Alright! Finally got around to writing the new chapter!

Natcat, Alternate Reno is a supergenius. The dancer persona is a lie Reno keeps up to make everyone thing he's one of them.

Anyhoo, back to work guys. Been focusing Waaay too much on my main story.

Mind you, I've been waiting for RWC to get back to me for ages.

I was busy, get over it.

The Night Before All Hell Breaks Loose

"MARLENE!!" Barrett shouted once he saw the wreckage that was once Sector 7. "MARLENE!"

"Marlene is safe." I told Barrett. "Aeris got her out of sector 7."

"PLAYSTATION TWO!!!" Barrett shouted in despair. "PEE ESS TOO!!"

At least he has his priorities straight. "I think Aeris might've saved that too." I told him.

Hey, 0.7% is a possibility, right?

"XBOX!" Barrett screamed in dismay. "ECKS BOCKS!"

Oh for crying out loud… "That got crushed." I told him, crushing his spirit.

"DEE ESS!!"

"That's safe." I told him, pulling the game system out of my pocket. It'll come in handy when we get captured by Shinra later. Barrett took a deep breath. "I saved your PSP too." I added. "Everything else is gone though."

Barrett fell to his knees and started smashing the ground. "Dis is all screwed app…" He moaned, smashing the ground with his gun-arm.

"We managed to save everyone's lives though." Tifa perked hopefully. "Biggs, Wedge, Jessie too."

"DAT'S NOT IT!" Barrett shouted. "Dey destroyed an entire village jus' ta git a' us! DEY CRASHED MAH EYE BOD!"

You mean my iPod now. I haven't listened to Whitesnake in five years.

Though, I guess that'd be a week ago in this timeline…

Whatever. I popped the headphones in and started scrolling through the songs.

"Hey, spikey!"

"It's mine!" I shouted back. "I brought it from home!"

"Not dat." Barrett growled, shaking his head. "What're you gonna do now?"

Oh, right. I pocket the headphones and got down to business. "Since the mission was a failure, I won't be charging, and to compensate for your loss I won't charge you for the unplanned rescue mission I just pulled off."

Tifa looked at me with disgust. "Is your paycheck seriously all you care about?"

At this point, that's what it looks like. "And paying my debts." I answered. "Right now, we all owe Aeris one." I slung the Bustersword across my back. "And Shinra a bigger one. Wanna come along?" I asked. "Save your buddies and wipe out Shinra in one mission, coming?" I asked.

Tifa was horrified. "Y-you're gonna kill them all?"

"Anyone that tries to get in my way." I corrected. "Anyone smart enough to run away deserves to live."

"I'm in." Barrett growled. "Just lemme see Marlene first."

I nodded. "I was gonna head there first anyways. I wanna get one thing cleared up about the Ancients."

'Course, I knew all this already, but I think I need to go through these flashbacks like checkpoints.

~{ In my veins courses the blood of the Ancients. I am one of the rightful heirs to this planet! }~

Like that one. "Tifa." I said. "There's no turning back now. You coming with us?" I asked.

Tifa clenched her fist. "Of course I am."

When we got to Aeris's house, we found Elmyra facing a wall. "Cloud, wasn't it?" She asked, not turning around to face us. "It's about Aeris, isn't it?"

I nodded. "Shinra have her." I told her.

"I know. They took her from here." Aeris's mom explained. "That's what Aeris wanted…"

I leant back against the wall, making sure that Tifa and Barrett were learning this. "Why is Shinra after Aeris?" I asked her, since it was kinda important.

Elmyra turned towards the wall. "Aeris is an Ancient." She said. "The sole survivor."

Barrett did a spit take, spraying weed all over the kitchen wall. "Wut di' ya jus' say!?" He shouted, rolling a fresh spliff. "But 'aintcha her momma?"

"Not her real mother." She replied, pulling a mop from her apron and cleaning the wall. "Oh… it must have been fifteen years ago… during the war. My husband was sent to the front. Some far away place called Wutai."

Flaashbaack

"One day, I went to the station because I got a letter saying he was coming home on leave." She explained, expecting us to see her younger self walking towards the train station as the train pulled in and her husband not coming off. "My husband never came back. I wonder if something happened to him? No, I'm sure his leave was just cancelled. I went to the station everyday. Then, one day…"

"You used to see this sort of thing a lot during the war." Elmyra continued, expecting us to see Little Aeris and her dying mom. "Her last words were, 'Please take Aeris somewhere safe'. My husband never came back. I had no child. I was probably lonely. So I decided to take her home with me."

"Take who home whit ya?" Barrett asked.

"Aeris." I hissed.

"Din she die?" He shouted.

"No, her mom did."

"In chil' bird?"

"Aeris was four or something, her mom died in the train station just after asking Elmyra to look after Aeris." I hissed.

"She go squish?"

"She wasn't run over." I hissed back, now aware of everyone in the room looking at us. "She just died."

"But, why?"

"She was dying of a gunshot wound or something." I lied.

"Ah, kay." Barrett lit up a new spliff. "Yes can unpause da movie now, Ah ged it."

"Aeris and I became close very quickly." Elmyra said. "That child loved to talk. She used to talk to me about everything."

"Aww…" Barrett smiled.

"What now?" I hissed.

"Dey're hugging…"

"She told me she escaped form some sort of research laboratory somewhere." Elmyra continued. "And that her mother had already returned to the planet, so she wasn't lonely… and many other things."

"Hehehe…" Barrett chuckled.

"What!?" I hissed.

"It's a 'special' hug."

I took the spliff out of his mouth and threw it on the ground stamping it out. "PAY ATTENTION DAMMI- You're smoking another one aren't you?"

"No?" Barrett lied.

I sighed. "So, what did Aeris mean by 'returned to the planet'?" I asked, filling in Barrett's lines for Tifa's benefit at least.

"I didn't know what she meant." She admitted. "I asked if she meant a star in the sky. But she said it was this planet… She was a mysterious child in many ways."

"Mom." A little girl at the top of the stairs said.

"HOLLY SHIZ AHM SEIN DOUBLE!!" Barrett shouted. "DREE LIDDLE AERIS!!"

"Please don't cry." The flashback ghost Aeris said as Barrett ran out the door screaming.

"Aeris just blurted that out all of a sudden." Elmyra continued, ignoring Barrett's antics. "When I asked her if something had happened…"

"Someone dear to you has just died. His spirit was coming to see you, but he already returned to the planet."

"At that time I didn't believe her." Elmyra said as the ghost Aeris vanished. "But… Several days later… We received a notice saying my husband had died… and that's how it was. A lot had happened, but we were happy. Until one day…"

Sigh. Another flashback. I had to physically restrain myself from shouting 'WE DONE THIS!'

"WE DONE THIS!"

"Shut up Barrett." I groaned.

"I din' say nuffink."

Crap. "Did I just do a random outburst?" I asked.

"I didn't hear anything." Tifa replied, shaking her head.

"I 'ear lots a dings." Barrett replied. "Like bees." His eyes snapped wide. "Bees? WAAAHHH!!!"

"But I knew." Elmyra said as Barrett ran back outside and dove into the polluted river. "I knew about her mysterious powers… She tried so hard to hide it, so I acted as though I never noticed." She finished, apparently oblivious to our antics.

Crap, I just missed an important flashback. Ah well, all that happened was that Tseng tried to convince Aeris that he was her foster daddy, or similar. "It's amazing how she's avoided the Shinra for all these years…" I said, trying to look like I'd been paying attention.

"The Shinra needed her. So I guess they wouldn't harm her." Elmyra explained.

"But, why now?" Tifa sighed.

"She brought a little girl here with her." Elmyra explained. "On the way here, Tseng found them. She probably couldn't get away fast enough. She decided to go to the Shinra in exchange for the little girl's safety."

"Must be Marlene." I nodded.

"MARLENE!" Barrett shouted, running into the kitchen with a frog on his head. "Ariel was captcha cozza Marlene!?" He took a spliff out his mouth and gave it to the frog before bowing to Elmyra. "Ahm Sorry, Marlene's mah chile." He apologised. "Ahm… really… sorry…"

"Ribbit."

"You're her father!?" Elmyra shouted at him, before turning towards me. "How in the world could you ever leave a child alone with that!? HE'S BLACK!!"

Holy crap alternate Elmyra is racist.

"Please dun' star wi' dat." Barrett replied, taking the frog off his head and holding it like a hat. "I tink abou' it all da time. Wha' would 'appen ta Marlene, if I…" He stood up, still holding the smoking frog to his chest. "Bu' ya gotta understand summat… …I dun got no ansah."

"I wanna be wid Marlene…" Barrett continued, "But I gotta fight. 'Cause if I not… da planet's gonna die. So I'm gonna keep fightin'! But, I'm worried 'bout Marlene." He said guiltily. "I really jus' wanna be wit' 'er… always. See?" He asked, putting the frog back on his head. "I'm goin' in circles, now."

"Ribbit man."

"There there…" Elmyra said, patting his shoulder. "It's not your fault your coloured brain is inferior… She's upstairs if you want to see her."

Dude, what the hell is with this woman!?

"It's my fault…" Tifa said as Barrett went upstairs. "I was the one who got Aeris involved in this."

"Don't say that." Elmyra replied as she washed her hands. "Aeris doesn't think that."

I can't take any more of this woman!

When I took refuge upstairs, I saw Barrett hugging his PS2 while Marlene slept. "Ahm so glad…" He said. "I'm so glad yer awrigh'…"

Then the PS2 snapped. "NOOOOOOOO!!!"

"Daddy, don't cry." Marlene mumbled as she rolled over in her bed. "Tears make statue Minato sad…"

"PARKER!" Barrett shouted, standing up and turning to me. "You gonna go help da little mermaid, right?" He asked me.

"Who, Aeris?" I asked, surprised at my own ability to make sense of his ramblings.

Barrett nodded. "Yer, Ariel." He said. "She's dun so much fer me… If it's da Shinra yer dealin' wit', I canna jes sit here!" He thumped his chest with his gun arm. "I'm comin', too! Ow, dat hurt…"

Marlene ran at me as Barrett started massaging his chest. "Guess what? Guess what?" She asked. "Aeris was asking me lots of questions. Like what kind of person Cloud is. I bet she likes you, Cloud!"

"AGH!" I shouted, flinching into the corner at the thought. Knives and girlfriends never spell happy times.

"Stupid!" Marlene shouted. "Daddy! Throw the stupid away!"

"Yeah, okay Marlene." Barrett boasted before picking me up and throwing me out the window.

"You're going after Aeris, right?" Tifa asked me as she picked the shards of glass out of my head.

"Yeah." I replied, wincing against the stinging.

"I'm going with you." She said.

"Thanks." I replied. "We're going right into Shinra headquarters, so prepare for the worst."

"I know." Tifa replied as Barrett ran down the stairs.

"Sorry, but Kenya take care o' Marlene a bit longa?" He asked Elmyra.

She seemed offended. "You thought I'd let her go with the likes of you?" She asked. "How very dare you?!"

"Danks." Barrett replied. "Dis place is dangerous righ' now, so ya best go somewhere an lah low fer a while."

She sighed and went upstairs to pack. "Roll out." I announced, heading for the door.

"How do we get to the Shinra Building?" Tifa asked once we were outside.

"Dere ain't no meddal snake ding dat goes up dere anynow…" Barrett said, trotting alongside us on his left arm and leg, his right limbs in the air and not moving. "Well, let's jes' go ta Wall Market. Mayhaps we find summat 'elpmuch."

I reached for Barrett's spliff, but he smacked my hand away with his ground leg.

"Offit!" Barrett shouted, hopping on his left hand at a jogging pace. "Dis mah Special grass! I bin savin' dis sin I wa' 'leven!"

"Oookay then…"

Then an old man in a trenchcoat started running alongside us. "You goin' up to the plate?" He asked suspiciously. "You better have a battery."

"You're gonna sell me something you just found?" I asked him, pretty aware of these scavenger salesmen.

"Hey, you knew?" The old guy said. "But I repaired it, so it's all right."

I sighed. "Why do I need a battery to climb up to the plate?" I asked. I honestly didn't remember.

"You don't!" Barret shouted. "Even if ya can't fly, yes can still climb!"

"Why can I climb?" I asked with a groan.

"BECAUSE YER SPYDAHMAN!!"

"Oh yeah…" I sighed. "Hundred gil each?" I asked the guy. I'm pretty sure I do need this for some reason.

"Sure thing!" He shouted, flipping up his trenchcoat to pull three large car batteries out from between his legs mid-run. I passed him the money, and he tossed me one battery and ran like hell.

"ASSHOLE!" I shouted, considering running after the guy but decided it just wasn't worth the hassle.

Eventually, we reached Don corneo's mansion, since it was, according to word on the street, the best place to climb.

"Whoa…" Barrett said when we came inside. "Wha' happen' 'ere!?"

"I did." I replied, trying to find those helpful children from last time.

"Dayumn…" He whistled. "Hey, wanna see sometin more awesome dan all dese bodies?"

"See dis wire?" He bragged. "Dis 'ere wire leads ter da uppa world!"

… "And you didn't bring this up before now because..?"

"Dunno." Barrett replied. "Awright! We'll climba dis wire!"

"There's no way we can do this." I groaned. "You know how far it goes up?" I asked him. "And we only got one battery!"

"Dere IS a way!" Barrett insisted. "Look! What's dat look like?"

"A normal wire." I told him.

"Oh yeah?" Barrett replied. "Well ta me it look like da golden shiny wire of hope."

I looked up the wall. "Barrett. Have you been smoking?"

"When isn't Barrett smoking?" Tifa asked.

"More than usual I mean."

"He did run here on his hand." Tifa pointed out.

"Good point." I sighed. "Look, let's go in the morning."

"What!?" Tifa shouted. "Aeris is up there and they're doing Jenova-knows-what to her!"

"Or, they'll have her in a nice, comfy cell while they figure out what to do with her." I reasoned. "I'm Ex-Shinra, remember?" I reminded them. "Hojo's a complete nutjob, but we've got a good eleven hours left before they start any experiments. Tifa, you're barefoot in a shredded cocktail dress." I pointed out. "My clothes are covered in drying blood, and Barrett…"

"SPYDAHS!!!"

"In no fit state to climb this thing." I said. "I say we stay at an inn, get our acts together, and tackle it once we're ready, or we're not gonna save anybody."

Tifa glared at me, then sighed. "Fine." She groaned. "I'll go book us at an inn."

"You are aware that they'll let us sleep until we wake up." I told her, hoisting Barrett onto my shoulders. "Honey-bee inn charges by the hour, so we'll get a wake-up call."

She didn't like that plan, but it was the best one we had.

I'd already gotten a membership pass from my questionable sources (One of Corneo's dead goons), so reserving a room for seven hours was easy enough.

"Have a nice evening with your friends, Tidus."

"Thank you very much, miss." I replied, carrying Barrett into one of the rooms.

I dumped Barrett in the corner of the room, and checked out our resources. A large waterbed, hot tub, bathroom and a cupboard from which I stole a few chains. Surprisingly, they were the real stuff.

"First thing you do is open the kinky box?" Tifa asked. "Seriously?"

"Take what you can use, regardless of origin." I replied, shoving the chains into my magical bag and tossing Tifa her stuff. "I'm gonna try and wash these."

She rolled her eyes, then locked the bathroom door behind her.

We ended up deciding on letting Barrett have the bed, since he was stoned out of his head. I'd dried my clothes with my fire material, and was keeping myself busy with Tifa's dress and a needle.

"I don't remember you being any good with a needle." She pointed out, apparently unable to sleep.

"They charged you for sewing up bullet holes back in Shinra, so you get pretty good pretty fast." I replied. "Needlework is one of a SOLDIER's lesser known skills."

She smiled at that. "You've really matured, haven't you?" She asked. "Back when we were kids, you used to just charge into any situation regardless of the risks."

"I've learned to think while running." I replied. "Who says men can't multitask?"

She smiled again. "Hey… I'm sorry for acting… you know."

"Hey, we've all had a stressful day." I replied. "Why do you think I'm sewing instead of sleeping?"

"Hm." She rolled over on the tiles and closed her eyes. "Get some sleep Cloud."

I did. Only for an hour though.

I never told anyone, not even Tifa back home, but because of the Jenova cells in my blood stream, I can only sleep when my head's a mess. Be that because my memory's screwed up, because I'm scared, because I'm drunk or because I'm just a nutjob, I'll sleep like a log while my brain sorts itself out. Had to spend ages in a wheel chair last time because of that.

Hope I don't have to repeat that again.

Anyways, I snuck out the window while they were out cold and ran a few errands. For one thing, I 'obtained' that thief glove from that 'shop', after 'dismantling' the 'security system'.

With that on my hands, I did a little pick pocketing. Weapons, new shades, potions, money, food, I stole everything and anything from anyone who looked like they could afford it.

Few hours later, I snuck back into the inn and pretended to sleep until we got kicked out.

The owners were pretty annoyed that we were using it to sleep and not orgy, so I lost Tidus's brothel membership. Ah well, he won't be needing it in the lifestream.

After a quick breakfast, we headed for the wire and got climbing. Soon enough, we were at the top and at Shinra tower.

"Hey spydahman, you oughta know dis whatnot well." Barrett told me.

"Kinda." I admitted as I walked towards the tower. "I do know that the security sucks."

Then we heard gunshots from above, and stepped back as a Shinra grunt landed at our feet.

"Security go splat now." Barrett commented, rolling up a spliff. "In we go!"

"Wait a second!" Tifa shouted. "You're not thinking of just going right through the main entrance, are you?"

"Uh, yeah?" I asked.

"Whut else it look like?" Barrett shouted. "I'm gonna kick sum Shinra… SPYDAHS!!!"

Tifa walked around the cowering Barrett. "Look, what's your plan?" She asked me.

"Look, security is clearly dealing with its own issues." Whatever they are. "We aren't going to get an army for us to mow down, and even if we did…" I lifted a hand and made some thunderbolts.

"Dat's mah SupahSaiyan!" Barrett shouted, apparently better. "IN! WE! GOOOO!"

Once I smashed down the iron door, I saw dead people.

It had been an absolute slaughter. The walls and guards were riddled with bullet holes, and someone had clearly moved a few bodies.

I walked over them and lead the way to the elevator, hitting the button.

PING! The door opened and we saw a dead grunt tied to a chair, with something written on his uniform in blood.

Now I have a machine gun. Ho. Ho. Ho.

"Dat's creepy dude." Barrett commented. "You has one desturbical smile Spikey."

"Another dead puppy then." Tifa sighed, pulling the corpse and chair out of the lift. "Let's go."

"Spydahs."

The lift kicked us out at floor 59. "I am never doing that again…" I groaned, stepping out of the lift.

"Destroy the intruders!" Some Guards shouted. I launched a Bolt spell right into the one who shouted.

"Run and I won't chase you." I told them. One was clever, the other aimed to shoot, so he died too.

I rummaged through the corpses pockets, and found the key to the next floor.

"Hey, you're not authorised to-" SLICE

"I am authorised to do whatever the hell I feel like." I stated as Tifa snapped the other guard's neck.

"Lookit dat…" Barrett pointed. "All dems guards is runnin' round."

Indeed, there were four guards patrolling an area behind some statues that three intruders could easily hide behind.

"Cloud, you go on ahead and signal us when it's safe to come." Tifa suggested.

"Right." I replied, walking towards the guards.

SLICE

SLICE

SLICE

SLICE

"Clear!" I shouted.

"I meant so we could sneak past them." Tifa sighed.

"I know." I replied. "This way has the least chance of getting caught."

"SPYDAAAAHHSS!" Barrett shouted randomly as he walked across the corridor.

"See?" I said. "Steal isn't exactly an option with this guy."

"ARAGOG!!" Barrett shouted, diving into a room. "HIDE!!"

Tifa sighed. "Look, remember that we're here to save everyone."

Barrett leapt back out of the room. "SHELOB!!" He shouted, then turned to look down the corridor. "ARAGOG!" He looked back into the room. "SHELOB!" He started running towards us. "OH SHIIIIIIZ!"

I sighed, then launched a bolt spell into the empty corridor. "There." I told the cowering Barrett. "All gone, happy?"

He looked positively delighted. "Tank's Hagrid!"

Interestingly, last time we just pretended to be repairmen and it was easy to work around the place and fool everyone.

Not this time, there wasn't anyone to fool. Whoever killed those guys downstairs really had Shinra scared since everything was locked down.

Thing is, I have the physical skills of a SOLDIER Elite (Well, HAD, right now I'm merely First class), and a really indepth knowledge on Materia usage, so I've figured out how to short circuit the electric locks with the Bolt magic and rob the place blind. Thing is, we still need the card key for the lift or it'll just fall down.

I paid a visit to Domino in his office along the way though. He was the Mayor of Midgar in name only; a puppet head for Shinra.

He hated their guts, and quickly figured out that we were here to screw things up. I promised to only kill those armed and the higher-ups and he loaded us up with plenty of items, namely the 'Elemental' Materia, which would make my sword burn if I shoved in a Fire Materia with it.

Since I had Fire Materia to, well, burn, that gives me a burning sword and force lightning. Just need telekinesis and mind control and I'll be a Jedi.

I then tracked down the coupon machine and cashed in the tickets that Domino had given me. We cleared it out, then shoved the items into the sack for later, and equipped the Four Slots we'd gained.

We then had to grind our ways through the other levels, and eventually spy on a Shinra meeting. Barrett and Tifa found it immensely interesting, but I wasn't all that concerned, so I scouted the other pipes.

"Come on a mission…" Said a familiar voice round the corner. "We'll blow up Shinra… save the world… Tch…"

I poked my head around it. "Wedge?" I asked.

I almost got shot in the head for my troubles. "Cloud?" Wedge asked, crawling his fat ass through the tight air ducts with alarming speed. "What are you doing here?" He asked.

"We came to save you guys, and Aeris…" I noticed what he was carrying. "Where did you get that machine gun?"

"Corpse." I replied. "Couldn't find one, so I had to make one."

Nyeh? "What, that was you down there?" I asked.

"I made sure to leave a thank you note in the lift." He shrugged.

"Yeah, we kinda found that… how the hell are you causing so much havoc!?"

"I picked up a few things from my pop." He shrugged. "And before you ask, this is only my winter flab." He tapped his belly. "Under this gut is pure muscle. Gimme a week of eating egg whites and I'll be in better shape than a sober Barrett."

"Damn." I complimented him. "Welcome to the team."

"Hey!" Tifa hissed. "They're planning on breeding Aeris!"

"That's not exactly an issue since we're gonna bust her out." I told her, before turning back to Wedge. "Where are Biggs and Jessie?" I asked him.

"They're in the cells." He explained. "Didn't want them slowing me down."

"Get them outta here." I told him, offering my arm for a man-five. "Regroup tomorrow morning at Kalm."

"Gotcha." He said, taking my arm. Man-five's are kinda like arm-wrestling, only with less competitiveness and more mutual Gar. "Later."

I headed back to my team and he headed back down the vents.

"Hey, Barrett." I asked him as we snuck back out of the vents to tail Hojo. "Who was Wedges dad?"

"Dunno." He replied. "John or summat… his las' name was McClane, I know dat much."

We ended up tailing Hojo to the lab on the 67th floor, where I believe we first meet Old Red.

"Is this today's specimen?" A guy in a labcoat asked Hojo as we hid behind a crate.

"Yes. We're starting right away, right aways." Hojo replied, rubbing his hands together greedily. "Raise it to the upper level."

"Sir?" The scientist asked. "You are aware that we are under attack?"

"Let the nasty hobbitses deal with it." Hojo snapped. "None shall interfere with my experiments…" Hojo started stroking the glass. "My precious experimentses… my… precious…"

Creepy dude.

There was some whirring, and Hojo walked upstairs.

"Precious specimen..?" Tifa asked. "Is it going to be used for a biological experiment?"

"Not if we bust him out." I replied, heading towards the stairs Hojo just went up before THE DAMNED HEADACHES AGAIN!!!

Oh yeah, Jenova's there. "Jenova… Sephiroth's…" I grunted, before my head cleared and I got to my feet and strode towards the metal dome. "So… they've brought it here…"

"Cloud, be strong!" Tifa told me.

FLASH

"Did you see it?!" I asked, backing away from Jenova's tub while clutching my head.

"See whut?" Barrett asked.

"JENOVA!" I shouted. "THE THING IN THE JAR! IS IT ALIVE!?"

"Bitch be trippin' worse dan me…" Barrett grunted, before walking over to the tank. "Bitches head be all gone spikey. She dead man."

"IS IT MOVING!?"

"Er… A liddle bit…" Barrett shrugged. "It's prob's jus' da wind."

"In a jar of Mako?" Tifa asked.

I'd crack that open and slaughter Jenova this second if I was in my body five years from now… you know what I mean.

Thing is, if I even touch that tank, I'll pass out and slaughter everyone in sight, so I'm gonna have to let it escape, murder countless innocents, almost bring about the end of mankind just so I can save mankind.

I shook myself mentally and glared at the tank. "Let's go." I grunted, storming towards the stairs.

Upstairs was a more advanced lab than downstairs, with a large glass tube in the centre with Aeris inside. "Hey!" I shouted, striding towards her.

"Hey!" One of the scientists shouted, getting up. "You SOLDIERS aren't allowed here!" He blocked my path. "This is a LAB! SCIENTISTS ONLY!"

I grabbed his labcoat and pulled him out of it, tossing him aside and throwing the labcoat over my shoulders. "Oh, looks like I'm a scientist now." I snarled, then continued towards Aeris before turning around. "Stop!" I shouted, using my palm to block Tifa and Barrett's path. "Non scientists aren't allowed in here!"

"Aww…" Barrett sighed as Tifa smiled and swiped a labcoat. There weren't any in Barrett's size

I picked up a pair of goggles and strapped them over my forehead before tapping on the Aeris tank. "Hey Aeris." I said.

"Aeris?" Hojo asked as Aeris shouted something noiselessly. "Oh, is that her names?" He turned towards me. "What is it? What do you wantses?"

"To take her back." I replied. "She's my specimen, scientist." Yep, that sounds badass to me.

Hojo laughed. "Well then, as a fellow scientist, let's start the first experimentses! Yes!" He laughed, before continuing his mad boast. "Are you going to kill me? I don't think you should, you nasty little Soldierses, oh no. The equipment, it's extremely delicate, yes it is. Without me, who could operate it?" He asked. "Hmm? Hmm?"

"I'm sure I know how this works." I replied, pulling a random lever.

"CLOUD!?" Tifa shouted as Red XIII rose into Aeris's tank. "What are you thinking!?"

Good point, Alternate Red XIII might be a psycho. "What do you think you're doin'?" I shouted, shifting the blame to Hojo.

"Lending a helping handsies to an endangered species…" Hojo boasted. "Both of thems, on the brink of extinction they are, yes indeed my precious… If I don't help, all these precious, preciouss animals will disappear! Oh no!"

"Animal?" Tifa growled. "That's terrible! Aeris is a human being!"

"And that's not fair to Thirteen!" I shouted, turning on the Mako and sending a very clear primal message to Red.

I am the Alpha. You are in my pack now. That is my woman, you will leave her and attack the enemy.

I saw the Mako in Red XIII's eyes flash, and then him nod. I then drew the bustersword, set it ablaze, then slashed it into the tank, burning a horizontal cut into it before I jumped up and performed the Burning Braver upon it.

The tank shattered, and I do believe that I can use Cross Slash now. Red leapt for Hojo, who screamed incoherently before Red decided to walk away.

"Re's rather rong. Ri'll relp you aw out." Red XII said goofily.

"Whoa man…" Barrett gasped. "A talkin' dog!"

"I'll ralk as ruch as you want rater, rir." He snapped at Barrett. "But right now, your riend ras just unleashed a far reater reat."

"Barrett." I said. "Take Aeris, get her out of here, meet with Wedge and everyone at Kalm. Tifa and I will finish this and catch up."

Barrett nodded, hoisting Aeris over his shoulder as she started throwing knives at me while screaming in fury.

I turned to Red XIII. "What's your name?" I asked him.

"Rojo ras named re Red rirteen." He said. "A name with no reaning whatsorever to re. You ran rall re whatever you wish, if you rave any Rooby snacks."

I reached into my bag and struck lucky. "Here you go." I said, throwing him a biscuit. "How's Nanaki sound?"

He jumped up and munched it. "Ranks." He said. "Rand rat name is rore ran racceptable."

I can't decide whether I like his new voice, or if I hate it, but he seems to be same old Red XIII otherwise.

Tifa, Nanaki and I turned towards the tank as an abomination stepped out. "Let's get some slaughtering done." I said. "Need some Materia?" I asked Nanaki.

"I rave rome awready, but rank you for re offer." Nanaki shouted as he charged for the beastie, slipping out of existence for a second before leaping at its back. I charged with Tifa, who punched with fire and ice in each hand while I hacked at it with my burning sword. Before long, it had been thoroughly dismembered.

"What are you?" I asked Nanaki as Tifa caught her breath, her not being superhuman like the rest of us.

"Ran informed question, rut rifficult to answer." Nanaki replied as I put the sword away in the magic bag above my backside. "I ram what you ree… You rust rave rany questions, but first, let's get out of rere. Read re way."

I nodded and lead the group towards the lift, getting in.

"Hit the up switch, Hedgehog." Said a voice from behind me as its owner grabbed me by the shoulder. I turned to see Rude with the most marvellous moustache I had ever seen hiding his shades.

"It must have been a real thrill for you…" Tseng said as he walked into the lift with us. "Did you enjoy it?"

I'd already put my sword away and the door was closing, so I complied.

Besides, I really needed to get captured now because of what happens next.

"You got caught too Barrett?" I sighed, hands cuffed behind me alongside Tifa, Barrett and Nanaki.

"Ah needed a smoke!" He grunted.

I sighed, then turned to President Shinra. "Where is Aeris?" I asked.

"In a safe place." He replied, standing up. "She's the last surviving Ancient… Don't you know?" He asked.

"I did actually." I replied. "I also know that the Ancients called themselves the Cetra, and lived thousands of years ago before being almost wiped out be that Queen of Calamity you have downstairs."

Damn, telling the evil guys their evil plan really unnerves them, even when your hands are cuffed behind your back.

"Retra…" Nanaki said. "Rat girl, is rhe a rurvivor of re Retra?"

"Oh yeah." I nodded. "Well, Half-Cetra really, since her father was a human scientist up north." I turned back to Shinra. "You're hoping that Cetra, namely Aeris, will lead the way to the Promised Land." I explained. "A Garden of Eden if you will."

Barrett snapped to attention. "You serious spikey!?" He asked. "SHINRA'S SEELE!?"

"Re Romised Rand? Isn't rat Rust a Regend?" Nanaki asked, ignoring Barrett's raving.

"Legend or not, the prospect is just too damn awesome for these guys." I sighed. "It's supposed to be an incredibly fertile place, and where you get fertile places…"

"Yer gets Mako…" Barrett gasped. "YER'D TURN EVERYONE INTA GOOP JES FER DA MAKO!?"

"NO-ONES TURNING INTO GOOP!" Shinra shouted, clicking his fingers. Tseng responded by inflicting a Vulcan Death Grip onto Barrett, who collapsed onto the floor unconscious.

"Thank you." I sighed. "Anyways, that's why the expensive Mako Reactor's such a necessity for them." I explained to everyone. "In the Promised Land, Mako will just come right out of the ground for them, creating a new paradise for Neo Midgar." I gave a sinister grin to Shinra "Shinra's pride and glory, right?"

"How do you know all this?" Shinra asked.

I laughed bitterly. "You seriously don't remember the Nibelheim Incident?" I asked him, perking up everyone's attention. "You know, when Sephiroth went insane and killed every-"

I got interrupted by a Vulcan Death Grip. Dammit Tseng…

-}+{-

NEXT CHAPTER: ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE

So, yeah. Hope that'll keep you all happy for a while.

Turning into goop, and SEELE was a Neon Genesis Evangelion reference, and I just did that with Wedge and Die Hard.

New chapter should be sooner than this one was!