Thanks, as always, for reading.
As the dim light began to peer through the bedroom window on that warm Sunday morning, Olivia began to stir. Alex, of course, had no reason to set an alarm clock and was still fast asleep, but thanks to Olivia's unshakable circadian rhythms, she was awakening by six, when her alarm would normally ring for work.
Olivia yawned and stretched, taking in her surroundings and recalling the events of the last night. Well, she thought, this is not how I imagined I would get into Alex Cabot's bed. Not that I imagined it.
She turned to look at the woman next to her and a sad look crossed her face when she saw that Alex was trembling violently. Her brow was furrowed; her eyes were squeezed shut much tighter than the average sleeper. Her right hand seemed to be swatting at something imaginary, and Olivia marveled at how Alex had managed not to slap her in the middle of the night. She also wondered if Alex had always slept like that, or if it had just been since the shooting, or since the…incident.
Olivia knew she should be going home and getting dressed. She knew she hadn't missed a day of work without a legitimate reason…ever, and hadn't missed one at all for months. She knew there could be a new case and she could be needed.
That was what her mind said. Her heart said there was no leaving Alex right now. She would be there whether Alex wanted her or not.
As quietly as she could, Olivia swung her feet off the bed and stood, stretching again and then walking out of the room and into the kitchen. She took out her phone and prepared her most convincing sick voice. She dialed the number and held it up to her ear.
"Manhattan Special Victims Unit."
"Cap? It's Benson," Olivia spoke in a raspy tone. "I think I picked up some kind of bug—I've been heaving since four."
"Wow, Benson, I was under the impression that you just didn't get sick. I assume you're asking for the day off?" Cragen replied chuckling.
"Yes please, sir."
"Of course, Olivia. Take one of the two thousand or so sick days you have saved up and get better."
Olivia smiled. "Thanks, Cap." She heard the click on the other line and moved to hang up herself, but a second voice rang out.
"Hey Liv?"
"Elliot?"
"Say hi to Alex for me!" And then another click.
She rolled her eyes and decided to leave the apartment.
It was nearly nine when Alex started to open her eyes. When she saw the other side of the bed empty, she wasn't surprised. Olivia had a job. A job that was her life. There was no expecting her to be there when she woke up. Even though a small part of her wanted Olivia to be the first thing she saw when she woke up that morning.
Alex rubbed her eyes and stood up. Suddenly, she realized she smelled coffee. That could only mean one thing. Okay, a burglar could have come in and used the coffeemaker, but the other scenario in her head seemed a lot more likely.
She walked into the kitchen and inhaled the beautiful mocha scent, struggling to find the source of it. Following her nose, she was led into the living room where Olivia sat on her couch with two Styrofoam cups. Her guardian caffeine angel looked up and smiled at her.
"Morning, Sleeping Beauty," she teased.
"Hmm, good morning," Alex replied sleepily and sat down next to Olivia, holding her hands out for the precious cup. She took a sip and hummed happily. Then she bit her lip and turned her head to look at her friend.
"Look, Liv…I'm really sorry for dragging you into all of this. I know you deal with enough of this crap every day and I have no right to add to it."
"You have every right, Alex. I've been trying nonstop for two days to get you to spill. I'm just proud, and quite frankly honored that you trusted me enough to tell me about it," Olivia replied placing a hand on Alex's knee.
Alex flinched at the feeling of Olivia's hand on the skin of her bare knee. She's just being an amazing friend. Why is she making me feel like this? she thought.
"You're incredible, you know," Olivia continued. "Not many people could go through what you did and keep going the way they did before."
"It hasn't been quite the same," Alex admitted. "The stories hurt me more now."
"Have you talked to anyone?" Olivia asked, her voice laced with concern.
"You," Alex chuckled. "And that was hard enough."
"Hey," Olivia said, taking Alex's hand. "You can talk to me any time you want and I promise to make it as easy as possible."
"I know. I hope you're as good over email. I'm going to want to talk to you more often when I go back to the Congo…"
Olivia's eyes shot wider. "Hold up, hold up. You're saying you're still going back there? Why the hell would you go back?"
"Because it's my job?" Alex responded incredulously with a rising intonation in her voice.
"Alex, if you stay there and keep prosecuting, don't you realize what could happen to you?"
"I'm sure they're empty threats, Olivia."
"You already know what they're capable of, Alex! They plow down towns without a second thought! They've kidnapped and raped thousands of people! God Alex, what they did to you, it was terrible, but you heard what they said…they hoped you wouldn't have to see each other again. Don't you understand what that means, Alex? The next time they come after you, they'll kill you!" Olivia cried out.
"Be reasonable, Liv!"
"You know they won't think twice! You're just another road block in their way that they'll blow up with dynamite if there's no other way to destroy you! It's not like you can defend yourself against them. Alex, they'll kill you in a second!"
"Calm down a minute!"
"And they'll leave no traces of exactly who did it, just that it was the militia and they'll petrify everyone! At least if you let some other attorney come and take your place, they'll have a chance. You've already had your warning—oh God Alex, don't you see?"
"Olivia, stop!" Alex finally put two hands over Olivia's mouth and held them there until Olivia's eyes returned to normal and she stopped spouting nonsense against Alex's palms.
"Nothing's going to happen to me, Liv. I've had escorts everywhere I've gone at night. I don't travel on any paths where people can't see me. I asked for special protection, and when they asked me why, I just told them that their attorneys' well-being was their responsibility. I couldn't be safer," Alex said, trying to calm Olivia's fears.
A single tear had begun to run down Olivia's face, and Alex frowned. She reached out a thumb and blotted the droplet on Olivia's cheek. "No, Liv, don't cry, you have to believe that I'll be okay."
"I can't Alex, not when I know there are terrible people out there that have the tenacity and ability to make horrible things happen to you, and you're about to willingly put yourself back on their radar now that you're back here," Olivia said bitterly.
"Why are you so scared, Olivia?"
"Because," she sniffed, "I can't risk losing you again. It was hard enough the first time, when by the end of the next day I knew you were really alive. How am I going to feel when I find out that it happened again and this time it's real?"
Alex looked down. She knew that must have been hard on Olivia. All of them. God knows it was terrible for her. But Olivia never needed anyone before, why would she need her now? The women in the Congo needed her more, surely, so she asked the question that burned in her mind.
"Would it be so horrible if I died, Liv?"
Olivia's jaw dropped and her eyebrows shut up. "Alex, it would be extremely horrible! How the hell can you ask me that?"
"Yeah?" Alex stood up and looked down at Olivia. "Why?"
Olivia shot up next to Alex and met her eyes, staring bullets into the pupils of the younger woman. Alex, slightly frightened, began to back away but Olivia was quick to follow. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Olivia grabbed the back of Alex's head and drew Alex's lips to hers.
She kissed Alex fiercely and after just a moment of surprised hesitation, Alex began to kiss back, wringing her arms around Olivia's neck. Their mouths fought hungrily for a few seconds before Olivia became aware of the damp feeling on her face and pushed Alex back.
Olivia scanned Alex's flushed face as Alex's eyes, still wide from shock, spotted the streams of tears on Olivia's cheeks.
"That's why," Olivia barked out harshly, and half-ran to the front door, leaving the coffee and a completely stunned Alex behind.
Alex flinched at the sound of the slamming door and put a hand to her lips. She sat down, never taking the hand away from her mouth.
What the hell just happened?