"The only reason for time is so
everything doesn't happen at once."
- Albert Einstein -
SeaQuest was finally underway. Lucas reveled in the feel of the boat as it sluiced through the water, a feeling he'd missed when they'd been in dock. It really was something he'd grown used to and found it soothing; the gentle rock of the boat as she swept through the ocean, the smell of the salt water permeating everything.
Nathan had just about rejoiced when seaQuest was moving again, but of course there had immediately been trouble that they'd had to deal with. It had taken over most of Nathan's time the first week and Lucas saw the man only rarely.
It hadn't bothered Lucas though. Just before the refits and repairs were completed, Nathan and Ben had brought him to his new room. He'd been a little upset at first, missing his own cramped quarters but the first night he spent there won him over, or, rather, the bigger bed had. It didn't hurt that he could finally see Darwin again; a section of Bridger's Folly ran along the wall and it comforted him that he could once again sleep with his hand on the glass.
That first week he spent getting used to having more space to spread out, though he'd realized by the fourth day that several of his computers were missing and several other pieces of his technological gear. Lucas knew they had to be somewhere, so he didn't worry.
"Hey, kiddo," Nathan knocked and entered the room, dropping down the small steps into the room. "I see you've made yourself right at home," he laughed as he looked around and saw Lucas' dirty laundry strewn all over. Kristin had no longer strictly controlled the amount of junk food the boy consumed and there were several candy bar wrappers around.
Lucas waved as he munched on a Snickers, swallowed and said, "Hey, Captain." He was propped up on pillows and his PAL nearby. In other words, Lucas had had his treatment and was full of anti-emetics and painkillers – he had the munchies.
"Well, at least you're eating now," Bridger smiled and settled onto the foot of Lucas' bed. "How are feeling?"
Lucas shrugged, "Hurts like always. I just woke up." Kristin had kept him overnight and then had him released to quarters that afternoon after he'd woken from his nap, but he still went right back to sleep the minute his head hit the pillow.
Nathan nodded. He sighed after a minute and spoke again, "We have to talk, pal. Think you're up for it?" Bridger watched him as Lucas said he was alright, and prepared to tell Lucas about Kristin's latest news.
"The doctors have been talking again," He started, and smiled at Lucas' expression. He knew nothing he liked came of when the quartet was left to discuss his care. Nathan continued, "Abbott and Jessie are recommending that following the next round of chemotherapy, that you have radiation."
"No, I don't want that," Lucas started immediately. He'd voiced his objections ardently to the idea and he still didn't like it. He'd rather deal with the chemo than have radiation blasts shot at his body. "Why do they want to do that?" Lucas asked, wanting to know what reason there was for them to suggest that course of treatment.
Nathan pursed his lips. It made his heart twist and he told Lucas, "From the look of your bloodwork, the cancer is getting worse. They thought it was getting better, but the numbers jumped and Kristin says she wants to get another body scan."
Lucas' face was stone, hardened in a way no child's should. He was closing himself off from it and Nathan reached for him, pulling Lucas to him. He didn't speak or make any noise of comfort at all, simply held Lucas and let the boy's tears soak into his uniform without complaint.
Eventually Lucas grew uncomfortable with having his leg shoved under himself and he pushed himself back, brushing the moisture from his cheeks as he moved. Lucas muttered, "I'm sorry," and looked at the Captain.
"I've told you before, kiddo. I don't care if you cry. If I were the one sick, I would cry for me too," Nathan told him, patting Lucas' leg. He helped Lucas to settle back under the blanket and tapped the tank in greeting when Darwin appeared, "I wish we hadn't needed to keep you two apart for so long."
"It's alright." Lucas waved a hand in the air, warding off that conversation. He wasn't ready to be upset about the enforced separation of himself and Darwin; he knew it would likely be the source of his first father-son fight with Nathan and he half dreaded it. "Where did my other computers go?" He asked instead.
Nathan smirked. "In your office, pal," he told the boy and waited for the information to sink in.
"Office?" Lucas looked at Bridger funny – he didn't have an office. His work was always split between his room and the seadeck, which made sense considering his research included Darwin. "What office?"
"Your old quarters," Nathan responded. "We refit it to be an office and divided all of your gear between them." He seemed pleased with himself and Lucas' smile only made him even more happy that he'd asked to have Lucas moved closer to his quarters. "You understand that this means no bunk there, right?"
Lucas shrugged, "So I have to come back here to sleep." He didn't voice any complaint though, because he knew it'd lack any oomph for one reason and one alone: Lucas liked that he was across the corridor from his father. Though it was too far for him to walk at that time, Lucas knew that when his nightmares grew bad, he'd be able to slip into Nathan's quarters without having to traverse the entire ship.
The thought warmed him. Lucas often had nightmares and terrible ones at that. Sometimes his mind made up realms with a post-apocalyptic world filled with death and destruction and sometimes they were his memories of Lawrence bearing down on him or his mother leaning against the sink, chewing on a piece of toast, while Lucas looked up at her and begged for anything that would ease the pain in his belly. That the Captain could be there when he couldn't sleep was calming.
Of course he knew he'd not take advantage of that too much, because he needed to deal with such things on his own, but that didn't mean that he wouldn't do it. Nathan protected him when things had been bad and Lucas knew the Captain wouldn't balk if he sought comfort.
"Lucas, you still with me, pal?" Nathan called softly.
"Huh? Sorry." The boy blushed and shrugged, "Just thinking." He looked at Nathan and said, "Doctor Westphalen brought up therapy today. I don't want to go."
Nathan sighed and hated that he may have to press the issue himself; Lucas needed someone to talk to who wasn't completely biased in his favor. He didn't mind that Lucas talked to him, surely, but Lucas held back more that he spoke about. Nathan wished he could blame it on the age and that Lucas was simply being a teenager, only what the boy held back were things no teenager had to think about.
"I'm okay, really," Lucas pleaded when Nathan didn't jump to say something. "I don't need a therapist. I promise."
"Hey, hey. Calm down," Nathan soothed; Lucas was going to give himself a panic attack if he didn't relax. "Why don't you want to see a therapist?" He asked, hoping Lucas could give him a reason he could pass onto Kristin. Nathan truly didn't want to force Lucas into something he didn't want to do – it would only make Lucas feel even more helpless than he already did.
Lucas didn't answer. Just looked at his hands, fearing what would happen if he opened his mouth. He knew words would pour from his lips and weave the tale of what had happened the last time he'd gone to one. Then Nathan had given him the look that spoke of understanding and that was it.
It was like the floodgates had been opened and Lucas spilled it all – from the feeling of betrayal to the hesitation to see the second one and the sudden appearance of his father at the school thereafter. The way no one even looked twice at him when Lucas limped into his classes the next morning, wearing sunglasses and a sweatshirt.
He admitted everything and didn't shed a single tear. Lucas wondered if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
"We may define therapy as
a search for value."
- Abraham Maslow -
Lucas ended up in therapy anyway. And he was most certainly not happy about it.
Dr. Smith, brought on the ship to replace the former psychologist Dr. Bonneau, had been told of Lucas' hesitation in seeing her and she'd tried her best to ease him into it, but Lucas was resistant. Bitterness with the profession was not new to her and she gave it her best effort to assure Lucas that she wasn't going to tell Nathan anything about what he said to her.
Still, it was clear that he did not trust her in the slightest. He spoke about how bad the cancer made him feel and about his friends on seaQuest, but never strayed into harder topics like his biological parents or the events of his childhood. Lucas was careful with how much he gave her, measuring it out before he came in and when he reached the end during a session, he'd not say anything more.
Wendy was growing increasingly convinced that Lucas wasn't going to benefit from traditional psychotherapy. She'd met several people in the course of her practice that had dealt better with their issues through alternative therapies; her view was solidified as Lucas sat before her, looking for all the world like someone was about to kill him.
"Lucas, I think I have an idea. Something that you can do in your room whenever you want," she told him and then explained, "Some people have an easier time drawing or sketching out feelings." His eyes picked up and she quelled the glee just a bit by telling him, "You'd still have to discuss them, okay?"
He shrugged, "So what's the point?"
"The point is, you'll have to talk about how you feel about the picture. What you were feeling when you made it and you can tell me about what you were thinking at the time or not. All up to you," She leaned back in her chair a little and noted that he'd relaxed himself. She had a feeling she'd had the right idea. "I don't think you like being in the same room with me. I think you're expecting me to force something out of you and maybe this will help you to get out some of what you need to without feeling threatened by me."
Lucas made a face, not quite believing it, but he nodded anyway and hoped for the best. Wendy wasn't wrong when she said he felt threatened by her, though he did understand he shouldn't be. He didn't trust her in the slightest, yet Lucas knew he needed to do something – he couldn't spend the rest of his life relying on the Captain.
He continued to think the same even after he'd returned to his quarters. It was a mantra in his head; Lucas had to make himself believe he was doing the right thing and when Nathan came by with his dinner, Lucas was still in thought over it.
"Lucas?" Nathan touched his shoulder, "You okay, buddy?"
"Yeah, yeah. Just... thinking. About Dr. Smith," He admitted and Lucas looked at the contents of the tray. He felt his stomach roll and closed his eyes against the rise of bile in his throat, pursing his lips and swallowing.
"What about her?" Bridger was sure Lucas was nauseous, but Kristin had said Lucas' feeding tube – something that had been removed just before seaQuest was back in the water proper – could be reinserted if he didn't start eating again.
The junk food fetish he'd had the first week had stopped by the middle of week three and after a few days of trying to entice Lucas with any food they had onboard, Nathan was beginning to think it just wasn't going to happen.
Lucas shrugged, "Talking." He twisted his fingers together, then leaned against his pillows, "I have another treatment tomorrow and I..." Lucas scratched his neck and stalled until he Nathan waved for him to continue, "I talked to some people who are like me. The same cancer."
Nathan wasn't at all surprised in the least. The poor kid was stuck on a submarine with two hundred adults and support staff had been brought aboard specifically for him. For Lucas, it was like the entire world had shifted and suddenly he was being noticed after a lifetime of neglect.
He asked, "And? Did they tell you anything good?"
"They, uh, said I can't keep fighting the chemo. That I have to let it make me feel like absolute shit," Lucas told him, glancing up to look at the Captain who seemed to be indifferent to the idea.
"Are you going to?" Nathan asked finally. He moved the tray to the semi-organized desk and moved closer to his son, his back on the tank and his leg touching Lucas'.
Lucas thought it over and smiled as he spoke, "Yeah. Yeah, I am." He felt a weight lift from him and Lucas pointed to the sketchpad he'd asked Ben to bring him. There was a pack of willow charcoal and a set of watercolor pencils on top of it; Nathan handed all of the items to him without asking.
He leaned over and kissed Lucas' forehead, "I'll come back when I get off from duty, okay?" Then he slipped out of the room, without looking back.
Nathan was gone for all of five minutes when Lucas felt something touch his soul and he broke open the charcoal, roughly sketching out two figures. A larger one, body black and faceless stood separated from the second by a thick wall. The second figure he dressed in clothes, not just filling the body in with color, and eyes were added as well.
When he finished Lucas wasn't sure what it meant, only that it felt like he'd gotten something out into the open. The things he kept inside of him started itching to get out and he did another picture, then another. He had fifteen completed and another half-done in the book before he grew tired.
None had color, simplistic in black and white and shades of gray. He knew it probably meant something in psychology terms, but he couldn't bring himself to add anything more to them and Lucas closed the sketchbook. He slipped it under his mattress and laid down, waiting for Kristin to appear.
She had made sure every time he was released to quarters, to stop by at least once. He thought it was to assure the woman that he hadn't died under her care, but Lucas figured when she turned up that night Kristin would have a fair bit to say to him.
He closed his eyes and tried to sleep.
Kristin didn't show. Ben did instead, entering the room quietly and sitting down on the edge of Lucas' bed. Lucas didn't move at first and having been close to sleep, he was tempted to just let himself drift off only he knew Ben would attempt to wake him in a few minutes anyway.
"What, Ben?" He muttered, shifting from his side to his back and propping himself on pillows. Lucas hoped it wasn't something that would involve a long conversation; sleep was rather appealing.
"Nothing, just came to hang out for a minute," Krieg lied and when Lucas made a face, he amended, "I was hoping you'd be awake, maybe talk."
Lucas raised an eyebrow, "Or you're hiding from Chief Crocker because you did something and he's out for your blood." Ben's necked reddened and Lucas grinned, "What'd you do? Starch his underwear? Short sheet his bed?"
"I may have sold something of his by accident," Ben admitted and didn't elaborate, but Lucas was pretty sure that the bottle of Glenfiddich Crocker had been hoarding was no longer on seaQuest.
"Accident?" Lucas laughed – Ben had been eyeing the bottle for weeks, talking about the amount of money he could make from the sale of even two fingers worth of the booze.
"Okay, so it was on purpose. I made sure I gave him twenty percent of the sale." Ben had the decency to look a bit sheepish and settled himself back against the tank where the Captain had been just a few hours before. "Anyway, I got you something." He reached into his jacket and pulled out a small envelope.
Lucas took it with shaking fingers. It wasn't sealed shut; the flap had been shoved into the envelope to preserve the contents and Lucas pulled it out, peering at what Ben had placed inside. "Credits? Ben, what am I..."
"Look behind the credits, junior," Ben interrupted. It had taken him days to get his hands on that one slip of paper and he'd be damned if Lucas ignored it.
Flipping the envelope over, the credits fluttered into the boy's lap followed by a small slip of paper. It had an address written out in Ben's scrawled handwriting; his grandfather's name legible at the top and a phone number wedged onto the side.
"Where did you find this?" Lucas asked, flipping the paper through his fingers and staring at the words. It had been many years since he'd seen his paternal grandfather and Lucas wasn't even sure Leo Wolenczak would want to see him, except he knew that the man would.
"That's my secret," Ben told him and patted Lucas' head. "Now be a good boy and go back to sleep before Kristin walks in and makes me her slave for another month."
Lucas snorted. The minute Krieg left he'd be dialing his grandfather. What he'd say when he called, Lucas wasn't sure but he knew he'd come up with something once they both got past the initial shock.
"Thanks, Ben," he told his friend without looking away from the information. "I don't know how you got this, but thanks."
Ben nodded and smirked, "No probably, kid. Just don't be upset if something happens between the two of you, alright?"
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I don't think that'll happen, but I'll try not to be," Lucas said, grateful that Ben wanted to protect him from the potential hurt. Lucas still didn't think his grandfather would be upset by his sudden reappearance, but he still asked Ben if he could let the Captain know he wanted to call.
It was always good to have emotional support, no matter what was going on.
"The simplest toy, one which even
the youngest child can operate, is
called a grandparent."
- Sam Levenson -
When the lieutenant had appeared on the bridge, Nathan had felt a moment of panic. He was still not completely at ease with all the ideas being passed between the medical staff or with Lucas' simple idea of letting the chemo decimate his body without any fight toward life. Then Ben told him what he'd done for Lucas.
Lucas had spoken not too long before, during the throws of being sick for several hours, how his grandfather had taken care of him as a young child. The elder Mr. Wolenczak hadn't hurt Lucas during his visits, and generally seemed to give a damn though Nathan couldn't excuse Leo's inactivity over the abuse.
However, if Lucas was willing to forgive, then Nathan knew he should as well.
He handed over control of the bridge to Ford and made his way to Lucas' quarters; Lucas watched him as he walked into the room. It was clear the boy was worried about what the Captain would say, but Nathan immediately put him at ease, "Do you want to dial or do you need me to?"
"I can do it," Lucas told him. He swore he could and Lucas steeled himself. "I just need that," he pointed at the remote for the vidscreen.
Handing it over, Nathan kept an eye on his son, hoping Lucas wasn't about to put himself in a terrible position. He wanted to say something, prepare Lucas for the worst case scenario but he knew Lucas wouldn't listen.
When Robert was born, Nathan's father had told him that watching one's child stumble was the hardest thing a parent had to do, but it had to happen. It was part of life that everyone has to learn some things firsthand; Nathan knew it would be twice as hard to stop himself from interfering as it had been with Robert.
It was several seconds before there was an answer.
Seeing Leo Wolenczak, Nathan could see where Lucas had gotten his gentle features and the soft brown hair that the boy's father hadn't possessed. The man seemed to be a typical grandfather, wearing a polo shirt with khakis and worker's gloves as he tended a small garden.
"Papi," Lucas managed to get out. He waited. He hoped, and he glanced at Nathan before grabbing his hand and holding on with all his strength.
Leo eventually pulled himself up and approached his vid, looking at it as if Lucas weren't real. It took him a few seconds to speak and when he did, he said, "Oh, god, Lucas. I never thought..." Leo collected himself, "How are you? You got so tall."
Nathan felt his entire body go loose; he breathed. There would be no venom shot at Lucas right then and he let down his guard enough to move out of the way. He intended to grab the old tray (which Lucas hadn't touched) and find something else he could tempt the boy with.
"Is that Captain Bridger?" Leo asked, stopping Nathan in his tracks. He immediately put the tray down and turned back to the vidscreen, nodding at the man and settling back on the bed beside Lucas.
"Yes, sir. I am. It's a pleasure to meet you," He replied.
"I have to admit Captain, when I finally tracked Lucas down, I was worried about how you treated him," Leo said, wringing his hands the same way Lucas did when he was stressed. "Everyone told me to not worry and I'm happy to see their faith in you wasn't misplaced. I want to thank you for doing what I never had the courage to."
Nathan softened his gaze and told him with a shake of his head, "You don't have to thank me." He touched Lucas arm, "He's been worth it all."
It made Lucas blush; Nathan felt just a little bad for making Lucas feel embarrassed in front of his grandfather, but it was an opportunity to tease the boy. He smirked at his son, then told Leo, "He's certainly a unique boy."
Leo grinned in response, "He always has been. It was very amusing watching him in the pool with not one stitch of clothing. We'd get him in a suit and he'd tear it right back off." He laughed when Lucas started to slide himself further under his covers.
"Precocious child," Nathan laughed.
"Oh, yes. And a little heartbreaker, too," Leo told him, moving into a deck chair and relaxing. "He had three little girls that would follow him around every time he came to visit."
Lucas hid his face in Nathan's side, trying to avoid letting either of the men seeing how red his face had become. He wasn't crying and Nathan assumed Lucas was simply wishing they'd both stop teasing him.
Nathan couldn't let that go without getting in his own comment, of course. "He's still a heartbreaker," he told Leo, and laughed as he added, "This time, though, he's being the one following." Nathan let his hand fall onto Lucas' shoulder and patted him, "Most of the crew think it's cute that he's got a crush on my lieutenant commander."
There was a groan from below him and Nathan made a gesture with one hand that said they'd taken their joke as far as it could go. Leo nodded with a small grin, happy to have seen how at ease Lucas was with his new father.
Through the years, Leo had felt so much guilt for his grandson's fate. He'd tried several times to speak up, but Lawrence would only remind him that Lucas was his son and he could do as he pleased. The pictures the younger man had sent him depicting a bleeding Lucas hadn't helped either.
He'd tried other things, like having Lucas stay with him as much as possible. As Lucas got older, that became increasingly hard to do since the boy had classes and homework and a few close friends who'd seemed to help him without knowing they were doing so. Leo had then attempting going to see his grandson at the Wolenczak home more often, but it was only a matter of months after he started doing so that Lawrence got a new job and the family moved from Florida to New York.
Leo thanked him once more and again he was rebuked gently, then Nathan asked him to give him a minute. He watched as Nathan stood up; Lucas was asleep, his cheek bumping the bed when Nathan moved and his head was no longer supported by the man's leg. Bridger shifted Lucas into a better position and tucked the covers around him.
There was gesturing then and Leo found himself staring at the UEO logo, a soft feminine voice thanking him for holding and someone would be with him in just a moment.
It gave him a minute to think over what he'd like to tell Nathan, the things he knew Lucas would never say to anyone. There had been so much in the boy's childhood that had been horrendous and terrible, but then there had been moments when Lucas had almost seemed like a normal boy. The times Lucas had gone skinny dipping in the pool were just the tip of the iceberg.
When the connection was reestablished, Leo could see that Nathan had gone to another room. There was a bunk behind him, some pictures scattered around the room depicting a woman and a young man; the frame closest to Nathan's bed had a picture of Lucas beside an open journal that looked old and worn.
Nathan settled into a chair, his shoulders tense while the rest of his body simply looked too tired. "I'm sorry he wasn't awake for longer. Lucas is currently in the middle of his fourth round of chemotherapy and he's pretty exhausted from it," He told the other man, noting how Leo instantaneous drew in a breath against the news.
Wolenczak was shocked at the news, but tried no to show it, though he did admit, "I wondered why he had no hair. Lucas used to pitch a fit if I tried to get him anywhere near a barber shop."
Nodding dully, Nathan and Leo began a long discussion. Nathan needed to know what had stopped a man who'd obviously cared for his only grandchild from reporting the abuse to the proper services. Leo needed to know how Lucas was after six years apart; he asked Nathan about the cancer and how bad it was.
Their conversation went back and forth over the next four hours. It was the play of people getting to know each other, sharing a common interest. Leo shared bits and pieces of the happier portion of Lucas' childhood – Lucas' stubborn streak was prominent even as a child – and Nathan told him about Lucas' work, his friends, and Julianna.
But all good things had to come to an end and when Kristin burst into his quarters at 3am, she was not pleased to see Nathan was still awake. She allowed for introductions, then shooed both men off to bed though it was a safe bet in Nathan's mind that Leo would not be sleeping that night.
"He seems like a nice man," Kristin told him as she flung pajamas at him. She disappeared into his bathroom, shuffling through the various drawers and reemerging with two ibuprofen and a cup of water.
Nathan sighed and took the two pills, chased it with the water, and fixed his clothes. They stood in the middle of his room, silent, for a few minutes and then Nathan told her, "I had a talk with Lucas today. About the treatment."
She perked up, "He agreed to radiation?"
"No. He actually got agitated when I brought it up. He wants to stick to the current treatment for now," He told her, and added, "And he said something about not fighting the chemo anymore. I didn't really understand, but I told him I'd let you know."
Kristin wasn't surprised. Through the years she'd practiced medicine, she'd developed a certain affinity for cancer patients, finding their faith in the face of something to horrifying to be something inspirational.
She'd met many a child whose dreams had been taken away by the illness and replaced with wisdom far greater than their years. They were usually the ones to tell her they fought in the beginning, but, in the end, they let go to allow the treatments to do their job. It was a difficult idea for her to grasp then and still was, yet Kristin knew Lucas was doing what was best for him.
It was her only hope that it didn't end with him sicker than he already was.
"Sleep is pain's easiest salve."
- John Donne -
As it turned out, Lucas' cell count had shown a decrease because of a bacterial infection that was easily treatable with high doses of antibiotics. Seeing as it was something that was cured without too much trouble, Kristin refused to put off his treatment and Lucas spent the next three days in his bathroom between doses of anti-emetics.
Nathan and Ben switched off on who stayed with him when Kristin couldn't, but Lucas was medicated on so many different things that he didn't really notice. It was only after his painkillers wore off and the other meds were beginning to leave his system that he realized.
Lucas had Kristin send them both to their quarters and the fourth night after his latest dose of chemo, Kristin sat in the bed with Lucas. His head was pillowed on her thigh and Lucas held his pound puppy to him with one arm.
Kristin rarely slept through the night. Her circadian rhythm had been disturbed by Lucas' illness from the start and she hadn't slept a full night since the diagnosis. But lulled by the sound of Lucas' even breathing, she did so while sitting up and resting against the glass of Bridger's Folly.
When she woke, Kristin was pleasantly surprised to see Lucas was still in the same position as he had been when she'd fallen asleep. He'd made it from the time he'd laid down to the time she'd woken up without vomiting again and Kristin let out a sigh of relief. His body had calmed down enough to let him rest and that was something she relished.
Unfortunately, Nathan ended that when he bustled in and nearly tripped over a pile of Lucas' clothes, managing to save the breakfast he'd brought them from spilling all over the floor. Kristin glared at him as Lucas was startled awake – she'd hoped he'd get a few more minutes rest before she woke him.
"Sorry, kiddo," Nathan apologized, avoiding looking at Kristin who he knew would chew him out later for his comical, yet ill-timed, entrance.
He'd gone by the room earlier, wanting to check on them and thought it would be nice to have breakfast ready for them when they both got up. He'd been conscientious of the things close to his feet then, but with the tray in his hands and the days events on his mind, Nathan had simply forgotten about the chaos of Lucas' quarters.
Nathan set the tray on the nightstand (the only clean surface in the room) and then turned to tidy the pile he'd tripped over. Kristin stopped him before he could reach the clothes, "Don't you dare touch that!"
He turned to look at her, confused, "What?"
"Those are the clothes he threw up on last night. I don't want you to get your hands all mucky from them, at least not without gloves." She gestured to the bathroom and told him, "My medkit has gloves if want to clean it up that badly."
As expected, Nathan went to the bathroom and retrieved the gloves from the kit. Kristin wished he'd leave it alone and let her call some of her nurses down to take care of the clothing, but she knew he wasn't going to.
While Nathan got the clothes into a bag to be cleaned and sanitized the floor, she helped Lucas to sit up. He was still pretty sleepy, but Kristin hoped the tiredness could help him to keep down at least a few bites of something. If he could keep down some eggs, then Kristin would bring him in for his next dose in the afternoon instead of the morning.
"Okay, Lucas," She murmured as she sat down with the tray in her lap. She was cross-legged on the bed, Lucas just within her reach and she looked at the choices Nathan had made for food. Oatmeal, grits, and scrambled eggs along with water and apple juice. All bland, but Lucas had grown used to such foods since mouth sores had become a big issue during the trial.
Kristin sighed. Though Lucas had no sores at that moment, they were something that regularly appeared when the chemo was most concentrated in his body. It made it difficult to find things that he would eat without an argument, since Lucas didn't like most of the foods they brought him. But despite the difficulties, he eventually would eat something that was provided especially after he found out that the cook was making food specifically for him.
Lifting a spoon of the oatmeal, Kristin had to call Lucas' name several times to get his attention. He didn't lift a hand to take the spoon as he normally did; she knew he was still bone-tired, and had no qualms feeding him as if Lucas was an infant. He took four more spoonfuls before he was awake enough to say no more. He took a couple of sips of juice from the glass and then closed his eyes in a gesture that conveyed he was done.
Nathan had finished his task by that time and told Kristin, "Go shower, change. I'll take care of him." Kristin gave him a grateful look as he took the food from her and put it back onto the desk. He watched her as she escaped to her own quarters, leaving he and Lucas to themselves.
It took Nathan all of five seconds to get Lucas to agree to a quick rag bath; Lucas smiled as Nathan dragged the washcloth down his arms and over his chest, wiping away the sticky residue from the day before. He didn't move at all as Nathan bathed him, though he did try to help get dressed. It took a small argument and Nathan batting his hands out of the way to get Lucas into clean pajamas.
As Bridger got Lucas' socks on, he noticed Lucas had fallen asleep once again. He chose to not wake the boy and instead, he set a PAL beside Lucas and crept out of the room.
He went to his own quarters and settled into the bunk with his journal, writing out a few pages on Lucas' progress and about the conversation he'd had with Leo. He was interrupted by Crocker, who simply walked in without any warning as he did from time to time.
"What can I do for you, Chief?" he asked, standing up.
"My divorce was finalized today, Cap," Crocker told him. "Krieg sold my Scotch and I hear tell..."
Nathan gestured him in and Crocker settled into one of the chairs. Nathan drew out his only liquor, pouring out a shot each of fine Russian Vodka which they both downed without a word. They did two more before Crocker told him about the call he'd made to Helen.
Listening quietly, Nathan chose not to say anything about how calling his ex-wife was just a bad idea even though it was hard to see one of his oldest friends nurse such a broken heart. Manilow had loved his wife. Very much.
Eventually Crocker stopped and just stared at his hands, the distinct lack of his wedding band. Another shot was swallowed and Nathan filled their sudden silence with news about Lucas, happy to see Crocker smile as he told the man about Lucas and his embarrassment when they last spoke to Leo.
The mention of the elder Wolenczak reminded Nathan that he needed to call Leo and let him know that Lucas hadn't been ignoring him, simply preoccupied with being sick. But he knew he could do that later; Crocker needed his friend more than Leo did at that moment.
Crocker didn't linger long, however. He perked up once he got to tell Nathan what was on his chest and he left only an hour after he'd appeared.
Leo's number was surprisingly easy to remember and luckily the man answered after only a few rings. He smiled at Leo, "Hello, sir."
"Hello, Captain. I was hoping to hear from you soon. How's Lucas?" He asked immediately. He'd been worried about his grandson, knowing Lucas would have had one, if not both, of his chemotherapy doses since they'd talked a few days earlier.
"Tired. He's had a rough couple of days," He replied and added, "He's sleeping right now, but I can see if he's up to calling you in a few hours." Nathan looked a little guilty as he said, "Probably not though. He's getting the last dose for this round today and it really tends to knock him for a loop."
"I'm not surprised," Leo admitted. At Nathan's curious look, he explained, "Lucas' grandmother, Mia, was a beautiful woman. She was so excited when she found out Lawrence was going to have a child. But she got sick. Ovarian cancer had spread to her lungs and then to her lymph nodes. She would get so weak after treatments that I could carry her like baby." Leo shrugged, "Lucas is just as smart as she was and he's such a sweet kid. I'm not surprised he reacts like she did."
Nathan sat up straighter while he listened to Leo tell him about his wife. He felt the sadness in the tone and he empathized with the man's pain, but he pushed aside the need to comfort Leo to absorb the knowledge that Lucas had a family history of cancer. Neither Cynthia nor Lawrence had mentioned it and Nathan knew it was just one more for his mental list in the ways they had failed Lucas.
"So his biological grandmother had cancer," Nathan muttered to himself, grabbing a legal pad from his desk drawer and scribbling the information down.
"Yes. Didn't..." Leo stopped himself. His expression went grim, "I imagine that if Lawrence didn't tell you that then he likely hasn't given you a decent family history. Did he even tell you that Lucas is allergic to penicillin?"
"No, he didn't, but Lucas did. He's given us as complete a history as a fifteen year old boy can. I'm sure there were things he didn't know or tell us," Nathan replied. He sighed, "I apologize if this question seems at all insulting, but did you know that Lucas was placed on seaQuest under the assumption that he was sixteen?"
Leo shook his head, "I was never told, no. Like I said before, it took me a long time to track down my grandson and when I did, I wondered how he could even have been placed on a ship like that." He ran a hand through his silvering hair and told Nathan, "I'm not surprised that he would have lied to the UEO about Lucas' age."
His face taut, Nathan forced himself to calm his agitation. He wasn't mad at Leo, he reminded himself – he was angry with the other two Wolenczaks and their callousness toward Lucas. Still, he could feel his heart beat a little faster as he explained to Leo that it wasn't just the UEO Lawrence had lied to, but Stanford and others in the scientific world. Lucas' diploma had been given under false pretenses, though it was no fault of his own and Stanford had already said they would reissue his diploma with the correct information attached.
For his part, Leo seemed to only become truly upset when Nathan let him know about the work Lawrence had stolen from his son. While they weren't sure how much Lawrence had taken, the fact was some of his World Power research had been completed on top of mathematics Lucas had helped him to do.
Lucas had admitted he'd only been trying to prove himself worthy of being loved when he'd helped Lawrence. But Lucas had never told any of them which of the data used to create the World Power project was his, beyond knowing that it was mathematical in nature. Kristin and Nathan both assumed it was computer related; they both knew it was likely it was any number of other things – a genius brain was a genius brain and just because Lucas focused on computers didn't mean he wasn't skilled in other areas.
They talked for a while longer, when Kristin came barreling in. "I need you to help me with Lucas. He refuses to let anyone near him and I think he might be having a flashback," She told him without pause and looked guiltless when she hit the button to terminate the connection with Leo. She pulled him from the room then, barely allowing him the time to put down the pen he'd been holding.
When Nathan got into Lucas' room, he could see that Lucas wasn't having a flashback. He wasn't having anything of the sort – Lucas had apparently woken up to three nurses and Kristin in his room. Basic instinct had been to protect himself, but from the look in Lucas' eyes, Nathan knew his son wasn't connecting to reality.
"Everyone out," Nathan ordered immediately. He watched them carefully as they left, making sure Kristin didn't linger or hesitate. The last thing he would need was the woman to hover when Lucas was looking for space, looking for the promise no one was going to stand over him and hurt him.
The minute the hatch closed, Nathan sat himself into Lucas' desk chair and waited. Lucas continued to cower in the corner of his bed, breathing harshly against the glass of the tank, and when Darwin appeared, his fingers twitched.
Slowly, Lucas relaxed and Nathan began to murmur softly. He told Lucas it was alright, that Kristin would never have let anyone hurt him. He promised Lucas again and again that he'd never hurt Lucas and no one on seaQuest would either.
A few more minutes passed before Lucas seemed to catch his breath and he whispered, "Sorry. I didn't..." He hadn't moved his face away from the tank.
Nathan figured the experience coupled with his tiredness meant Lucas simply couldn't move from there and he slid onto the bed, physically pulling the boy away from the glass then laying him back against the mattress.
Lucas didn't let go of him as Nathan moved to sit up.
"It's okay, kiddo," Nathan told him, rubbing his back and trying to get Lucas to release him. It didn't happen; obviously Lucas didn't want to be laying down. Nathan pulled him back up with a sigh, trying to be gentle.
But, limp as a rag doll, Lucas flopped against him. His head whacked into Bridger's shoulder, his hands twitched against his uniform, and Lucas drew in a long breath. He finally found enough strength to get himself into a more comfortable position against Nathan, closing his eyes. "I'm tired."
Not entirely sure how to respond to such a simple question, Nathan said nothing. He'd talked so much lately in his attempts to both comfort Lucas and to get Lucas to talk himself that he wasn't sure what he could say to Lucas anymore.
He wasn't out of things to discuss and argue with Lucas, but he had no answers for when Lucas asked why he had to deal with cancer, for when Lucas complained he was too tired to live. For when Lucas begged them to stop torturing him.
Nathan realized Lucas had fallen asleep once more. He sighed and whispered, "I know, kiddo."