Chapter Five: Albus Potter

Your heart is unobtainable, even though, lord knows you have mine.

February 14th.

It's amazing how hindsight can truly highlight utter idiocy so well. He supposes that's the point of hindsight. He almost can't believe how blind he had been, how misled and confused. Scorpius had himself convinced of something that wasn't even there – he had contrived a masterpiece from nothing more than a few strokes of paint. What a fool he was. No wonder the entire population of the school would laugh and jeer tomorrow, no wonder there would eventually be pity in their eyes.

No matter your sexuality, telling friends you're in love with them is generally a bad move. At seventeen, it's a catastrophic fuck-up. He berates himself harshly as he sits in the toilets on the fourth floor, reeling over what happened just fifty minutes minutes ago.

What are the statistics of being gay? How many people are feeling the same things as him right now? There has to be someone, somewhere – right?

Logically, he knows there must be, but he can't fathom that anyone else could be so stupid.

Albus Potter had been the closest friend he's ever had. He weathered the best and worst of times with him. Together, they had breached the old rivalry between their families. Together, they had overcome the prejudice and hatred passed down from their parents. They had fought the moodiness of puberty together, survived that awkward early teens stage and had made and lost friends.

When half his classmates rejected him when he had been sorted into Ravenclaw, Albus Potter told them where to go – at just eleven.

When another student and cruelly compared Albus to his father, and the rest of his family, Scorpius Malfoy was the one who punched said students lights out.

Now… now, what do they have?

A hug that Scorpius imagined lingered a little long. A brush of the hand that he had just known at the time had sent electricity through both of them. A gaze that had far too much emotion held in them to be shared between people who were just friends.

Scorpius laughs derisively at himself – what on earth had he been thinking? Convincing himself that Albus held the same feelings that he had. Swearing that he could feel Albus' heart beat a little faster too when they hugged, that their banter was the most fun either of them could have with anyone, that Scorpius' smile made Albus' chest swell…. Because Scorpius felt all those things.

He tried to deny it. He tried to run from it. He tried avoiding it.

There was only a simple truth left though; Scorpius liked boys – and he especially liked Albus Potter.

When he had conceived the plan that led him here today, Scorpius thought he had been struck by pure brilliancy. It had been such a perfect plan. Aurora always had dates for Hogsmeade, especially for Valentines Day, all he had to do was distract Lorcan and Rose. That had been too easy; Lorcan's feelings for Rose were apparent to everyone but Rose. She also was still not speaking to Scorpius , though no one in their group had asked why, or addressed it. Deciding to feel guilty about that later, Scorpius encouraged Lorcan to take off with Rose so that he could avoid the awkwardness between them. And, of course, the other boy was eager to.

He had Albus to himself. The two boys had always joked about the Shrieking Shack and exploring it. After all, there were famed stories about the place, and there was still a strong campaign to demolish it that had been getting people to sign petitions for it for years. It was the perfect suggestion to Albus Potter.

They decided to instead rest at some rocks outside the shack, rather than actually go inside. They were chickens at heart, really.

Once there, Scorpius snuck inconspicuous glances at his best friend, wondering if he felt the same buzz of heat between them. Albus prattled on unaware, complaining about his younger sister for the millionth time. Scorpius wasn't even paying attention. His hands were beginning to get clammy though, something he had wanted to avoid, and his heart rate sped up in preparation for what he was about to do.

He was so sure this was something they both wanted.

So, in the middle of his rant, Scorpius grabbed the other boys shoulders and pulled him quite abruptly forward. Albus had barely time to let out a yelp of surprise before Scorpius pushed his lips against his, silencing any noise.

His fallacy lasted a glorious six seconds.

With great gusto, and more than a little bit of aggression, Albus pushed Scorpius away. "What—what the fuck, Scorpius?" The look in his eyes, combined with the disgust in his words, made Scorpius shirk back.

It's quite remarkable how quickly you realise how wrong you were, how naïve and stupid your love made you.

"Albus… I… Shit, Al, I'm so sorry – I just thought – I swore there was something—"He rambled and stumbled, trying to find words to plaster over his massive blunder.

"The fuck is wrong with you?" Albus cursed quite frequently, but it was unusual to have it spat at him so harshly. He didn't flinch though. He was better than that.

Feeling angry, "There's nothing wrong with me. And fuck you for saying that." Suddenly, the anger left him, being short-lived and sorely missed. "I thought you… I thought you liked me, too."

Albus looked horrified, gaping like a fish at his friend, "I like girls, Malfoy. Where did you even get that idea? I never once… I… I never said or did… I don't… What?" He pulled at his hair with the last word, filled with confusion and shock. He staggered back when he stood, and shook his head. "I don't want anything to do with you."

Filled with alarm, Scorpius put his hands out to stop Albus, wanting to plead with him to be reasonable. The minute he put his hands out, however, Albus recoiled backwards. It stung Scorpius and he forced himself to hold back tears. As if he were something repulsive or dangerous, Albus eyed him tentatively.

The black-haired boy stormed off then. Scorpius sat stunned for several moments then ran after him. He caught up to him as they enter into Hogsmeade again. It was Valentines Day and the village was, naturally, packed to the brim and the streets were lined with both Hogwarts students and others alike, enjoying the day for what it was – an excuse for a holiday.

Scorpius shouted after him, desperately trying to reach for the boys shoulder to pull him back. His whole life dramatically flashed before his eyes. His friends, his social life, his family, his integrity and dignity, he saw them all vanish slowly before him as he chased Albus down that street.

"Albus… Albus, just stop for a second! Please, listen to me, I –"

Surprising him, Albus tore around then, staring down Scorpius with a look he had never seen before in his friends eyes. Fury burned across his face, ugly and harsh, and his mouth shifted to a sneer, "What? What do you want from me? I'm not a homo. I'm not some freak that you can just change and embarrass in front of everyone. What's wrong with you?"

"What… what's wrong with me? Why do you keep asking that?" He asked, breathless, the word 'wrong' barely making it from his lips.

"Are you confused? Are you looking for attention? Finally trying to ruin my life? You and dear old Dad finally getting the Potters back?"

This wasn't the guy Scorpius thought he loved. This wasn't his friend, or even a person he had seen a glimpse of before. This person was terrified, mortified and lashing out mercilessly. The reality of it was making Scorpius tremble, the feeling of helplessness being one he wasn't fond of. He and Albus were exchanging words in low tones, but this time, Scorpius raised his voice.

"You're my friend, Al.. I made a mistake.. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Can—can we just pretend it didn't happen?"

Albus glanced around, paranoia evident, and whispered harshly, "Shut up. If you think I can pretend this didn't happen.. then – then you're not as clever as I thought."

Scorpius' expression crumpled, but he was ever aware of the surrounding passer-by's beginning to stare, and he didn't want to be viewed as pansy on top of everything else. He was a Malfoy. "Come on, Albus. Be reasonable. You're just angry, and I'm sorry – look, I'm sorry."

"Would you be quiet? If anyone knows what you've done – what you are—"

"What I am?" Scorpius shouted back, finally angry again. He could understand Albus being angry with him for the kiss. He could understand him being angry, confused and repulsed even – because of the kiss. If it was all because of Scorpius' sexuality, that was another thing entirely.

Being homosexual, or anything other than completely straight, was awful in the Wizarding World. It was ignored and pushed under the carpet, people were ostracised and became social pariah's. Scorpius was seeing this develop before his eyes. He had never believed it fully until now. His optimism had let him believe that he would have an easier time with this – having both the Potters and Weasley's on his side guaranteed him safety. Right?

No. Not right. He wasn't 'right' to Albus anymore.

He was seeing red, the bright and alarming colour red, signalling all the hurt and wrong coming his way, feeling the unfairness and unjust criticism before it had even began. Having your best friend shun you for something that should be so normal caused Scorpius to completely forgo all apprehension and logic. He promptly pulled himself up onto a nearby bin.

He watched as the panic clawed at Albus' face, and he reached for Scorpius' leg in a hasty attempt to derail what was happening.

Glancing around the busy street, with more than a few people already studying him, Scorpius put his hand up to his mouth and whistled loudly. "I, Scorpius Malfoy, would just like to announce that I am gay. I like boys, I want to kiss boys, and I think everyone else that feels the same should be able to say it like I am right now. Fuck this shame and quiet around it. Fuck the fear of people finding out and shunning you. If you're feeling like I am right now, and you're scared shitless of what's going to happen, borrow some Gryffindor courage and grab a bin sometime. You deserve it. If you've got real friends and family, they'll stick around."

Amid the mixed reception of booing and cheering, Scorpius caught sight of Albus Potter's retreating figure.

The awareness of what he had just done hit him then, and he ran.

A/N: Hi, guys. I know, it's great how often I update, isn't it? I'm sure you're just amazed I managed to roll out another chapter so quickly - only seven months after the last update, wow!

On a serious note, apologies all around. Only one chapter to go. At least now the main mystery of how everything unfolded and why Albus has been so cold is clear. You may think Albus is overreacting. I think Albus is overreacting. But some people are dramatic, other people are backwards, some people panic. Also, the parallels between Albus/Scorpius and Rose/Scorpius are obvious, too.

We'll see how he adjusts.

Reviews would be amazing. Thank you so much to those who have reviewed so far, and I will be replying to anyone who reviews this chapter, I've been shameful in replying thus far.

Thank you for reading,

CN.

P.S. I don't own HP or "I'm Not The Only One" by Sam Smith.