eterna, thank you! Rather liked that sentence myself. :D And oh man...I keep thinking what ifs too, especially with memory loss. This fic here (That desperately needs a name) was me writing what I had thought they would do. But then though Hook got injured, he still had his memories in the actual show. But I still keep hoping he will take advantage of Belle not having her memories of her true self, and well...romance her just to upset Rumple, but then fall in love with her too! I even want to see Belle get her memories back, and now she's conflicted cause she developed feelings for both of them, and have both men going nuts over who will she choose..! Oh wait...I think I just majorly spoiled my own fic with this comment...:O
Redbell69, hello and thank you! Seems I did good with the Emma Gold confrontations! I am so pleased by the reaction those moments got. *dances* Oh...pain management problems SUCKS. -_- It hasn't been too bad this week, I mean my legs weren't bothering me as much as they could have. Though I probably spent way too much time in front of the computer...erg...And so sorry to hear you have your own suffering with pain to deal with as well.*hugs*
Sarai, aw thanks. Yes, I am looking forward to future moments...Though I worry about getting the story progressed to that point. Our two memory loss sufferers have yet to actually meet, but I'm aiming to change that and soon! Though I have the difficult task of balancing both men and their interactions and chances with Belle...but one of my plans for the Hook Belle side of things is, he and her end up in physical therapy together! XD And library stuff much later on.
Heh, I'm sure he would appreciate the offer to be his friend. Knowing him, Hook would flirt up a storm (Or possibly more if you let him) to show his gratitude to you. XD
Oh yes, I am so enjoying how productive this last week has been. More than I can probably express with mere words. It's been amazing...I don't want to jinx myself either, and end up back in only writing one or two chapters a week. -_- Don't worry, no boundaries were crossed. I actually took a day or two to relax, only do a little bit of writing, and focus on just destressing with some coloring! Unfortunately, the problems with me physically seem to be stuck here for good...aside from saying I have sciolisis (no idea how to spell it...) they never figured out just where the numbness in my toes were coming from. 0_o It's very frustrating...